Latest 7: No. 698 by Latest Homes

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★ ALBION ★ NEWS ★ FOOD & DRINK ★ ENTERTAINMENT ★ TV GUIDE ★ 30 Sept – 6 Oct 2014

FRINGE BENEFITS Hailing the many virtues of the Brighton Festival’s ‘little brother’

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FOOD LAB Andrew Kay ponders the role of science in the kitchen

WILD ABOUT WILDE

Nigel Havers and Martin Jarvis star in a hilarious new production of The Importance of Being Earnest, at Theatre Royal Brighton

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L7 CONTENTS EDITOR’S NOTE haven’t owned a television in approximately six years. I am arguably either a) mad, b) ascetic, or c) very, very, disorganised (or a combination of all of the above). But for anyone out there who finds themselves in the same position, there’s no longer any reason why you should miss out on watching Latest TV in the Brighton & Hove and Adur & Worthing areas ... Latest TV is streaming live online! You can now enjoy the shiny, happy faces of the whole L-TV crew on any device, in the comfort of your own home. Or why not make a bus journey, post office queue or shopping trawl a little more colourful by streaming on your tablet or mobile phone? Just remember to look both ways before you cross the road, or hurtle headlong into an oncoming shopping trolley.

If you’re the out-and-about type, the portability of Latest TV will appeal to you ... as will our monthly Wave World health and beauty feature; you’ll find four pages of advice from local health experts starting on page 18. The Celeb City scouts are spotting familiar faces all over the shop, on page 13. And Andrew Kay ponders long distance train travel on page 14; we can all empathise, I’m sure. We’re also choc-a-bloc with entertainment news, including listings, reviews and an interview with the maestro of ascerbic wit himself, the lovely Simon Amstell; that’s on page 23. On the flip side, Latest Homes is bridging the gap between the page and the TV. Turn over to find out for yourself how you can get involved. Louise Bevan, Editor Email your comments to editorial@thelatest.co.uk or visit us online at thelatest.co.uk

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Wednesday 1 October 2014 Action for Happiness: Action for Happiness is a movement for positive social change. Doors 7.30pm, Show 8pm, Free Sunday 5 October 2014 New City Kings + Fran Classic + The Aim Doors tbc, Price £5 adv/ £6 door LATEST GROUP

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Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Latest Homes Commercial Manager Patrick Kneath

Entertainment & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Advertising Manager Rachel Simm Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Design Jason Weaver Kyle Moon

Editor Louise Bevan Sub Editors Laura Gooch Staff writers Jo Brooks Brian Mitchell Joseph Nixon Lynn Ruth Miller

> 30 SEPT–06 OCT 2014 05 Latest People Paul Bott & Co grand opening; Eastbourne’s Panto launch 06 Latest News Headlines with Frank le Duc, Tim Ridgway, and B&H City Council leader Jason Kitcat 10 Brighton Lights Lynn Ruth Miller talks modesty; Richard’s playing conkers; Guy Lloyd gets shirty 12 Bare Cheek 20,000 Days of Nick (Cave) 13 Celeb City The Saturdays; David Gandy; Brighton representative Bakes Off 14 Kay Town Does taking the train really take the strain? 14 Competitions Win Oasis merch, and ‘Driver’ DVDs 15 Theatre Royal Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest 16 Hotlist Restaurants, cafes and takeaway listings 17 Cook It! Food science, or artistry pure and simple? 18 Wave World Our monthly health and beauty feature 22 Brighton Writes Vanessa Austin Locke is raving about London’s Morning Gloryville 23 Interview Simon Amstell – he talks, we listen 24 Entertainment News What’s on for stage, film, comedy, art & music 28 Brighton Writes Andrew Bullock on Friends standing the test of time; The Bored Gamers are against the clock 29 TV Listings Seven days of TV listings

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DO YOU NEED TO RETUNE YOUR TV? Latest TV launched on 28 August on Freeview Channel 8 and Virgin Media 159 In most cases, you will not need to retune your set to receive Freeview Channel 8, the new local TV channel for your area. If Latest TV did not appear on 28 August and you live in the Brighton & Hove, and Adur & Worthing area, then please follow these instructions for retuning your set. If you have difficulty then please contact us on 01273 818150 ext.101 or visit http://www.digitaluk.co.uk/howtoretune /retuning_instructions

Full retuning A full retune should only take a few minutes and can be done with your remote control. Here are some guidelines for how to do it, but bear in mind every model of digital TV or box will be a little bit different. 1 Make sure your Freeview TV or box is on and in digital mode, usually by pressing the DTV or digital button on your remote. Then press ‘menu’. 2 Select the ‘set up’ or ‘installation’ option. If you see picture icons, select the tool box, satellite dish or spanner. If you are prompted for a code, try 0000 or 1234.

Channel 8 is the new TV channel across the UK featuring local TV content.

3 Select the full retune option. This is sometimes called ‘first time installation’, ‘factory reset’, ‘default settings’ or ‘shipping conditions’. Do not select ‘channel update’ or ‘add channels’. 4 Press ‘OK’ if your equipment asks if you want to delete all your channels. Don’t worry, this is normal. Channels will automatically be installed. This may take a few minutes and your equipment may shut down and restart.

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PEOPLE

Emily Bull (Belle) and Zara Baker from Sussex Downs College

Paul Bott & Co Grand Opening and Eastbourne’s Panto Launch

PANTO SEASON IS NEARLY HERE (OH YES IT IS!) Eastbourne Theatres launched this year’s in-house pantomime on Wednesday 17 September, with stars meeting the press and public at an official launch party. This year’s production of Beauty and the Beast stars exHollyoaks actress Carley Stensen, Emily Bull as Belle, and Eastbourne favourites: comedian Tucker (as Potty Pierre) and our favourite dame Martyn Knight. Panto fun kicks off on 12 December 2014. For more information, visit www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

PAUL BOTT & CO GRAND OPENING On 6 September 2014, Paul Bott and Kathy Bott celebrated the grand opening of their new venture, Paul Bott & Company, an independent, family-run estate agency based in the Paul Bott and Shelley Hollis donating to Brighton Pebbles heart of Kemp Town. To celebrate the day, the office doors at 29 Upper St. James’ Street were ‘officially’ opened and the team were joined by a host of friends, clients and local businesses with food supplied by Artisan. Paul Bott and Company treasure and value the local community, and donated £250 to both Moulsecoomb Amateur Boxing Club and local charity Brighton Pebbles on the day. They also nominated Kemp Town street cleaner Rob Teagle as their ‘Unsung Hero of the Month’, which included a £50 reward.

Paul Bott with Catherine Auguste and Dave Funnel

Tucker greets the public

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Brighton and Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat welcomes Black History Month World War One took a huge toll on the many soldiers fighting on the Western Front, as we are reminded in this centenary year. However, one of the lesser-known stories of the Great War was the involvement of troops from across the world fighting in the trenches on behalf of Britain and its allies. Soldiers from pre-Partition India (now modern-day India, Bangladesh, Pakistan and Sri Lanka) made up some 1.5m of those fighting on the Western Front and elsewhere. Facilities and resources to care for those who were wounded were in short supply in the north of France. As a result, many wounded soldiers were sent to towns on the south coast of England to recuperate. Brighton was among them, and 1914 saw buildings including the Royal Pavilion, the Brighton Dome and the York Place school converted into temporary hospitals for some 12,000 wounded Indian soldiers. Remarkably, only 72 soldiers passed away – a testament to the care provided by the people of our city. Fifty-three of the soldiers were cremated on the spot now marked by the beautiful Chattri on the Downs near Patcham, and 19 were buried near a mosque in Woking, in accordance with their respective religious traditions.

This is just one of the many hidden histories that are being shared. There are a range of events throughout October and into November, many of which are free, and all of which are open to everyone. They include music events, exhibitions, and a family celebration day at the Brighton Corn Exchange on 9 November. There are many people from diverse backgrounds whose contributions and experiences have shaped our city and our country. Black History Month provides the perfect opportunity to learn more about our friends’, neighbours’ and colleagues’ communities, and celebrate our shared history together.

LATEST BRIGHTON & HOVE NEWS FRANK LE DUC THE VOTE

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Council bosses are asking the people of Brighton and Hove to help them as they struggle to save more than £100m

righton and Hove City Council is facing a funding gap of more than £100 million over the next five years. Chief executive Penny Thompson said: “We have to change, to further cut costs and rise to the challenge facing all public services.” As part of the council’s attempt to bridge the funding gap, the public are being asked a fundamental question: “If you had control over the city budget, what public services would you stop, start or change?” The “stop, start, change” challenge implicitly responds to criticism voiced by long-serving councillor Gill Mitchell, former leader of the opposition Labour group. Councillor Mitchell has repeatedly accused the Greens of “salami slicing” – shaving a bit off the budget here and there. She has long-called for a “zerobased” approach, which means justifying every item from scratch. Or cutting it. Council leader Jason Kitcat has been blunt about the difficulties facing his party, which was elected on a manifesto of resisting cuts in public spending. One of the difficulties is that the law requires the council to set a budget. Another is that demand for services is rising. And the law

requires the council to provide many of those services. At the same time, the amount of money given to the council by the government is being cut. It comes to £103 million in the current

What public services would you stop, start or change? 2014-15 financial year. The council’s total budget is currently £778 million. By 2019-20, the government grant is expected to have been reduced to £39 million. The spending gap – the difference between overall income and outgoings – is forecast to have widened from £26 million next year (2015-16) to £102 million in 2019-20. What would you stop, start or change? Some councils have, among other things, closed libraries. Were Brighton and Hove City Council to close all its libraries and museums, it would save £21 million. Perhaps the public health

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department could be sacrificed – even though prevention is said to be better than cure. That would save £19 million. The same fundamental questions are being faced by other public services, including the NHS locally, the fire service and Sussex Police. Last week at a meeting of Brighton and Hove Connected – formerly the Local Strategic Partnership – Chief Superintendent Nev Kemp was put on the spot. The divisional commander of Brighton and Hove has a budget of about £26 million – or about 10 per cent of the force total. He said that – roughly speaking – the force had cut 20 per cent of its budget over the past four years. And over the next four years it would have to cut a similar amount. People are one of the biggest costs, he said, adding: “That throws up some really difficult questions. We cannot top-slice any more. We have to restructure. What it will end up looking like, I don’t know. But it will affect people.” Brighton and Hove Connected chairman Tony Mernagh said: “I still fear that people out there have no idea how much has to be saved.” And, of course, how the millions of pounds of cuts will affect services that many hold dear – and on which many vulnerable people depend. Council chief executive Penny Thompson said: “We can’t grow our way out of this.” Council tax may rise, parking charges may rise and the cost of being buried or cremated may rise. But higher fees and charges, more revenue from business rates as the recovery takes hold and more council tax revenue as new housing is built won’t be enough. Nor will a change of government solve this particular problem. Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls said in his speech to the Labour conference last week: “We will balance the books and make the sums add up. We will need an iron commitment to fiscal discipline. The next Labour government will get the deficit down. It will mean cuts and tough decisions.” For more information, visit www.brightonhove.gov.uk/bhbudget or join the conversation on Twitter @BrightonHoveCC using the hashtag #bhbudget.

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TIM RIDGWAY LATEST NEWS

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This week’s headlines from across the city

JIHADI ANGER The mother of a jihadist believed to have been killed in Syria during US air strikes has spoken of her anger that her son rallied to the cause. Ibraham Kamara, 19, is thought to have been fighting for al Nusra, an affiliate group of al Qaida, in the war-torn country. Mr Kamara's mother, Khadijah Kamara, 35, who lives in Brighton, told Latest TV News that she was angry that her son chose to go to fight in Syria.

said it would not intervene in a dispute over planning permission. The decision means that developers can now push ahead with plans to turn it into a multi-screen cinema and restaurant complex. But Latest TV understands campaigners are not giving up the fight yet. PICTURE THIS After being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, Tim Andrews, decided it was the perfect time for a career change. The former solicitor has turned himself into an art project, modelling for some 300 photographers.

Marina Life Kirsty Pollard: the UK Bungee Club is back in town! ach summer, the UK Bungee Club heads to the seaside for one weekend of adrenaline filled activity. Setting up camp in Marina Square, the 160ft bungee jump attracts both locals and adventure-seekers from further afield. This year, the event was so popular it’s happening again! On 6 and 7 December, the Bungee will be back to help another bunch of daredevils take the plunge. So why not join the brave few, and book your place on this festive extravaganza?! Take the opportunity to put a seasonal spin on your jump and let’s see how many Santas, Rudolphs and snowmen we can get to leap into the festive season with that infamous phrase, ‘3, 2, 1 … bungee!’

It isn’t all bad news though, as the number of people over 80 deemed to be in good health is set to rise from 40% to 45% in the next 10 years. ACADEMY VOTE Will it or wont it? Hove Park school as been the centre of an academy debate since before the summer. After months of debate and protests, a decision was finally made by governors last week. And it was anti-academy

PARKING PREMIUM Parking issues in Hanover are once again simmering on the community’s agenda. Twice now, locals in the area known as Muesli Mountain have rejected council plans to install a controlled parking zone. But with the area and its narrow streets regularly used by commuters as a free place to leave their cars as they go to work, the issue has never really died down. Now the local action team is picking up the baton again, and carrying out surveys across the area. Expect to hear a lot more about this in the coming weeks.

campaigners outside who were celebrating after a U-turn by headteacher Derek Trimmer, who said he did not feel it would be right for the school at this time.

GOLDEN OLDIES Brighton and Hove is getting older by the day. But with more and more people now living into their 90s, health chiefs admit they must do more to support the growing aged population.

CURTAINS FOR HIPPODROME? It was once one of the most-loved venues on the south coast. But plans to keep the Brighton Hippodrome as a theatre appear to have hit a wall. This was after the government

More than 50 of the photographs and several films will be exhibited as part of the 2014 Brighton Photo Fringe at Create Gallery, New England House, New England Street, Brighton for the first time. The exhibition will run from October 4 to 17. ICE, ICE, BABY The Royal Pavilion ice Rink will return to Brighton for a fifth year. And to mark the occasion - as well as the launch of its ticket sales organisers have come up with a wintry challenge. People are being asked to knit woolly hats, which marshals at the attraction can wear as they help people around the ice. Latest TV's Mhairi Beveridge got her skates on to find out more. WILL LOLLIES GET A LICKING? Finally, a storm is circling above a small sweet shop on Brighton seafront. That's because owners have been stocking a selection of lollies moulded in the shape of male genitalia. Some people see treats as a bit of harmless fun, but not everyone agrees. What do you think? Why not watch our report and decide for yourself.

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With so much to do, why not make a day out of your jump and see exactly what we have to offer. Do a spot of Christmas shopping, grab a movie and take advantage of the numerous bars and restaurants available. Make it a weekend visit and stay over at the stunning boutique Hotel Seattle, go bowling or play your hand inside the city’s biggest and best gaming facility in town, at Rendezvous Casino. Booking is essential as places will fill quickly. In order to do so, please contact the UK Bungee Club on 0845 319 5767 or visit www.ukbungee.co.uk for more information.

Kirsty Pollard, Brighton Marina’s Marketing and Events Manager kirsty.pollard@x-leisure.co.uk www.brightonmarina.co.uk

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Web Assistant – AVERT (Horsham) Digital Account Manager – Leadspring – Friday Media Group (Sayers Common – just outside Brighton) DBA/Data Integration Engineer – Friday Media Group (Sayers Common – just outside Brighton) Marketing & Relationships Manager – The Basement (Brighton and Hove) 1st and 2nd Line IT Support Engineer – Astaris IT and Marketing (Shoreham-by-sea) UI Artist – BossAlien (Brighton and Hove) Finance Director – Man Bites Dog (Brighton and Hove) SQL Server Developer – Rakuten DC Storm (Brighton and Hove) Web Applications Developer – Public-i Group Ltd (Brighton and Hove)

Freelance copywriter needed for articles, product & category descriptions Build a currency exchange ecommerce website Freelance web developer needed to plug a site into wordpress

Business, Tax & VAT Advice Surgery – Friday 3 October, 9.00am at Plus Accounting Offices WTLM/ake – Monday 6 October, 6.00pm at Build Brighton (Rhodus) Film Professional Networking – Wednesday 15 October, 6.00pm at Brighton Rocks Bar

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HOVE RUGBY CLUB – BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE hen the Olympics came to London in 2012, there was talk about the legacy that it would leave on the country. Now, another major sports event is coming to our shores. Next year, the Rugby World Cup comes to the UK and Brighton will host two matches. But will the arrival of the World Cup leave any legacy in the city? Adam Tunesi is the chairman

of Hove Rugby Club and he told us what the RFU Agronomer said about the pitches: “He did a thorough study on the pitches to give us some advice on what needed to be done to bring them back to playing standard. The results of that report were that he decided they were too dangerous to play contact rugby on. “There are flints working their way up through [the ground] and various sharp stones starting to

appear in the surface of the pitch. “A solution is to put some more top soil on and establish a really good growth of grass and to stabilize the surface. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to do that on account of it being very dry here.” The club have been trying to find a solution but find themselves in a tough situation as the ground is council-owned and therefore the club cannot

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start the process of improvement themselves. The RFU have pledged significant funds for improvement but still the club are currently in the process of seeking a solution with Brighton and Hove City Council for the remaining money. Without this, Hove Park find themselves, quite literally, caught between a rock and a hard place.

