Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 1
Application To Be A Doctor Who Assistant (Or ‘Companion’ if you’re politically correct)
Name: …………………………………… Gender: FEMALE/WOMAN Age: 18-19/20-23/24-26 Would you be willing to wear as little clothes as possible? YES/YES Can you run? YES/NO/A BIT Can you scream at a decent pitch? YES/NO/LIKE MEL BUSH Are you able to send down a steady stream of easy and/or complex questions to a leading actor? YES/NO Would you be willing to partake in any interview and have your picture taken, no matter how creepy the journalist and photographer? YES/NO Are you able to feed false information to/take the piss out of the press? YES/NO Are you able to hide information from friends/family/pets? YES/NO How easily are you scared by fans? EASILY/VERY EASILY/TERRIFIED OF THEM Do you like/can put up with Children? YES/NO/I’VE SEEN NANNY McPHEE, SO I HAVE AN IDEA Would you be willing to go on children’s television and endure the awful presenters, who are trying to make something of themselves and impress you, because they failed terribly at drama school? YES/NO And would you be willing to laugh at their ‘jokes’? YES/NO/I’LL TRY MY BEST If/when your contract expires, would you be willing to return for a one-off appearance, a few times, in case we need to ruin your perfectly good exit as well as the current storyline? YES/DO I HAVE A CHOICE?* In no more than 10 words, tell us how much you want this position?
Thank-you for filling out the application form!
*No, you don’t have a choice (mwhahaha!)
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