SONS #LIFELES C N @BLUEI .CO.UK BLUEINC
B LU E I N C H A S Y O U R B A C K !
ISSUE Nº2
SPRING / SUMMER 2014
! N I W A
IBIZ O T P I A TR E H T D E E F
R E V O HANG
HAT TIONS T DO A N I B T OM FOOD C N’T WORK BU D L SHOU R CE FLOO N A D E LE TH AND RU NEY SY’ MO A ‘E E OM MAKE S O T W O H
ES V O M Y TH KNOW ? H S A C Y HOLIDA
N OON S S S E S L E L E LLIIFFE
7 5 #
N E H W M E H S T S E E V R E D I L Y E C B N R A E F V S E ’ T N I Y A S Y E TH
2
LIFE LESSONS
THE W I N G M A N ’S H I G H L I G H TS PA G E 6 LAU G H H E R I NTO B E D
Make sure she’s laughing with you – not at you (or your novelty swimwear).
S N O S LES
LIFET YOU
#48 HOLIDAY CASH, DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
TO GE O SPEED UP T SUMMER FOR
#49 FESTIVAL TICKETS. SET YOUR ALARM OR SPEND THE NEXT FEW MONTHS DEVISING YOUR BLAG.
W
#50 BEWARE THE BATHROOM CABINET. ‘INSTANT GLOW’ = OOMPA LOOMPA ORANGE.
elcome back to The Wingman. With Summer just around the corner (no really) it’s time to shake off the winter hangover and emerge from your man cave, ready to embrace everything the warmer months have to offer. It’s about kitting yourself out with some new clothes, learning new man skills, and generally getting the good times rolling. Read on for meal ideas that shouldn’t work but somehow do, dance moves that’ll help boost your legend status on the dance floor, an A-Z of the things that we guarantee will prep you for your best summer ever and more.
D R ES S TH E PA RT TH I S W E E KE N D Whatever the occasion calls for.
PA G E 8 STA N I S BAC K Back with more ‘pearls of wisdom’ from his bar stool.
#63 IF YOU FALL ASLEEP YOU’RE FAIR GAME.
#66 AIM ABOVE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. IF YOU DON’T ASK YOU DON’T GET.
#76 BOOKING FLIGHTS? NEVER PAY FOR HOLD LUGGAGE – IT’S TIME TO LAYER UP.
#54 DO NOT REMOVE YOUR TOP IN A CLUB. YOU WILL BECOME ‘THAT GUY’.
#67 IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, CONSIDER LOWERING YOUR STANDARDS.
#77 BOOKING YOUR HOTEL? KNOW THY PRIORITIES: 1) BAR 2) GIRLS 3) SCREEN SHOWING FOOTBALL.
#68 JACKETS AND COATS: YOU COULD BE A REAL MAN AND LEAVE THEM INDOORS, OR YOU COULD BE THE LADIES’ MAN AND GIVE IT TO HER ON THE WALK HOME.
#78 WHEREVER YOU END UP THIS SUMMER, IT’S STILL ALL EYES ON BRAZIL.
#69 CHAT UP LINES WERE INVENTED BY A SINGLE MAN. HE’S STILL SINGLE. #70 NEVER PAY THE ENTIRE BILL ON THE FIRST DATE? CHANCES ARE YOU WON’T GET A SECOND ONE. #71 KNOWING HOW TO HANDLE A BRA CLASP IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FAILING AND NAILING.
E H T D E E F R E V O G HAN
ET K C O P T THE HO
AT VS. ME SWEET S KE PANCA
CH ER M UN MONST RØD EB SM ØR R
PA G E 8 H IT TH E F LO O R Skip the slut drops and stick with the classics.
BREAD GARLIC ILE PIZZA P
A CARB LA PIZZ
ONARA JUST GET UR TS DESSER
PA G E 1 1 I DO U B LE D E N I M DA R E YO U ... Keep it classic and casual or up the ante in double or triple.
