METRO ANE 01.23.2013
Dallas/Fort Worth METROPLEX's ADULT News & Entertainment Weekly Print Magazine & Digital Media Marketing Network. The #1 Source for Adult Entertainment INFO in The Dallas / Fort Worth Area.
One time office visit $95 Metro ANE Magazine Receives 2012 Dallas Award Dallas Award Program Honors the Achievement DALLAS October 21, 2012 -- ANE Metro Magazine has been selected for the 2012 Dallas Award in the Print Media category by the Dallas Award Program. Each year, the Dallas Award Program identifies companies that we believe have achieved exceptional marketing success in their local community and business category. These are local companies that enhance the positive image of small business through service to their customers and our community. These exceptional companies help make the Dallas area a great place to live, work and play. Various sources of information were gathered and analyzed to choose the winners in each category. The 2012 Dallas Award Program focuses on quality, not quantity. Winners are METRO ANE MAGAZINE determined based on the information gathered both internally by the Dallas Award Program and data provided by third parties. About Dallas Award Program The Dallas Award Program is an annual awards program honoring the achievements and accomplishments of local businesses throughout the Dallas area. Recognition is given to those companies that have shown the ability to use their best practices and implemented programs to generate competitive advantages and long-term value. The Dallas Award Program was established to recognize the best of local businesses in our community. Our organization works exclusively with local business owners, trade groups, professional associations and other business advertising and marketing groups. Our mission is to recognize the small business communityâ€™s contributions to the U.S. economy. CONTACT: Dallas Award Program PublicRelations@awardprogram.org http://www.awardprogram.org Voted Americaâ€™s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 2 Texas: Legislation Reintroduced To Reduce Cannabis Possession Offenses To a Fine-Only Misdemeanor Texas: Legislation Reintroduced To Reduce Cannabis Possession Offenses To a Fine-Only Misdemeanor Legislation that seeks to significantly reduce marijuana possession penalties is once again pending before state lawmakers. State Rep. Harold Dutton (D-Houston) has prefiled legislation, House Bill 184, to amend minor marijuana possession penalties to a fine-only, Class C misdemeanor. Under present law, the possession of one ounce of cannabis or less is classified as a Class B criminal misdemeanor publishable by up to 180 days in jail and a $2,000 fine. Passage of HB 184 would reduce these penalties to a maximum fine of $500 and no jail time. Annually, in Texas some 80,000 The 2nd Annual High Times LA Medical Cannabis Cup Feb. 16 -17th, 2013 LA Center Studios 1201 W 5th St,. Los Angeles, CA The 3rd Annual High Times Denver Medical Cannabis Cup 4/20 Weekend (April 20-21st), 2013 EXDO Event Center 1399 35th St, Denver, CO This event (expo and Saturday night party) is for all adults ages 18+ METRO ANE MAGAZINE citizens are arrested for marijuana violations; an estimated 97% of those arrested and charged for possession alone -- not trafficking, cultivation, or sale. House Bill 184 would significantly reduce state prosecutorial costs associated with these tens of thousands of minor marijuana arrests and allow law enforcement resources to be refocused on other, more serious criminal offenses. Please take time today to contact your state House member and urge him or her to support House Bill 184. For your convenience, a prewritten letter will be sent to your representative when you visit NORML’s ‘Take Action Center’ here: http://capwiz.com/norml2/issues/ alert/?alertid=62316351 NORML will continue to update you in the coming weeks as Rep. Dutton’s proposal moves forward. Additional information on this legislative effort is available from Texas NORML and/or Dallas Fort Worth NORML. You do not need a medical card to attend the expo, but you will need a doctor’s recommendation or California medical card if you plan to consume cannabis on-site, in accordance with California law Tickets are non-refundable, but they are transferable and may be resold to someone else if you are unable to attend. Musical acts performing throughout the day include Redman, The Game, Karma to Burn, Rhyme Addict, BishopeMagnetic, and Crystal Ellis. THE OFFICIAL HIGH TIMES MEDICAL CANNABIS CUP AWARDS SHOW Awards will be presented for the top sativas, indicas, hybrids, edibles and more! continued on page 6 Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 