EVENTS
WEDNESDAY Farmers market at Downtown Community
Plaza, 4pm. Comedy Showcase at Mother’s Pub. Wheel Wednesdays at Fubar. Retro night at the Dirty Bar. Wine Down Wednesday at Tall Paul’s Brew House. Jazz at Emiliano’s Café. Guy’s Night at EndZone. Ladies night at Copper Monkey. Ladies night at Gator City. Ladies night at Grog House. 2-4-1 wells for ladies at Sweet Mel’s/ Naughty Mel’s. National stand-up comedians at Rockey’s Dueling Piano Bar. Live acoustic music at Loosey’s Longshot. Martini night at Liquid Ginger. Test and Tune at the Gainesville Raceway. Randall Nights at Gainesville House of Beer. Whiskey Wednesdays at EndZone. Wino Wednesday at The Midnight. Ladies’ Night at Cantina 101. Blue Leopard at 2nd Street Speakeasy.
THURSDAY Volunteer meeting at the Civic Media
Center, 6pm. Randall Nights at Gainesville House of Beer. Trivia at Alley Gatorz, 7pm. Dirty Talk Ladies Night at FUBAR. Ladies Night at Dirty Bar.
FREE TIME
FRIDAY
Planetarium Show at the SF Kika Silva Planetarium, 7pm. Beat the Clock Fridays at Grog House. TGIFubar Friday at Fubar. Tailgate Fridays at :08. Dueling Pianos at Rockeys Piano Bar. DJ Malibu Darby at The Backyard at Boca Fiesta. Live music at the Fat Tuscan. Hot hula fitness at the Okito America Family Fun Center. Latin Fridays at Costa Lounge. Live Music at Dirty Bar, Thornebrook Village. Live Music at Tall Paul’s Brew House. ‘80s Night with DJ B-Rad at Gator City. Black Fridays at EndZone. Free Fridays downtown.
SATURDAY
Farmers Market at Hawthorne, 8am. Haile Village farmer’s market, 8:30am. Haile Historic Homestead tours, 10am.
Docent-Led tours at the Harn Museum of Art, 2pm. Music 360 at the SF Kika Silva Pla Planetarium. Gainesville Comedy Showcase at the Clarion Inn, 9pm. Seven Deadly Sins Saturday at Fubar. Karaoke with DJ Wolfman at Loosey’s Longshot, 9pm. Country night at :08. AUCD at EndZone. Dueling pianos at Rockeys Piano Bar. Electro Saturdays at Costa Lounge. 3-2-1 GO! Saturdays at FUBAR. Ladies’ Night at End Zone. Live Music at Dirty Bar, Thornebrook Village. Live Music or DJ at Naughty Mel’s. Neon Liger at Spannk.
SUNDAY
Haile Historic Homestead Tours, 12pm. Hoola Hoop Jam at Westside Park, 2pm. Docent-Lead tours at the Harn Museum of Art, 2pm. Reggae jazz at Reggae Shack Cafe. S.I.N. Sunday at Fubar. Traditional German brunch at Stubbies & Steins. Potluck: The Gathering at 1982. Hair o’ the Dog Sundays at Loosey’s Longshot. Drink, Draw & Jam at The Midnight. Dirty Bingo at FUBAR. Sunday Soiree at the Doris. Sunday Local Market at Citizens CO-op, 2pm.
GATOR HOME SPORTS CALENDAR GYMNASTICS
Jan. 4 vs. Ball State, 7pm Jan. 18 vs. Missouri, 7pm Jan. 25 Gators Link to Pink vs. Auburn, 7pm
WOMEN’S BASKETBALL Jan. 6 vs. LSU, 2pm Jan. 13 vs. Tennessee, 11:30am Jan. 20 vs. South Carolina, 1pm Jan. 24 vs. Ole Miss, 7pm
MEN’S BASKETBALL
Jan. 9 vs. Georgia, 7pm Jan. 19 vs. Missouri, 2pm Jan. 30 vs. South Carolina, 8pm
TRACK & FIELD
Jan. 17 Gator Invitational
MEN’S TENNIS
Jan. 19 vs. Miami, 1pm Jan. 23 vs. UCF, 5pm Jan. 26 vs. St. John’s (ITA kick-off weekend), 10am
WOMEN’S TENNIS
Jan. 29 vs. South Florida, 3pm Jan. 30 vs. UCF, 3pm
SWIMMING & DIVING
Jan. 19 vs. Florida Atlantic, 1pm For more information and a complete listing of all UF sports, visit www.gatorzone.com.
