be successful and someday you’ll be happy” and Dolphin Parents believe, “If you create happiness and positivity in the present, then you’ll be more successful in the long-run.” The Dolphin Way of parenting is also outlined in a new book out recently by Vancouver psychiatrist Shimi K. Kang, called The Dolphin Way, which urges parents to abandon the striving, overscheduled lifestyle of Tiger Moms and adopt a more balanced, natural, approach. Kang explains that humans, like dolphins, are social beings meant to live in family and community “pods.” Too often, though, we’ve replaced those pods—groups of kids playing together in the neighborhood for example, with structured activities where the minivan becomes the kitchen table.
WHAT DID YOUR FOURTH GRADER DO TODAY? Learn More: www.waldorfsaratoga.org
38 | MAMATOGA
Summer 2014
I myself was definitely guilty of this, I saw setting up activities and team sports and stuff like that as a way to not only get some good physical exercise, but as a way for the kids to be with friends. I overlooked the idea that it was also super structured, and overlooked the benefits of free play and letting them just go outside and be little kids running around together doing their own thing. Making Finn play soccer when he wasn’t into it now seemed as ridiculous as me going out into the backyard and forcing all the neighborhood kids to play a match while I watched and barked out instructions from the sidelines. Instead of over-scheduling kids and over committing to a new activity, Kang suggests focusing on activities kids can try out versus “committed” activities. The Harvard-trained psychiatrist, who participated in precisely zero extracurricular activities as a child, also negotiates the terms of her kids’ activities on a case-by-case basis. If your child is interested in dance, for example, set limits for what they should try before they quit. Maybe you have to shell out for six sessions in order for them to really try it, so explain that they need to try it that many times, and if they want to quit after that, it’s okay. The danger comes in over-stigmatizing quitting, where the child feels like they are a failure for quitting something even if it isn’t something they are particularly interested in anymore. This in turn can lead to them not even wanting to start something new, for fear they might not like it and will want to quit. Sometimes just taking a break is enough to renew interest in something your child once loved. Maybe the timing was bad, maybe the coach just wasn’t their cup of tea that time around, maybe it was just an off season. Step back, let them try something new, but don’t look at quitting as an end all be all for that particular activity. So, for us, I’m going to focus on our own little dolphin pod, and on the kids running in their little friend pods. Maybe some kids are like Tiger Woods and they find out they have an aptitude for a certain sport before they can walk and turn it into success, but maybe others find it along the way, and use their enjoyment to foster their eventual success. M