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L7 BRIGHTON LIGHTS Watch Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

LESS IS MORE Lynn Ruth Miller bares all on, er, not baring all… rench women have apparently decided they get more mileage out of a loose, filmy kaftan than a bared breast. More and more French women have refused to go topless and I know why. They have learnt that the power of suggestion is far stronger than reality. It is not what you see that will excite the object of your affections; it is what he hopes he will see. I learnt this lesson years ago in the early Fifties when girls covered up or were expelled from schools, barred from restaurants and hidden in the back seat of the car. At that time, my female hormones erupted into wild desire at anything male. My first impulse on seeing a man was to rip off my clothes and say, “Here I am” in as sultry a tone as I could muster. However, Mother Nature had not been kind to me. I was so skinny, I resembled a post and there were few hints of curves on my form. I knew all too well that nudity was not my strong suit. That was when I discovered saggy jeans and my father’s shirts. Other young ladies of the times wandered around in sweaters that told it all and jeans so tight, they had to skip when they walked. When you saw them, you saw it all. There were no surprises in the bedroom or even when you were groped behind the oak tree in their front yard. There it was: just like that apple, Adam could not resist. In those days, I dressed to hide what I lacked and I draped myself in loose jeans that suggested the possibility of a plump bottom and my father’s oversized shirts that hinted at a bosom that wasn’t there. The result was that I had hordes of men following me, trying to get into those jeans and I do not want to discuss how many times I intercepted a hand about to plunge down my shirt to get a grip on a fantasy! Indeed, I was a huge social success until the big reveal, and the inevitable disappointment that followed. But this was the Fifties when that reveal didn’t happen until you got the ring, the china, silver and the pretty white dress. By that time, it was too late. Now I am well into my dotage. My body has descended into my shoes. My wrinkles, sags and bags resemble a discarded sponge and my legs are so splotched, they look like tubular Kandinsky paintings. Once again, I am faced with doing a bit of concealing if I want to tempt anyone into taking me out for dinner. I wear filmy tops and flowing feathered gowns with glittery spangles to redirect the eyes of the beholders from my sagging chest and bony ankles to the colourful glitz that hides them. The result is that I have not paid for a glass of wine in ten years. French women have caught on to my secret and I am sharing it with you. Never give anything away until the money is in the bank… so to speak. “Modest: The art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.” – Oliver Herford

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LATESTWRITES

LYNN RUTH MILLER

Once again I am faced with doing a bit of concealing

HOT STUFF Richard Shayler: It’s all bonkers and conkers… I was walking along Dyke Road a few days ago and looked up at a magnificent horse chestnut tree. I even took my sunglasses off to admire it in all its beauty. As I walked past, one of the tree’s hanging branches gently caressed my bare arm. It was a glorious day, so I was wearing a T-shirt. All of this was very idyllic. That was until I looked down at the floor. There were green cocoons with little brown things forcing their way out. Little brown things that looked very much like conkers. “Conkers!” I cried. “But it’s sunny! And I’m wearing a T-shirt and sunglasses!” Something felt very wrong. I left this relaxing and peaceful scene confused, stressed and worried. I was also scared. At first, my worry was that I was imagining either the beautiful day or the beautiful horse chestnut tree. I had to

“

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grab a coffee to calm my nerves. I picked up the local paper and looked at the top of the page to confirm the date. “Phew! It is September. So what’s going on with the weather?” I flicked through the paper to calm myself and read an article that cleared up all this September strangeness. We’re going through an Indian summer, of course! The studio gets hot at the best of times, but I thought an Indian summer could mean the end for a few of our team. I’m very prone to melting in that place, so I think I’d go first, quickly followed by a few of the cameramen. Our director William would be fine – he’s from Italy, you see. He laughs in the face of summer. When the thermometer hits 25 degrees, he simply screams for more. “Suntan lotion? What suntan lotion?” He has actually said that. When the going gets hot, the fans get turned on, the Brighton Lights crew gets sweaty, the audience gets crabby and the bands drink more beer. The only advantage of such heat is the camaraderie. Everyone becomes your equal. One sweaty person means just as much as the next sweaty person. Boundaries are ripped down as layers are ripped

Freeview

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Freeview

Watch Brighton Lights every night on Watch Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

GETTING CREATIVE Guy Lloyd on making exciting TV and shopping for shirts

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LATESTWRITES

GUY LLOYD

off. Sweat patches become rites of passage. Regularly mopped brows are the new form of greeting. Through all this heated adversity, you’d think our shows would suffer. Quite the contrary! The shows take on a new life. An excited, unified and cohesive life, where every person in the studio makes a contribution. Whether it be the bar staff cooling everyone down with their drinks (and smiles) or the floor manager cooling everyone down with a blast of the fan between shoots. Or it might be the brilliant way Lynn Ruth Miller and Guy Lloyd battle through the heat and nail their shows in one take. The combination of all these things makes Brighton Lights the show it is. It is not one single person, or producer, it’s the audience, the bar staff, the presenters, the crew and of course, the fans! Both the electric ones and the viewing ones… We’re working on a new set at the moment, and Guy and I were helping to position things. I noticed something in his pocket. “What’s that?” I asked. “Oh, just some conkers I picked up for my son,” he replied. “It’s an Indian summer, didn’t you know!”

ell, I’ve had a couple of weeks on the telly now and I’m really enjoying it. There’s much work to do on the show, but we are tweaking all the time and the show is evolving like a prehistoric animal. I think it’s been a learning curve for us all and will continue to be for a good while yet. We are getting some very positive feedback, however, and the good people of Brighton and beyond seem to be enjoying it so far. It’s been a very challenging time

for us all. The big channels (BBC1, ITV, Channel Four, etc) do pilots, test them, put them on air, improve them or just ditch them, never to be seen in public. It’s a different operation in local TV and at Latest. We are putting our pilots out there for all to see, way before they’re fully cooked, served and ready to eat. We are putting out our pilots in the public eye and sitting back and reacting to the feedback. And that’s a scary thing. But it’s also exhilarating and exciting. Yes, I was watching myself through my hands over my face on that first show, but it was always going to be like that. What I love about Latest TV and my work in general, on telly, radio, comedy and baking a cake (I don’t bake, but you get my drift) is the freedom to create. Creativity is so important to me. If I’m not being creative or thinking creative thoughts, I’m more or less dead. I’m even creating when I’m asleep. I get so many ideas for the radio at 4am (many don’t make the cut by 5am). What we are doing with Latest TV is creating. And then we sit back and watch our creation and we look at ways we can create

Watch Brighton Lights every night on • LATEST 7 11 www.thelatest.co.uk •

something better. That’s a very exciting thing to be a part of. And I feel lucky to have a boss and a team that are open to change and pushing things along until we get to a place where we’re happy. But we’ll still be creating, even after that. That’s the other thing I find about creativity. It doesn’t, and you shouldn’t, stand still. It should be constantly changing and moving, like life itself. Which moves me nicely on to this: one thing I haven’t changed so much and people are starting to notice, is my shirts. I have a limited selection (I hate shopping for clothes) and to make matters worse, we all received a memo saying we couldn’t wear shirts that have lines or are checked, as they would go wobbly on screen. That one email ruled out my whole wardrobe within seconds. So although I’m banging on about creativity and evolving, what I actually need to do is organise a trip to TK Maxx (other under-priced clothing shops are available, but I’ve yet to find them).

Follow me: @guy_lloyd

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LATESTWRITES

BARE CHEEK Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

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20,000 DAYS OF NICK Another excerpt from Nick Cave’s new docu-drama, ‘20,000 days on earth’

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s difficult to say, Mr. Cave. Is there any more of the dream?

GREATEST BRIGHTON SHOP

NICK: Oh yeah – I run out of the broom closet, and find I’m on the Orient Express, which is hurtling along. It’s really crowded, but every single person on board apart from me is Dum Dum from Touche Turtle. So I finally find a seat, and the Dum Dum next to me asks me to validate his parking ticket. I explain that I can’t, and he starts punching himself in the face really violently. But what comes out of his nose isn’t blood, but lots of little Jamie Olivers, all shouting “lovely jubbly”. And then I wake up.

You may remember (unless you were not paying attention) that a couple of weeks back we ran a poll to discover Brighton’s most Brightonian Brightonian; the quintessential Brightonian, if you will. And you nominated the Ditty Man. This week we want you to vote for Brighton’s most Brightonian shop to have ceased trading in Brighton. The winner will be reopened with due ceremony and allowed to fail again. Below we have provided a helpful list of likely contenders. So which do YOU think should be nominated? Drop us a line at Bare Cheek, C/O Latest 7, Unit 1, Level Five North, New England House, New England Street, BN1 4GH.

PSYCHIATRIST: I see. Scene: Nick is lying on the couch in his psychiatrist’s office with his eyes closed. The psychiatrist is seated in an easy chair, taking notes.

NICK: So what do you reckon Doc – am I crook? Is me brain broke? PSYCHIATRIST: Ha ha, Mr. Cave – the subconscious is a delicate instrument indeed ...

NICK: ... And then, in the dream, I’m standing in front of this gravestone, and I look down at the name, you know, expecting to see my own name, but instead it says ‘Wokka Hargreaves 1957 – 1972’.

(BELL RINGS) PSYCHIATRIST: And that’s the end of our session for today. That will be 250 of your English pounds please.

PSYCHIATRIST: I see ... and who is this Wokka Hargreaves?

NICK: (COUNTING OUT MONEY) All right, all right. (SOTTO VOCE) Money for old rope.

NICK: He’s a bloke I was at Wangaratta Primary School with. PSYCHIATRIST: And is he dead? NICK: Nah, he’s a dental technician in Goondiwindi. Anyway, I’m staring at this gravestone, when suddenly the ground crumbles away beneath my feet and I fall down this long dark shaft, and

PSYCHIATRIST: What was that, Mr. Cave? suddenly I’m standing in this broom closet with Kenneth Kendal. And he opens his mouth to speak, but what comes out is the sound of a kettle boiling. What does it all mean, doc?

NICK: Nothing, nothing. (SOTTO VOCE) You pillock. Come back next week for another excerpt from Nick’s new film

The Cork Shop, Wax Lyrical, Air Born Kites, Winfalcon Healing Centre, Hannington’s, The Catholic Shop, Borders, Hardix Leatherwear, The Stencil Shop, Kappa Telephone Supplies, The Glass Animals Man, Woolworths (London Road), Woolworths (Western Road), N. F. Brookes, Wood Brothers Television, Services, Haylar's Music Store, Red Veg, That offie on Queen’s Road that used to sell khat, Mr. Cooper’s, Margaret’s Fortune Teller (Elm Grove), Hamley’s, D & K Rosen, Alf’s General Store, Sweetime, The Unknown Traffic Warden.

Follow me: @MitchellnNixon

Brighton’s music venue Amy Winehouse, Chris Difford & The Kooks have all played here, and the likes of Rizzle Kicks, Jesca Hoop & The Moulettes all kick started their careers with shows in the intimate cabaret bar

NEW!

Get your band to play here by ringing 01273 687171 and ask for Jeff or email music@thelatest.co.uk

We can now film your whole show in high definition and give you a mixed audio album and DVD to take away with you at amazing introductory prices. We are the first venue in the UK to offer this.

• LATEST 7 12 www.thelatest.co.uk •

013_LS698_celebcity_011_LS466_interview 25/09/2014 12:54 Page 3

CELEB CITY



with Jo Brooks SPONSORED BY

The Saturdays on tour, Scarlett Quinn, David Gandy, Kate Henry and The Great British Bake Off

STYLE IT OUT L

ast weekend, The Saturdays’ Greatest Hits Tour hit the Brighton Centre. Frankie, Vanessa, Rochelle, Mollie and Una, who have been performing together for six years now, put on an amazing show playing all of their hits and thrilling the crowd. Frankie will be hitting our screens as a star of the ever popular seasonal ballroom bonanza Strictly Come Dancing, which will no doubt be thrashing X-Factor in the ratings very soon. On her dance show debut, Frankie said: “Like so many little girls, I used to take dance lessons when I was in primary school and I really love dancing, but this is going to be so different from anything I have done with The Saturdays. I just can’t wait to get started!” Definitely worth a bet at the bookies; Frankie might well go home with 2014’s Glitter Ball Trophy. We can also look forward to seeing Brighton’s favourite TV presenter and Mrs Fatboy Slim on the box, as Zoe Ball returns at the helm of Strictly’s companion show ‘It Takes Two’.

singer as she sailed through to the next stage. You can see how Scarlett gets on next weekend on ITV1 (unless you’re tuned to Strictly).

SHE’S GOT IT SPOTTED! Brighton model and singer Scarlett The world’s first male supermodel, Quinn has now progressed to the the luscious David Gandy, was most Boot Camp section of talent contest improbably located in the queue at X-Factor. Scarlett, 28, who is one Carphone Warehouse in Mayfair. half of Brighton duo Kitten And On our most recent jaunt to the The Hip, famously dumped Big Smoke, we were overcome to partner Ashley Slater out of the find ourselves face to face with the competition to go solo. model who has just pleased the Scarlett impressed the judges straight female half of the nation at her Wembley audition, singing by launching his own range of her version of a Christina smalls in M&S. An ex-boyfrend Aguilera hit, ‘Ain’t No Other of Mollie from The Man’. Judge Cheryl Saturdays, David was Have you b le commented that there every bit as dashing in ce a d e spott was something very the flesh as you in the city? intriguing about the would imagine. t n e comm .co.uk st te la e th @

BAKE OFF HOME We were sad to see the lovely Kate Henry crash out of The Great British Bake Off last week. The former actress, who lives in Brighton with her five year old daughter Eloise, had a rollercoaster ride in the cookery competition, being evicted from the Bake Off marquee just two weeks after being star baker. The 41 year old kitchen whizz revealed that all was very harmonious on the Bake Off set, with all of the contestants getting on well and already planning a reunion. On her (pastry) brush with fame, Kate commented: “The whole thing has been really overwhelming. I’ve gone from doing the school run to everyone knowing who I am. People have been really supportive, which is lovely. We were warned about ‘trolls’ but I feel very lucky that hasn’t happened to me. I seem to have escaped unscathed.”

Follow me: latestcelebcity Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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• LATEST 7 13 www.thelatest.co.uk •

22 New Road Brighton BN1 1UF

014_LS698_kay_comps_011_LS466_interview 25/09/2014 14:29 Page 2



LATESTWRITES

ANDREW KAY SPONSORED BY

Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

utumn may well be the season of rich and mellow fruitfulness, but in the Kay family it’s the season of birthdays. Frankly, given that so many of my relatives’ birthdays fall in September, that rich and mellow fruitfulness must have at least a little to do with seasonal merriment the previous Christmas, one too many snowballs, you could say – and I am not qualifying what I mean by snowballs. Mum’s birthday falls in late September and requires a visit. Readers may remember that at Christmas last year she suffered two strokes, and spent some time in hospital and then rehab. She may be no spring chicken, but she is a game old bird, and true to form, she has bounced back.

WOO WOO

Does taking the train really take the strain? Okay, she’s walking with a frame now, but she’s back home and looking after herself rather well, with some assistance morning and night, of course. Fiercely independent, she is also rather keen that I visit, especially for the birthday ... 82, but don’t tell her that I told you so. As I no longer run a car, the train is the way I have to travel, and yes I do miss the freedom of a car but not the crazy expense. My not owning a car is doubly green – ecological and financial, although that reference to money and green is somewhat outdated since we no longer have pound notes. Why is it that so many of my thoughts make me feel old these days? Booking a train should be an easy process. I like to do it online and in advance, again because there are so many savings to be made. But how complex can it be? The site I use is pretty good, but only now I have used it hundreds of times. You start by putting in dates, times, and of course starting points and destinations. It comes back with a selection and then asks if you would like the same information with prices.

I remember that I have a rail card. No, not an old person’s rail card, cheeky ...

discover that my journey can cost anything from £39 to £184 return. Now that is a massive difference, and although I can see that by travelling off-peak I put less strain on their service and in turn on my wallet, that does seem rather a radical jump in price. Having got this far, I remember that I have a rail card. No, not an old person’s rail card, cheeky. I go back and feed that information in, only to discover that it makes no difference to the lower fare that I have chosen. I continue. Would I like a seat facing forward or backward, one near the toilet, a plug socket? I request the plug but nothing else. In my experience, even for the part of my journey where I can reserve a seat, I spend more time trying to oust some reluctant-tomove passenger from it than I will actually use sitting in there. All this said, the train does give me a few hours of peace and quiet. The route taken to Mum seems to follow a mobile phone valley of unconnectivity; four hours and twenty minutes of enforced solitude. I listen to music and read, and it does me good, providing of course I am not sat next to a rambling mad person or end up waiting in the cold at Warminster as the schedule goes awry.

Well, of course I want the prices, especially as they vary so much. I click for prices and

Follow me: latestandrew

 COMPETITIONS bound notebooks, beer mats, a badge set and sticker set to give away to someone who can answer this question: The rock band Oasis formed in Manchester in which year? WIN ‘THE DRIVER’ DVDS David Morrissey stars in The Driver, released on DVD on 13 October 2014. This exciting new BBC drama chronicles an ordinary man’s fall into the criminal world, and the shocking aftermath. We have five copies to give away to someone who can answer this question: Which British television drama launched David Morrissey’s career? WIN OASIS MERCHANDISE If you definitely, maybe like Oasis, you’ll be interested to learn that the second in the new Oasis: Chasing The Sun series,

(What’s The Story) Morning Glory?, will be released on 29 September on Big Brother Recordings. We have two sets, comprising Oasis What’s The Story deluxe triple CDs, black

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

With the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 13 October 2014.

• LATEST 7 14 www.thelatest.co.uk •

015_LS698_theatre royal_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 10:51 Page 3

L7 COver STOrY

Nigel Havers and Christine Kavanagh

SERIOUS TRIVIALITIES An all star cast perform Oscar Wilde’s comedy The Importance of Being Earnest at Theatre Royal Brighton new production of Oscar Wilde’s brilliant comic masterpiece, The Importance of Being Earnest, visits Theatre royal Brighton for one week only from Monday 29 September to Saturday 4 October, direct from the West end. Dubbed by Oscar Wilde ‘a trivial comedy for serious people’, the production delivers an entirely

BOOKINGS DANNY BHOY: PLEASE UNTICK THIS BOX The Old Market, 9 October 2014, £15, 01273 201801, www.theoldmarket.com Sell-out, storytelling stand-up Danny B with more of his globally laughed at comedy.