3 PLEASE HELP US GET THE WORD OUT! NEW TELEVISION SHOW ON CINEMAX! “WORKING GIRLS IN BED” FRIDAY JANUARY 25TH! Their everyday job is fulfilling men’s fantasies. Now they get to tell their own. In this five-part adult series, working girls from a legal Nevada brothel share their kinky yearnings about sex--and bring them to vivid life for viewers! http://www.maxgo.com METRO ANE MAGAZINE ALSO DENNIS HOF TO HOST ANDY KAUFMAN ART SHOW! NEW YORK CITY FEBRUARY 1ST/2ND Dennis was a personal friend and has plenty of inside stories on Andy & The BunnyRanch! Andy Kaufman — comedian, performance artist, self-proclaimed “song-and-dance man,” wrestler of ladies, and Elvis… is getting the recognition he deserves from the Art World. Maccarone Gallery is exhibiting his extensive personal collection of thousands of pieces of hate mail, performance notes, videos of unseen performances, his record collection and more Kaufmania. Curator/artist Jonathan Berger explains: It’s more about questions than about statements. How can we, the contemporary art culture or the comedy field, acknowledge the work of those whose genre or format we don’t understand? His influence on contemporary art is undeniable, and this show acknowledges that. It’s a fact that he’s influenced people like Paul McCarthy, Mike Kelley, Trisha Donnelly, Laurie Simmons and Maurizio Cattelan. Yes! Yes! And there will be panels! With appearances by the actual Tony Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly Clifton (ahem ahem), “comedian Bob Zmuda, wrestler Johnny Legend, Kaufman protégé Little Wendy, transcendental meditation expert Prudence Farrow Bruns” many more. If you only know him as Latka on Taxi… You’re in for a trip. Sample videos of Andy antics below for n00bs. “On Creating Reality, by Andy Kaufman”, Jan 12 – Feb 16, Maccarone Gallery with screening at Participant Inc. and at MoMA PS1, New York http://www.animalnewyork. com/2012/andy-kaufman-art-showopens-in-new-york-next-month/ www.METROANE.com Page 4 Adventures in the Erotic Underground ™ With The Not So Desperate Housewife Hey kids, it’s me Mardi, “The Not So Desperate Housewife”, pondering the passage of time and considering the concept of cougars. Yes, it seems that milfs, gilfs and cougars have been all the rage these days as people try to explain the attraction of older women. I’m not sure of the authenticity of such attractions but not complaining since I have seen one too many birthdays to be considered a kitten myself. Hey, guys have had it easy for far too long when it comes to maintaining some semblance of sexiness beyond their tender years. Just look at the likes of those men of the movies where longlived Lotharios like Sean Connery can carry on for far longer than we ever gave their leading ladies the luxury. I mean, besides the occasional Mrs. Robinson, one can’t help but think of all those cuddly sex kittens that came and went faster than a sailor on shore leave and soon realize the extent of most of movie-town’s misguided notion that sensuality has an expiration date, at least where women are concerned. Oh well, I guess the siren song of youth too often outweighs the burden of truth when it comes to things of a sexual nature. Hasn’t anyone in Hollywood heard of all those scientific studies that show us girls only really come into our own sensual selves once the burden of child-bearing has loosened its grasp? Oh well, at least the rest of the world has caught up and caught on to the wonders of older women, just look at all the web sites and videos and burlesque shows that feature those of us girls who would have been considered over the hill just a decade or so ago. I myself have been petitioned with proposals to do modeling jobs and video work that wouldn’t have been on offer when I was in my younger years. I guess there’s life in the ol’ girls yet! Though fads come and go, it seems there is some staying power in the longevity of femininity as the infatuation with maturation has gone on for quite a few years now. Heck, even dear Martha Washington predated the muchheralded George. And no less than old Ben Franklin himself expounded the virtues of older women when he, in his METRO ANE MAGAZINE advice to a young man on his choice of a Mistress, famously quipped that “regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. As in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.” Well, thank you Ben. I think. “So, Mardi”, you might well ask, “…what’s all this got to do with anything besides you dreading the impending doom of the next anniversary of your thirtieth birthday?” Well, it’s not so much about me as it is about all of you women out there who might wish to reconsider