Dan’s Papers June 3, 2011 danshamptons.com Page 75
LETTERS BIRDIE Dear Dan, Attached is a photo that I took right outside my window of a Cardinal nest. Spring is really here, even though it doesn’t feel like it. I thought you might like to put my nature photo in your paper. It’s not something you ever see ordinarily. Enjoy! Lois Youdelman Summer is so welcome this year. –DR WARM FUZZY Dear Dan and Friends, Just wanted to thank you and your team for your great paper! I am a six-year loyal reader (from the mainland) and I use and share various parts of Dan’s (especially Sheltered Islander) as part of my lesson plan for my adult day program participants. Some co-workers have Dan’s covers as art posted on their walls or use the pictures to help our individuals foster creativity. I am writing this on Thursday May 26, 2011, holding the May 27 copy, which means we can start the week fresh with the best news from across the Sound! Your paper is very serious up here, so much that we keep a couple extra copies around because when caseworkers visit our facility (in Westchester ) for meetings, they find events for themselves or their clients to attend on the Island in your paper. Sincerely, John Garnett II Old Greenwich, Conn. Thank you Connecticut –DR PENNERED AGAIN Dear Dan, Republicans calling for “King for president” is fantasy. Like the cowardly lion from the Land of Oz, Long Island’s last GOP Congress member Peter King lacked the courage to challenge Democratic Senator Kristen Gillibrand in 2010. After the census, New York will lose two Congressional districts. As a result, the State Legislature will draw new district lines. Tradition has one downstate and one upstate district sacrificed. Democratic Assembly Speaker
PotatoHampton 2011 SATURDAY JUNE 4 9AM 50
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Silver and Governor Cuomo will outfox GOP Senate leader Skelos in the process. King’s last Long Island Republican district will disappear absorbed by surrounding Democratic districts. King should see the writing on the wall and run against Senator Gillibrand when she runs for a full term in 2012. Sincerely, Larry Penner Great Neck Ah, Mr. Penner from Great Neck strikes again. –DR
CLUELESS IN SEATTLE Dear Dan, This is the first time I’m writing in, and sitting at my desk wondering why it has taken me so long? I have a question for you! I am a former Hamptonite, now living in Seattle. I read Dan’s Papers religiously online, and share many of your articles with friends of mine. We all really get a huge kick out of the Police Blotter, more so out of Old Man McGumbus! My question for you is a simple one, Dan. Is Old Man McGumbus a real person, and if so, are the stories that you publish about him actually true? I want to believe that they are all true, and that Mr. McGumbus is a bit crazy (in a good way), but feel that possibly these stories are made up, for sheer laughter. Thanks Dan! Michael Confer
Send your letters to askdan@danspapers.com (e-mails only, please) My son David writes this column and I think he makes up old man McGumbus stories. –DR POTATOHAMPTONITE Dear Dan, Just recently I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and put my gym membership on freeze. Running outside would be something I’d think about day and night. Now reading “The First PotatoHampton,” I’d have nothing but excitement for this day to come. This will be my first “minithon” if you will, and I hope it won’t be my last. Your article takes me through the past minithon showing how important this race was to you then and how it has shaped and reflected you and the society now. Even though someone might overlook your statement, “I had set out a route that would take runners past some of the most beautiful scenery we had,” I couldn’t agree and appreciate this statement more then I already do. If people were striving to finish a race and enjoy their time, why would they want to be surrounded by a scene that has no importance or beauty behind it. All of the hard work you and your staff have put into this race was much appreciated in 1978 and I hope to see and enjoy the same hard work and pleasure after this race. Felicia Milanovich Wading River
POLICE BLOTTER Injured Seal An injured seal was located at a beach in East Hampton. The seal was taken to the Riverhead Foundation For Marine Life. The seal was quoted saying, “You know, I can’t believe that I hurt myself just before Memorial Day Weekend, I’ve been waiting to surf this beach all year!” Quiogue Porn A homeless man has been arrested after he broke into a home in Quiogue, squatted there, and began to order porn on television. I have no real joke for this other than this actually happened. Oh wait, I just thought of one, no I’ll hold back, it’s too DIRTY. ZINGGGG!!!! Call The Police!!! A man in Montauk called police to tell them that his neighbor had a goat in his backyard. THE NERVE OF THAT NEIGHBOR! Well, it turns out that having a goat in your backyard is perfectly legal. Police explained that to the man and said, “Do you still feel maaaaaaaadddd?” To which the man replied, “Naaaaaaahhhhhhh.” Shelter Island Old Man McGumbus 98, and former World War II “Nazi Invasion Lookout” stationed in Montauk, is planning on celebrating his 99th birthday on Shelter Island with a bang, literally. McGumbus was recently arrested after he was caught firing off celebratory
fireworks on the roof of his house and firing a six-shooter into the air every time he launched a firework. Police told Old Man McGumbus to get down from the roof and McGumbus agreed to give up the illegal fireworks. McGumbus is inviting everyone in town to celebrate. He was quoted in a recent press release saying, “All are invited to my party except Nazis…and hippies.” Headless The body that was found on the beach in Amagansett without a head is currently being investigated. So far, police have determined that the body is that of a small framed male and that there doesn’t appear to be any foul play. The headless body is still very much the talk of the town, but that’s no way to get ahead in life. You’ll never be the head of a major corporation if you just gossip all the time, you need to keep your head about you, okay I’ll stop. Grand Piano Stolen A grand piano has been reported stolen from a home in Southampton. The piano has not turned up so far. If anybody hears piano music playing the song, “Kleptomaniac Girlfriend” by Mark Aaron James, check to make sure that the piano player isn’t a thief. –David Lion Rattiner