8 Senior LIVING • North & West Metro
March 7, 2013
Early spring cleaning reminds me of my mother
T
he Native Americans say white women have too many possessions which need dusting. As I’m doing early spring inventory at my house, I am reminded of cleaning out my mother’s house a few years ago. My mother had moved into a nursing home and because her house was to be sold, I was elected chief sorter of family items. Decisions, like a flock of barnyard geese, pecked and hissed at me. Trophies winked from the mantle of my mother’s kitchen and brought up memories of the good old days when Mom and I competed in gymkhanas and horse shows together. What to do with those trophies? After notifying my kids about their grandmother’s move, and that her house would be sold, my son arrived from college. He said, “Mother, please don’t sell Grandma’s house, where they loved me all my life. You should move in here.” Ouch, I felt a twinge of his pain. But I explained to him that I would feel isolated living by myself in Mom’s house. He sadly faced the facts and chose some things of his grandfather’s to save. My daughter arrived from Chicago. With a good eye, she chose furniture, paintings, antique jewelry and fans from
her favorite grandmother’s place. After my daughter and son left, I sat at the kitchen table and studied a framed photo of my older brother looking handsome in his U.S. Navy pilot’s uniform. Since he wasn’t available to help me, I had to figure out what to do with his camping equipment, Linda Ronstadt posters, and Beach Boys albums. These items had been stored by my mother in a bomb shelter style store room. This cement basement space, behind the furnace room, was stacked with fishing equipment, cardboard cartons stuffed with financial papers, war memorabilia, and handwritten love letters written between my parents during World War II. I was happy to find these letters, real treasures. I also discovered every letter I had written to my parents when I was in college in New York. After reading a few, I was reminded how many exciting things went on in my life in those years, such as photographing
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demonstrations against the Vietnam war in New York City. But after a day sorting items into boxes labeled: save, estate sale, garage sale or trash, I was overwhelmed. The Native Americans were right about white women having too many objects. Out of desperation I grimaced and invited my ex husband to go through giant piles of family photos. “This is staggering,” he said, and briefly he pitched in. Then he said smoothly, “Could I have your mother’s turquoise covered longhorn skull? And also the model of the B-24 your father was shot down in?” No, yes, I mean no, not so fast. Help me, God. Wearing tennis clothes, my mother’s best friend, Dorothy, opened the screen door and asked, “Is everything okay, Mary?” The family accountant showed up and helped with the numbers. We looked at the framed photos of Mom with congressmen and senators on the wall of her office. With mixed feelings of relief to get the house cleaned out and longing for the past, I wondered what it all meant. Did God have a plan? I shoved my grief deep down inside, but it was like an ocean wave that rocked forth at high tide. But eventually I got the job done, with most of my hair intact, and life moved on. I sold Mom’s house for a fair price and put
Forker continued from Page 7
you treat the depression and the normal cognitive function gets back to normal.” This is why anyone who suspects a loved one may be depressed needs to help
that individual seek treatment. Fear of dementia interferes with seeking treatment, but an individual’s loss of cognitive skills may be caused by untreated depression. Not only is the depression treatable, but
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Mary McFerren Stobie grew up in Golden and lives in Wheat Ridge. She is a storyteller, and has had columns published in the Rocky Mountain News, Denver Post and Chicago Tribune. Please contact her with comments at mry_jeanne@yahoo.
Forker: Interacting with others key to health
the money in her account. She enjoyed the nursing home, not having so much stuff to worry about. She’s gone now, and enjoyed a good life. Now in my own house, as I get ready for spring cleaning I go through my inventory. I still have all the letters from Mom’s house and haven’t read them yet. But along with that I have too much on paper, too many photos and too many cell phone chargers. Maybe the Native Americans are right. I’m a white woman collecting too much dusty stuff. My husband and I have talked about setting up a tipi in the back yard where we could go meditate on the theory of simplicity. It might be a good idea before it’s too late and my kids are sorting through my things and saying, “Why the heck did she have three backpacks, 10 pairs of sunglasses and 15 purses? And why did she keep those notebooks full of those columns she wrote?” “You better not throw those out,” I’ll warn from the beyond.
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some forms of cognitive impairment respond well to treatment, said Zolcik. Relationship proves the key to detecting depression and getting a loved one to seek medical help, says Lanham. Get an individual feeling safe, and they may trust you to help them. “It’s really hearing what people want and meeting their needs,” says Lanham. While some physical ailments can trigger depression, the depressive state also can worsen preexisting medical conditions, said Zolcik, noting that depressed people may not take their medications as prescribed and suspend other self-care practices, such as eating a healthy diet, exercise and keeping up with basic hygiene. “Statistics show that when depression is treated in the elderly, the outcome of their physical illnesses is better,” said Zolcik. Reduce your own risk of depression by eating a healthy diet, getting appropriate, regular exercise,
interacting regularly with other people, staying active in your community and teaching your brain new tricks. “Get out of the house,” said Zolcik. “Do not be alone. And try to stimulate your brain in whatever ways you can.” He also recommends an annual physical and telling one’s primary-care or specialist physician about any possible anxiety or depression you may be experiencing. Jennifer Forker is the Public Relations & Communications coordinator at Community Reach Center, a nonprofit mentalhealthcare provider with five outpatient offices in Adams County, Colo., and the designated mentalhealthcare provider for individuals eligible for Medicaid in Adams County. For more information, visit www.communityreachcenter.org. Find a NAMI support group in your area at NAMI Colorado, www. namicolorado.org.