how quickly you choose to get older. Because the passing of pages on your calendar have little to do with your powers of seduction as long as you choose to use those powers. Ever wonder why they call them cougars? It was in reference to the animal prints often worn by those who reserved their right to be an, often feline, femme fatale for as long as they damn-well chose. Ha! Those kinky clothes too often avoided by the shy cubs were worn with pride by those who knew that there’s nothing sexier than self confidence. This weekend offers plenty of opportunity for you to choose to use the confidence of your age. Young or old, who could not but love a theme of “Cougar Hunt” for this weekend’s merriment at After Midnight? Wear those animal prints proudly and show the youngsters why you, like the very best wines, can only be appreciated when given enough time to properly mature. And, if the thrill of the hunt, or being hunted, is too much, you can always portray your passions in romantic red. Yes, with this weekend being led-off so fittingly with Burn’s night on Friday (the anniversary of the date of the birth of the immortal Scottish bard), you will also have the opportunity to show that your love is like a red, red rose with “Lady in Red” at Colette. Wear something that is as bright, and as sexy, as your own future self in a paean to passion that only red can provoke. Hunt for something exciting in the latest copy of Metro ANE or online at: www.anemagazine.com Proclaim you passions with a visit to the erotic underground at my blog: eroticunderground.wordpress.com Look for my new book “Adventures in the Erotic Underground: Confessions of a Not So Desperate Housewife” at a preferred purveyor of literary licentiousness. Know of great places or events of interest to women or needing a woman’s perspective? Contact me at email@example.com Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 5 from page 3 Featuring TOMMY CHONG accepting the Lifetime Acheivement Award! No, but passes are transferable and may be resold to someone else if you are unable to attend. Will I get to judge the strains and vote for the HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cup? All ticket holders will receive a list of the entered strains one week before the event so that California medical marijuana patients can visit the participating dispensaries and sample their entries. The HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cups will be awarded by a panel of independent experts based on extensive sampling in a blind tasting. This expert panel will be at the expo on Sunday evening to announce their decisions and award the HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cups to California’s top medical marijuana providers. How can my California-based medical cannabis dispensary compete in the HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cup? Entry into the HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cup is limited to legally operating, licensed medical cannabis dispensaries in the state of California. For more information on entering an indica, a sativa, canna- Do I get any cannabis as part of my ticket price? Due to California law we cannot sell or give away cannabis. Is the HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cup wheelchair friendly? Daytime events at Los Angeles Center Studios are definitely wheelchair friendly, though you should contact the venue directly with any specific questions or concerns. How Can I Buy a Ticket? You can buy tickets right here! How much do tickets cost to attend? The early-bird price of $75 gets you unlimited VIP access to both days of the Expo, including all cultivation seminars and activism panels, plus the awards ceremony and a HIGH TIMES Medical Cannabis Cup gift bag and guidebook. For $35, early-bird tickets are available for Saturday at the Expo, and for $25, early-bird tickets are available for Sunday. All attendees must be 18 and older. ID will be required at the door. Are Medical Cannabis Cup passes refundable? METRO ANE MAGAZINE Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly bis concentrates or medical-cannabis infused edibles, please contact us directly at (212) 387-0500 or by email firstname.lastname@example.org Do I need to be a medical marijuana patient to attend? The expo and party will be open to all adults from any state. An outdoor medicating section of the expo facility will be available and will accommodate the needs of medical marijuana patients who are California residents. Medical professionals will be available on site. Is HIGH TIMES still hosting the HIGH TIMES Cannabis Cup in Amsterdam? Yes, of course. Those interested in making