GAMER’S CORNER THE GREAT GAMERS DEBATE RESOLVED VS.
VS. VS.
18
4-Person pool league at Palomino Pool Hall. College night at :08. Thirsty Thursday AUCD at Tall Paul’s Brew House. Free wells for ladies at Sweet Mel’s/ Naughty Mel’s. Dueling Pianos at Rockeys Piano Bar. Thirsty Thursdays at EndZone. Martini Madness at Emiliano’s Cafe. Thirsty Thursdays at The Midnight.
S
ometimes, we must sit down and discuss, nay, debate things that are of a serious nature. This month is such a time. The question must be asked.
What video game character is the roughest, toughest beast of them all? MIKE HAGGAR, Final Fight – It would be hard to find a scarier dude than this. As a former professional wrestler and Metro City mayor, this gang-kicking monster doesn’t need to hire a police force to stop criminals. He stomps through the streets pile driving evildoers without a shirt on. If his rippling muscles don’t frighten his opponents, his massive hands (and mustache) surely will. KAZUYA MISHIMA, Tekken series – This goodguy-gone-bad not only thrashes opponents with powerful kicks and punches, but he sports one serious gravity-defying hairdo. The son of the powerful Heihachi Mishima, Kazuya knew he had the strength to conquer anything when he survived being tossed off a cliff—at the age of 5—by his father. While it didn’t do anything to help his parental issues, it did provide him with a wealth of ambition to defeat his dad-of-the-year, toss him off a cliff in revenge and take over his company. WAR, Darksider – Atop his flaming horse, Ruin, War vanquishes angels and demons alike in his quest to redeem himself after accidentally helping to destroy the human race. He wields the
impossibly large sword Chaoseater, rips enemies in two, punches monsters the size of Century Tower in the face—and generally looks like one intimidating dude. KIRBY, Kirby video games – Though he may look like something you’d give your niece on her third birthday, Kirby is one of the most powerful beings ever imagined. He first entered the video game scene in 1992 in a cute game where he would roam the landscape eating his enemies. Yes, eating them. He sucks them up like a pink vacuum and swallows them whole, absorbing their powers. If you have a death ray, Kirby will eat you and wield your death ray. Have a pet dragon? Lock it up tight, because Kirby will gobble him up and breathe his fire. We put these four into a bracket, forced them into the wrestling cages we keep in the employee lounge and sat back while the carnage unfolded. WAR VS. KIRBY: Truly a match for the ages. War rode Ruin straight at the pink puffball, fearing nothing as he swung Chaoseater in a fierce downward arc. Kirby didn’t waste any time, sucking Ruin into his gullet and absorbing his powers. War sought to avenge his noble steed by slicing Kirby in two. Blow after powerful blow fell upon the Nintendo cutie, weakening him to the point of collapse. Just when it looked like War would have his revenge, Kirby inhaled War faster than a Jimmy John’s delivery, leaving only a pair of oversized boots and a gaggle of game developers wondering how they were going to
—Brad McKay
finish the Darksider series. HAGGAR VS. KAZUYA: This battle was supposed to be a match of brawn that the staff imagined would take hours to finish. One massive piledriver later and it was over. Haggar stood in the center of the ring without so much as a broken nail, while Kazuya lay completely broken. Lesson learned. FINAL BATTLE, HAGGAR VS. KIRBY: Haggar had an aura of confidence about him, seeing nothing to fear in the pink marshmallow man in front of him. Kirby looked hungry. Not a second after the bell rang, Kirby began to inhale Haggar, but failed to realize how large Haggar truly was. The wrestling behemoth wasted no time, immediately snatching Kirby off of his size 16s and bear hugging the little guy until he was a pile of mush. Kirby re-inflated himself and launched himself at Haggar again, this time floating above his head and turning into a rock. The force of the move slammed the ex-mayor on the floor. As Kirby attempted the same move again, Haggar locked him into position for one of his signature pile drives. There’s no way he can piledrive a rock, is there? As it turns out, yes, yes he can. With such a display of power, perseverance, and an addiction to pile driving things, INsite declared Mike Haggar the baddest brawler in all of gaming. If you think you can name a character that has the skill to beat Haggar in a match, tweet your fighter to @INsiteMagazine.
Cleopatra lived closer to the first moon landing than to the construction of the pyramids. www.insitegainesville.com January 2013