R NIE A S E N LASAG LASAGNE SANDWICH; CHEESE, PICKLE & PEANUT BUTTER TOASTIES; PIZZA CARBONARA, MEAT ‘N TWO DOUGHNUTS…
W
hen it comes to feasting, if you can’t grab hold of a burger (like the daddy opposite) then you have to use your imagination. Now we know your skills extend far beyond filling a Yorkshire pudding with sausages
#74 AN UNATTENDED PHONE IS EASY PREY FOR YOUR MATES AND SUSPICIOUS GIRLFRIENDS. GET A PASSCODE LADS.
#53 HITTING THE DANCEFLOOR? KNOW THY MOVES.
#59 LOSING YOUR KEYS ON A NIGHT OUT IS AN EPIC FAIL. EVERYTHING ELSE CAN BE REPLACED AT A LATER DATE (GIRLFRIEND INCLUDED).
GE , SAUSA , G G E SCOTCH SANDWICH D STACKE
#73 DON’T QUESTION HOW, JUST ACT NORMAL.
#65 ONE MAN’S FAILURE IS ANOTHER MAN’S NEW GIRLFRIEND.
#58 WHEN IT COMES TO BOOZE, KNOW YOUR LIMITS – IT’S MUCH MORE FUN WHEN YOU’RE AWAKE.
#47 DON’T SACRIFICE A GOOD STORY BY TELLING THE TRUTH.
#62 WHEN IN DOUBT, JÄGER BOMB.
#52 DON’T FORGET YOUR FIVE-A-DAY. START WITH AN APPLE SOURZ.
#57 NEVER BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY SAY IT’S FANCY DRESS.
#46 BRUSH YOUR TEETH BEFORE YOU PUT ON YOUR ‘LUCKY SHIRT’.
#61 EATING IS CHEATING.
#72 A DIRTY MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE.
#51 PREPARE THY BEACH BODY.
#56 IT’S CALLED A BAR ‘CRAWL’ FOR A REASON.
So here’s to sunblock, sangria and soccer. Jump in and teach the coming year who’s boss. Bring it on – The Editor.
#60 NEVER LEAVE A MAN DOWN.
#64 A HANGOVER IS NATURE’S WAY OF SAYING ‘GET UP AND GET BACK ON IT!’
#55 PULLING A SICKIE? ALWAYS REMEMBER THE SOCIAL BLACKOUT.
#45 FOUND A TENNER ON THE GROUND? DO THE RIGHT THING AND BUY A ROUND.
PA G E 7
BLUEINC.CO.UK
OB ROAD C ROCKY
BLER
and gravy. Once left to your own device in the kitchen and fuelled by your raging hangover, you are capable of rustling up the most impressive culinary delights. So raid the cupboards, wheel out the sauces and get truly creative in the kitchen. Share your photos with #feedthehangover for the recognition you deserve.
#FEEDTHEHANGOVER
#75 IF YOU SEE A FILM CREW ON A NIGHT OUT, AVOID. REMEMBER YOUR MUM AND DAD WATCH TV.
#79 FAILURE TO PREPARE IS PREPARING TO FAIL.
SONS #LIFELES NC @BLUEI .CO.UK C N I E U L B
OLVED GET INV GRAM TA ON INS HANGOVER HE T # F EED
-U L L O R T MEA
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N N O S O S S E S L E L E LLIIFFE
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A 4
IS FOR ARSE.
AS IN ‘GET OFF YOUR LAZY ARSE’ AND PLAN YOUR SUMMER HOLIDAY.
H
B
L
IS FOR LAST MINUTE. IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO PACK?
IS FOR HANGING.
FIND SOME SHORT-CUTS TO RECOVERY ON PAGE 2.
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IS FOR ENERGY DRINKS.
f J
A STAPLE SUPPLY FOR ANY BRIT ABROAD.
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FML. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE.
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YOU AND THE LADS ABROAD, NEVER LEAVE A MAN DOWN.
IS FOR PASSPORT.
