Barbara Swanson, a non-denominational reverend and wedding officiant with Say I Do by Barbara, has noticed that the traditional rules delineating how much the bride’s parents should spring for (most) and what the groom’s parents should cover (the rest) no longer apply. “I believe that young couples, who are older, better educated, and making a good income are contributing more than ever to their weddings,” she says. Conversely, their parents may be unemployed, saving for their retirement, or on a fixed income. Faced with this exact family circumstance, Amanda Greene and Nicholas Paulsen have decided to foot the bill for their upcoming wedding in Plainville, Massachusetts. Additionally, says Amanda, “This is my second marriage; we have a fifteen-month-old daughter who goes to daycare while we both work full time. It was more important to have a nice day and not break the bank.” Throughout their planning process, Amanda was delighted to discover that, “Trying to find ways to cut back and make our cashonly wedding possible has been fun.” Visiting bridal expos, doing research, and consulting Pinterest for creative ideas allowed them “to become better at saving,” adds Nick. Negotiating with vendors, who “were able to work with us on different prices helped us stick to our budget.”
“To know we were able to put together a wedding on our own made it all worth it.” Flying solo may prompt a shift in focus away from the reception bills (and frills) and towards the impact of the ceremony. “Regardless of how much is spent,” suggests Swanson, “a small, meaningful wedding” can be just as beautiful as a grand affair. “Barbara was totally on board with our idea, which was a ‘surprise’ April Fools wedding for fifteen guests,” says Brookelyn Carta, who held her surprise wedding at the Matunuck Oyster Bar in Rhode Island. “For my husband, Steve Skultety, this was his second marriage. We didn’t really want a big wedding that my parents, or ourselves would be paying off. After considering several options, we came up with something fun, casual, and easy for everybody.” Their plan? “We didn’t tell anyone and surprised them by getting engaged, and then married by Barbara, who brought along her sister to videotape the whole thing,” says Brookelyn. “It was so exciting!” Impressively, Brookelyn and Steve planned their wedding in just six weeks. “My advice for couples who are planning and/or paying for their own wedding is to prioritize,” says photographer Leslie Boudreau. “Think past the party and try to decide what will be most important to you after the wedding is over. This is a day to celebrate and you get to follow your own rules.” Knowing when to accept or deny any outside help can be tricky. “When planning my own wedding, the biggest thing my parents
tried to influence was the guest list,” recalls Martine BoursiquotLaConte, owner and founder of This Modern Love Events in Southern Connecticut. “There were so many people they wanted to invite, but increasing the guest list was what had a direct impact on the budget (which we were mostly paying for ourselves). My husband and I envisioned our wedding as an intimate gathering.” In order to minimize any major drama, Martine feels it is vital to gently set guidelines for both sets of parents. “While we appreciated outside opinions, we wanted it to be ‘our’ wedding. The only way to ensure that was to pay for it ourselves,” says Meagan Stevens, about her August 31, 2013 wedding to Matthew Sussman held in Spring Lake, New Jersey. Throughout their engagement, Matthew felt “a bit overwhelmed by suggestions of where, how, and when we should have our wedding. Rather than play favorites regarding who we would/wouldn’t take advice from, continued on page 52 www.bridegroommag.com
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