ARTHUR SMITH SINGS LEONARD COHEN Theatre Royal Brighton, 15 October 2014, £22.40, 0844 871 7650, www.atgtickets.com Channelling the mighty Leonard Cohen, the masterful Mr Smith contemplates subjects including death and dementia, while songs include Hallelujah and I’m Your Man.

REVIEWS AN EVENING WITH SIR ROGER MOORE On tour to promote his latest book Last Man Standing, this evening was a one man double act with biographer Gareth Owen, prompting the legend to wax lyrical on his varied career. He showed himself to be a mischievous, very funny raconteur and talented mimic, as he took us through his long career from tea boy to The Saint and James

Cardew and Gwendolyn Fairfax. The hilarious misadventures which result from their subterfuge, their brushes with the redoubtable Lady Bracknell and the uptight Miss Prism, result in a plot that twists and fizzles with some of the finest dialogue to be found in theatre. To bring Wilde’s genius afresh to a new audience, this production assembles The Bunbury Company of Players, a star studded and extremely experienced cast of serious comedic actors. To quote Lady Bracknell in the play, “London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.” Nigel Havers and Martin Jarvis revisit the roles of Algernon Moncrieff and John Worthing, J.P, Martin Jarvis

faithful, but nonetheless unique, setting to one of the greatest theatrical comedies ever written. The Importance of Being Earnest elegantly lampoons the hypocrisies of victorian society and opens as two bachelors, the dependable John Worthing, J.P, and upper class playboy Algernon Moncrieff, feel compelled to create different identities in order to pursue two eligible ladies, Cecily

Bond, via anecdotes on the Hollywood stars he encountered from the 1950s onwards. With amazing recall, he veered off on to interesting tangents that the enthusiastic audience lapped up. A fascinating evening. Theatre Royal Brighton, 18 September 2014 ★★★★★ Steve Clements A DOLLS’S HOUSE You can tell that in its day this play was a revelation. That Ibsen even considered shining a light on misogynism, the plight of female self-worth and finding a receptive audience is astounding. And so you ask yourself – is that still relevant to today’s society? In part of course it is. However, the script needed a radical re-working to make it accessible. That sounds sacrilegious, but it let this production down. That and the unbearable symbolism that was about as subtle as a nuclear bomb. The consequence was that I never felt any empathy with the characters or believed the ending was believable. Connaught Theatre, Worthing, 24 September 2014 ★★★★★ Lee Stevens

Sian Phillips

respectively, having played these parts in Sir Peter Hall’s 1982 production of The Importance of Being Earnest at the National Theatre. Siân Phillips joins them to play Lady Bracknell, having recently performed the role to excellent reviews in Washington. The notable cast also includes rosalind Ayres, Niall Buggy, Christine Kavanagh, Cherie Lunghi and Patrick Godfrey, who also played Merriman in the 2002 film adaption of The Importance of Being Earnest. Don’t miss the chance to see this classic piece of theatre performed by an all star cast – in Brighton for one week only. Mon 29 September – Sat 4 October Eves 7.45pm, Thu & Sat mats 2.30pm www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650* (*booking fees apply)

under review

CLASS ACT ALT-J Brighton Centre, 23 September 2014 ★★★★★

here was no messing around. Alt-J plunged straight into their new single Hunger Of The Pine from their second album This Is All Yours. The set was seamless from the start, with no interruption.

Former hits interspersed with new tracks, which entranced the audience, creating a lasting ambience. Though they may sound constructed, the evening proved that their music is not edited and is entirely a creation of live instruments and unique vocals. Finishing on their well-known hit, Breezeblocks, the crowd erupted in sync with the atmospheric visual and lighting construction. The exceptional cover of A Lovely Day was a definite highlight. Abigail Hyland

• LATEST 7 15 www.thelatest.co.uk •

016_LS698_hotlist_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 11:40 Page 2

HOTLIST Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk BRITISH & MODERN EUROPEAN BARDSLEY’S Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. Fully licensed. Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

INDIAN CHAULA’S LEWES Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are

made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan as well as gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday. Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk CHAULA’S BRIGHTON A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting. Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings. The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy gheebased sauces here but an altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour.

Chaula’s

Both delicious and affordable. Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99. Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661, www.chaulas.co.uk

season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ 01273 775477 www.donatello.co.uk

THE CHILLI PICKLE The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere. The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards. The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton 01273 900383, www.thechillipickle.com

THE CHILLI PICKLE CANTEEN The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indian-inspired design, specially commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake out new ground in home dining. Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches, with regional curries and homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams. The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at thechillipicklecanteen.com, 01273 900384

ITALIAN DONATELLO Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £7.95 or three for £9.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in

Donatello

THAI STREET THAI Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients. Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two courses at £9.75 and three courses at £11.75. Street Thai, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton, BN1 1HD, 01273 207444

UP TO 50% OFF YOUR FOOD BILL TABLE POUNCER Table Pouncer has teamed up with Latest 7 to offer diners up to 50% off their food bill. Register for free and take advantage of great savings. Participating restaurants change all the time, so check back and see whether your favourite is there. From Italian and Chinese to seafood and more, eating out has just got a lot more affordable. http://thelatest.co.uk/tablepouncer

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150 • LATEST 7 16 www.thelatest.co.uk •

017_LS698_cook It_011_LS466_interview 25/09/2014 13:09 Page 3

with Andrew Kay And now for the science bit … ah, science be jiggered – this was artistry pure and simple! Pics Julia Claxton

FOOD LAB was hopeless when it came to sciences at school. I had no grasp of physics, and although better at chemistry (well, in a way it is much like baking cakes) I was banned from the lab because my hair was declared to be a fire hazard. When I saw the proposal for Food Lab I was at once excited and scared. In recent years, the amount of science in the food world has gone a bit crazy, what with fluid gels and spherification; what a load of b… In truth, some of it leaves me pretty cold, and I get most excited when dining at the deft hands of a chef who understands flavours and how they work together. When it came to the event I am delighted to say that flavour was king, and although there was some evidence of science, enough to justify the word ‘lab’, there was more evidence of artistry that demanded the word ‘studio’. We started with a stunning dish from Alun Sperring of Chilli Pickle who had been paired with Ridgeview sparking English wines; pairing

chefs with producers was the name of the game, and this paring gave us a ripping start with a Pondicherry seafood curry, pancake of rice flour batter fermented with the wine, a spicy fried oyster and shot of the fizz with mango and ginger. Simply breathtaking, delicious, and setting the bar precariously high. Matty Bowling of Terre à Terre maintained that height with his cappucino of oyster mushrooms, sultana and pine nut bun and pickled Jerusalem artichoke. Working with the Espresso Mushroom Company paid dividends in this fine dish. Jimmy Gray, of Jeremy’s of Borde Hill, stunned us with a piece of brill marinated in Sarah Thompson’s impressive Blackdown gin. Jimmy gave us some science, but not in a scary way, and his presentation was exquisite. Again the bar held high. Next was patissiere Julien Plumart working with David Deaves of La Cave a Fromage. I expected something heavenly, and I got it.

A stunning melted blue brie on toasted brioche, a crisp tart of savoury pastry filled with aged balsamic stewed autumn fruits, and a mind blowingly good blue cheese ice cream, all topped off with an architectural shallot crisp. Desserts next, from Seb Cole of Boho Gelato teamed with Sarah Payne from Cocoa Loco, two of my favourite sweetie makers. A rose chocolate cup was filled with a sorbet of Ridgeview rose with a hint of rose oil, and coupled with a beetroot, blackberry and liquorice sorbet, and a Cocoa Loco ice cream filled chocolate brownie sandwich that left all other brownies in the shade. It was amazing to eat, but suffered a little from the intense heat in the confines of the small but perfectly formed 64 Degrees, who acted as hosts. Finally, Michael Bremner of 64 Degrees had teamed up with Edmund Jenner of Harvey’s Brewery, in what might have been the hardest

It was clear that there would be only one winner – and that was the audience

match. Especially as Michael chose to go sweet with a fluffy cake, malt caramel, hop sugar tuille and malt ice cream float in a coupe of Harvey’s Russian Imperial Stout. A real show stopper. Guests were asked to vote for each course across three categories, but by the end of the afternoon it was clear that there would be only one winner – and that was the audience. As we sat around groaning with delight, the word at the pass was that this was the meal of a lifetime. Seriously great produce put together by seriously great chefs with no down points what-so-ever. I have been writing about food now for over 20 years, and I can number on one hand the meals that matched, or even came close, to this experimental event. Food Lab was a winner, and I have little doubt that Brighton and Hove Food & Drink Festival will be repeating the experiment again and again. I suspect that food lovers will be fighting for tickets, and chefs and producers fighting to take part. Watch this space.

Follow me: latestandrew

Watch cook it! weekly on

• LATEST 7 17 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Freeview

018-019_LS698_CNM_synchrofit_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 13:26 Page 2

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018-019_LS698_CNM_synchrofit_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 13:27 Page 3

HEALTH& BEAUTY

wave

WATER WAY TO SHAPE UP! ancy a new way of getting fit and having fun at the same time? Then it’s time to try a SynchroFit class, where basic synchronised swimming figures and formations give a whole-body workout. Brighton-based founders Liz Fitzsimons and Jessie Fox are eager to share the physical and wellbeing benefits that SynchroFit offers. Liz is a World and European Masters Champion synchronised swimmer and produces the annual synchro show in the Brighton Fringe festival. Personal trainer Jessie says synchro has given her body a better shape and her fitness has improved dramatically. Each class has three sections: travelling for endurance; synchro moves for improving core muscle strength and agility in the water; and creative mini routines to keep things fun and interesting. Classes are ideal for those who like to socialise while exercising and are especially beneficial for injured athletes. Beginners are also very welcome – all you need is enthusiasm and confidence in the water! Classes are held in Surrenden Pool (Five Ways) on Thursday evenings from 8-9pm. Give SynchroFit a try for just £4 or take advantage of multi-class offers. For further details, go to www.synchrofitness.com

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DEAR JACQUIE Your queries about natural health answered by Jacquie Lane for the College of Naturopathic Medicine My GP says that my bloating, wind and bowel difficulties are down to IBS, for which he has given me drugs to supress spasms. I read there could be a link between IBS and Candida. Could diet help? IBS is a term frequently applied to ‘unexplained digestive conditions’. One in five people in the UK are reported as suffering from IBS, but the causes are many and varied. IBS might be caused or aggravated by some foods. Stress can also be a major factor. To help identify any repeated triggers, keep a food diary for two weeks, recording everything you eat and drink, and at what times. Also, record activities that day, including any exercise or stressful events, and your symptoms. Having a test for food intolerances could help, as could analysing the stools for Candida and good and bad bacteria. These tests can be

organised through a nutritional therapist. Frequently, I see a lack of the good gut floras Lactobacillus and

Bifidobacterium in the tests I use for clients. An imbalanced stool acid/alkaline level can also play a role in causing symptoms similar to yours. Taking combined supplements of these two beneficial bacteria may be useful at balancing good gut flora, which help to crowd out unwanted bacterial strains. Keeping soluble fibre levels correct by consuming enough vegetables helps, as does drinking spasm-calming teas such as peppermint and fennel. Psyllium husk can be good for bulking out the stool and helping balance out both diarrhoea and constipation, but be sure to take it with enough fluid to enable its action. It’s best not to guess the course of therapy and as you say in your letter that your GP has ruled out any other condition, such as Crohn’s or colitis, I would recommend getting expert advice from a nutritionist who can help you target your therapy specifically to your individual condition. A nutritionist can help you find a lasting solution by identifying and addressing the root cause of the problem, rather than just treating the symptoms. See your health professional for personal advice.

• LATEST 7 19 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Jacquie Lane is both a lecturer and the Director of Studies at CNM, (College of Naturopathic Medicine) in Brighton. Jacquie also runs her own nutrition clinic and manages a biological testing lab specialising in digestive issues. Email Jacquie at: sunshinenutrition@hotmail.co.uk

020-021_LS698_sasta_ktyoga_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 09:49 Page 2

• LATEST 7 20 www.thelatest.co.uk •

020-021_LS698_sasta_ktyoga_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 12:23 Page 3

HEALTH& BEAUTY

wave

SUPER SĂ STA COMES TO BRIGHTON ĂĄsta fitness, the Irish health, fitness and weight-loss franchise, has chosen Brighton Marina for its first UK studio. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all busy people and would love to get fitter quicker. Now, with sĂĄsta fitness opening on our doorstep, we can! sĂĄsta (which means â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;satisfiedâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in Gaelic) keeps you fit while improving health and, with party season fast approaching, guarantees you will drop a clothes size in just four weeks â&#x20AC;&#x201C; or get your money back. A short 30-minute walk or run in the sĂĄsta pod is very appealing to those with busy lives. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The most important thing is that exercise needs to be safe, enjoyable and non-intimidating. I know from personal experience that when you are overweight, it can be so hard to make that first visit to your local weight-loss facility,â&#x20AC;? explains entrepreneur and sĂĄsta founder, Fiona Egan. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why we insist our studios are staffed by caring team members who are there to support you.â&#x20AC;? sĂĄsta understands the importance of combining exercise with good nutrition so, in addition to the fat-burning workout, it offers tailored Low GL sĂĄsta meal plans and body-sculpting programming. sĂĄsta is committed to motivating clients, providing weekly weigh-ins and ongoing encouragement to achieve goals without feeling deprived! sĂĄsta fitness, Unit 8, Mermaid Walk, The Waterfront, Brighton Marina BN2 5WA. For your FREE trial, please call 01273 610660, email: brighton@sastafitness.co.uk or see the website at www.sastafitness.co.uk

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ROCKET SCIENCE busy woman with a passion for helping others, Mikaela Perera teaches a range of Rocketinfluenced Vinyasa yoga, Indo Board yoga and Sun Power yoga. She can be found at many of Brightonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s established studios and fitness centres, including Revitalise, Studio iO, Anahata, Marina Studios, and the new studio About Balance, based above VBites. Mikaela also donates her time to teaching at the Brighton Unemployed Centre. Here, Mikaela explains the benefits of Rocket-influenced Vinyasa yoga.

What is Rocket-Influenced Vinyasa yoga? Rocket takes poses from traditional Ashtanga yoga but breaks them down into moves that are more accessible to beginners, allowing for more freedom and creativity. Vinyasa yoga links movement and breath. Flowing movements will burn calories and raise metabolism, whilst holding poses will build strength and flexibility in the body. Rocket-style systems get you fitter faster, hence the name. The class is for mixed ability and open to all. Modifications are used in the class to cater to the needs and abilities of students. What can you expect from a class? A strong core strength workout using powerful yoga breathing techniques as part of a Rocket-influenced Vinyasa practice. You will see improvements in balance, stamina, flexibility, self-belief and realisation of what you are capable of. This is a powerful yoga for body and mind. Classes are also fun and deeply relaxing, from beginning to end. For more information about classes and Mikaela visit: www.kemptownyoga.com

â&#x20AC;˘ LATEST 7 21 www.thelatest.co.uk â&#x20AC;˘

022_LS696_vanessa_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 13:04 Page 2

ATTENTION ALL LICENSING & PLANNING CONSULTANTS, ARCHITECTS AND SOLICITORS

OVERHEARD ON HELICON Arts and culture from around the world, with Vanessa Austin Locke

hat’s The Story Morning Glory? Well Oasis, as your dirge suggests, it’s deep, desolate misery. The aches. The pains. The commutes. The burnt coffee. The rain. The job that always sucks at that time of day, even if it doesn’t really suck at all. How many people, if they are really honest, can say they bounce out of bed each day with nothing but joy in their hearts? Yeah, alright Taylor Swift, you shut up. Meet two dynamic individuals who decided to start a raveolution from their beds. Samantha Moyo, an events producer, and Nico Thoemmes, a bodywork therapist, are the wide-awake early birds behind Morning Gloryville, which began ‘consciously clubbing’ before Gwyneth Paltrow even got her gorgeous lips around the word.

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VANESSA AUSTIN LOCKE

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Jonathan Conway Bsc Dip EHPNLP MNCH (acc) NLP Master Practitioner & Coach

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• Public Speaking • Relationship Difficulties

• Learn Self Hypnosis Help with Emotional problems and Wellbeing

Brighton, Hove, East Sussex & London Practices

01273 540425 • 07956 855027 www.theconwaypractice.co.uk

The morning raves take place in East London (where else?) from 6.30am – 10.30am once a month. This is not an after party. Attendees are asked to arrive sober and ‘ready to embrace the day ahead’. Instead of pills and shots you’ll be buzzing on top-notch coffee, superfood smoothies and free massages. There’s a cloakroom for all your work gear and you’re invited to wear anything you like as long as you can dance in it – even your PJs. Morning Gloryville has already been featured in Vogue amongst other publications and attracts a varied crowd, from stressedout city workers to the more predictable artsy crowd. This is not like an aerobics or Zumba class, but a large part of it is certainly focused on fitness. You don’t have to learn a routine, or worry about doing it right. You’re just going to dance it out however you like, and by all accounts the effect is a wave of energy and creativity that will carry you through your day. As The Millennials begin to reject the rigidity of the working world, and opt for clean living over alcohol and drug-fuelled days and nights, as Silicone Valley re-writes the work rule book and as Mindfulness becomes the buzzword on so many lips, the sheer pleasure of living and interacting with each other has begun to spread across even our most cynical cities. And Morning Gloryville, just over a year on from its birth, has expanded into 11 countries all ready to embrace the vibrant, positive energy it brings with it. As one conscious clubber said, all spiffed up in shirt and tie ready for his day in the office, “Where else would you get an osteopathic massage, in a full room of ravers, with Nirvana at full pelt?” To rave your way into the day go to: www.morninggloryville.com for more information. If you have a recommendation for Vanessa to feature, please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

• LATEST 7 22 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Top-notch coffee, superfood smoothies and free massages

023_LS698_interview - Simon Amstell_011_LS466_interview 25/09/2014 13:21 Page 1

It was very much written as if to appear to be autobiographical – making reference to bits of your own career history, keeping your own name in character. How true to life is it? The emotions I was feeling were true, the events and the characters were created, but the psychological pain underneath it all was very real. What did your family make of it? Some of them definitely, really loved it. Probably not for them. And now you’re back baring your soul in stand-up. You had a residency in New York – what did they make of the North London Jewish humour? I don’t really know what that is. I’m on stage telling stories about finding freedom from myself, I’m talking about experiencing joy and love, there are stories about sex and regret and success and suffering and dreaming and healing ... just human things. Your material feels very honest. Have you ever rejected something because it feels too personal to you – even though it’s very funny? I do try to avoid what feels like incredibly shameful stuff for a while, but eventually it just forces its way out of me. It’s not really my decision in the end. And I’m on stage to be funny and free, and the truth is funny and sets you free, so lying would be silly.