the ultimate pot pilgrimage to Amsterdam this November for the globe’s premiere marijuana event should head to cannabiscup.com now for more info! www.METROANE.com Page 6 2013 Gentlemen’s Club Owners EXPO to Focus on MONEY Make More. Keep More. Learn How. “Club owners like me want to know what they can do right now to make more money. How can we make more in profits? What company’s product or service will help us do that? That’s what we want to see and hear at the EXPO.” — quote from EXPO 2012 attendee “MONEY—Make More. Keep More. Learn How,” is the theme of the Annual Gentlemen’s Club Owners EXPO this coming August 20-22, 2013, at the luxurious Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas. The 2013 show will mark the 21-Year Anniversary of the multi-billion-dollar adult nightclub industry’s only national convention and tradeshow. “Now that the elections are over and the economy is starting to slowly come back to life, we thought it was time to focus our Annual EXPO on the different ways that club owners can increase revenues, decrease expenses and maximize profits,” says Don Waitt, publisher of ED Club Bulletin, the producer of the EXPO. “EXPO 2013 will be about money, plain and simple.” Following the 2012 EXPO, attendees were surveyed and an overwhelming number of respondents said they wanted to hear more seminar discussions on how to make more money and how to save more money. They also wanted more Tradeshow exhibitors at the show to feature the latest products and services that will them to accomplish those goals of making more and saving more. The Annual Gentlemen’s Club Owners EXPO draws more than 3,000 attendees, including over 1,700 club owners, general managers, and club personnel from individual clubs and club chains. Other EXPO attendees include liquor, beer and wine distributors; food and beverage companies; club furnishings and bar products companies; attorneys, architects, club brokers and insurance specialists; and sound, lighting and staging companies. EXPO 2013 attendees can count on three days of mustattend workshops and panel sessions geared toward club owners, general managers and other key club personnel; two days of a 300-booth Tradeshow with vendors showcasing their latest products and services; two evening parties that are equal parts networking and enjoyable fun; and the Annual ED Awards Show honoring the industry’s top adult nightclubs and entertainers. For the latest details on EXPO 2013 call ED Publications, Inc. at (727) 726-3592 or log on to www.EDpublications.com METRO ANE MAGAZINE Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 7 T H E H A RD SC OR E How are sports and soap operas like mining? They’re taken in the same vein. Yes, a lousy joke but not as terrible as the soap operas going around in the sports world today. The hullaballoo over the Manti Te’o hoax has been the greatest diversion from real issues that either political party has ever seen. In this country and beyond. Obviously they’ve all been taking notes for future use. Is it sports news? Not in the traditional sense. Was there a crime? Nope. Then why is it news? Because his being a Heisman candidate elevated his name so much that when he didn’t respond and dirt was being dug, the shark feeding frenzy began. Was it fun? Sure, for the media, because the more intriguing it became the more people zoomed in, and the more advertisers paid up. What’s the most likely result of it all? The hoax world is going to light up like the Fourth of July. Not a bad thing as this world needs more humor in it, and most aren’t going to end up being stalked by ESPN, although you get more points if you do. The question being tossed around is why hasn’t somebody been arrested? Yeah, well what for? Being stupid? If anybody’s arrested it should be those thinking that somebody needs to be. Is there anybody who thinks this was a good deal, a great hoax? Really? For sure the gamers all do, and I mean ALL do. Why? It didn’t just fool somebody, it drew Manti into the hoax and got him participating in it with them, and they held him for a prolonged period of time without detection. The CIA needs to hire these people. METRO ANE MAGAZINE Unless it was the CIA using Manti as a test subject and watching how it all played out. See how dumb this gets? Are there any sports figures out there that are grateful for this hoax? Sure. How about A&M’s Johnny Football? He got pulled over and ticketed again, this time by the Ennis police, and even though a local Judge alluded to it on the wonderful world of the web, the story was buried because of The Hoax. Maybe the lead Aggie doesn’t think so, but he does have people monitoring him, and this did raise