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DILEMMA 260210
Can you keep a boyfriend/girlfriend outside of uni? Getting and keeping a boyfriend/girlfriend, even when you are in the same place can be tricky. So when you are separated by many miles, can it work? It’s great!
I think couples need space
Yes, yes, yes! Providing you are in a loving relationship with someone you trust and want to be with, then why can’t your other half be at home or another university? One of the first things I noticed when I arrived at uni and got chatting to people was how many people had boyfriends/girlfriends either at home or at another university. This was really surprising and pleasing as I saw I wasn’t the only one by a long way! Having a boyfriend/girlfriend away from Leeds means you can have you own independence at uni; you can make your own group of friends, choose when and where to go out and get all your studying done (yeah...right) You get all of this, plus a great relationship with the person you chose to be with long before university life. Having someone away from Leeds also means you can experience another uni or keep links with home. My boyfriend is at another university about 90 miles away and the buildup of excitement when I’m going to visit or he’s coming here is like going back to being a small child getting excited for Christmas, except this time it’s your significant other and not some guy with a beard you can’t wait to see! Being at different universities we also get to meet more new people and experience another town/city, making life more interesting. You also have someone to ring up with the latest gossip, something you’ve done that they should be proud of you for, or to have a cry and a moan because it’s the wrong time of the month and you’re stressed! All in all, having your boyfriend/girlfriend at home or another university is great; you get your independence and a fun and loving relationship.
I’m going to say those dreaded words: I’m in a ‘long distance relationship’. And the terrible truth? It really is OK. I am a first year and my boyfriend is at UCL, 168 miles away. I call him at the end of my day, we Skype once a week and after five months of this, I find that we have more to talk about and we just generally laugh more. Don’t get me wrong, I miss him and when I was left here waving my parents and boyfriend off on that late September afternoon I honestly thought that the sky might fall down any minute and that Hell was opening up in the car’s wake. But it really has been fine. We see each other once or twice a term, working around his ‘mooting’ (yeah, I had no idea what that was either) and my writing for the paper; we lead separate lives, and it means that our conversations never run dry. I think that all couples really need a little space in order to keep things fresh, and I love to hear about all the things going on around him in our capital city without the monetary drain of living there. It’s also great not having to pay for a hotel in order to see a show, and I get better presents at Christmas now. On a serious note, if anyone is worried about the durability of their relationship long distance, don’t be – it brings you closer and lets you spread your wings more in the long run.
Laura Daubney
Melissa Welliver It’s never going to work Well, ignoring the whole cliché about the ‘Skins’ generation and the idea that you can pretty much sleep with whoever you want any-
way, then the raison d’être for university is that it is a new start, a place where you can reinvent yourself and leave your previous life behind. This means that if you are attached to anyone before you make it to university, you are put in a very difficult position. People fall into two distinct groups the summer before their first year of uni, you are either the person who loved sixth-form so much that you are seriously scared about what September will bring, or you are the opposite, who can’t wait for term to start. Either way, this does not leave much room for thoughts about a relationship. Even if you make it past the minefield of Freshers’ Week and the rest of first year then second and third year is where it starts to get tough. While you should be entering the comfort zone of a solid relationship, it doesn’t take much for the lack of time with your loved one, or the many opportunities that present themselves, such as socials, that cause doubt or jealousy to creep in. This is obviously going to seem cynical, as there are many relationships that can stand the strain of the long distance test, but it is best to leave something as concrete as a relationship behind you. The person you are when you start uni is completely different to the one that finishes, give yourself the space to find that out.
Chris Stevenson It works for me! I am currently in my first long distance relationship and personally I like it, it works for me. You really look forward to seeing the other person, appreciate them and any time you spend with them. I’m the sort of person that
Crossword Across: 1. First years (8) 5. E.g. Leeds (4) 7. Used to make a gun less noisy (8) 8. Travelled (by bike or horse) (4) 9. Tennis award (5,3) 10. Hero (4) 11. South American Shawl (6) 14. To the left (or right) of the centre (3,3) 16. Unlock (4) 17. Distressed (8) 19. Small land mass (surrounded by sea) (4) 20. Self indulgent (8) 21. Alter (4) 22. Helped (8)
Down: 1. Joined (5) 2. Perk up (7) 3. Reference book (13) 4. Bacteria responsible for sore throats (13) 5. UK city (7) 6. Frog larva (7) 12. Against (7) 13. Gig (formal) (7) 15. Believe someone to have done something (7) 18. Went out with (5)
The answers to last issue’s crossword: Across: 1.Scorpio, 6. Pod, 8. Unanticipated, 10. Fickle, 11. Dehli, 12. Brainstorm, 16. Image, 18. Acidic, 19. Inconsiderate, 21. Gay, 22. Neither. Down: 2. Conifer, 3. Run, 4. Orchestration, 5. Cupid, 6. Patolli, 7. Dodging, 9. Token, 12. Boiling, 13. Anarchy, 14. Raise, 15. Necktie, 17. Ennui, 20. Rat.
likes keeping relationships and friends separate, so having a long distance relationship lets me really enjoy the time with my partner and then when they’re not there you get time for yourself and friends. When I get to see them it’s like a treat, it keeps the relationship fresh and exciting when you’re not seeing each other all the time. I think the key things are communication, ring and text a lot, arrange to see each other in advance so you have a date to look forward to and trust as well. It’s important to also understand that you will both be doing things at different times e.g uni/work/going out so don’t get annoyed if the other person can’t speak to you at that precise moment, it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to, they're just busy! Don’t put too much pressure on your relationship, that’s the killer... just because its long distance doesn’t mean it has to be really serious (it can seem like that because of the effort to travel/ring etc) just enjoy seeing each other when you do and go with the flow of things, at the end of the day, there’s no point in doing anything that doesn’t make you happy.
Lara Foster
Next week:
Is it ethical to sleep your way to the top?
If you have an opinion on this and wish to share it with the student body, send about 250 words to: dilemma@leedsstudent.org