... the truth is funny and sets you free, so lying would be silly.

You keep your personal life very personal – you’re never caught in the red tops or the tattlers. Is this a concerted decision to avoid the same lampooning as you used to deliver, or do you simply prefer a night in a local pub with friends to West End Decadence? I think I may have made a decision to not be someone whose life could be exploited by anyone other than me, maybe.

SIMON SAYS ...

After lampooning popstars in Never Mind The Buzzcocks, writing and starring in his own television sitcom, and a residency doing stand up in New York, when Simon Amstell talks, it’s worth listening. Victoria Nangle finds out more

Hiya Simon, how are you doing today? I am good. How are you? Also well, thank you. I really enjoyed your television comedy Grandma’s House. Thank you. It felt very much like a real family. And I think it’s the first time I’ve seen heavy upper lip hair on a woman on TV, and without anyone mentioning it. Was that something you felt strongly was a part of the aunt character? I think there was a very subtle reference to the character’s upper lip in the first script, which

Samantha Spiro really ran with. By the second series it was quite thick, but the character wanted to control everything around her, so I guess we thought it would be funny if there was hair growing out of her face. Do you think you’ll return to Grandma’s House? I think we felt we’d written all the pain out of us. After writing and acting in two series, I felt healed. I understood who I was in relation to my family and why it was so tricky for us all to be in the same room. It turned out it was my fault for wanting to change them. Which was quite upsetting.

• LATEST 7 23 www.thelatest.co.uk •

What are your plans personally and professionally for the next 12 months? I have just finished writing a couple of new things that I shouldn’t talk about, and I’m in America again next month performing this new show. Thank you very much. Have a gorgeous day. Simon Amstell: To Be Free, Brighton Comedy Festival, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, Friday 17 October 2014, 8pm, £21/18, 01273 709 709, www.brightoncomedyfestival.com

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stage / film / comedy / art / music

L7 ENTERTAINMENT NEWS

Watch L7 entertainment news every night on

STAGE Andrew Kay

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BURIED ALIVE Murderous intent abounds, in the new stage production of Peter James’ Dead Simple at Theatre Royal Brighton Tina Hobley ollowing the critically acclaimed stage production of Peter James’ The Perfect Murder, the best selling work of the No.1 novelist will return to the stage early next year with an adaptation of Dead Simple, his most famous and popular book to date. Cast includes Tina Hobley, Jamie Lomas and Gray O’ Brien, who bring the next claustrophobically thrilling instalment of Peter James’ work to life on stage at Theatre Royal Brighton, from Monday 23 – Saturday 28 February 2015. Michael Harrison thinks he has it all in a great career, good friends and a beautiful fiancée. But when his stag night prank goes

horribly wrong, Michael finds himself alone, buried alive and staring death in the face. As time runs out and the terror grows, Detective Superintendent Roy Grace tries to solve his mysterious disappearance, but begins to fear that Michael will never be found in time. Olivier Award winner Ian Talbot directs an all-star cast led by Tina Hobley, who returns to the stage having graced TV screens for the last 12 years as ward sister Chrissie Williams in BBC1’s Holby City, as well as roles in Coronation Street and Harbour Lights before that, and was seen earlier this year on Celebrity MasterChef. She currently presents the prime time Sunday morning programme on Smooth FM. Award-winning TV heartthrob, Jamie Lomas, has starred for the last year in Eastenders as the murderous Jake Stone, and before that played ‘bad boy’ Warren Fox for five years

Peter James

• LATEST 7 24 www.thelatest.co.uk •

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in Channel 4’s Hollyoaks. And Gray O’Brien, the award-winning star of Coronation Street, TV series Titanic, Peak Practice and Casualty as well as Sleuth in the West End, will follow up his critically acclaimed performance in The Perfect Murder by playing the famous Detective Roy Grace in this gripping, chilling thriller that has all the classic suspense, Jamie Lomas twists and characteristic turns of a best-selling James novel. Peter James has gone straight in at number one in the Sunday Times bestseller charts seven times in the last four years with his Roy Grace series. He has sold over 15 million books in this series, and is published in 36 languages. Dead Simple is the second of James’ novels to be adapted by Shaun McKenna and produced by Peter James and Joshua Andrews. Peter James said of the ongoing collaboration with Andrews: “It is a real thrill now for Josh and I to be launching our second collaboration. This tale of treachery and deceit seems to touch a nerve in everyone who reads it and has been one of my best-selling books to date. I had myself locked in a coffin for 30 minutes as part of my research, and it was one of the scariest moments of my life. It’s so many people’s worst nightmare to be buried alive, and I’m looking forward to recreating some of that terror in the theatres soon, with another incredible cast of actors!” Dead Simple at Theatre Royal Brighton, Mon 23 – Sat 28 Feb 2015, Eves 7.45pm, Thu & Sat mats 2.30pm www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650* *(booking fee applies)

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entertainment news / film/ art

FILM

BRIGHTON’S ARTY

Jessica KellgrenHayes

Alison Krog

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SONIC SYNCHRONICITY

NATURAL RESPONSES

ver since I was a small child I have loved the cinema, by which I mean the experience of visiting one. Lights dimming, excitement building, those creaky red chairs that somehow always catch my skirts, drinks with too much ice and plastic lids and long straws, food that we didn't eat at any other time. There is something magical about sharing a film with a room full of other people, about laughing and gasping with others. It's a beautiful, communal adventure that certainly cannot be matched. When I started to lose my hearing as a teenager I worried that I might lose this marvelous experience; that I would be forever waiting for DVDs to come out so I could turn on the subtitles and discover exactly why the ‘comedy of the year’ was lauded for its witty script. One can search around for a cinema showing a subtitled version of the film you want to see - these are usually once or twice a What on Earth are they week, not generally new releases, and occasionally mumbling about? scheduled at pretty odd times. Of course, it isn’t only those with a registered hearing impairment who benefit from actually being able to see the dialogue on screen. Who hasn’t sat through an action flick and thought “this plot would make so much more sense if they weren’t explaining it WHILST the explosions are happening”, or a talky indie film, and mused; “what on Earth are they mumbling about?” The other option is to buy a ticket and hope for the T-Loop system in that particular screen to be working. For those not in the know (don’t worry, it isn’t exactly common knowledge!), T-Loop or ‘hearing loop’ provides a magnetic, wireless signal that is picked up by the hearing aid when it is set to ‘T’ (Telecoil) setting. In banks, and many other buildings open to the public, this means a microphone hangs above the employee and if the hearing aid user standing right next to them switches on their T-Loop, the sound is played directly through their hearing aid into their ears. Far more excitingly, in the cinema the audio for the film is played directly into my ears! I get the bangs, the musical swells ... granted, sometimes things do go a little awry and occasionally I find myself watching one film but listening to another. Putting aside listening to the screen next door's Harry Potter finale – only five minutes ahead of the one I was watching – the oddest incidence so far has to be Shrek’s voice coming out of Scarlett Johansson’s mouth! If you have a film you would like included in FilmFest on 8, send an email with the heading ‘FilmFest’ to jessica@thelatest.tv

Follow me: @latestjessica

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mbraced as we are by the beauty of the Downs, it’s too easy for Brightonians to take for granted our surrounding countryside. Thank goodness then for the astonishing variety of responses Helen Brown it evokes from local artists, forcing us out of complacency to view the familiar in a new light. There’s Helen Brown, who works outdoors directly from the landscape in lino or woodcut, imbuing its lines with atmosphere and emotion in rich, earthy tones. Or Rob Ollerenshaw, whose Rob Ollerenshaw fascination with elemental changes results in paintings that are a very personal impression of a particular place and time, capturing the moment in a synthesis of light, colour and texture. A stark and dramatic contrast is the work of Angie Meaden, renowned for her moody, evocative scenes that reference long walks on the Downs. She studied fine art textiles, and describes her technique as repetitive ‘mark making’ – very much like the stitching she used to do. Her tools are traditional pens with ink, which she waters down to create varying effects, and her preferred palette is a very deliberate black, white and gold. This enables Angie to focus on textures, as she draws with mesmerising intricacy; meticulously working the layers away to uncover intriguing visual narratives. Powerful, captivating and always offering new details to discover. Just Angie Meaden like the Downs themselves.

Out of town: If you’ve never experienced the charm of the delightful James Stewart at Arundel’s Zimmer Stewart Gallery, head up their now to see Andrea Schulewitz’s new 2014 exhibition – a series of work joined by the letter ‘C’ (think confluence, convergence, car park, crowd…). From 3 to 25 October. Don’t miss: On 4 October Brighton Unitarian Church, New Road, will be hosting the latest Makers Boutique. It’s a great opportunity to pick up a special present – or treat yourself – from the fabulous range of affordable arts and crafts. You’ll be supporting local businesses, too! www.artymagazines.com

Watch L7 entertainment news every night on • LATEST 7 25 www.thelatest.co.uk •

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026-027_LS698_comedy_music_011_LS466_interview 26/09/2014 12:29 Page 2

A Return To Elswhere

entertainment news / comedy /art / events

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COMEDY Victoria Nangle

FRINGE BENEFITS There’s been a lot of shouting about the Brighton Comedy Festival, but don’t forget our own Brighton Comedy Fringe here’s been a lot of Colin Hoult shouting about how the Brighton Comedy Festival is coming to town, kicking off with an extravagant star-studded gala on Friday 10 October and going on for a fortnight of funny. What you might not know, but should, is that one week later the Brighton Comedy Fringe launches itself upon the city, with the quirky, unusual, but most of all downright entertaining, for its own two weeks of mirth. Organised by Otherplace Productions (those clever folks behind what was Upstairs At Three & Ten, now called Bar Broadway, and Brighton Fringe favourite The Warren) the Brighton Comedy Fringe is now in its ninth highly successful year. For the first time, programming has extended to a new venue in the form of the Marwood cafe on Ship Street, kicking off with firm Fringe sellout Red Brick Comedy on Friday 17 October, and then tripping about offering up some rather delicious spoken word offerings. But back to the Brighton Comedy Fringe. Just like its main festival big brother, the Fringe has its own highly talented launch party you can buy tickets to (Thursday 16 October), hosted by twisted character comedy favourite Colin Hoult and with special guests including George Egg and Chris Parkinson. Then take your pick from a

Pic: Ed Moore

veritable smorgasbord of alternative talent, from local success stories whose oneperson shows have already proven popular this year around the country (I’m looking at you, Matilda Gregory, with your fabulous ‘Werewolf Erotica She Wrote’ on the 22 September!), to names familiar off the telly and radio (Anna Morris in Outnumbered, Phil Kay in QI, Rosie Wilby on BBC Radio 4 and BBC Radio 5, and others), and some simply wonderful and unusual picks handchosen by the Otherplace team (Dizney Rascal, Vincent Went Splat, Gerry Howell’s Portal of Discovery). That is the fabulous thing about a well put together Fringe – anything can happen on stage. I’ve seen Seann Walsh, Romesh Ranganathan, Paul McCaffrey, Angela Barnes and many other (now big) names being simply brilliant on small stages curated by Otherplace Productions over the years. I’ve also seen some things I never thought would happen on stage – an inflatable lady, a hand-delivered brussel sprout, and a game of bingo with prizes collected in a hat from the audience. All of them eliciting huge roars of laughter, but completely off the wall and barmy. Lesson: take a punt! You never know – it might just be a little bit awesome. www.otherplacebrighton.co.uk

Watch L7 entertainment news every night on

• LATEST 7 26 www.thelatest.co.uk •

AUTUMN HARVEST EVENT: THE LANTERN FAYRE As summer turns to autumn, and the leaves begin to fall, Brighton sees the return of the Lantern Fayre. Taking place on the Level, this 3-day arts, music and literature festival centers on the turning of the seasons and the themes and stories of harvest. The Lantern Fayre combines cinema, literature, arts and crafts, story telling, theatre, puppetry, great food and drink, a night market, children’s entertainment, circus skills workshops, a harvest feast, and some Brighton best live music. The Level, Fri 3 Oct – Sun 5 Oct, all day, free EVENT: THE MURDERETTES – MURDER MYSTERY COMEDY They’ve only gone and done it! Improvised murder mystery comedy. They murder people for your enjoyment. And theirs. You create four new characters – and one is dramatically murdered. Guess whodunnit! Pheonix Artist Club, Fri 3 Oct, 7.30pm, £9/5 ART: AMORE E PIOMBO As part of the 6th Brighton Photo Biennial, The Photography of Extremes in 1970s Italy looks at a collection of press images made by a group of photographers working for the Rome-based agency Team Editorial Services. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, Pavilion Gardens, 0300 029 0900. 4 Oct-2 Nov ART: A RETURN TO ELSEWHERE Two locations, two photographers (the UK’s Kalpesh Lathigra and South African Thabiso Sekgala) working together to exchange experiences and perspectives, sharing the process of making to create a single project. Part of Brighton Photo Biennial. Circus Street Market, Circus Street, Brighton, 4 Oct-2 Nov

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music / clubs To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

JIM JONES REVUE It’s the ‘last hurrah’ for the brilliant rock’n’roll kings, Jim Jones Revue, so they tell Jeff Hemmings ith just three albums and a lifespan of seven years, the highly regarded Jim Jones Revue are calling it a day, with a 'last hurrah' as they hurtle around Europe before finishing this engrossing chapter in London on 4 October. “A lot of people say it will be emotional and nostalgic,” says Jim Jones, who originally set up the band with Rupert Orton. “We exceeded our expectations, but we’ve reached the point where we’d like to do other things. You always want to leave the party when it’s kicking and not be drinking at 4am with a load of stragglers,” says Rupert. And Jim concurs: “It does feel special, with an element of celebratory joy. Some people see it as a kamikaze move; we’re at the height of our powers, but that’s what feels so good about it, being able to make the last statement. You see so many groups doing comeback tours. Some of these bands you really like, but when you go and see them it's more out of respect. Part of what was great about them is that they had a danger … there is something

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20 Another week and another great music chart for you! Listen online to get your favourite to the top and to submit your own tracks.

1 Black Rooster Black Shag Run Baby 2 JJ Symon Sound The Alarm 3 Black Rooster Black Shag Amsterdam masochistically pleasurable about cutting something off in its prime! “Everyone is ready to do different stuff,” continues Jim, “and we’ve given this a huge commitment over the last seven years, and all other creative ventures have had to take a back seat. So, rather than let it slowly die a death, let’s go out on a blast! Lots of people have been saying ‘no one ever does that’, and that feels good as well. We had the courage to do it.” Their visceral yet melodic and inventive rock’n’roll sound, which features rampant piano throughout courtesy of Henri Herbert, is a little like the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion without the heavy distortion, and live has

always been where it works best for them. There will be a post-tour release, featuring some recordings taken from the tour. “Rock’n’roll was my first love,” says Jim. “I read some quotes, like the one about artists struggling to recreate the feelings they had when they were first awakened by music. Me and my sister inherited my parents’ stereo and a box of old 45s, stuff like Little Richard, Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis ... the good early stuff before money took a hand in the business. When things were fresh and dangerous. The original Chuck Berry singles, when you DJ them, they jump out of the speakers. They really do!” The Old Market, Thursday 2 October, 7.30pm, £15

4 Mirika Legs 4 Africa 5 Trilby Valentine 6 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Ben Sherman (Style Man From Brighton) 7 Dirty Weekend In Brighton ‘Frankie’ 8 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Dirty Weekend In Brighton 9 W.H.A.T.A.M.I. Ask Yourself Why 10 Sweetpeppersoup One Decision 11 The Black Fields The Fighter 12 Tractor Countdown Love’s Elusions

CLUB HIGHLIGHTS

13 The Speak You Say

Don’t miss our pick of Brighton after dark SOUL & MOTOWN WITH THE SOUL SURVIVORS The Soul Survivors are back with two rooms of non-stop soul and motown action. Get your groove on, and travel back to a time of cool crooners and magical vocals. The View, Fri 26 Sept, 9.30pm, £8/5

find a track to strut your stuff to. Pryzm Brighton, Fri 26 Sept, 10.30pm, £6/4 DJ FRESH After an insane festival season over the summer, DJ Fresh comes to Brighton for an intimate show

that is guaranteed to blow Digital's roof off! Digital, Thurs 25 Sept, 11pm, £19.50/17.50 BASTARD POP The Bastard Pop mash-up of pop, electro, dubstep, hip hop and drum & bass is delivered to you in all its filthy lucre by resident jockey of discs, Milton. Audio Thurs 25 Sept, 11pm, £3/2

14 Fresh Like Dexie Electric Summer 15 Damn Dirty Humans You’re So Retro 16 Black Nail God Damn You 17 Go Johnny Go Ebbenflow 18 The Fooley Mantras Outta This Place 19 North Laine feat. Lion Heart & Bongo Stand Up

JACK DANIEL'S BIRTHDAY Anything for a slice of cake and a reason to celebrate, eh? Three rooms of tunes – house/EDM/ mash-ups/club in pryzm, r’n’b/ hip hop/funky in curve, and retro classic in disco. You’re bound to

20 The Mighty Rivals Morning Sky (Demo) SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC & VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

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028_LS698_andrew_boredgamers_011_LS466_interview 25/09/2014 13:04 Page 2

TIME TO DELIVER

FRIENDS AT 20

Jim Devereaux on entertaining against the clock

Andrew Bullock asks: does the hit show stand the test of time?

here’s one aspect of gaming that really doesn’t work well with television – and that’s time. I don’t know about you, but when I sit down to play most games, I’m giving myself at least half an hour, often as much as four or five hours, to really sink my teeth into my latest purchase. The problem with TV however, is that you can’t just roll cameras, start playing, keep going for as long as you fancy and then cut. Bored Gamers is an hour-long programme, which in television terms means it’s four 11-minute segments strung together across three advert breaks.