more than eyebrows, like flags that are beginning to turn red. Somebody needs to take a responsible interest in this kid. Were there any other major hoaxes played in the sporting world? Oh heck yeah. Yes, you can say Jones for selling tickets to the Cowboys games, but I think if anybody says that they’re just taking a cheap shot. Oh, yeah, I guess I just did, didn’t I. Ok, get serious and say Cuban for his revised Mav’s. Oops, sorry, did it again. Well, actually both Jones and Cuban did it again but we’ll leave that for a later date. Here’s a real hoax that’s been played on the public and is still playing on them. Hockey. Yeah, the NHL and its players putting on a half regular schedule, with no off season work and less than a week of training camp. 48 games. Full post season. There’s more to the hoax: this year’s Stanley Cup is a joke and for the respect of all those who’ve fought so hard before them, like full season efforts, they need to offer something else. Does anybody other than the NHL and their players think or believe that this year’s Finals has the merit of Stanley Cups past? Please. Is there any good news to the Hockey Hoax? Well, for years I’ve lobbied for a shorter season, around the 45-50 game range. Of course I was thinking there’d also be a full off season to go along with it. But, what we have is the chance to see how a reduced season plays out. But the bad news far outweighs the good. For instance, no inter-conference games, they’re all inside, that means no Eastern teams are visiting the West and we’ll not see any of those great players. By doing this, the NHL royally screwed the Western Conference teams with the travel. The Wild and Stars will travel 31,345 and 29,482 miles respectively. The Eastern Conference Devils go approximately 11,000. Under a condensed schedule, ya think fatigue’s gonna be a bigger problem for the West? I believe that’s rhetorical. Do the Lance Armstrong’s antics fall under the realm of hoaxes? No. Does his version of cheating, which did NOT include the words “against the rules or illegal” match what the rest of the world was taught? No, and I’d like to see the dictionary he used. Do I still have a problem with all that’s surrounding Armstrong? Yes. Why? Because USADA has pulled off a major hoax with this. How? Because I don’t believe they even have the authority to remove or order to be removed any of Armstrong’s seven Tour de France medals. Well now, that’s just not been mentioned on Oprah, has it? Nor any other of the mainstream channels. Nothing so great tasting as salting a champion, unless, of course, that salting is wrong. Why? Because USADA was set up in 2000 as an agency to govern American drug use in Olympic and Para-Olympic contests. There is nothing in the bylaws that could possibly give them the authority to order the Tour de France to Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly strip him of his medals. In fact, there’s nothing within the Tour de France’s guidelines that allow them, their event, or any riders in their event to be subject to any foreign agencies rules or decisions. And France doesn’t care for outside interference. Notice that USADA has no authority to go after MLB, NFL, NBA, or NHL players. That right there should tell you a lot about their standing. It also makes the leadership to appear as if their continued investigations and bogus lifting of medals is nothing more than a witch hunt. Doesn’t Armstrong’s confession’s justify USADA’s stance? No. If they don’t have the authority to strip him of his Tour medals, can they give him a lifetime ban? Only from representing the USA in the Olympics. So USADA essentially is a paper tiger. Does this mean, and make, what Armstrong did ok? Of course not. I’m not defending what he did, I’m simply saying that any punishment he’s got coming needs to be from an appropriate based agency. Remember, if you think you’re being a victim of a hoax, figure out if they know that you know, and if they don’t, turn it around on them. Kapow. Let’s get the rod and reel and do some fishin’. 