Page 40 August 23, 2013
DAN’S PAPERS
danspapers.com
By DAn KOOnTZ
BRINGING IN THE AIR SUPPORT Paranoia-prone Sag Harborites were unsettled last Saturday night to see a helicopter circling the skies above the village and shining a searchlight onto the streets below. Of course, if you believe that the government is able to keep tabs on you by tapping your phone calls and following you with satellites, then you might wonder why the government would bother with a hovering helicopter and an old-fashioned searchlight. Just for the record, it seems the police had called in air support to try to smoke out a pesky small-time burglar. This may be the same burglar who recently made off with two St. Pauli Girl beers from a private residence. Watch out! HOW NOT TO FIx YOUR CAR We’ve all heard the advice: if you need an expensive replacement part for your car, go to the junkyard and see if you can pick one up for cheap. For cheap, but not for free. Some guys from Bay Shore got the wrong idea, though, and tried to walk out of J&V Auto Salvage in Quiogue without paying for what sounds like a lot of stuff—an air suspension system, a computer system, and a set of taillights. Instead of fixing their car, they both got fixed with a petit larceny charge. MCGUMBUS TAkES TO THE SkIES Old Man McGumbus, 103, decorated WWII flying ace, captain and sole member of Shelter Island’s volunteer sky patrol, was awoken Saturday night by the sound of the circling helicopter in nearby Sag Harbor. Spying the searchlight, and convinced that Shelter Island was under attack, he immediately sprang into action, taking to the skies in his trusty old B-17 equipped with machine guns and a secret cache of unexploded ordnance. After completing two perimeter runs around the island, however, McGumbus’ fuel gave out, and he was forced to make an emergency water landing in Gardiners Bay, where he was rescued by a local fisherman on Sunday morning. Upon being told that the helicopter was only searching for a burglar, McGumbus grumbled something about “those darned hippies” and went back to sleep.
Marilyn Monroe with Roses | Silkscreen on gold foil paper
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MOvING vIOLATIONS On Monday night, at a vineyard on the North Fork, police cited around 3,000 revelers for “freaking out” in public, and further charged them with “disco dancing with reckless abandon.” Five hundred partyers were additionally cited for “shamelessly shaking their caboose” and “making some noise.” All charges were dropped, however, when it was explained to the officers that “these were the good times” and that you can’t help but “freak c’est Chic.” Read more Hamptons Police Blotter and get Old Man McGumbus updates at DansPapers.com.