T 

LATESTWRITES

BORED GAMERS

We break down the key elements Add to that the pacey style we’ve adopted for the show and you’ve usually got just four or five minutes to showcase a game. Which begs the question: how do you do justice to a game in just five minutes? There are two main strategies we have adopted so far to deal with this time constraint. First, we try to break down all the key elements of a game and present them as an elaborate set of bullet points while interjecting a bit of personal (often silly) commentary so that we don’t come across as if we’re reading out a promotional sheet. The second strategy, when there’s simply too much content to adopt the previous method, is the against-the-clock challenge, which we used for our Gamescom coverage. This is essentially about taking what you’ve got and deciding whether to make a serious or humorous statement in relation to it. It’s by no means a conclusive judgment, as a funny comment over a snippet of gameplay doesn’t mean we think the game is either purely comedic or not to be taken seriously, but it’s an artistic decision to make the segment entertaining – which is the overall point of the TV show. Within the sheltered confines of my home, I can indulge my games as much or as little as I like, as my personal experience is of no consequence to anyone else. However, when I’m presenting the same games on television, the most important thing is not gameplay, story, graphics, sound, control mechanics or bonus content. It’s being as entertaining as possible while we attempt to do justice to a game in just four or five minutes. That may not sound ideal to a hard-core player, but that’s the nature of the beast baby… Bored Gamers is an hour-long weekly show on all things gaming. Tune in to see it on Latest TV at 9pm every Friday night.

veryone on the planet is reminiscing about how Friends is reaching its 20th anniversary. I was obsessed with it! But while everyone looks on it with fondness, I’m going to highlight something the show was always appalling at. A factor we would always overlook because the show was so wonderful. Time! Aside from chunky TVs and massive house phones, the show has survived the ageing process so far. But what was always infuriating to me was how it dealt with actual time. Each season was supposed to take place over the course of a year, yet was actually shot between September and May. Yet things that took place in this time frame often didn’t match up. For example, the biggest case of apparent time travel was Rachel’s pregnancy. In the episode The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress, Monica tells the woman who she fights over a dress for that she and Chandler are getting married in May. We learn, in The One With The Videotape (which I suppose today would be The One With The iPhone Recording), that Rachel and Ross conceived Emma six weeks prior to the wedding. So, the law of biology tells us that Rachel should have given birth around Christmas. But the season 8 Christmas episode sees Phoebe explain to Rachel that during the fourth month of pregnancy, she is likely to be feeling especially horny. So where did five months of Rachel’s pregnancy vanish to? Rachel eventually goes into labour in The One Where Rachel Is Late, yet states it’s 100 degrees outside. And the end of the season was typically set in the spring/summer. So, theoretically, Rachel’s gestational period is about 15 months. Poor girl. Birthdays always got my goat too. Rachel’s seemed to skip around all over the place. In seasons 1 and 2, her birthday would be at the end of the season. Again, this ties in with the fact that the show would typically end its season in May. When Gunther asks her when her birthday is in season 4, she says May 5th. Yet, in later episodes, her birthday takes place in January (The One With Phoebe’s Rats) and February (The One Where They All Turn Thirty). In season 1, Phoebe celebrates her birthday in February (The One With Two Parts), but in The One With Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner, she goes out to celebrate on Halloween and, in The One Where They All Turn Thirty, they are celebrating her 30th outside in short sleeves. Ross states in season 4 that his birthday is in December, yet in season 9 tells Joey it’s in October. When is it?

E 

LATESTWRITES

ANDREW BULLOCK

Birthdays always got my goat too This leads on to the age of the friends. Monica states in season 1 that she is 26, yet Rachel turns 30 in season 7 – six years later. She and Monica are the same age. Two years seem to have slipped through the cracks here. Ross states, in The One Where Monica And Richard Are Friends, that he doesn’t want chocolate milk because he is 29. However, at the start of season 5, a year and a half later, he’s devastated that he will be divorced twice before turning 30. I could go on. But I won’t. Because Friends is the reason I discovered Pottery Barn. Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com

Follow me: @andrewjbullock

Watch Bored Gamers every Friday night on • LATEST 7 28 www.thelatest.co.uk •

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TUESDAY 30 The Driver BBC1, 9pm Stern-looking men and fast cars; it’s a tried and tested set up, and one we can’t seem to get enough of. This drama follows the driver for a criminal gang – tonight, Ros starts to suspect Vince is lying to her, while Vince is left distraught when Tim refuses to see him. Might go some way towards explaining the stern expressions?

Gogglebox Channel 4, 10pm Watching other people watch TV – you wouldn’t think it would be quite this engaging! This delightfully voyeuristic ‘review comedy’ series sees TV fanatics open up their living rooms to reveal their reactions to popular and topical shows. Expect sardonic wit, rude comments and guffaws a’plenty.

Don’t Tell The Bride BBC3, 9pm Motor-mad Wesley plans a wedding for his bride Rena, complete with a convoy of shiny vehicles (er, shouldn’t your first consideration be your bride-tobe, Wesley?). Rena wants a small and intimate ceremony ... with the addition of rowdy bridesmaids and two fairly unhelpful best men, can Wesley pull it off?

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 The Newspapers 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 Brighton Lights 12.30 The Newspapers 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Brighton Lights 5.30 Cook It! 6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates. 6.20 Latest Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing Mike Mendoza’s weekly entertainment show. 7.00 Brighton Lights Nightly entertainment show with Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 8.30 Cook It! Andrew Kay’s weekly ‘how to’ cookery programme. 9.00 Ordinary Lives 9.30 QTube LGBT programme. 10.00 Modern Toss Comedy series with lots of swearing! 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bowlegs Live music sessions and interviews. 11.30 QTube 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Cook It! 3.00 Ordinary Lives 3.30 QTube 4.00 Modern Toss 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Bowlegs 5.30 QTube Latest

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel 5

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Saints And Scroungers 11.45 Break-in Britain – The Crackdown 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Home Away From Home 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones. 7.25 EastEnders Shirley tries to sabotage Sharon and Phil’s special day. Aleks desperately tries to get away from Walford when two unwelcome visitors arrive. 7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 Holby City Hospital drama. When Harry arrives on AAU determined to fight his case, a vengeful Raf pursues his desire to destroy Harry’s career. Adele runs the risk of ruining her relationship with Elliot. Dominic is confronted with an uncomfortable request. 9.00 The Driver See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 £999 Wedding 11.35 FILM: Honeymoon In Vegas (1992) Starring James Caan, Nicolas Cage, Sarah Parker. Oddball romantic comedy. Marriage-phobic Jack agrees to marry his sweetheart, Betsy, and they head to Vegas to tie the knot. But gambling mobster Tommy muscles in and Jack faces a race against time through Vegas and Hawaii to win her back at all costs. 1.10am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.15 BBC News

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Saints And Scroungers 7.50 Break In Britain - The Crackdown 8.20 The Housing Enforcers 9.05 Attenborough’s Fabulous Frogs – Natural World 10.05 Food & Drink 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 Fred Dibnah’s World Of Steam, Steel And Stone 1.30 Celebrity MasterChef 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 The Life Of Mammals 4.00 Great British Railway Journeys 4.30 Pressure Pad 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the show where every day a new team of challengers take on probably the greatest quiz team in Britain – the Eggheads. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two All the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing. 7.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip Celebrities join the Antiques Road Show for a treasure hunting trip across the UK. 8.00 £100k House: Tricks Of The Trade 9.00 The Motorway: Life In The Fast Lane 10.00 Later Live... with Jools Holland 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Andrew Neil presents highlights of the Conservative Party’s annual conference in Birmingham. 11.50 Horizon Series exploring topical scientific issues. 12.50am Sign Zone: Hotel India Documentary series. 4.00 Who Needs Maths? 4.30 Ecomaths: Key Stage 3 5.00 Let’s Do Maths!

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Who’s Doing The Dishes? 5.00 The Chase

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace 7.10 The King Of Queens 7.35 The King Of Queens 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Undercover Boss Canada 11.30 Four In A Bed 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.35 Four In A Bed 1.05 Four In A Bed 1.40 Four In A Bed 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Summer Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The Osborne family is in meltdown after the first day of Finn’s trial and Darren finds an unlikely shoulder to cry on. 7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Posh Pawn Documentary series looking at high class pawnbrokers in Britain. Prestige Pawnbrokers boss James mixes business with pleasure as he heads to Spain to meet an entrepreneur friend. 9.00 Ramsay’s Costa Del Nightmares Gordon Ramsay helps the British owners of struggling restaurants abroad. Gordon heads for Capbreton, a popular coastal town in south west France, where Tim and Debbie are struggling with their three-year-old restaurant Le Deck. 10.00 Gogglebox See highlights. 11.00 Educating The East End Fly-on-the-wall documentary series following life at Frederick Bremer School in Walthamstow, East London. Headteacher Ms Smith, English teacher Mr Bispham and deputy head Miss Hillman try to engage with the kids and help them leave their troubles at the gates. 12.00am PokerStars.com EPT London 12.55 NFL: Hard Knocks 1.55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.25 Ironman Wales 2.50 Trans World Sport 3.50 Mobil 1 The Grid 4.15 British Formula 3 4.45 SuperScrimpers 5.00 Deal Or No Deal

6.00am Children’s television 6.50 Pip Ahoy! 7.05 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.15 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Little Princess 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ultimate Police Interceptors 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Class (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Oscar is smitten with Maddy. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Meerkat Manor Documentary. Pregnant Kinkajoo is now the dominant female. Carlos is suffering from an infected battle wound. 7.30 The Secret Life Of Pets Documentary series exploring the way in which we live with, care for and rely upon our pets. This episode focuses on pets as social animals, featuring a dog who pines for its owners when they are gone. 8.00 Sarah Payne: Britain’s Worst Crimes Documentary. Sarah’s mum reveals her tireless campaign to protect other children. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation A family mysteriously disappeared after a badly beaten man was found inside their home. 10.00 Secrets And Lies A family man’s unremarkable life is turned upside down when he stumbles across the body of a small boy during his morning run. 11.00 The NCIS Movie: Enemies Feature-length screening of the American crime drama series. 12.35am True Crimes: The First 72 Hours Crime documentary series based on real cases. 1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 Armed And Dangerous: Caught On Camera 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 Great Scientists 4.45 House Doctor

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola jumps to conclusions. Edna’s world is turned upside down. Doug looks to the future. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Manchester City V Roma Adrian Chiles is joined by Lee Dixon and Paul Scholes for live coverage of Manchester City’s home debut in this season’s Champions League against Serie A runners-up, Roma. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time 11.40 Life Of Ryan: Caretaker Manager Documentary covering the period during which Ryan Giggs served as interim manager of Manchester United and his four games in charge of the biggest club in the world. This programme includes ground-breaking access to the club and gives a unique insight into the methods and preparations of Giggs and his coaching staff during the last three weeks of this season’s Premier League. With contributions from Paul Scholes, Nicky Butt, Phil Neville, Gary Neville, Sir Alex Ferguson, Diego Maradona, David Beckham, Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick and Darren Fletcher. 12.40am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Louise Bevan

kextraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

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ITV3

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Film4

9.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline 3.30 Glee 4.30 Futurama (x4) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 FILM: Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) 9.50 The Boxtrolls Special 10.00 Football’s Funniest Moments 11.00 Legends 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Barely Legal Drivers 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride. See highlights. 10.00 Bad Education 10.30 EastEnders 11.05 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 American Dad! 12.15am American Dad! 12.35 Bad Education 1.05 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 3.00 Don’t Tell The Bride

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 World War I At Home 8.30 The Secret Life Of Books 9.00 Captain Cook: The Man Behind The Legend 10.00 Full Throttle: The Glory Days Of British Motorbikes - Timeshift 11.00 Yellowstone 12.00am Britain’s Natural World: Unnatural History Of London

12.15pm Emmerdale 12.50 Coronation Street (x2) 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (x2) 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 Tricked 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 FILM: Billy Madison (1995) 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x3) 1.55 Dads

12.00pm Wycliffe 1.05 Heartbeat 2.10 Wild At Heart 3.10 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.25 Barbara 4.55 Never The Twain 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 Trial And Retribution 11.00 William And Mary 12.05am The Return Of Sherlock Holmes

4.00pm The Tomorrow People 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (x3) 9.00 New Girl 9.30 The Mindy Project 10.00 Tattoos After Dark (x2) 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Rude Tube 1.05 2 Broke Girls 1.40 Rules Of Engagement (x2)

2.00pm Celebrity Come Dine With Me Celebrity Come Dine With Me (x5) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Building The Dream 10.00 Masters Of Sex 11.20 Embarrassing Bodies 12.20am Come Dine With Me 1.25 Grand Designs

11.00am King And Country (1964) 12.45pm An Inspector Calls (1954) 2.20 The Andromeda Strain (1971) 4.55 Drums Along The Mohawk (1939) 7.00 Star Trek III: The Search For Spock (1984) 9.00 The Three Musketeers (2011) 11.10 Neighboring Sounds (2012) 1.45am Wish You Were Here (1987) 3.40 Close

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WEDNESDAY 1 The Great British Bake Off BBC1, 8pm Mel, Sue, Mary and Paul (nope, they’re not a ‘60s rock ‘n roll band) are preparing for semi-final fun in this cake baking extravaganza. The semi-finalists are challenged to make signature baklava and German schichttorte, a cake cooked in stages under the grill to create 20 layers of different coloured sponge. Wow.

The Long Shadow BBC2, 8pm Tracing the legacy of the Great War through a hundred years and ten different countries, historian David Reynolds examines how the war haunted the generation who lived through it and shaped the peace that followed. The conflict made politics red hot and gave birth to an age of turbulent mass democracy.

Plebs ITV2, 10.30pm Comedy starring Tom Rosenthal, Joel Fry and Ryan Sampson. Grumio finds a baby behind the bins whilst doing the recycling, and takes it home to raise it as his own child. But Stylax misappropriates the poor infant by using the little tyke to strike up a relationship with an attractive young nurse. Bad, bad man!

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Best of Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 Brighton Lights 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 Brighton Lights 2.30 Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Growing Concerns 6.00 News The latest news plus national updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Post Feature All the latest movie news with Jessica Kellgren-Hayes and Joseph Gunn 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show with presenters Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 8.30 Latest Homes Live Pioneering daily property show, a commercial feature, with homes for sale and to let in the area, as well as Exceptional Homes, iconic buildings, local history and finance tips. 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 QTube LGBT magazine programme. 11.30 What The Waffle 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Latest Homes Live 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 QTube 5.30 What The Waffle

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Saints And Scroungers 11.45 Break-in Britain – The Crackdown 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Home Away From Home 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones. 7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 The Great British Bake Off See highlights. 9.00 Our Zoo Drama based on the true story of the Mottershead family who, in the face of staunch opposition and personal sacrifice, founded Chester Zoo in the 1930s. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker is joined by team captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell for the light-hearted sports quiz. 11.05 Cocaine Capital Of The World: Stacey Dooley Investigates Series in which Stacey Dooley investigates the new frontlines of the global war on drugs, heading to remote and hostile regions to meet producers, traffickers, the authorities, law enforcement agencies, and addicts and locals caught in the crossfire. Stacey investigates why Peru has taken the title of the world’s cocaine capital. 12.05am Weather For The Week Ahead 12.10 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Saints And Scroungers 7.45 Break In Britain – The Crackdown 8.15 The Housing Enforcers 9.00 Operation Stonehenge: What Lies Beneath 10.00 Penguins On A Plane: Great Animal Moves 11.00 Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00pm Cash In The Attic 1.30 Celebrity MasterChef 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 The Life Of Mammals 4.00 Great British Railway Journeys 4.30 Pressure Pad 5.15 Flog It! 5.55 Party Political Broadcast By The Conservative Party 6.00 Eggheads A team of challengers take on arguably the greatest quiz team in Britain. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two All the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing. 7.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip Celebrities join the Antiques Road Show for a treasure hunting trip. 8.00 The Long Shadow See highlights. 9.00 Rwanda’s Untold Story International investigative documentary series. 10.00 The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice Sister series to The Great British Bake Off, in which Jo Brand is joined by three celebrity fans to take a look at the most recent episode, with interviews and unseen footage. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Andrew Neil presents highlights of the Conservative Party’s annual conference in Birmingham. 11.50 The Motorway: Life In The Fast Lane 12.50am Sign Zone: Who Do You Think You Are? Celebrity genealogy series. Tonight, actor Martin Shaw. 1.50 Sign Zone: Doctor Who 4.00 Human Planet: Change And Sustainability KS3 5.00 In My Shoes: China

