5 FEBRUARY 2013 |
Exeposé
Sexeposé: Th 16
lifestyle
www.exepose.ex.ac.uk
Naomi Poltier examines if the modern world has killed off the mystery of sex
I CHUCKLED to myself when I read Liam Neeson’s claim that “I’d hate to be a kid now, because we’re all inundated with so much information about sexuality coming at us from everywhere - the media, the advertising billboards, just everywhere.” With this rise in sexual ‘acceptability’, some say that the mystery of sex is disappearing; as if magazines and internet videos could ever make anyone understand what Neeson later describes as an act which is “very, very special... full of mystery and wonder.” I think that he, like many older-aged people looking down at the current young generation, is sceptically wrong. I think that no matter how many secrets are exposed by newspapers and stars on interviews, nothing will ever really explain the anticipation of going home with a boy or girl you like.
friendship (besties?), the romance (did he just buy you chocolate?), or the lack of (you’re really drunk?). If all these things are subjectively positive, waking up the next morning may leave you with not only the satisfaction of just having had sex, but also this wonderful tingling in your gut. That is something that I think no magazine can ever ‘reveal’ or ‘spoil’ for you because there’s no way to understand it through anything other than experience.
“I don’t think sex is the sum of its actions”
Talking of mystery more explicitly, the suspense of getting to the action and how the act itself feels is very much dependent on these things too and can’t be ruined by being overly warned of the physical aspects, as Neeson suggests. When Jane Austen wrote about love, people didn’t go “Oh, it must suck to fall in love nowadays; books tell you exactly how it’s going to feel.” The suspense of whether a boy/girl likes you enough or not, the feel of their touch on your skin: that is mystery that will never go away. The magic of sex does not lie in know-
I don’t think that sex is the sum of its actions. You can’t effectively reduce sex to two people sitting on a bed, in a hot tub, or behind a park bush and performing a specific set of movements explained in an online video. The experience itself is hugely dependent on the chemistry of the people (your ex-boyfriend? Someone you just met?), the situation (you’ve been texting for weeks? The guy your best friend likes?), the
“The loss of mystery in sex for pleasure most likely comes with repetition: too many random people”
ing about it, but rather in the silences and whispers of someone else against you at night. The degree to which I do agree with Neeson is having sex for pleasure. It is true that in our generation it is more socially acceptable to have sex for pleasure than previously. In which case I do agree that there is less mystery, as emotions are very often accountable for mystery and when having sex just for pleasure there are invariably less emotions. But there will still be curiosity and that is mysterious to some degree. I also think Neeson’s view is harsh as the loss of mystery in sex for pleasure most likely comes with repetition: too many random people, which is a similar loss of mystery that ensues after, for example, five years of marriage. This may be an exaggerated comparison, but mystery does disappear in both as you personally come to know the procedures. Neeson might also want to remember that this is a decision you can actively take; to have sex for pleasure or for love; with mystery or for pure fun. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with Neeson. Being born in this generation I will never forget the mystery and emotions of my first
experiences and no amount of unruly internet exhibits will take away the feelings I get in the early hours of the morning in someone else’s room.
Elizabeth Moore argues sex is better in a relationship AS a society, we have become highly sexualised and the act of sex itself is thus either trivialised as simply “something that everyone’s doing” or hyped up to ridiculous expectations of pornographic-looking ecstasy that simply becomes a disappointment. Quite a number of students go out “on-thepull”, with the main aim of going home with someone and sleeping with them, perfectly happ y with
the end result. Sure, it can be exciting at the time, but what I don’t understand is those who do this sort of thing on a regular basis. Perhaps my relative inexperience in the issue in comparison with a large proportion of university students means that I don’t “get it”, but frankly, I have been there a couple of times, but nothing has happened because something doesn’t feel right about that particular situation. The main problem seems to be that sex has become something expected, both in spur-of-the-moment one night stands and in actual relationships. Intimacy is losing its currency, with women’s magazines constantly advertising articles on having “better” sex, that don’t necessarily take the emotional side into account. The pornographic industry seems far more interested in the mechanics and raw physical element, which is fine, but when these images and ideas behind sex begin to spread into the general media (music videos featuring provocatively dressed men and
women providing an excellent example of this), our perceptions begin to change. It’s unsurprising that one night stands and the idea of “friends-with-benefits” have emerged in this environment.
“The pornographic industry seems far more interested in the mechanics and raw physical element” Call me old fashioned, but I’ve never really seen the point of sex for the sake of it. Going through the motions as though it were an obligation, even in a relationship, seems a bit cold, empty and unfulfilling. What’s the point if you can’t enjoy the experience with the person you’re with on a basic emotional level? I’m not saying that it always needs to be super-serious or romantic. In fact, having a giggle about it and just having fun seems like a very intimate form of sex. It means that you’re comfortable and happy with the other person, making the whole experience more enjoyable. Of course, this
might be an unfair or just naîve opinion, as I’ve never been confident with myself enough to throw myself out there physically, and always feel the need to know a person before I get to that stage. I can hardly condemn the idea if I’ve never experienced it.
“Call me old fashioned, but I’ve never really seen the point of sex for the sake of it ” The changes in our media and society as a whole have brought about this change, and with it, we’ve started to lose sight of one of the great joys of being in a relationship. Sex is great, but it seems a shame to deem it as the goal of a night out, or the constant expectation that either you or your boyfriend/
girlfriend have. Sometimes, we should think about why we’re wearing a particular thing to go out clubbing in, or whether a film cuddled up in bed would make for a better evening every now and then. Wouldn’t you rather be smiling because you’ve taken the time for intimacy with someone you actually care about? Or is it just as good to walk out, having satisfied a need, knowing that you’ll probably never speak to that person again? Seriously, there must be something I’m missing if so many people are doing it!