2013 X Games. They start this Thursday, January 24th, but the upfront news finally is as big as the games. ESPN coverage is expanding this year from three to six events. Up to now we’ve had Los Angeles, CA; Aspen, CO; and Tignes, France. They’ll be www.METROANE.com Page 8 : TheHardScore : TheHardScore : TheHardScore : joined by Barcelona, Spain; Munich, Germany; and Foz do Iquacu, Brazil, making four summer and two winter events. X Games Schedule Jan 24-27: Aspen, CO March 20-22, Tignes, FR April 18-21, Foz do Iquacu, BR May 16-19, Barcelona, SP June 27-30, Munich, GR August 1-4, Los Angeles, CA There’ll be men’s skiing SuperPipe, Snowboard Slopestyle, Snowboard SuperPipe, men and women’s Snowmobile Freestyle, women’s skiing SuperPipe, Snowboard Big Air, and women’s Snowboard SuperPipe. You were sadly mistaken if you thought nothing could keep you excited except a Super Bowl. At first I didn’t get the flipping of snow mobiles, but you know what, you build something that can move and there’s a kid out there just waiting to make it do all the things it was never made to do. Fire and Ice, that’s the X games. NHL It’s way too early to know what the teams are going to do, they’ve just begun the season. Do we know anything yet? Sure. The officials have obviously been told to ease up on calling penalties for the early onset as players are still getting their skates goin’. We’re seeing power play and penalty kill players talking amongst themselves figuring out who’s gonna do what where. Missed assignments, shift breakdowns, those sorts of things. These will all get smoothed out in the next couple of weeks. Take note, each team has won at least one game to start the season, that don’t happen in this league. Yeah, that tells you right there the intensity is ratcheted up. Dallas Stars METRO ANE MAGAZINE Tell me you weren’t surprised that the two oldsters, Jagr and Whitney, had good first games? All that excitement of opening day got to ‘em. Then they spent hours in the hot tub. Somebody needs to calm young D man Philip Larsen down, he already leads the team in penalty minutes. That loss to the Wild shows how badly the Stars need to sign Jamie Benn. He’s not even listed on the official roster. If the powers that run things believe this team can go anywhere without Jamie playing, they’re sorely mistaken. And his brother Jordie still isn’t ready for the bigs. NBA We’re hovering around the halfway mark and things are falling into order, or mostly sort of. The Heat lead the East but that’s by a very fine hair. The Pacers are sitting in third, but they played high last year until late then folded. Biggest news is that the Knicks and Nets are still sitting up top in two and four respectively. The Big Apple’s a fun place to be right about now. The Bulls are quietly sitting in fifth, and I do mean very quietly. Apparently the headline grabbing days are giving way to just playing solid ball. The Bucks and Celtics round out the top eight and I’ll be jerked around a duck pond if I know how they’re still up. Ah, the Western Conference. The three division leaders are all in the thirty’s win column and not one in the East has hit that mark yet. The second place teams all have records equaling the leaders of the East. It’s a wonderful time to live out west. The Griz and Rockets are chasing the Spurs, the Mav’s need serious help. The Nuggets and Jazz have their hands full behind the Thunder, they already know they’re playing for a wild card. The Warriors are the only possible threat behind the way surprising Clippers, it’s doubtful the Lakers can close that gap. The Clippers have noticed a lot of new fans in the stands, and some empty seats during Lakers games. Now you know pigs do fly. NFL What stood out for you during the Conference games? For me, the teams with the strongest running games, offensive lines, and badass defenses ruled. They took over the second half of each game. Neither home team, that’s Atlanta and New England, scored any points in the second half. That’s shutdown football. It also made the point that offenses like the Patriots rapid paced no huddle can be neutralized and stopped in their fast tracks. How? They hit the receivers. Both home teams led at the half, but they had their games taken away from them and they couldn’t figure out how to make effective adjustments. If anybody still believes that a no-huddle pass happy attack is gonna thrive and take over the league, they just got their lunch box handed back to them all smashed in. Maybe Kelley’s gonna try it in Philly, but that’s not gonna work either, although Dallas fans are keeping their fingers crossed he’ll keep Vick to run it. That’ll be two wins for each team in the NFC East. Readers Response: Two Dogs: I just can’t believe Manti Te’o would behave like that. What’s the matter with him? Naciella Mesquite Naciella: I believe he’s something of a ninnyhammer. TD Two Dogs: I can’t stand what the NHL owners and players did to the sport and fans AGAIN. I love hockey but can’t stand giving these jerks my time and money. Get a stick and beat the floor, then shoot a puck into your TV. Look, I hate what they did too, but don’t cut off your nose. Maybe don’t buy any gear. Take your gal to a game and boo everybody. Maybe petition to get Bettman fired, I’m sure you’ll get a lot of signatures. At