ITV1

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.25 Party Political Broadcast By The Conservative Party 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Edna is haunted by her past. Priya’s wedding jitters niggle away at her. 7.30 Coronation Street Dev sees a new side of Julie. 8.00 Celebrity Squares Warwick Davis hosts the classic comedy game show. Two contestants play a giant version of noughts and crosses, with celebrity guests helping them to play for a jackpot prize. 9.00 Scott & Bailey Drama series. Gill introduces her new sergeant to Will Pemberton, an ambitious detective superintendent on his way to the top. But Rachel and Will have been enjoying a passionate yet discreet affair for months. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 Through The Keyhole Join Keith Lemon as he snoops around the homes of mystery celebrities - this week, Craig Charles, Fearne Cotton and TV presenter Dave Berry. 11.40 The Undriveables Series in which Britain’s worst learner drivers are paired with the country’s best instructors to see if they can pass! 12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace 7.10 The King Of Queens 7.35 The King Of Queens 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Undercover Boss Canada 11.30 Four In A Bed 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.35 Four In A Bed 1.05 Four In A Bed 1.40 Four In A Bed 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Summer Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste’s testimony could be devastating for John Paul. 7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Double Your House For Half The Money Sarah Beeny helps people to achieve their property dreams without breaking the bank. 9.00 Grand Designs Series following bold housing projects. Tracy Fox and husband Steve want to build an ‘urban shed’, featuring two studios, three bedrooms, and a double height space with walkway, made out of industrial style materials. 10.00 The Paedophile Hunter Following controversial online vigilante Stinson Hunter and his associates, who pose as underage children on social networking sites in order to identify paedophiles. 11.05 999: What’s Your Emergency? Documentary series following the experiences of the emergency services. 12.05am MUSIC ON 4: Four To The Floor Music series with performances, intimate artist films, videos and animations. 12.30 Undercover Boss Canada 1.30 FILM: Good Road (2013) Series of interlinked stories about acts of great compassion shown to strangers who meet on a highway in Gujurat’s Thar Desert. 3.05 FILM: The Sons Of Katie Elder (1965) Western. 5.05 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses

Channel Five

6.00am Children’s television 7.05 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.15 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Little Princess 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: They Come Back (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Sasha is furious when she discovers that Matt submitted his own poem under her name, but when the poem wins praise, she hesitates to come clean. Sophie turns Nate against Leah. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Police Interceptors In South Yorkshire, the interceptors embark on a spooky pursuit as their search for an armed drink-driver leads them through a graveyard. 8.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door Documentary series about Britain’s feuding neighbours featuring a man who was attacked by his neighbour with a hammer. 9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series tracking bailiffs and repossession agents. 10.00 Wentworth Prison Australian drama series. Bea uses an upcoming trip that Simmo’s daughter, Carly, is taking to Thailand to sow the seeds of anxiety in the other woman’s mind. 11.10 Never Teach Your Wife To Drive Documentary. Will temper tantrums overcome the will to succeed?! 12.05am Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. This two-part series opener takes a dramatic toll on the team. 12.45 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours. 1.15 SuperCasino 3.10 Police Interceptors 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 Great Scientists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Louise Bevan

kextraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Film4

7.00am Futurama (x4) 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline 3.30 Glee 4.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 LIVE: Live UEFA Champions League 10.00 Legends 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes III: Not In 3D 8.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 9.00 Live At The Apollo (x2) 10.00 Life And Death Row 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Live At The Apollo 1.00 Bad Education 1.30 Life And Death Row 2.30 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 3.30 Live At The Apollo

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Britain On Film 8.30 The Wonder Of Animals 9.00 Oh You Pretty Things: The Story Of Music And Fashion 10.00 TOTP 2: Duran Duran Special 10.30 FILM: Worried About The Boy (2010) 12.00am British Art At War: Bomberg, Sickert And Nash

12.50pm The Xtra Factor 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (x2) 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.15 FILM: Johnny English (2003) 10.00 The Job Lot 10.30 Plebs. See highlights. 11.00 Release The Hounds 12.05am Two And A Half Men (x4)

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.10 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.25 Second Thoughts 4.55 Never The Twain 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Long Lost Family 10.00 City Lights 11.00 William And Mary 12.05am The Specsavers Crime Thriller Club

3.00pm Melissa & Joey 3.30 Rules Of Engagement 4.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 FILM: XMen: The Last Stand (2006) 10.10 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 11.05 Glue 12.10am The Inbetweeners

2.00pm Come Dine With Me (x5) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Treasures Decoded 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 11.05 Was It Something I Said? 11.40 Embarrassing Bodies 12.45am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown

11.00am Murphy’s War (1971) 1.10pm The Ladykillers (1955) 3.00 Hombre (1967) 5.10 The Black Arrow (1948) 6.40 Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) 9.00 He’s Just Not That Into You (2008) 11.30 Top Gun (1986) 1.40am Fish Story (2009) 3.30 Close

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THURSDAY 2 Your Home In Their Hands BBC1, 8pm Another contest! About homes! And some incredibly glossy hair and tight clothing thrown in for the fun of it! Two families take the brave step of handing over their front door keys to amateur designers in exchange for a massive makeover. Overseeing proceedings is straight-talking interior designer Celia Sawyer.

Mock The Week BBC2, 10pm Irish funny man Dara O Briain and his team of comedic comrades scale another week’s news mountain and plant their satirical flag at the top. Tonight, Dara is joined by guests James Acaster, Ed Byrne, Sara Pascoe and Josh Widdicombe, tearing the headlines into chuckleworthy jigsaw puzzle pieces.

Don’t Drop The Baby BBC3, 9pm ‘Babies having babies’ is a phrase that doesn’t garner as much support as these young parents-to-be might need, but still ... pull your socks up, future dads! Teenager Gary is too hooked on gaming to focus on the pregnancy, and soldier Martin feels disconnected from the bump. We’re gunning for them.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 Brighton Lights 2.30 Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Latest Sport Preview The Latest Sports team preview the sport coming up this weekend. 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. 7.30 Albion Night The Seagulls’ weekly show with Latest Sport. Featuring news about the squads and competitions, classic games from the club’s archives and much more. 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bowlegs Live music and interviews with the artists, presented by Julian Tardo. 11.30 Post Feature The latest movie news with Jessica Kellgren-Hayes and Joseph Gunn. 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Latest Sport Preview 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 Albion Night 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Bowlegs.5.30 Post Feature

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Saints And Scroungers 11.45 Break-in Britain - The Crackdown 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Home Away From Home 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones. 7.30 EastEnders The Carters and Mitchells collide in a battle of Walford’s families that ends with a bang. Jay makes a huge decision with dramatic consequences for Abi. 7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 Your Home In Their Hands See highlights. 9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Celebrity genealogy series. Scottish comedian and actor Billy Connolly has always considered himself Scottish through and through but as he travels to India in the footsteps of his army ancestors, he makes an extraordinary discovery. Not only was his greatgreat-great-grandfather present at a pivotal point in Indian history, through him Billy’s connection to India runs deeper than he had ever imagined. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents topical debate from Northampton. 11.35 This Week Andrew Neil and Michael Portillo discuss the week’s top political stories. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Saints And Scroungers 7.50 Break In Britain - The Crackdown 8.20 The Housing Enforcers 9.05 Escape To The Continent 10.05 Gardeners’ World 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.30 Celebrity MasterChef 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 The Life Of Mammals 4.00 Great British Railway Journeys 4.30 Pressure Pad 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts. Challengers take on the Eggheads – including CJ de Mooi, ‘Tremendous Knowledge’ Dave Rainford, Mastermind and Millionaire winner Pat Gibson and four-times world quiz champion Kevin Ashman. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two All the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action. 7.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip Celebrities join the Antiques Road Show for a treasure hunting trip across the UK. 8.00 Jungle Atlantis Documentary series following an archaeological team in Cambodia as they uncover the mysteries of Angkor Wat. 9.00 Peaky Blinders Period crime drama set in 1919 Birmingham. 10.00 Mock The Week See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Ian Paisley Obituary 12.20am Rwanda’s Untold Story International investigative documentary series. 1.20 Panorama Panorama. 1.50 Formula 1 2014 3.55 Poets In Person 4.25 Simon Armitage: Writing Poems 4.55 Once Upon A Time 5.40 Aimee Kelly Presents My Naughty Little Sister 5.45 Nina Wadia Presents Lizzie Zipmouth 5.50 Anjli Mohindra Presents Sam Silver: Undercover Pirate 5.55 Formula 1 2014

ITV1

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa puts her health at risk. Alicia plays matchmaker. 7.30 When Interest Rates Rise: Tonight Higher mortgage repayments may squeeze hard-pressed householders even further and could force nearly a million families into debt peril. Tonight investigates. 8.00 Emmerdale Zak fears the worst. Priya feels rejected. 8.30 Paul O’Grady: For The Love Of Dogs Paul O’Grady follows his heart back to Battersea Dogs and Cats Home where staff struggle to save the eyesight of a Tibetan terrier. 9.00 Blenheim Palace: Great War House Julian Fellowes, the author and creator of Downton Abbey, tells the stories of the real men and women of the Blenheim Palace estate whose lives were changed forever by the Great War. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 Sunday Night At The Palladium Comedian Jack Whitehall hosts a line-up of fabulous acts from around the globe. 11.40 River Monsters In this episode, extreme angler Jeremy Wade travels to the USA after hearing stories of corpses in the waters. Are they true, or just myth? 12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 When Interest Rates Rise: Tonight 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace 7.10 The King Of Queens 7.35 The King Of Queens 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Undercover Boss Canada 11.30 Four In A Bed 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.35 Four In A Bed 1.05 Four In A Bed 1.40 Four In A Bed 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Summer Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Robbie and Finn go head-to-head in court, but who will the jury believe? 7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Location, Location, Location Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer present a series offering advice on buying a new home. 9.00 Educating The East End Fly-on-the-wall documentary series following life at Frederick Bremer School, East London. This episode meets three boys at different stages of their school life. For some, exams are inducing panic attacks. 10.00 Scrotal Recall Sitcom following the disastrous exploits of a twentysomething romantic, who must contact all of the girls he has ever slept with – he has chlamydia. 10.30 Bouncers Reality series looking at the lives of door staff. The Liquor Lounge in Clacton’s head doorman Dan is keen to make his mark, but he’s got his work cut out. 11.35 24 Hours In Police Custody Documentary. A man is arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to murder. 12.50am One Born Every Minute USA A second-time mum considers changing her decision to have a natural birth. 1.45 Dogs: Their Secret Lives 2.40 Operation Maneater 3.35 Unreported World 4.00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 4.55 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.05 Deal Or No Deal

Channel Five

6.00am Children’s television 6.50 Pip Ahoy! 7.05 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.15 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Little Princess 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Storage: Flog The Lot! 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Love Will Keep Us Together (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Sophie and Leah bury the hatchet over wine. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked consumer show. In this episode, Amy hitches a ride in Romania in an emergency vehicle and Jon weighs up five devices offering different experiences for film and TV viewers. 8.00 Benefit House: Me And My 22 Kids What is life like when your family is bigger than a football team and having more kids means more money and a bigger house? 9.00 No Foreigners Here – 100% British 10.00 Mummy’s Little Murderer Documentary. In May 2011, 20-yearold ex-public schoolboy Elliot Turner strangled his girlfriend Emily Longley, then persuaded his doting parents to help him cover up the murder. This film reveals how a spoilt rich kid became a brutal murderer. 11.00 Dallas Bobby and Sue Ellen try to keep John Ross from becoming like his father and Christopher makes a discovery about Heather’s past. 11.55 Access A daily round-up of showbiz news and gossip from around the world, focusing on celebrities, movies and music. 12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Too Tough To Teach? 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 Great Scientists 4.50 House Doctor (x3) Louise Bevan

kextraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

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11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline 3.30 Emergency With Angela Griffin 4.30 Futurama (x4) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family (x2) 9.00 Forever 10.00 The Last Ship 11.00 A League Of Their Own 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? 7.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Don’t Drop The Baby. See highlights. 10.00 Bluestone 42 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x4) 12.35 Don’t Drop The Baby 1.30 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.30 Bluestone 42

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1979 8.00 Caravans: A British Love Affair 9.00 Voyager: To The Final Frontier 10.00 Detectorists 10.30 Lost Kingdoms Of Central America 11.30 British Gardens In Time 12.30am Top Of The Pops: 1979 1.00 Young Guns Go For It 1.30 Detectorists

1.50pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (x2) 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 The Very Best Of You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 Bad Bridesmaid 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 Plebs 11.20 Dapper Laughs On The Pull 11.50 Tricked 12.50am Two And A Half Men (x3)

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.25 Second Thoughts 4.55 Never The Twain 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Blue Murder 11.35 William And Mary 12.35am The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 1.35 Judge Judy (x2)

5.00pm How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Suburgatory 9.30 2 Broke Girls 10.00 New Girl 10.30 The Inbetweeners 11.00 The IT Crowd 11.35 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.35am The Mindy Project

12.20pm A Place In The Sun 12.55 Time Team 2.00 Come Dine With Me (x5) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 10.00 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 11.10 Embarrassing Bodies 12.15am Come Dine With Me

11.00am Wadjda (2012) 1.05pm Battle Cry (1955) 4.00 The Devil At 4 O’Clock (1961) 6.35 Charlotte Gray (2001) 8.55 20,000 Days On Earth Interview Special 9.00 Transporter 3 (2008) 11.05 The Change-Up (2011) 1.15am Close My Eyes (1990) 3.30 Close

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FRIDAY 3 Stars At Your Service Channel 4, 8pm As part of the Stand Up To Cancer fundraising campaign, this program puts the public in control – they can ‘book’ celebrities via the website, and the most entertaining requests become reality. Want to see teen heartthrobs Union J become dinner ladies? Ollie Locke on an assault course? Look no further.

Would I Lie To You? BBC1, 8.30pm They’re at it again; lying all over the place in the name of comedy. Rob Brydon hosts as Lee Mack, David Mitchell and their guests Miles Jupp, Heston Blumenthal OBE, Emilia Fox and Ed Byrne hope to fool each other with some amazing stories about themselves. Some of which are stonking great porky pies ...

Hotel Of Mum And Dad BBC3, 7pm No empty nest syndrome in these family homes ... this show challenges young people to experience life away from the comfort of their parents’ homes and find independence. Young lovebirds Ollie and Sophie need to learn to take care of themselves, and their budgets. Sophie struggles to keep calm.

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Best of Brighton Lights 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Albion Night 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs

6.00pm News The latest local news plus national and international updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 The Newspapers 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay presents the ‘how to’ cookery programme. 8.30 Best of Brighton Lights 9.00 Board Gamers Weekly show for gaming enthusiasts. 10.00 Modern Toss Comedy and live-action series. Lots of swearing! 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Noise Reel Bmusic’s David Elphick and Catherine Sear amplify a wave of music news to your ears with BN1 magazine providing local listings. 12.00am QTube 12.30 Best of Brighton Lights 1.00 Bored Gamers 2.00 Modern Toss 2.30 Bowlegs 3.00 Noise Reel 4.00 Modern Toss 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Noise Reel

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Saints And Scroungers 11.45 Break-in Britain - The Crackdown 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Home Away From Home 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Presented by Chris Evans and Alex Jones. 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker is joined by team captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell for the light-hearted sports quiz. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders After the fallout of the wedding, one resident of Albert Square is left fighting for their life. Lauren finally opens up about her feelings, but how will Peter react? 8.30 Would I Lie To You? See highlights. 9.00 Have I Got News For You Have I Got News for You. 9.30 Big School Comedy series set in a secondary school. When a popular member of staff passes away at Greybridge School, it takes a wheelie bin and a ride-on lawnmower to get the deceased to their maker. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Chat show. Graham Norton is joined by Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Luke Evans and Lenny Kravitz. 11.25 Live At The Apollo Series of cutting-edge stand-up comedy recorded at the Hammersmith Apollo. 12.10am EastEnders Catch up on the week’s drama in Albert Square. 2.05 Weather For The Week 2.10 BBC News 5.00 Formula 1 2014

BBC2

7.35am Saints And Scroungers 8.20 The Housing Enforcers 9.05 £100k House: Tricks Of The Trade 10.05 Sweets Made Simple 10.35 The Travel Show 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.30 Celebrity MasterChef 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 The Life Of Mammals 4.00 Great British Railway Journeys 4.30 Pressure Pad 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the nerdy quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two All the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing. 7.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip Celebrities join the Antiques Road Show for a treasure hunting trip across the UK. 8.00 Mastermind Specialist subjects in this programme are the Rolling Stones, TV series Mad Men and King Ludwig II of Bavaria. 8.30 Lorraine Pascale: How To Be A Better Cook Lorraine Pascale shows people with no kitchen confidence how to pull off an impressive meal for friends. 9.00 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes 9.30 Gardeners’ World With the arrival of October, it is time to get onions and garlic in the ground. 10.00 QI Quiz show in which the aim is to be interesting. 10.30 Newsnight 11.05 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Comedy pop quiz. 11.35 Later... With Jools Holland Jools Holland’s iconic music programme, featuring live sessions. 12.40am FILM: My Year Without Sex (2009) Australian comedy. 2.55 Formula 1 2014 4.05 Sign Zone: Question Time

ITV1

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Zak gets a helping hand. Debbie is worried Pete has moved on. Priya’s patience is tested. 7.30 Coronation Street Kylie is faced with her past. Maddie is on a mission. Mary is riled up by Julie. 8.00 Gino’s Italian Escape: A Taste Of The Sun Gino D’Acampo travels through the spectacular and unmistakeable landscape of Tuscany. As chef and tourist, he is eager to see the glorious, timeless city of Siena, with its famous sloping Piazza del Campo. Gino decides to create his own chocolate version of panforte, on a terrace overlooking the cathedral. 8.30 Coronation Street Will Kylie go back to her roots? Maddie and Tim join forces. Liz does not know what to do. 9.00 The X Factor The singing competition reaches the judges’ houses stage. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Job Lot Sitcom set in a West Midlands job centre. Powerful local businesswoman, Jamina McNulty of McNulty Leisure, has agreed to use the Job Centre to recruit new sales staff. 11.10 FILM: The Nutty Professor (1996) Starring Eddie Murphy. 12.55am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace 7.10 The King Of Queens 7.35 The King Of Queens 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Undercover Boss Canada 11.30 Four In A Bed 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.35 Four In A Bed 1.05 Four In A Bed 1.40 Four In A Bed 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Summer Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks It’s judgement day for Finn and John Paul as the jury reaches its verdict. Tony and Sinead share a moment - who is watching? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World Foreign affairs documentary series. Reporter Nelufar Hedayat and director Daniel Bogado travel to Vietnam to investigate how dog thieves have infiltrated the lucrative dog meat trade and are stealing thousands of pets from homes to meet demand. 8.00 Stars At Your Service See highlights. 9.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series in which TV fanatics open up their living rooms to reveal their reactions to topical shows. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Comic Alan Carr hosts his own chat show. 11.05 Jon Richardson Grows Up Jon Richardson embarks on a journey to learn what it takes to be a happy adult. In the final leg of his road trip, Jon considers parenthood and children. 12.05am FILM: Wall Street (1987) Taut drama about an ambitious young stockbroker who is seduced by money and power when he hooks up with a high-powered company trader. 2.05 Boss 3.05 Anna & Katy 3.35 The Inbetweeners USA 4.00 Very Important People 4.25 Win It Cook It 4.50 Deal Or No Deal 5.45 Close

