marriages that last
Get Into The Game
T
his past Friday night my wife and I took our two small boys to a local High School football game. My boys were excited beyond belief. This was only their second game to attend but I could already sense their eagerness to absorb the night’s activities. After passing along our tickets to the boys, because at 2 and 4 they want to hand off the tickets, we made our way to our seats. My boys were totally enthralled with all the activities taking place. On one end they watched the players warm up and on the other, cheerleaders doing their thing. They watched the band make their way to the field and take their respective places while the whole time firing off question after question. Anyone that has had a 2 or a 4 year old knows what I’m talking about. They are sponges soaking up knowledge at every turn. Soon after the game started, they asked dad for popcorn, about 45 seconds into the game to be exact. I agreed to tag team the boys and my wife headed for the concession stand. Returning with two boxes of popcorn my once chaotic world just found peace. For the next half hour both boys sat back eating their popcorn content, watching all that was transpiring before their eyes. Like my boys, many others were sitting in the stands watching the game. All of us have some form of knowledge, some more than others but none the less knowledge. If I was to ask any of the spectators if they know something about the
game of football they’d all say “yes.” My boys have knowledge of the game, though limited by most standards; their knowledge consists of flashing lights, and popcorn. You ask the next person and they may understand the difference between half back, corner back, first down and touchback. Their knowledge is more in-depth about the game, but still holds limitations in really knowing the game. For anyone sitting in the stands that has not actually played football you can gain knowledge of the game but they will never intimately know the game. Many times we confused knowledge with intimacy. Many individuals know their spouse but don’t really know them. They sit in the stands watching everything go on around them but seldom get in the game. They watch their spouse from a distant, observing everything they’re doing but lazily sit by reluctant to lift a finger. Intimacy tends to scare people. In order to be truly intimate you have to be willing to open yourself up and that means taking a risk. It means getting off the marital sideline and getting into the game. You can know your spouse’s favorite color or restaurant to eat at but do you know what makes them feel alive. Do you pursue their heart in ways that brings fulfillment and joy? Intimacy requires intentionality. You can sit in the stands and tell everyone around you that you know the game of football but until you’ve been on the field taking the hits yourself you really don’t know the game. Ask yourself if you’ve been sitting on the sideline of your marriage or are you in the game? Many people avoid the game of really getting to know their spouse because of the fear of getting knocked down. Getting knocked down is not the sin, staying down or refusing to try is. You will find yourself emotionally imprisoned if you continue to sit by watching everything going on around you but refuse to participate.
Dr. Kevin Nieman, LMFT Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services is proud to announce that we are now in our newly remodeled offices. We are also pleased to announce that our new website www.cornerstoneoftulsa.com is active. We are excited about bringing hope and healing to those hurting in our community, blending our Christian beliefs with our professionalism.
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