least its back. TD Two Dogs: Did the Bears do the right thing by blaming Coach Smith for that horrible 10-6 season and firing him? He’s not the one who didn’t build an O-line or get receivers for Cutler, that was the GM. Marty Chicago Marty: Maybe Smith wasn’t the architect but he did have a hand in the drafting and free agent selections, and offense just wasn’t his biggest priority. Trestman was a good hire, trust me, but as he builds that offense, the defense is now long in the tooth. Chicago waited too long to pull that trigger. TD Two Dogs: Are the Cowboys going to do anything about that poor coaching on offense, or is the defense taking all the blame? Why hasn’t Denver fired Fox? Will the Redskins trade backup QB Cousins? Do the Saints come back next year? Stanyx Marble Falls Stanyx: Good questions. The longer Jones wait the harder to pull Garrett away from play calling, unless it’s already been done and not announced. Elway gave Fox a lecture and a year. Redskins aren’t cutting Cousins, they know RGIII is gonna get injured. New Orleans will try to come back with a vengeance, and maybe start the season hot, but that defense has problems. TD Larry Omaha Larry: Love the game, hate everybody else. Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 9 orilla gadgets odd : cool : interesting : insane stuff! SAMSUNG S9 UHD 4K TV You might not have any way to get 4K content on it, but if you’re preparing for the future of TV and want a huge screen, you might want to check out the Samsung S9 UHD 4K TV ($TBA). Starting at 85 inches and going up to a massive 110, this space-age set boasts 2.2 channels of 120 watt sound, Precision Black Pro technology for outstanding color reproduction and contrast, and an up-scaling engine to make your standard HD content look better. But the real highlight is the unique frame, which suspends the panel inside an oversized, squarish frame that’s sure to become the centerpiece of your living room or theater. www.samsung.com/us/video/tvs With Stick-n-find… Never lose your keys again. Find your Remote control. Track your luggage. 2014 CORVETTE STINGRAY About the size of a quarter! Only 0.16 Inches (4.1mm) thin . That means you can stick it anywhere. Stick them to any device, person or animal, and find them with your Smart Phone. The Radar Screen displays all your devices within range. You can tap the Sticker on the radar screen and decide if you would like it to Buzz, Flash the lights or do both. Of course, because we don’t really know direction, the radar Screen can only be used to approximate the distance of the Stick-N-Find to your phone, but not direction. So once you have located on the Radar Screen a Sticker you would like to find, you start walking in a specific direction, and see if it gets closer or farther. Stick-N-Find stickers have a buzzer and light, so that you can find stuff in the dark. Virtual Leash This feature allows you to create a virtual Leash on a sticker, if that sticker moves away more than the approximate selected distance from your phone, your phone will Alarm you. You can even select a different types of Alarms for different Stickers. Example: Place a stick-n-find on your pet’s collar to get an alert if she wanders out of range. “Find It” Alerts If you are looking for a missing Sticker, that your phone can not find, or is not in range. Once that Sticker is in Range, your phone will Alert you. Example: You could Stick a Stick-N-Find Sticker on your Suitcase. When all the suitcases start coming out on the belt, you can sit down and wait. Once your Suitcase is within Range, your phone will Alert you, you can get up, and take your suitcase. http://sticknfind.com/ Welcome back, Stingray. Reviving the classic moniker, the new 2014 Corvette Stingray ($TBA) represents a complete break from the prior Corvette, with just two parts shared between them. Highlights of the new Stingray include an all-new 6.2L V8 engine good for 450 horsepower and a 0-60 time of less than four seconds, a new aluminum frame, generous use of carbon fiber in the interior, hood, and removable roof panel, and, of course, breathtaking looks. Coming to dealers this fall. www.chevrolet.com/new-2014-corvette METRO ANE Magazine Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 10 Young Latina Talent: Mary Jane By: Ms. Misha MorĂŞ Maryjane was born and raised in Houston. She is of Hispanic descent and heritage. Growing up, she was a straight A student and cheerleader. During college, she studied ACC Criminal Justice. Her favorite genre of movies to watch are action, guns, gangs and lock ups. Maryjane turns into a freak and gets a little crazy when she has had too much to drink. Her dream travel