Channel Five

6.00am Children’s television 6.50 Pip Ahoy! 7.05 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.15 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Little Princess 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Never Teach Your Wife To Drive 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Sub Zero (2005) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Denny confesses that Chris tried to kiss her. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 World War II In Colour Documentary. The fourth episode explores Hitler’s assault on the Soviet Union in the summer of 1941, Operation Barbarossa and his attack on the Caucasus in 1942. 8.00 Storage: Flog The Lot! Reality series capturing all the drama and excitement of an auction. Chuko, a dealer from Dalston, locks horns with Chris Hamilton over a 1960s Lambretta and Charlie tries to shift a truckload of vintage toys. 9.00 Body Of Proof US crime drama. Megan investigates when a young woman dies in suspicious circumstances in a hospital shortly after speaking tongues. 10.00 NCIS While investigating the murder of a coast guard officer aboard an abandoned cargo vessel, the NCIS team finds a Lebanese family seeking refuge in the US. 10.55 NCIS The team investigates the death of a Navy lieutenant who died of over-hydration. 11.50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours Award-winning partdramatised crime documentary series based on real cases. 12.15am SuperCasino 3.10 Sarah Payne: Britain’s Worst Crimes 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 Great Scientists 4.50 House Doctor (x3) Louise Bevan

kextraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Film4

11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline 3.30 Emergency With Angela Griffin 4.30 Futurama (x4) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Last Ship 9.00 50 Ways To Kill Your Mammy 10.00 A League Of Their Own 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Hotel Of Mum And Dad. See highlights. 8.00 Don’t Drop The Baby 9.00 Porn: What’s The Harm? 10.00 Some Girls 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 In Deep 11.15 Family Guy (x3) 12.20am Bad Education 12.50 Some Girls 1.20 People Just Do Nothing (x4) 3.20 In Deep 3.35 Fried

7.30pm Proms Chamber Music 8.00 Sound Of Cinema: The Music That Made The Movies 9.00 Wild Boys: The Story Of Duran Duran 9.50 TOTP 2: 80s Special 10.50 The Kate Bush Story: Running Up That Hill 11.50 Kate Bush At The BBC 12.50am Oh You Pretty Things: The Story Of Music And Fashion

1.50pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (x2) 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Kids Special 7.50 FILM: The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor (2008) 10.00 The Xtra Factor 10.35 Release The Hounds 11.35 Dapper Laughs On The Pull 12.00am The X Factor

12.00pm Wycliffe 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.10 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.25 Second Thoughts 4.55 Never The Twain 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Lewis 10.00 Blue Murder 11.30 William And Mary 12.35am FILM: The Pianist (2002) 1.35 FYI Daily

3.30pm Rules Of Engagement 4.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Suburgatory 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 9.00 FILM: G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) 11.20 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.25am Tattoos After Dark (x2)

12.15pm SuperScrimpers 12.20 A Place In The Sun 12.55 Time Team 2.00 Come Dine With Me (x5) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: Unknown (2011) 11.20 Father Ted (x3) 12.55am Embarrassing Bodies 2.00 Come Dine With Me

11.00am Never So Few (1959) 1.30pm Operation Petticoat (1959) 3.55 Bear Island (1980) 6.15 Transformers (2007) 9.00 Taken (2008) 10.50 28 Days Later (2002) 1.05am Semi-Pro (2008) 3.00 Close

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SATURDAY 4 Gardeners’ World BBC2, 6.45pm With the arrival of October, it’s time to get onions and garlic in the ground – Monty Don shares his secrets on how to get a successful crop. And Carol Klein takes first-time gardeners Dan and Dominique for a day out in Devon, as they’re on the hunt for some seasonal inspiration for their new garden.

Doctor Who BBC1, 8.30pm In the near future, the Doctor and Clara find themselves on a space shuttle making a suicide mission to the moon. Crash-landing on the lunar surface, they find a mining base full of corpses, vicious spider-like creatures and a terrible dilemma. When Clara turns to the Doctor for help, she gets the shock of her life. Yikes.

Bad Education BBC3, 10.30pm Comedy with Jack Whitehall; he’s everywhere these days, flexing those lovely, posh comedy muscles all over our TV screens. In this episode, Alfie competes in an endurance sports event at the school sports day, trying to impress Miss Gulliver by beating her ex. But a steroid scandal breaks out – is Alfie involved?!

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Noise Reel 9.00 Matchday Breakfast 11.00 Matchday Breakfast 1.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 2.00 Matchday Breakfast 4.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 5.00 Post Feature 5.30 Cook It!

6.00 Best of Brighton Lights 6.30 Bowlegs Bowlegs Music on Film presents live music sessions and interviews with the artists. Presented by Julian Tardo. 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond. 7.30 You Make It, We Show It! 8.00 News 8.20 Sport News 8.25 Weather 8.30 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 9.30 QTube LGBT magazine programme. 10.00 Brighton Lights 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 The Buzz 11.30 Bored Gamers 12.30am News 12.50 Sport News 12.55 Weather 1.00 FilmFest on 8: 3.00 Latest News 3.20 Sport News 3.25 Weather 3.30 Bored Gamers 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 You Make It, We Show It! 5.30 Bowlegs

BBC1

7.30am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 12.50 Saturday Sportsday 1.00 Formula 1 2014 2.30 Bargain Hunt 3.15 Escape To The Country 4.00 Final Score 5.15 BBC News 5.25 South East Today 5.30 Pointless Celebrities 6.20 Strictly Come Dancing Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman present a sparkling spectacular as all 15 couples hit the dance floor. Every step counts as the judges’ scores from the previous week are combined with those from this show. The celebrities are now dancing for survival, since the two lowest-scoring couples will have to face the dreaded dance-off in Sunday’s results show. 8.30 Doctor Who See highlights. 9.15 Casualty Connie and her Ateam face turmoil when they become embroiled in a road traffic collision. 10.05 The National Lottery Live The National Lottery Live hosted by Gaby Roslin, including the Lotto and Thunderball draws. 10.15 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from all of the day’s Premier League matches. 11.50 The Football League Show Highlights and analysis from the Football League, presented by Manish Bhasin. Watford manager Oscar Garcia welcomes his former club to Vicarage Road as the Hornets meet Brighton in the feature match. Plus Blackpool and Cardiff go headto-head at Bloomfield Road and Leeds entertain Sheffield Wednesday in a Yorkshire derby. 1.10am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.15 BBC News

BBC2

6.25am FILM: The Falcon’s Alibi (1946) 7.25 FILM: The Charge Of The Light Brigade (1936) 9.20 The Trials Of Life 10.10 The Trials Of Life 10.55 Map Man 11.30 South Africa Walks 12.00pm Lorraine Pascale: How To Be A Better Cook 12.30 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking With Rachel Khoo 1.00 FILM: Flying Down To Rio (1933) 2.25 FILM: Follow The Fleet (1936) 4.15 Rick Stein’s Mediterranean Escapes 5.15 £100k House: Tricks Of The Trade 6.15 Restoring England’s Heritage Selina Scott takes a look at some of the historic buildings in the region that are in dire need of restoration and examines what their future holds. 6.45 Gardeners’ World See highlights. 7.15 Flog It! Trade Secrets Flog It! Trade Secrets. 7.45 Penguins - Spy In The Huddle Documentary showing penguins as they have never been seen before. From the freezing Antarctic to the scorching tropics, 50 spy cameras capture unique footage of three extraordinary species. Emperor penguins cross a treacherous frozen sea to reach their breeding grounds, and on the way one becomes lost in a blizzard. Once there, the females must lay their eggs without touching the ice, but it is the males that face the greatest challenge – overwintering alone in the coldest place on earth. 8.45 Dad’s Army The members of the platoon disguise themselves as firemen during an exercise, but are called upon to tackle a real blaze. 9.15 Genesis: Together And Apart Genesis: Together and Apart. 10.50 TOTP 2 Fast-moving music show featuring classic performances and forgotten pop from the Top of the Pops archives. 11.30 FILM: The Good Shepherd (2006) Starring Matt Damon.

ITV1

6.00am Fort Boyard: Ultimate Challenge 6.25 Pat & Stan 6.35 Pat & Stan 6.40 Dino Dan 7.05 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Om Nom Stories 7.25 Sooty 7.40 Mr Bean 7.50 The Matt Hatter Chronicles 8.15 Nerds & Monsters 8.30 The Munch Box 9.25 The Hungry Sailors 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.25 ITV News & Weather 11.30 Storage Hoarders 12.30pm May The Best House Win 1.30 The X Factor 2.30 FILM: About A Boy (2002) 4.30 The X Factor 5.35 Off Their Rockers 6.05 ITV News Meridian 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 New: You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill introduces more of the world funniest home videos, while taking a battering ram to pop culture. 7.00 The Chase: Celebrity Special Bradley Walsh hosts another celebrity edition of the hit quiz show in which four famous faces take on the Chaser, one of Britain’s finest quiz brains. 8.00 The X Factor Dermot O’Leary presents the second of this weekend’s three tension-filled episodes. The 24 acts who made it through bootcamp have jetted off to four luxurious destinations to sing for a place in the final 12. Each of the mentors is joined by a special guest to help them choose the best three acts for their category. 9.20 Through The Keyhole Keith Lemon snoops around more homes of mystery celebrities and unearths clues as to the identity of the inhabitants, which the studio panel then have to work out themselves. This week’s guests are TOWIE star Joey Essex, and TV presenters Carol Vorderman and Vernon Kay. 10.15 ITV News; Weather 10.30 FILM: Red Heat (1988) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. 12.25am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.10am How I Met Your Mother 6.35 How I Met Your Mother 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Weekend Kitchen With Waitrose 10.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.30 Frasier 11.00 Frasier 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm The Big Bang Theory 12.25 The Simpsons 12.55 Gadget Man 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.05 Come Dine With Me 4.35 Come Dine With Me 5.05 Come Dine With Me 5.35 Come Dine With Me 6.05 Stars At Your Service As part of the Stand Up to Cancer fundraising campaign, Stars at Your Service puts the public in control, giving them the chance to put in a request to ‘book’ some of Britain’s celebrities. 7.05 Channel 4 News 7.20 Double Your House For Half The Money Sarah Beeny helps people to achieve their property dreams without breaking the bank. In Birmingham, Sarah has her work cut out helping Paul and Andrea, who plan to extend their home with a double height extension, but are taking a huge gamble on the budget. 8.15 Grand Designs Series following bold housing projects. Tracy Fox and husband Steve want to build an ‘urban shed’ made of industrial style materials, including 20 foot panels of polycarbonate sheeting. 9.20 FILM: Battle: Los Angeles (2011) Starring Aaron Eckhart, Ramon Rodriguez. Sci-fi action. 11.40 Rude Tube Alex Zane presents a show celebrating online selfpromoters who have set out to make a name for themselves. 12.40am Alan Carr: Chatty Man Comic Alan Carr is joined by Liverpudlian comedian John Bishop ahead of his new ‘Supersonic’ arena tour. Music is from Ella Henderson. 1.40 Homeland 2.40 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.40 Win It Cook It

Channel Five

6.00am Children’s television 7.30 Make Way For Noddy 7.45 City Of Friends 8.00 Little Princess 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.30 Wanda And The Alien 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Jelly Jamm 9.30 LazyTown 10.00 Chinese Food In Minutes 10.15 The Secret Life Of Pets 10.45 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 11.45 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 12.45pm Storage: Flog The Lot! 1.40 FILM: Patton (1970) 5.00 5 News Weekend 5.05 FILM: Silverado (1985) 7.35 FILM: Joe Kidd (1972) Starring Clint Eastwood. Old-fashioned western in which a bounty hunter joins a posse hunting a band of aggrieved Mexican Americans fighting for their land in turn-of-thecentury New Mexico. 9.15 FILM: A Fistful Of Dollars (1964) Starring Clint Eastwood, Gian Maria Volonte, Marianne Koch. The original spaghetti western, which made a star of Clint Eastwood as the laconic ‘Man with No Name’. 11.20 World War II In Colour Documentary telling the full story of World War II with the aid of rare and unseen archive footage, recently released official documents and modern techniques of colouring and satellite mapping. The fourth episode explores Hitler’s assault on the Soviet Union in the summer of 1941, Operation Barbarossa and his attack on the Caucasus in 1942. 12.15am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming featuring roulette, blackjack and autowheel. 3.10 Benefit House: Me And My 22 Kids Documentary series exploring the reality of life on benefits in Britain. 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Angels Of Jarm 5.35 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Roary The Racing Car Louise Bevan

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2.00pm The Middle (x2) 3.00 Harrow: A Very British School (x2) 5.00 Twin Towns 6.00 Futurama 6.10 The Boxtrolls Special 6.20 The Simpsons (x2) 7.20 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 8.20 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo 9.20 FILM: Doctor Dolittle (1998) 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 12.00am Costa Del Street Crime (x2)

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes V: Revenge Of The Fifth 8.00 Top Gear 9.05 FILM: Kung Fu Panda (2008) 10.30 Bad Education. See highlights. 11.00 Family Guy (x7) 1.30am Bad Education 2.00 Seann Walsh’s Late Night Comedy Spectacular 2014 3.00 Impractical Jokers (x2)

7.00pm Yellowstone 8.00 Hidden Killers Of The Victorian Home 9.00 Crimes Of Passion 10.35 Could We Survive A MegaTsunami? 11.35 Top Of The Pops: 1979 12.10am Sounds Of The Eighties 12.35 Sounds Of The Eighties 1.05 The Richest Songs In The World 2.35 Yellowstone

12.45pm The Best Of You’ve Been Framed! Animals Special 1.45 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 3.15 FILM: Valiant (2005) 4.55 FILM: Nanny McPhee And The Big Bang (2010) 7.05 FILM: The Incredible Hulk (2008) 9.20 The Xtra Factor 9.50 The Job Lot 10.15 Celebrity Juice 11.00 The X Factor 12.20am The Xtra Factor

6.45am Countrywise Kitchen (x2) 8.20 The Royal (x2) 10.25 Columbo: Murder With Too Many Notes 12.20pm FILM: Vanity Fair (2004) 3.10 FILM: Gosford Park (2001) 5.55 Inspector Morse 8.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 Midsomer Murders 11.00 FILM: Death On The Nile (1978) 1.45am World Kitchen

12.30pm The Big Bang Theory (x4) 2.30 Melissa & Joey (x2) 3.30 FILM: City Of Ember (2008) 5.30 The 100 6.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 7.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 FILM: Priest (2011) 10.50 The Inbetweeners (x5) 1.40am How I Met Your Mother (x3) 2.55 Smallville

12.55pm Four In A Bed (x5) 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 5.45 Great Canal Journeys 6.55 Raising Blackbeard’s Ship: Treasures Decoded 8.00 Blitz: London’s Firestorm 10.10 Auschwitz: The Forgotten Evidence 11.15 Falklands’ Most Daring Raid 12.20am My Granny The Escort

11.00am On The Fiddle (1961) 1.00pm King Kong (1976) 3.45 Big Fish (2003) 6.10 The Hunt For Red October (1990) 9.00 Forrest Gump (1994) 11.40 The Woman In Black (2012) 1.30am 4.3.2.1 (2010) 3.55 Close

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SUNDAY 5 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 7.20pm It’s the first results show of the series, combining the judges’ votes with the public phone-in numbers. Will popularity rule over fancy foot-work? Will Tess and Claudia rally around the bruised egos and over-tired tears of the first to leave? And will Len have the biggest, kindest grandadsmile going? Tune in to find out.

Downton Abbey ITV1, 9pm So much plotting and goings on, makes you wonder if anyone really needs to leave the big house to have a full and active life at all! Robert is left red-faced and furious when his plans go awry (really needs to twirl a moustache if that’s his response), and Branson receives an interesting proposition.

Arena: Whatever Happened To Spitting Image BBC4, 10.30pm Telling the story from start to finish of the bitingly satirical puppet show, with contributions from Peter Fluck and Roger Law, as well as producer John Lloyd. The rubber demons shaped how a decade saw its politicians, and possibly the outcome of national decisions too. Well worth a view.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 9.00 The Vote 9.30 The Vote 10.00 The Vote 10.30 At The Amex 11.30 Brighton Lights 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Brighton Lights 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 At The Amex 2.30 Best of Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Growing Concerns 5.30 News 5.50 Sport News 5.55 Weather 6.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 6.30 You Make It, We Show It! 7.00 Best Of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights, first aired on the internet. 7.30 At The Amex 8.30 News 8.50 Sport News 8.55 Weather 9.00 FilmFest on 8 Presenter Jessica Kellgren-Hayes introduces a dedicated film night. 11.00 News 11.20 Sports News 11.25 Weather 11.30 The Buzz 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 FilmFest on 8 2.30 News 2.50 Sport News 2.55 Weather 3.00 FilmFest on 8 5.00 News 5.20 Sport News 5.25 Weather 5.30 You Make It, We Show It!

