DAN'S PAPERS, September 10, 2010 Page 28 www.danshamptons.com
Dr. Beach
(continued from page 11)
“They serve lobster and corn dinners on the little porch of the pavilion,” said the chef at the food concession. “Take that up with the Mayor,” the Chief said. “Again, not on the beach. Doesn’t count.” “I think it is worth considering that the women in Southampton are more fashionably dressed than those in East Hampton,” one of the lifeguards said. “They are chic. They are classy.” “Maybe Southampton thinks they are Palm Beach,” the chief said. “Are you saying their women are more beautiful than our women?” “Absolutely not. The other way around.” “Another point for Main Beach,” the chief said. “I’ve been told that Dr. Leatherman decides on the best beach based on things like the texture of the sand, or the amount of pebbles and rocks you
encounter,” another lifeguard said. “Things like that. Maybe the shore birds too. I don’t know.” “The drift of the sand along the beach is from east to west,” the chief said. “We get it first. When it’s clean. Then they get it. They get our dirt in the sand that washes down to there. I just don’t get it.” “Are you suggesting there might be bribery involved here?” a parking lot attendant asked. “I don’t know. I don’t know,” the Chief said. “But there is a motion that’s been put on the table, which is why I’ve called you here, to ban Dr. Leatherman from Main Beach for the rest of the year.” “You mean physically? Actually?” “Yes.” “I don’t know if that is a good idea,” Van said.
THE SOUTHAMPTON
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE Presents
THE SOUTHAMPTON FARMER’S MARKET Sundays June 6 - Oct 10 9am - 1pm In the parking lot behind the Parrish Art Museum
“If we ban him, he will be angry with us. We’ll never get the #1 vote.” “How will he evaluate us for next year?” asked one of the lifeguards. “It’s just being suggested we do this through September. After that he would be welcome back.” “So it’s a SYMBOLIC thing,” said a beach boy. “No, it’s real. A real banning. It will either make him angry. Or it will make him realize we mean business here. It will capture his attention. He’s visiting thousands of beaches around the country every year.” “Maybe he’ll drop us off the Top 10 entirely,” a cabana boy said. “Look. Sometimes you just gotta go for the gold. You win, you lose.” “It’s all about the trying,” said one of the lifeguards. “Nobody can blame anybody for trying.” “Let’s vote,” the Chief said. “Hands up in favor?” Practically every hand in the room went up. “Opposed?” One hand went up in the back of the room. It was from the head of the concession staff, a man who rarely spoke, and who wrote poetry. “I think this puts bad vibrations in the air. And I think in the long-term scheme of things, what does it matter? A billion years from now, the earth is going to burn up after crashing into the sun. Where will it have been written that…” “So you’re against this.” “Yes.” “So noted. The matter passes.” With a cheer and with fists pumping in the air, the entire staff of East Hampton Main Beach went out to take their stations along the beach and the pavilion. It was now at the stroke of 9 a.m. The beach was open for the day.
For more information call:
631-283-0402
Eruv
1342646
BRING DROUGHT STRESSED LANDSCAPES BACK TO LIFE DEEP ROOT FERTILIZE YOUR PLANTS THIS FALL Plants need to recover from extreme Summer stress. Our natural Deep Root Fertilization does more than simply provide vital nutrients. Containing beneficial microorganisms, humic acids & sea kelp, it promotes healthy soil and improves root function without stimulating excessive growth. Healthy plants recover faster, becoming disease & insect resistant; living longer while retaining their natural beauty. Your landscape is a major and essential asset. Make a small investment now and safeguard it for years to come.
plant healthcare
We provide a full range of landscape services from initial concept & design through final installation, with complete ongoing maintenance. Your trust & respect are earned through our quality of work- Call for a complimentary manship and service.
consultation
Ray Smith & Associates, Inc.
Providing landscapes with beauty,
631-287-6100
health & balance for over 35 years
raysmithassociates.com
1342023
(continued from page 13)
the other way around. In the original rabbi’s ruling, it was said that this could not be considered an exception to the rule unless a local authority figure (not necessarily Jewish) gave his blessing to the project. It was meant as a courtesy to the community. The third thing you need to know is that at present there are thousands of eruvs in the United States which various officials have given their blessings to, including one around the White House in Washington. Where a community has sued not to have one—for antisemitic or other reasons—the courts have always ruled to allow the eruv. One could put one around a whole County if they wanted. (I’m sure Executive Steve Levy would give his blessing.) So that’s it. If Christians want to ring their church bells, put out crèches during the holidays, allow Christmas caroling on the streets, suspend parking regulations on Sundays and hold Easter Egg hunts in the park, then give the town’s blessing to a few markers on some telephone poles for the Orthodox Jews. What the heck is the big deal?