is in, and has no problem with her running home once or twice during the day to check on her mother. “That type of thing is earned” Fredrich said. “She (Jodi) always gets her work done, and does it well.” Mid-morning Jodi might be finally getting her mother out of bed and upon leaving say: “Now don’t go running off to bed right after I leave!” Jodi has already come back 5 minutes later, and had to shag her mother back out of bed again!
Wants to remain home How does Ione feel about extra care for her condition? “Just don’t put me in a ‘home,’” she says. “Put a pillow over my head before you do that!” Jodi laughs at the statement as she tells me, but the guilt it produces is obvious. Jodi doesn’t want to go against her mother’s wishes. Right now, her mother is able to stay for short periods of time by herself. Jodi has finally (over much worry about how her mother would take the change) gotten Homecare Health Services to come in three days a week to stay with Ione for a few hours a day. When she went to an overnight tournament, one of her adopted “sisters” came to stay with Ione, or Jodi would never have been able to go. Her life revolves around her mother’s care. There are good days where Ione is content, but the bad days are hard to take. Ione has hallucinations. It started with a “woman” in the house. Not a nice woman. On a bad day Jodi listens to her mother argue and yell at this “woman” all day long. “Go on! Get out of here! Why don’t you leave me alone!?” she says. “I don’t want you here!” There is not a thing that Jodi can say or do to make this “person” go away.
an is arguing with Ione all over again. Jodi doesn’t understand how she can have a conversation with Ione, leave the room for 2 minutes, come back, and her mother doesn’t remember a word of it. Yet Ione never seems to forget about the “people” living in the house. “It was very frustrating, I was angry at first when she couldn’t remember things,” Jodi said. She finally came to the realization that her mother will never be the mother that she once had. Jodi has accepted that fact, and knows that Ione doesn’t do these things to annoy anyone. She has a problem, and she needs care. It became much less frustrating when she accepted her mother’s illness.
Support system Not only does Ione need help, Jodi needs support, too. Her five “adopted sisters” (Debby, Linda, Cindy, Annie, and Robbie) from her bowling league all help her find some fun and stress relief and help out with Ione. Jodi has gotten into working out a lot more lately and finds stress relief in that. She also found a Facebook site called “Dementia, the Journey Ahead” put out by a woman in Arizona whose husband had dementia and had passed away. The site invites people with the same problems. It’s where Jodi found out that hallucinations are common, and that some days Ione will be more agitated, while others will be wonderfully clear where you’d wonder if anything is wrong at all. It’s comforting to know she’s not alone on this journey, Jodi says. Her uncle, Harold Valleskey, lives next door with his dog, Cody. “He visits Ione every day and the dog flies into her lap looking for treats. She loves that!” states Jodi with a grin.
One day Ione said, “I have to go check on the kids.” “The kids?” Jodi asked. “How many people are living here ma?” Apparently the phantom woman has a husband and three children, all living with Jodi and Ione.
I asked Ione about Cody and she thought he had not been to visit for a while. “I think he was hit by a car,” said Ione about the dog. But Uncle Harold was out of town for the day and just hadn’t been over to visit yet. He’d be coming over a bit later.
Jodi has at one time or another told her mother that she has kicked them all out, taken them to the police station or taken them with her when she gets in her car to go to work. When Jodi comes back home, somehow that family has gotten back into the house and that evil wom-
Ione’s grandson, Josh, lives in Ohio and calls her “GG” because she didn’t care for “Great Grandma,” it sounded so old. They have a special bond and when he comes to visit he sends Jodi off to do whatever she wants, “Go ahead, I’ve got GG covered,” he says.
The reprieve that Uncle Harold, Cody and Josh have to offer is more than welcome to Jodi. She not only needs a break, she wants her mother to have the interaction with her family as her memory declines in hopes of keeping as much mental function and memory as possible. The role reversal of parent/child is prominent, as Ione occasionally calls Jodi by one of her sister’s names, or “mama.” A sense of humor in both Ione and Jodi keep them chuckling about words that Ione cannot come up with, and she blends a few words together to make up something that might fit her sentence. When frustrated with her lack of speech or memory, Jodi knows that ice cream will save the day. “She loves ice cream! Or she likes to go for a ride in the car and go out to eat. She never liked that before!”
Guardianship Getting guardianship is necessary for Jodi to make medical decisions on Ione’s behalf, care for her finances and pay her bills. She strongly recommends that if you have the opportunity, get Power of Attorney before incompetency occurs. Because they didn’t do this, Ione had to be evaluated in order for Jodi to get guardianship. “It was heart-wrenching to see the doctors ask her all of those questions that she couldn’t answer,” Jodi recalls. “She comes out to the car and says ‘I’m stupid.’ I was glad that I had my sunglasses on so she couldn’t see my tears.” More interviews with Ione had to be conducted with both the attorney ad litem and at the court. Jodi is now declared guardian of Ione, but she really wishes it would have happened sooner, it would have been so much easier on Ione.
Guardians
Attorney Terry Fox
Attorney Terry Fox states that there are a number ways to assist a “ward” with control of their property and finances, as well as their health care decisions. The most common method is to utilize a General Durable Power of Attorney that appoints an agent
to control the ward’s assets and finances; and the Healthcare Power of Attorney that appoints an agent to make only health care decisions for the ward. If the ward is competent to understand a “power of appointment” (their right to appoint someone to act in their place), these documents are drafted, reviewed and executed. The Healthcare Power of Attorney is effective only when two medical doctors or a medical doctor or psychologist finds the ward to be unable to make their healthcare decisions. The General Durable Power of Attorney can be effective immediately or upon the ward’s incompetence. That decision is up to the ward. If, as in Ione’s case, neither Power of Attorney was executed prior to incompetency, someone must step in for the ward to act as guardian of the person (the health care guardian) and of their estate (the power of attorney for finances and assets), which is usually the same individual. A Guardianship is a Court supervised procedure that begins with a petition being filed on behalf of the ward due to the ward being incapable of caring for some aspect or all aspects of his/her life. The typical procedure has a guardian ad litem being appointed for the ward’s protection. A medical report is filed by a doctor, which addresses the ward’s medical and emotional condition. The guardian ad litem who protects the ward has full access to the ward, medical records and any other evidentiary material that will be presented to the court to show the ward’s incompetence. The court makes a finding regarding the ward’s competency and deals with the ward’s needs and also determines that the proposed guardian is qualified to act for the ward. Guardians need to file an annual report with the court disclosing the ward’s income, expenses and assets. Fox advises against naming multiple family members as guardians. “It’s less complicated when one guardian is chosen,” he said. “Two or more guardians requires each guardian to be involved in everything that happens in the ward’s life. Timing of signatures, bank withdrawals, transfers of properties, etc., travel from out of state, these things make it difficult with more than one guardian.” COPING WITH DEMENTIA CONTINUED ON PAGE 9
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