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and psychological consequences to society’s manufacturing of virginity. In sex education, we are always being taught the physical consequences such as sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. According to a survey in the The Observer, Britain has the world’s highest number of unmarried teenage pregnancies even though the average age a woman loses her virginity is 17/18. This is higher than one would assume for such a high teenage pregnancy rate. Average British life includes sex 2,580 times with five partners. British men have more stamina than most countries lasting 21 minutes, and more women under 20 who have extra marital sex than the rest of Europe. Americans are the most into cyber sex in the West, and the biggest users of online pornography. Americans ask for dates via email as much as face to face and are the only people among whom the average age for virginity is rising (due to the increase in sex education in schools). These ageing virgins have the longest and most frequent sex sessions in the developed world – each session averaging 28 minutes and occurring 130 times a year. Ireland has one of the lowest average ages for losing virginity (aged 16), despite being so deeply embedded in tradition. Popular framing of losing one’s virginity as a sacred rite of passage is contributing to the increasing dilemmas of teenage sexuality, perpetuating the distortion of the memory of virginity. I agree that this moment in our lives defines us and relationships to come. It defines the way we see and respect ourselves and our relationship 33 with sex. Good or bad, all of our experiences have their part to play. This is not to say that we can’t have a bit of sexual romance and mystery in our films and TV shows. There just needs to be more open and honest discussions not only about the physical consequences of sex but also the emotional ones. Biologically, sex is the most natural act on Earth; ostensibly, we, as human beings are here to procreate. Why can’t we just face the reality of it all? The memory of losing one’s virginity is or should be a bittersweet combination of comedy and drama, as it is the willingness to throw oneself entirely and fearlessly into the unfamiliar. This moment is the loss of innocence, the reality of adulthood and the responsibility of decision. It is one of the single most important memories of your life maybe not for the reasons perpetuated in society but for reasons that are personal to the individual.
Photography by Kate Busby