GLUTTONY DIGEST, SUMMER 2003 -24-
BE LIKE THE BUNGER! by Wm. Bung
B
33
OSTON, MASS. – KIDS, YOU REMEMBER GROWING UP,
passing those rainy summer days filling out those zany Mad-Libs? What hilarity! Anyway, I’ve prepared my own version, so that when you’re bored and frustrated at your job, and something worthy comes to mind, you can let loose just like me, The Bunger, Wm. Bung! Just select phrases according to the numbered descriptions below, and insert them in the proper place on the next page. Have fun!34 1. Form of communication 2. Obscene noun 3. Gender-specific human anatomical organ 4. Singular noun of value 5. Worthless plural noun 6. Person A 7. Generally considered worthwhile activity 33
Mr. Bung is again contributing under a nom de plume, because he works as a teacher’s aide, and doesn’t want to embarrass himself any further. 34 And send your completed “Be Like the Bunger!” Mad-Libs to The Editors, as they’ll be selecting the best entry for a special prize! (Prize to be determined at a later date. Expected estimated value: 1/100¢.)
8. Person B 9. Relative of Person B 10. Person A 11. Desirable category of nouns 12. Desirable category of nouns 13. Gender-specific human anatomical part 14. Object necessary for inclusion in desirable category of nouns 15. Adjective 16. Plural noun 17. Verb ending in “-ing” 18. Celebratory event 19. Far-off place 20. Verb ending in “-ing” 21. Celebratory event 22. De-gendering event 23. Gender-specific human anatomical organ 24. Person A 25. Celebratory event 26. Desirable object 27. Celebratory event 28. Developmental period of life 29. Verb 30. Generally considered worthwhile activity 31. Verb 32. Plural noun 33. Embarrassingly long period of time 34. Age period 35. Verb 36. Verb 37. Verb 38. Deity
GLUTTONY DIGEST, SUMMER 2003 -25-
I
ASSUME THAT YOU PASSED THAT [ 1 ] on to me knowing full well
how much it would anger and frustrate me. I want to unleash
a torrent of obscenities directed towards that [ 2 ], who has apparently traded in his [ 3 ] and [ 4 ] for fucking [ 5 ], but good judgment prevents me from doing so. If [ 6 ] wants to learn how to [ 7 ] with [ 8 ] and [ 9 ], then that is his/her priority; however, there are consequences. First and foremost, [ 10 ] is no longer a [ 11 ] and is out of the [ 12 ] “club”. No [ 13 ] equals no [ 14 ]. [ 15 ] [ 16 ] [ 17 ] at a [ 18 ]!… please. I’d rather be in [ 19 ] [ 20 ], which is precisely what I’ll be doing. This sounds like a yuppie, P.C., [ 21 ] and I for one am glad that I will not have to witness the [ 22 ]. Enjoy the show, guys. Take pictures of his [ 23 ] so that [ 24 ] can look at them when he is old and remember what it felt like to have one. If this is what goes on at a [ 25 ], then you can count me out. And for those who say, “Well, that’s why Wm. Bung doesn’t have a [ 26 ],” I would say that you are absolutely goddamn right. Fuck [ 27 ]. I did that that fucking shit when I was in [ 28 ] because I had no choice. Now that I am a man, I will [ 29 ] only when absolutely necessary, never, ever take a fucking lesson to learn how to [ 30 ], not even to save my life, and I will [ 31 ] [ 32 ] that I meet randomly, just as I have been doing for the last [ 33 ]. We are in our [ 34 ], now is the time to [ 35 ], not [ 36 ], or [ 37 ]! Sweet [ 38 ]!