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DE
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’. ‘ON TOP IS FOR F YOUR LIFE, O ON TOP F YOUR GAME O P ON TO YOUR TOP OF . N O D N A AP ACK A C P . D A E H
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WHEN BOOKING YOUR HOTEL, MAKE SURE IT HAS IT.
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CONTRAST DETAIL SHORT SLEEVE SHIRT
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Y
IS FOR THE YES-MAN.
THAT GUY IN YOUR GROUP WHO CAN’T SAY NO TO CHALLENGES.
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YOU’LL . WHAT N’T H C L I Z I S FO R OU DO NG I F Y I T T AN . E G BE N TO ST O I T N E T PAY AT
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A
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HE ISLA FIS
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JERSEY SHIRT
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s Ali G, Borat or Bruno this man is a certified comedy genius. But whatever you know him best as, Sacha Baron Cohen has managed to woo an absolute stunner in Isla Fisher. If you want to date a girl like Sacha’s then becoming the group funny man is a sure way to wow her. Get some new gear, dial up the giggles, and maybe you could even laugh the lucky lady into bed.
PLAIN TAZ SWIM SHORTS
£9.99
FLORAL DRESS
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TS TOMMY SHOES
NOVELTY SWIMWEAR IS NEVER A GOOD LOOK – INSTEAD STICK TO CLASSIC SWIM SHORTS.
ON SACHA BAR
COH EN
ABO WEARS –
T R A I N E R S / WHITE SPRINT B O T T O M S / BLACK JOGGERS T O P / AC I D W A S H S H I RT H A T / L E O PA R D B E A N I E
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WEDGES
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PHOTO CREDITS FROM FAR LEFT: SIPA PRESS / REX; JAMES McCAULEY / REX; BROADIMAGE / REX
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7
THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHOW OFF. SHARPEN UP WITH THIS COMBO FROM US AND WE’LL LEAVE THE CHARMING TO YOU.
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ON ENCE IT. T R E H F G F I I R D HE G IT ING GETTINNIGHT – IT’SLTING OR NAIL THE WEEN FAI BET
KEEP IT CASUAL AND PASS THE PUB TEST WITH YOUR MATES – BUT STAY SHARP ENOUGH TO GET HER NUMBER.
TS TAN BROGUE SHOES
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TS NAVY NEIL SHOES
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GE
L R I G E H TT
an nyone c ot just a dies’ Man a be The L up, it’s ro of the g d per ilous n a long a ia l a nd tr f o d a ro doesn’t ce it id a s t being le bit of g u idan a h T r. er ro a litt t at with a me, ge mean th step up you r g e super ’t m n g y ou c a nd b e co bench a g u ide to d ressin off the r u o l is ir g re sub. He nd gett ing the a the pa r t end. k th is wee
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CANVAS BAG
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SUPER SUNDAY GUYS HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF FINDING OUT IF A GIRL IS A ‘KEEPER’. THE BULLET PROOF TEST IS WHETHER OR NOT SHE’LL LET YOU WATCH THE WHOLE AFTERNOON OF FOOTBALL. REMEMBER COMFORT IS KEY.
BLACK CONTRAST BOXERS
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PLAYA CAP
THE WINGMA N
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PACK THESE. YOU’LL WANT TO WEAR CLEAN BOXERS TO WORK ON MONDAY.
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8
BLUEINC.CO.UK
E G SENS
GETTIN
N A T S FROM YOU KNOW THAT OLD MAN PROPPING UP THE BAR IN YOUR LOCAL BOOZER? NO-ONE KNOWS WHERE HE CAME FROM OR WHERE HE LIVES, BUT HE’S ALWAYS GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, A STORY TO SHARE, AND THE WISDOM HE IMPARTS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
SOME SAY IN 1984 HE HAD A THREESOME WITH THE TWO BIRDS FROM ABBA, OTHERS SAY THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER ‘BRICK TOP’ FROM THE MOVIE SNATCH WAS BASED ON HIS LIFE. ALLEGEDLY HE SOLD PELE’S WORLD CUP WINNERS MEDAL ON EBAY. AND GUESS WHAT, HE’S AGREED TO HELP YOU USELESS LOT WITH YOUR LIFE PROBLEMS. OVER TO YOU STAN... Q1: MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE I’M TOO PASSIVE AND NEVER STAND UP FOR MYSELF.
