Don’t Forget The Groom! Ways to include your husband-to-be in the planning process
By Sheri Davich
I
n days gone by a man never knew how insignificant he could be until he prepared for his own nuptials. The wedding day was all about the bride! A majority of men would like marriage planning to be a shared experience, an event that he and his bride prepare for and celebrate, together. Couples should approach their wedding planning as a first opportunity to take on a large project as a team. Busy brides can certainly use the help! Whether you are the man who would like to be more involved, or you are the woman who wants to encourage her fiancé to pitch in, where do you begin? Good etiquette is always in style and no one knows etiquette better than Emily Post. In “Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette 5th Edition” (HarperCollins Publishers, available on Amazon.com), author Peggy Post details a groom’s traditional duties. The groom has always been expected to do so much more than to get to the church on time. These tasks are a great place to start in getting the guys into the game:
Traditional groom responsibilities: Select the engagement ring. A bride often likes to be included in the process. ■ Choosing his wedding party — a best man, groomsmen, ushers ■ Choosing the attire for himself and his attendants — in keeping with the style of the wedding and under the approving eye of the bride, of course! ■ Selecting hank you gifts for his attendants. ■ Arranging and paying for lodging for his wedding party. ■ Selecting a gift for the bride. ■ Compiling his part of the guest list and ensuring his parents provide their guest list. ■
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Weddings North • Spring 2011
■ Planning
of the honeymoon. Today this is more of a couple’s task. ■ Choosing wedding bands with his future bride. ■ Arranging for and purchasing the marriage license. ■ Making arrangements for transportation from the ceremony to the reception site. ■ Planning the bachelor party or event. A best man often takes a lead role in this. ■ Giving the ceremony officiant a fee or donation, or arranging for the best man to pay the fee. ■ Standing in a receiving line after the ceremony. Greeting guests at the reception. Making toasts and responding to toasts at the rehearsal dinner and the reception. ■ The first dance with the bride, plus a dance with his mother, the bride’s mother and the maid/matron of honor. ■ Cutting the cake with the bride. ■ Writing personal vows, if applicable. ■
Going beyond traditional Now, this list is a great place to begin, but it is just that — merely a beginning. The fifth edition of “Wedding Etiquette” includes a chapter on additional responsibilities for modern grooms. Some suggestions from the book are included here along with other ideas. Can you come up with some of your own?
The basics and beyond The bride and the groom should agree on a time and date for the wedding, and if the couple is paying for all or part of the wedding they should set a budget together.