It has taken me a while, but I have finally come to the realisation that my beloved husband will NEVER do things the way I do—and you know what? I really don’t want him to!
Make a conscious effort not to interfere: There are times when I have to consciously tell myself not to interfere or interrupt, and to let my husband do things his own way. I’m not going to lie—it is bloody difficult some days. It takes a lot of self-control on my behalf. However I am learning that he needs to feel empowered and know that he is doing a great job with our daughter, and he is—he just does it completely differently to me! I have to ignore the fact that almost every single time he takes her out alone they will go and have a strawberry milkshake and a hot dog. Another all-time guaranteed favourite in our house is a sausage in bread at the local Bunnings! I have stopped rolling my eyes and groaning that he does this, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I am having much need time to myself, and secondly they are spending time together which is so important for their relationship. It is irrelevant what they do or what they eat. It is about the time they have together without me there. My husband never questions me on what I give our child to eat, or makes me feel like I have not had her best interests at heart. I try really hard not to do it to him. Give them praise: Fathers need to hear every now and then that they are doing a good job. They need to know that we trust them to take care of our children and keep them safe, without us breathing down their necks. If we want them to be more involved, we need to encourage and praise them to let them know how we feel.
We can teach them some of the things we know about our kids: Don’t always take for granted that our fellas know what to do. As I mentioned before, how can they know all of the ins and outs of taking care of our children if they are not there with them all of the time? Communicating with each other is so important. Share with them the things you know about your children, so that they are tuned in to their needs. In our house we now negotiate who is getting our child dressed (and yes I have had to resist the urge to get her changed if I don’t like the outfit he has chosen!) and who is packing her snack bag when we are getting ready to head out as a family. For a woman who has grown up without a father in her life, I am so grateful that my daughter will always grow up knowing that her Daddy spent time with her, and was present in her life. Hopefully he isn’t creating a hot dog and strawberry milk addiction in her; one that we will later have to pay for therapy to eradicate! I joke of course, but it is just so important that we acknowledge the importance of a father’s role in our children’s lives, and how much of an impact this will come to have on them in later life. We have to acknowledge the fact that they will NEVER do things the way we do – and that is ok! And besides more time for them together means more time alone for me. You won’t hear me complaining about that! Love Chrissie xx Chrissie Davies - Chaos to Calm Consultancy www.chaostocalmconsultancy.com
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