TH E SPRIN KL ER
fig.1
fig.2
fig.3
Feet and knees clamped together, spin on the spot. Arms out.
Keep spinning on the spot, everyone needs to get soaked!
Legs straight, bend your back, stomp one foot and dust off your shoulder.
JACK I N TH E BOX
fig.1
fig.2
fig.3
Take the ass back and swing those arms, across and out.
Thrust those hips and get the arms back.
Hands up high and the hips go wild, front and back and side to side.
N SOON LLIIFFEE LLEESSS
# 53
S E V O M HY
T W NO
K
WARNING!! ONLY FOR THE ADVANCED
‘TWERKING’ ‘THE SLUT DROP’ ‘THE BOOTY CLAP’ – LEAVE ALL OF THOSE TO THE GIRLS. Don’t be that guy. You know, the one who takes his dance moves far too seriously. To keep you on the right track we’ve put together some moves that are guaranteed to nurture your natural swagger and let the confidence flow through you like a pint of lager.
A: You can’t really argue with that can you.
Q2: I WOOED MY GIRLFRIEND WITH A CHEESEY CHAT UP LINE AND I WANT TO DUMP HER IN A SIMILAR FASHION. A: I like my girlfriend like I like my coffee. I don’t like coffee.
Q3: NEITHER I NOR MY FLATMATES KNOW HOW TO TURN THE DISHWASHER ON. WHAT DO WE DO?
takin g th e piste
fig.1
fig.2
fig.3
Bend those knees, grip those poles, jump, jump.
Straighten up before the next bump comes up.
Jump up and take a minute to enjoy your surroundings.
fig.1
fig.2
fig.3
Make those claws and then raise them.
Lift them up, higher, higher. Face to the left, face to the right.
Running man. Get the knees up high and the arms outstretched.
fig.1
fig.2
fig.3
Raise that right arm high. Swing it around in a circular motion.
Throw the lasso with your right hand, pull in your catch with your left.
Work hard, keep pullin’, left hand, right hand.
A: I find chocolates, flowers or candles usually do the trick.
Q4: I FEEL LIKE MY MUM IS RULING MY LIFE, SHE’S ALWAYS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. WHAT SHOULD I DO? A: Borrow some of her chest hair and stick it on your balls.
Q5: EVERY TIME I GO OUT WITH MY BEST MATE I NEVER GET ANY ACTION. WHAT DO I DO? A: Stop trying to shag your mate.
thril l er
Q6: I’VE JUST SPENT £150 ON A NEW PAIR OF FOOTBALL BOOTS AND I’M STILL NOT SCORING. HELP ME OUT HERE. A: I know your type, all the gear but no game. You couldn’t score in a brothel.
Q7: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF JUSTIN BIEBER WRITING ‘FREE JB’ ON HIS PRISON CELL WALLS? A: I just hope his inmates are dyslexic.
the l asso
N OON S S S E S L E L E F LLIIFE
8 4 #HOLIDAY CASOHU? NEED TO DO Y
9
. T U O K C E H . C H T S E A K C R D A R M A R H E P D U O S O . G G L N L I A T S S ’ E T T I L – A MEDICPERM DONOR S
T A H DO W
S
TOP DOLLAR: AN ALL INCLUSIVE VIP CLUBBING FORTNIGHT IN IBIZA
COINING IT: TWO WEEKS ON A WHITE SANDY BEACH IN MEXICO
EL
LIFE
OD M G N I DRAW
ell your body to science, let it all hang out for a room full of artists or become a walking, talking 6ft 4” foam hot-dog. Do what needs doing for the ultimate summer holiday. Blue Inc has done the research for you – read on to plan your short term career path. Alternatively if you can’t be arsed, enter our competition on page 10 for a chance to...
