Dan’s Papers November 26, 2010 danspapers.com Page 36
Sheltered
(continued from page 34)
waiting. Just let me steady my nerves a bit. Pausing to take a Xanax and let’s just wash it down with a swallow of rum to activate it a little sooner for me. I’m trying to manage my anxiety. I have this friend who is fouling up my plans. I had such a good plan... Back to the recipe, we’re almost done. Add the sauteed crap to the crumbs and stir, and now add the eggs... okay, I was a little premature on the eggs... pick out the shells... nut allergy, she should leave the kid at home... and to put us in a holiday mood, I’ll have a few sips of rum which is getting smoother with each sip. Now, add the raisins and a whole cup of rum. And mix the mixture until—until, it looks like something that is
mixed. And now get the bird out of the fridge and throw him in the sink. Reach in the chest and pull out that bloody paper bag of turkey organs and give it to your cat. Next, flip the bird and stick you hand up it’s... other side and yank out whatever the hell Butterball has jammed in that end along with that obscene turkey neck. Rinse the bird... damn... not with soap... I was on automatic pilot there for a minute... rinse off these suds. Well, it’s a clean bird now. Get the bowl with the stuff and stuff that mother and throw it in the oven. Now, take the bird back out and, we should have done this earlier, find a pan. Use the
Coastal Insurance Solutions
1267366
Tide Water Dock Building Company Inc.
We specialize in homeowners insurance on Long Island. With over 150 years experience and more than 20 companies to choose from, we will find the best rate for your home! We provide catered coverages, the most competitive pricing, and A+ AM Best rated carriers. Serving the Hamptons for over 30 years!
Give us a call or visit us on the web for a FREE Quote Today!
Bulkheads Pile Driving • Rock Walls
333 Route 25A, Suite 150 • Rocky Point, NY 11778 direct 631 782.3175 fax 631 744.1732
Ken Hahn 631-728-3364
www.coastalinsurancesolution.com
16 Sherwood Ave, Hampton Bays NY
1330334
Honoring
- 24 Hr. Emergency Service 631.506.9251 by our Certified Technicians - Automatic Gas Delivery
To find out more about this offer, kindly contacts us at 631.728.5801 or heating@tortorella.com. Please visit our website at www.tortorella.com to learn more about our other great services.
biggest pan you have and sit the bird up if he doesn’t fit laying down. Use wire to stabilize it into a sitting Buddha position and you can tell your guests that it’s a nut-free bird and all nut- free birds are cooked sitting up. Of course, as the bird cooks, the stuffing will expand out of the bird’s bottom and this may not be an optimal visual for the table, so have some sprigs of parsley ready to throw between it’s legs before you put it on the table. Maybe put a little party hat on the top of the neck too... why the hell not? Excuse me readers, it’s probably my friend phone, Cathy calling. “WHAT?... No, no, no, nobody’s making fresh guacamole in my kitchen!... No, there’s no taco chips and guacamole at Thanksgiving! ... If they’re health nuts, tell them to make that green mush at home and bring it with them. I don’t like people in my kitchen... it IS a big deal... if they don’t like the traditional foods, why are they bothering with Thanksgiving?... Okay... you know what, just do what you want. Tell her I have nuts all over the kitchen and everything in my kitchen has been touched by nuts... I’m hanging up now...” Okay readers, that’s the last interruption, I promise. Put the oven on 350 and put in the bird, with or without the pan, I don’t care. Drink one cup of rum. Crush any remaining Xanax you have and put it into a container of milk that may be used for children later in the day. The Xanax in their milk will enhance your ability to enjoy your meal. Happy Thanksgiving!
- Gas Home Heating Boilers and Furnaces installed & repaired - Free tank hookup to existing line - Natural Gas Appliance installations & repairs - Gas Logs, Regular & Tankless Water Heaters - Pool Heaters Heaters— —installations & repairs
Our team is ready to help.
296 W Montauk Highway Hampton Bays, NY 11946 Tel: 631-728-5801 www.tortorella.com 1267318
(continued from page 28)
They had a cohesive design. Q: You have had a lot of art training, starting from an early age, that allowed you to get to this point. A: As a high school student I studied at several places, including The New School and with Chaim Gross. I went to Boston University to major in art and I have a Masters degree from C.W. Post. Q: Boston University’s program had a big impact on you. A: It offered classical training in the arts; we even ground our own paint. This training gives you freedom to do a lot of different things. Q: If you hadn’t been an artist, what would you have done? A: I would have been a lawyer or psychiatrist. The law, like painting, is based on interpretation. Nothing is simple or black and white. Q: You also see painting as a creative process. A: Yes. I start out with some idea, but the work takes on a life of its own. When I finish a painting, it’s as if I didn’t have anything to do with it. Steve Romm’s website is stevenromm.com.