destination would be Paris. The wildest place she has had sex at was at a carpark at a shopping center. Mary Jane has a passion for fashion, high heels and hello kitty. Her favorite food is mexican. She likes rugged bisexual women. If stranded on an island, she would bring an Iphone and Mac makeup. She would like someday to open her own a fashion boutique. Her future plans is to continue dancing and complete her college degree. Her ultimate fantasy is to have a threesome with her GF on the beach. METRO ANE MAGAZINE Voted Americaâ€™s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 11 METRO ANE MAGAZINE Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 12 METRO ANE MAGAZINE Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 13 METRO ANE Magazine Voted Americaâ€™s #1 Adult Weekly www.METROANE.com Page 14 “.....orders through the roof. WOW. THANKS METRO ANE! 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Maxwell In Cripple Creek Colorado, Mr. and Mrs. Gold had been married for 7 months when their first child was born – a son they decided to name Nugget, which they thought was a perfectly wonderful name given the area’s rich mining history. While their wedding had been hurriedly thrown together and very stressful, both of the new parents were relieved that the delivery went as smoothly as it did, because Nugget tipped the scales at an astonishing 12 pounds. Mr. Gold could not contain his delight and called the local newspaper. He told the editor he was recently blessed with a 12 pound METRO ANE MAGAZINE Nugget. The paper sent a reporter to interview Mr. Gold and take pictures of the nugget, as this was the biggest gold strike in decades. When the reporter arrived, the father was at work but the mother said she would be glad to answer any questions. The following conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Gold. Reporter : Is it true that you and your husband have a twelve pound nugget of gold? (Seeing her chance to have some fun with the reporter, she did not correct his misconception.) Mrs. Gold : Yes, indeed and we are very proud of it. Reporter : Was the nugget found in a stream or did your husband find in a hole? Mrs. Gold : Oh, in a hole. Reporter : Can I see the hole where the nugget came from? Mrs. Gold : I am afraid not. I expect Mr. Gold home shortly and he objects to public viewing of the place. It is strictly private. Reporter : Is the place far from here? Mrs. Gold : No, it is quite near and convenient for Mr. Gold to explore any time he wants. Reporter : How many years has Mr. Gold been digging in this hole? Mrs. Gold : Not even a year. In fact, he just started a little over ten months ago. Reporter : Is the hole very deep? Mrs. Gold : Not so deep, but very wide, especially after removing the 12 pound Nugget. Reporter : Does working the hole take specialized tools? Mrs. Gold : Not really – I suppose it’s something most any man has around, but the tools have to be good and hard. Reporter : Has Mr. Gold investigated the hole completely? Mrs. Gold : Oh, I hope not. I want him to prospect it thoroughly and I don’t want him turning his attention to another. Just because a 12 pound Nugget came from this one, doesn’t mean it’s played out. Reporter : At about what time of day does Mr. Gold starts digging? Mrs. Gold : Well, sometimes he is at it first thing in the morning, but usually he does his digging at night – by moonlight and candle light and often after a few beers. Reporter : Does he work hard on it? Mrs. Gold : Very hard, especially when he first gets into it. He is so energetic he sometimes gets short of breath. But my husband is not a quitter. Each time, he works the hole until he is completely spent. Reporter : Is Mr. Gold the first to dig in this place? Mrs. Gold : Well, off the record, he thinks he was the first in, but that’s not true. 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Reporter : Does Mr. Gold have an assistant when he works on the gold mine? Voted America’s #1 Adult Weekly Mrs. Gold : Yes, I work under him. Reporter : Do you think you will sell the place? Mrs. Gold : We have no plans for that, but I may consider a short term lease to another fellow, provided the agreement is strictly confidential and payment is up front and in cash. Reporter : If I can’t see the hole, can I at least see the twelve pound nugget? Mrs. Gold : Yes, certainly. We keep it in the nursery. Mrs. Gold then goes and retrieves the twelve pound baby boy, Nugget Gold. www.METROANE.com Page 19 :: metro phonesex :: metro phonesex :: metro phonesex :: metro phonesex :: Give in to t s e d l i w r u o y fantasies! Real hook ups, real fast. 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