WIN A 4* EXPENSES PAID TRIP TO IBIZA FOR YOU AND YOUR MATES. HUMAN BILLBOARD We’ve all seen the guy holding up the golf sale arrow. Or the oversize foam head-to-toe costume advertising some random beverage on the hottest day of the year. Well... this could be you.
FLUSH: A WEEK IN THE SUN WITH ALL THE BOYS
WORKING EXTRA SHIFTS: LONG WEEKEND ON THE SLOPES
CASH RATING
EUROPEAN ROAD TRIP
EXPERIENCE NEEDED HEALTH HAZARD
DOING THE DAY JOB:
£££
EFFORT REQUIRED
0
7
EMBARRASSMENT FACTOR
1-10*
* Depends if anyone recognises you.
MEDICAL TESTING
STRAPPED FOR CASH:
A RAINY WEEKEND AT SKEGNESS
There are some really easy ways to make money by getting involved in Science. A testicle sells for £20k... just saying. CASH RATING
£££££
EFFORT REQUIRED
EXPERIENCE NEEDED
GETTING BY: TWO DAYS IN THE CARAVAN WITH YOUR PARENTS
SKINT: A NIGHT IN A TENT
0
10
EMBARRASSMENT FACTOR
8*
* Potentially devastating. Wingman says: any permanent procedures that could effect your social life, love-life or ability to play football should be avoided at all costs.
SPERM DONOR Expenses paid so no great cash incentive here – but hey – there are worse things to do for a living. CASH RATING EFFORT REQUIRED
£
EXPERIENCE NEEDED HEALTH HAZARD
THE WINGMA N
. a 6 pack f f o . d w han sho Cash in want to right? . u t s o a y F s . s unle hat Good essary... ou can handle t ATING c R e n f it’s ch H i t ( S o A C N . Y o . l g l ED e. ur e g sti REQUIR the scal ed is yo Standin s f i f u o D OU R r EFFORT E b e D b t E o ge t NE CING Y VE l o A E a t i F C t g F N n n O i E e I t U HA e po CTOR nly th EXPER RISK FA OWEVER, IF YO s has th i AR D O E h Z H A T T . H G H R CTO THIN UP. H EALT H H I NG O R NO ENT FA ONEY F WORTH WEIG EY METER. RASSM M R A T E B G M E EGE IS E MON DON’T S YOU LS FROM COLL T WAY UP TH Y A S N A R AS WINGM UM OR THE GI PUN ) IT’S A F E M H S T E MAT RDON LLS ( PA A B E H T
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N A C E H S Y S A D N W E 10 M A E K A M 10
DON’T WORRY GIRLS, WE DIDN’T FORGET YOU, HERE’S YOUR VERY OWN PAGE. HERE ARE 10 OF THE BEST WAYS YOUR FOOLHARDY BOYFRIEND CAN APOLOGISE FOR HIS LACK OF FORESIGHT. WE, OF COURSE, KNOW YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.
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STORE LOCATOR SOME PEOPLE WOULD TRY TO RAM THEIR STORE LOCATIONS DOWN YOUR THROAT. WE WON’T DO THAT. WE’LL JUST LET YOU KNOW WE HAVE 200+ STORES ACROSS BRITAIN AND THE WORLD’S MAJOR FASHION CAPITALS OF TALLINN, RIGA AND KUALA LUMPUR. IF YOU NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOUR NEAREST ONE IS... GOOGLE IT.
N OON S S S E S L E L E F LLIIFE
TH
N O I R T I E S P O T P S E T NS B O H S S E G L I E IS R #LIF P U NC @BLUEI .CO.UK AN C BLUEIN
WINGMAN SAYS: KNOW YOUR LIMITS AND DRINK RESPONSIBLY. IT’S MUCH MORE FUN WHEN YOU’RE AWAKE.
THE WINGMA N
3 6 # RUNNING MAONRMED IN F E