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6.00am Formula 1 2014 9.15 The Andrew Marr Show 10.15 Sunday Morning Live 11.15 Sunday Politics 12.30pm MOTD2 Extra 1.00 BBC News 1.15 Formula 1 2014 3.15 Escape To The Country 4.00 Points Of View 4.15 The Great British Bake Off 5.15 Songs Of Praise 5.55 BBC News

6.50am Gardeners’ World 7.20 The Beechgrove Garden 7.50 Match Of The Day 9.10 The Football League Show 10.30 Athletics: Great Scottish Run 1.30pm Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 3.00 FILM: The Alamo (2004) 5.05 Rugby League: Super League Play-Offs

6.10am How I Met Your Mother 6.35 How I Met Your Mother 7.00 Volkswagen Racing Cup 7.30 NFL: The American Football Show 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.25pm The Big Bang Theory 12.50 Channel 4 Racing: Prix De L’Arc De Triomphe 4.00 FILM: The Legend Of Zorro (2005)

6.10 South East Today 6.20 Countryfile 7.20 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow The Antiques Roadshow returns to Scone Palace in Perthshire, Scotland, which provides an imposing backdrop for a roadshow brimming with beautiful treasures and items reputed to have famous historical connections. Family legend holds that a 19th-century military campaign box was stolen from Napoleon – but can it be proven? A striking portrait reveals the story of a woman who helped save the lives of hundreds of Jews in occupied Holland during the Second World War. 9.00 Our Girl More hard-hitting drama from Afghanistan, starring Lacey Turner, written by Tony Grounds. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 South East Today 10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Mark Chapman introduces highlights of the day’s four Premier League fixtures, and also looks back at all the action from Saturday’s matches. 11.50 FILM: I Love You, Man (2009) Starring Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Rashida Jones, Jaime Pressly, Jon Favreau. Comedy. 1.30am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.35 BBC News

6.05 Flog It! Flog It! is in the holiday destination of Skegness. The crowds turn out in their hundreds to get their family heirlooms valued, and experts David Barby and Elizabeth Talbot have the pick of the best. 7.00 Jungle Atlantis Buried in the Cambodian jungle lie the lost remains of the great medieval city of Angkor, once the capital of one of the world’s greatest civilisations. Today, only the great stone temples like Angkor Wat survive. 8.00 Wonders Of The Monsoon Mucho rain, brining life and damp to the universe. 9.00 Sacred Rivers With Simon Reeve These are awesome stretches of water – truly. 10.00 Mock The Week Dara O Briain and the team scale another week’s news mountain and plant their satirical flag at the top. With guests James Acaster, Ed Byrne, Sara Pascoe and Josh Widdicombe. 10.30 QI XL Quiz show in which the aim is to be interesting. Stephen Fry takes a look at the animal kingdom themed around the letter L. With Sarah Millican, Ross Noble, Colin Lane and Alan Davies. 11.15 FILM: The Greatest (2009) Starring Pierce Brosnan, Susan Sarandon, Carey Mulligan. Drama. 12.50am FILM: The Black Balloon (2008) 2.20 Sign Zone: Countryfile 3.20 Sign Zone: Holby City

6.00 – 6.50am Children’s television 6.50 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 7.05 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Om Nom Stories 7.25 Sooty 7.40 Mr Bean 7.50 Ultimate Spider-Man 8.20 Nerds & Monsters 8.30 Big Time Rush 9.00 The Aquabats! Super Show! 9.25 ITV News 9.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.30 Murder, She Wrote 11.30 ITV News & Weather 11.40 FILM: Carry On At Your Convenience (1971) 1.25pm FILM: Garfield: A Tail Of Two Kitties (2006) 3.00 The X Factor 4.10 Downton Abbey 5.15 All Star Family Fortunes 6.00 Off Their Rockers Comedy series featuring fearless senior citizens playing pranks on the public with the aid of hidden cameras. 6.30 ITV News Meridian 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Sunday Night At The Palladium Jimmy Carr hosts another mix of comedy, music and variety in the revived entertainment show. Tonight’s guests are American singing sensation Nicole Scherzinger, UK chart toppers Kaiser Chiefs, Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan, the reunited Beautiful South singers Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott and Japanese speciality act Enra. 8.00 The X Factor Dermot O’Leary presents the third and final instalment of this weekend’s three tension-filled episodes as the last group of remaining hopefuls compete at the judges’ houses stage. 9.00 Downton Abbey See highlights. 10.05 ITV News; Weather 10.20 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Martin Kemp Actor Martin Kemp joins Piers Morgan to look back over his extraordinary life and career. 11.20 Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership Highlights from round five of the Aviva Premiership. 12.15am The Store 2.30 Motorsport UK 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Little Princess 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.30 Wanda And The Alien 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Jelly Jamm 9.30 LazyTown 10.00 Meerkat Manor 10.25 Police Interceptors 11.20 Police Interceptors 12.20pm Police Interceptors 1.15 Ultimate Police Interceptors 2.10 FILM: Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009) 4.00 FILM: Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 5.55 FILM: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) 8.00 5 News Weekend 8.05 FILM: Welcome To The Jungle (2003) Starring The Rock, Seann William Scott, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken, Ewen Bremner, Jon Gries and William Lucking. Action adventure story in which a bounty hunter, indebted to a mob boss, agrees to search for the gangster’s errant son by way of repayment. His task takes him to the Amazon jungle where the son is dabbling in archaeology, and the two of them join forces to locate a priceless gold idol treasured by the local population. However, a ruthless mining boss is also intent on finding the prized artefact. 10.00 FILM: The Punisher (2004) Starring John Travolta, Thomas Jane, Will Patton, Rebecca Romjin, Laura Harring, Samantha Mathis, Omar Avila, Mark Collie and Antoni Corone. Action thriller. A vengeful FBI agent is determined to wreck the life of a Florida druglord who killed his wife and children. Based on the Marvel Comics hero. 12.20am Armed And Dangerous: Caught On Camera Documentary series. 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 The Gadget Show 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Angels Of Jarm 5.35 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Roary The Racing Car

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Posh Pawn Documentary series looking at high-end pawnbrokers. 8.00 Operation Maneater Documentary series following vet Mark Evans as he uses technology to find ingenious solutions to the most hostile wildlife conflicts on Earth. Mark travels to Western Australia, where seven people have been killed by sharks in just three years. Authorities have implemented radical measures to catch and kill any shark they deem to be a threat, but Mark wants to help find nonlethal solutions. 9.00 FILM: The Descendants (2011) Starring George Clooney, Shailene Woodley, Nick Krause, Amara Miller, Patricia Hastie. Drama. After his wife has a serious accident, a man must decide with his cousins whether or not to sell the land his family owns on Hawaii to developers. He finds he needs to work on his relationship with his two teenage daughters as they have become distant. 11.15 FILM: Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past (2009) Starring Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner. Romantic comedy about ladies’ man Connor Mead, who is taken on a revealing tour of his relationships past, present and future. 1.20am NFL: American Football Live 5.10 Volkswagen Racing Cup 5.35 Countdown

Victoria Nangle

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1.00pm The Middle (x2) 2.00 Harrow: A Very British School (x2) 4.00 The Simpsons (x4) 6.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 7.00 The Simpsons 7.30 Moone Boy 8.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 9.00 Hawaii Five0 10.00 School Of Hard Knocks 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 The Cafe

7.00pm Formula 1: The Japanese Grand Prix Highlights 7.55 Doctor Who 8.40 FILM: Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011) 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Bad Education 11.15 American Dad! (x2) 12.00am FILM: Kidulthood (2006) 1.30 Bad Education 2.00 Impractical Jokers 2.30 Don’t Drop The Baby 3.30 Bad Education

7.00pm Timewatch: QE2 The Final Voyage 8.00 Cleopatra: Portrait Of A Killer 9.00 The Secret Life Of Bob Monkhouse 10.30 Arena: Whatever Happened To Spitting Image?. See highlights. 11.30 Explosions: How We Shook The World 12.30am Wild Boys: The Story Of Duran Duran 1.20 TOTP 2

12.00pm The X Factor 1.15 The Xtra Factor 1.45 You’ve Been Framed! Kids Special 2.45 You’ve Been Framed! 3.15 FILM: Space Jam (1996) 4.55 FILM: ScoobyDoo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004) 7.00 FILM: Wild Wild West (1999) 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 Bad Bridesmaid 11.00 Tricked 12.00am The X Factor

8.20am FILM: Carry On Follow That Camel (1967) 10.15 Heartbeat (x2) 12.20pm Inspector Morse 2.25 Rosemary And Thyme 3.30 FILM: Carry On Again, Doctor (1969) 5.20 Columbo: Lady In Waiting 7.00 Lewis 9.00 The Best Of Royal Variety 10.00 FILM: The Queen (2006) 12.05am William And Mary (x2)

12.30pm Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1.30 The 100 2.30 2 Broke Girls (x2) 3.30 Suburgatory 4.00 Melissa & Joey (x2) 5.00 The Mindy Project 5.30 New Girl 6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 9.30 The Inbetweeners (x5) 12.15am Glue 1.15 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 2.10 The Ricky Gervais Show

9.30am Location, Location, Location (x2) 11.35 Great Canal Journeys 12.40pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.40 Building The Dream 2.45 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.20 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Car S.O.S 9.00 Nazi Megastructures 10.00 24 Hours In A&E 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.10am Embarrassing Fat Bodies

11.00am The Bandit Of Sherwood Forest (1946) 1.00pm Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992) 3.15 A Challenge For Robin Hood (1967) 5.05 St Trinian’s 2 (2009) 7.10 Step Up 2: The Streets (2008) 9.00 The Mechanic (2011) 10.50 The Kids Are All Right (2010) 12.55am Neighboring Sounds (2012)

‘‘YOU MAKE IT, WE SHOW IT’ GREAT LOCAL TV ON AIR NOW!

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MONDAY 6 Workers On The Breadline – Panorama BBC1, 8.30pm Who says that just because you’ve got a job, it’ll support you? Millions of British workers are being paid so little that they cannot afford to eat without being subsidised by the government. Reporter Richard Bilton meets workers on the breadline to find out more.

Under The Dome Channel Five, 10pm Barbie gets that ‘Alice’ feeling, when he follows Sam’s White Rabbit further into the mysterious tunnels. No Mad Hatters yet, but give us time. Instead it’s a whole new world, with loads more questions, and probably not so many answers. Anyone else getting a bad ‘Lost’ feeling about this? Just us?

Dapper Laughs: On The Pull ITV2, 10.30pm From internet meme sensation to fully fledged TV star. Dapper Laughs has split critics so abruptly that people either love him for his chat-up lines and geezer persona... or can’t stand the very idea of him. There’s been some quite heated debate from both sides, in the papers and on Twitter. Make up your own mind.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 Latest Homes Live 11.00 At The Amex 12.00pm Latest Homes Live 2.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 3.00 What The Waffle 3.30 Cook It! 4.00 The Newspapers 4.30 The Vote 5.00 Noise Reel

6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing Mike Mendoza presents his entertainment show. 7.00 Best of Brighton Lights 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay’s weekly ‘how to’ cookery programme. 9.30 Ordinary Lives 10.00 Best Of Brighton Lights 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 10.00 Bored Gamers 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Mike Mendoza's Adur & Worthing 1.00 Best of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 You Make It, We Show It! 3.00 Cook It! 3.30 Ordinary Lives 4.00 Best of Brighton Lights 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Noise Reel

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Saints And Scroungers 11.45 Break-in Britain – The Crackdown 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Home Away From Home 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Rachel Royce examines whether the compound BPA should be banned in food packaging. 8.00 EastEnders Linda encourages Dean to open up about his feelings, leading to devastating consequences. 8.30 Workers On The Breadline – Panorama See highlights. 9.00 New Tricks Drama about a team of retired detectives investigating unsolved crimes. When a teenager is caught throwing a brick from a motorway bridge, his DNA provides a partial match with the murderer of an interpreter called Agnes Bradley from 2010. Is the murderer one of the teenager’s male relatives, or could Agnes’s love of chess have something to do with her death? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the classic news quiz with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 11.20 Room 101 – Extra Storage Fast-moving game show meets talk show sees Frank Skinner refereeing three celebrities each week as they compete to banish their top peeves. 12.00am The Graham Norton Show 12.45 Weather For The Week Ahead 12.50 BBC News

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Saints And Scroungers 7.50 Break-in Britain – The Crackdown 8.20 The Housing Enforcers 9.05 James May’s Cars Of The People 10.05 Lorraine Pascale: How To Be A Better Cook 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 A Taste Of My Life 1.30 Ready Steady Cook 2.15 Cash In The Attic 3.00 The Life Of Mammals 4.00 Coast 4.45 Great British Railway Journeys 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two All the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing. 7.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip Celebrities hunt for antiques across the UK. 8.00 University Challenge Brasenose College, Oxford and the University of Durham battle it out for a place in the second round of the student quiz. Jeremy Paxman asks the questions. 8.30 Only Connect Quiz show presented by Victoria Coren. 9.00 The Kitchen Yum, yum, yum. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Comedy pop quiz. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Andrew Neil presents highlights of the Liberal Democrats’ annual conference in Glasgow. 11.50 Long Shadow Tracing the legacy of the Great War through a hundred years and ten different countries. 12.50am Sign Zone: Scrappers 4.00 Poets In Person 4.30 Simon Armitage: Writing Poems 5.00 Once Upon A Time 5.45 Aimee Kelly Presents My Naughty Little Sister 5.50 Nina Wadia Presents Lizzie Zipmouth 5.55 Ceallach Spellman Presents Wolven

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Undercover Boss Canada 11.30 Four In A Bed 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.35 Four In A Bed 1.10 Four In A Bed 1.40 Four In A Bed 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Summer Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Myra gets her hands on some incriminating evidence. 7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Jamie’s Comfort Food Jamie takes on three comfort food classics. Just what we want, now there’s a chill in the air. 8.30 Gadget Man Richard Ayoade looks at gadgets that can help in everyday life. In this episode, Richard attempts to create his very own utopian eatery. 9.00 24 Hours In Police Custody Documentary series following Bedfordshire Police officers from the cells at Luton Police Station to the heart of major crime investigations. In this episode, PC Cheryldeen Liversidge and PC Kat Alison investigate two contrasting stories about harassment and domestic abuse. 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show with host Jimmy Carr and team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock, who are joined by celebrity guests Jack Dee, Gemma Cairney and Rob Beckett. 10.50 Bouncers Reality series looking at the lives of door staff. 11.45 NFL: The American Football Show Vernon Kay presents the best of the action from week 5 of the NFL. 12.45am FILM: Miss Lovely (2012) 2.35 Mammon 3.45 FILM: Double Indemnity (1944) 5.35 Countdown

6.00 – 7.05am Children’s televisions 7.05 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.15 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Little Princess 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Trust (2009) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Andy’s drug dealing finally lands him in the hospital. Is Josh in danger as well? 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked consumer show showcasing the latest tech. 8.00 Ultimate Police Interceptors Documentary series following the high-speed pursuit unit of the Lincolnshire police force. 9.00 Too Tough To Teach? Two-part documentary series in which cameras go inside the Ian Mikardo High School in East London, a school for boys with severe and complex behavioural problems, focusing on five very different boys over the course of six months. In this episode, we meet the newest addition to the school and the school’s longestattending student. exam. 10.00 Under The Dome See highlights. 10.55 FILM: Next (2007) Starring Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, Jessica Biel, Michael Trucco. Timetwisting thriller about a Las Vegas magician with the ability to see two minutes into the future. 12.40am True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.05 SuperCasino 3.10 No Foreigners Here: 100% British 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 Divine Designs 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 House Doctor

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The pressure mounts on Priya. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Liz tell Tony the truth? 8.00 The Undriveables Series in which Britain’s worst learner drivers are paired with the country’s best instructors to see if they can pass the driving test. 8.30 Coronation Street Tony offers Liz an ultimatum. Deirdre feels guilty. 9.00 Grantchester Brand new sixpart drama series set in 1953. Sidney Chambers is vicar of Grantchester and a much-admired parish priest. Sidney has just spent a glorious morning in the company of the woman with whom he is secretly in love, Amanda Kendall. Racing to church, Sidney arrives just in time to conduct the funeral of a local solicitor - a death which appears to be the result of suicide. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Agenda New series of the weekly news-based talk show. 11.20 Billy Connolly’s Big Send Off In this two-part series, Billy undertakes a journey to evaluate and explore the ways in which we deal with the end of our lives. 12.15am Jackpot247 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Victoria Nangle

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1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline 3.30 Emergency With Angela Griffin 4.30 Harrow 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo 9.00 An Idiot Abroad: The Short Way Round 10.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm The Women’s Football Show 7.30 World’s Craziest Fools 8.00 Junior Paramedics 9.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 10.00 Sexy Beasts 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Hotel Of Mum And Dad 1.30 Sexy Beasts 2.00 Don’t Drop The Baby 3.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad

7.00pm News 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 British Gardens In Time 9.00 Lost Kingdoms Of Central America 10.00 Timewatch: Stonehenge 10.55 Detectorists 11.25 Ancient Apocalypse 12.15am Cleopatra: Portrait Of A Killer 1.15 The Wonder Of Animals 1.45 British Gardens In Time

12.45pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! 5.30 Royal Pains 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 The X Factor 9.00 Release The Hounds 10.00 Plebs 10.30 Dapper Laughs: On The Pull. See highlights. 11.00 Viral Tap 11.50 The Job Lot 12.20am Two And A Half Men (x3)

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.10 Wild At Heart 3.10 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.55 Never The Twain 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Specsavers Crime Thriller Club 10.00 Trial And Retribution 11.05 William And Mary 12.05am Above Suspicion

3.00pm Melissa & Joey 3.30 Rules Of Engagement 4.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 New Girl 8.00 FILM: X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) 10.00 Glue 11.05 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am How I Met Your Mother (x2)

10.00am FILM: Laughter In Paradise (1951) 12.00pm Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 12.20 A Place In The Sun 12.55 Time Team 2.00 Come Dine With Me (x5) 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: Unknown (2011) 11.20 24 Hours In A&E 12.25am Come Dine With Me

11.00am Footsteps In The Fog (1955) 12.50pm Helen Of Troy (1955) 3.05 Passport To Pimlico (1949) 4.45 The Last Sunset (1961) 7.00 The Italian Job (1969) 9.00 The Tourist (2010) 11.05 The Rum Diary (2011) 1.25am Adaptation (2002) 3.50 Close