BRIAN CHILSON
BRIAN CHILSON
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Members of the Arkansas General Assembly will move from zoning to zone defense, from co-sponsoring to double-teaming, from ... OK, we’ll stop. It’s the first annual Arkansas Legislative Hoops For Kids’ Sake Game, pitting the House versus the Senate! All proceeds will benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Arkansas. Here’s your chance to find out who has game, and who can still pull off ‘80s-style short shorts. Based on early reports, the over-under on hamstring pulls is five. In addition to the lawmakers, celebrity guests will round out the rosters. The game will be 7 p.m. Tuesday, March 19 at the Jack T. Stephens Center. General admission tickets are $5 and available at the door. Doors open at 6 p.m. Scouting reports below.
COACH KATV-7 Sports Anchor Steve Sullivan PLAYERS Davy “The Baby-Faced Killah” Carter Jim Dotson Jeremy “Blackberry Magic” Gillam Monte “Blytheville Baller” Hodges Allen Kerr Fred “Deadeye Fred” Love Mark “Kareem” Lowery Stephanie Malone Andy “Downtown Mayberry” Mayberry Reginald Murdock Matthew “Sweet Baby” Shepherd Fred “The Preacher” Smith Jeff Wardlaw Bruce “Growth-cap Gunner” Westerman RINGERS Former Razorback and 93.3 radio host Pat Bradley KATV-7 Weekend Sports Anchor Robert Burton
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“The Baby-Faced Killah” The 6-foot-1 small forward plans to bring out his patented reverse slam dunk. “I don’t think this game will even be close,” the Killah said. “If you were a handicapper you probably wouldn’t touch it. I don’t know if you could set a line. It is probably going to be embarrassing for those guys.”
“Downtown Mayberry“ A 5-foot-11 three-point specialist. He sat on the bench for a high-school team that finished 6-21. That was 25 years ago. More recently, he won a free-throw contest on a Royal Caribbean cruise.
“The Preacher” A former Harlem Globetrotter, the 6-foot-5 forward once set a world record for the highest slam dunk, jamming on a rim 11 feet, 11 inches high. The Green Party representative now insists on playing with basketballs made from vegan, biodegradable material.
SENATE COACH KTHV-11 Sports Anchor Mark Edwards PLAYERS Paul “The Mortician” Bookout Joyce “Used-to-Be” Elliott Jake Files Jim “The Rover” Hendren Bart Hester Jeremy “The Round Mound” Hutchinson Robert “The Delta Dream” Thompson “Used-To-Be” The speedy guard, fresh on the heals of filing a resolution to ratify the Equal Rights amendment, notes that “men play, women rule.” She describes her game as “friendly aggression.”
“The Round Mound” The 5-foot-11 power forward inherited the family exclamation point with a bullish, Barkley-esque post game. Controversy erupted when the Round Mound, currently pushing legislation to test beneficiaries of public assistance for PEDs, was found with deer-antler spray.
“The Delta Dream” The Paragould center describes his game as “slow and awkward.” He has styled his play after Meadowlark Lemon, “a lovely man,” the Dream says. The Dream made a request that opposing players “please be gentle” with him.
RINGERS Former Razorback Sunday Adebayo Former Razorback and 93.3 radio host Blake Eddins KARK-4/KLRT-16 Reporter David Goins
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INSIDER, CONT. to compensation from the governmental unit, for the loss in value or even the entire value of the property. This would leave almost any form of government regulation prohibitively expensive under threat of lawsuit. Koch Industries, Deltic Timber and any other corporation doing business in the state have a major financial stake in getting this passed. Deltic is worth mentioning because this law would spell doom for the land-use ordinance in the Lake Maumelle watershed that looked set to pass last month before an amendment from JP Tyler Denton stalled it, blindsiding county officials. The ordinance seeks to protect water quality in Lake Maumelle — a source of drinking water for more than 400,000 central Arkansans — via restrictions on development in the watershed, where Deltic owns more than 10,000 acres. Brent Stevenson, a lobbyist for the Koch brothers, also lobbies for Deltic and for Lorie and Mark White, landowners in the watershed. Stevenson tweeted, “Tyler Denton is a public servant with honor and dignity and sensitivity to deal with complex issues” after Denton’s amendment passed. The Whites are among the most vocal critics of the ordinance. Their attorney is Kent Walker, who has pushed ideas about alternatives to the ordinance that are similar to Denton’s amendment. While Denton said he hasn’t been in touch with lobbyists, he has been in touch with Walker (though Denton is quick to point out that Walker is just one of many he’s talked to, including conservationists). Walker said that he has “never even heard of ALEC or any zoning they’ve proposed.” He e-mailed the Times to say that there are aspects of the amended ordinance that he disagrees with, but that the amendment did more to protect the water and unite the various stakeholders than anything yet proposed. “It is time to argue/discuss the conservation merits of the proposed Amendment and not this low level conspiracy black helicopter nonsense,” he wrote. This doesn’t look so much like a conspiracy as the simple influence of corporations and big landowners looking out for their own interests. Regardless of how we got here, if SB367 becomes law, any future state or local regulation of any kind will be impossible. That would mean that the land-use ordinance for the Lake Maumelle Watershed, an idea that has been fought over for years, is dead.
Carter not running as Dem Blog comments, e-mail tipsters and stray tweets have speculated at length on the political future of House Speaker Davy Carter. He won’t talk about it himself, saying that he’s focused on the session. But one rumor can be put to bed, according to Carter. He told reporters recently that he will not run for future office as a Democrat. www.arktimes.com
MARCH 14, 2013
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