above the waterline | by Dave Wallace
Boating You Can Handle Signs call attention to challenges of boating in the Great Lakes.
T
he challenge of keeping my head above the waterline — and ahead of my publishing deadlines — involves brainstorming future column topics, sometimes generated from the unlikeliest of sources. A perfect example of this occurred while cruising a busy boulevard on a ho-hum day of errand running. While out and about, I passed a familiar restaurant with a huge sign out in the parking lot that read “All the wings you can handle!” As a former marketing guy, I was impressed by the word choice. Less creative restaurants would probably offer “All the wings you can eat!,” which is an overused cliché by just about everyone in the food business. By swapping “eat” with “handle,” this restaurant repositioned its offer from an open invitation to a personal challenge. I was not particularly hungry for wings that day, but I was eager for inspiration. With my mind in column-topic-searching mode, I imagined the marine version of that sign reading “All the boating you can handle!” It would be one of those sophisticated electric signs, with the option of a moving message crawling endlessly across the lower half of the screen. You’d find it posted at the entrance to your marina, programmed to display a sequence of boating options designed to help you plan your weekend agenda, or perhaps test your courage and seamanship. Messages would be updated daily to help you make your choice: Cast off and head out, or settle back with your beverage of choice in the calm comfort of your marina. A typical message might greet you with water and weather conditions: “Three- to 6-foot head seas from the North. A great day for taking on spray, if you can handle it!” Or, the message could be destination-specific. For example: “Mac Island Municipal sold out, but anchorages still open if you can handle the dinghy ride to shore and back.” Even more to the point, messages could be event-specific, as in: “Wooden boat show at Manistique, if you can handle the distance.” Assuming that not every weekend would involve dramatic happenings or challenging weather conditions, the signage could be useful for announcing more regular events, such as:
Great Lakes boaters love a good challenge!
Dave Wallace has been boating in the Great Lakes for more than 35 years. He’s written for Lakeland Boating since 1993 and helped develop Lakeland Boating’s Ports o’ Call cruising guides.
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april 2014
“Annual marina picnic scheduled for next Sunday. Everyone welcome, if they can handle bringing a dish to pass.” Once installed, the sign would likewise provide a seasonal heads up. “The marina office and ship’s store will be closed as of October 1, but winter haul out service will be active until November 1 for slip holders who can handle the cold and loneliness of fall boating.” Hey, if a land-locked restaurant can make the “handling” of wings sound like a macho rise to the occasion, then transferring this concept to the far more technically challenging aspects of Great Lakes boating takes it to a whole new level… or should I say “depth?” Meanwhile, the restaurant that sparked this little idea of mine has closed, its sign no longer challenging me from the parking lot. I guess our wing eaters just couldn’t handle the pressure! LB
illustration by mike harris