art, literature, & design
The song was all about flames, flames burning away at you, burning you until you just don’t have anything left. At one point, she even grimaced. She had her composure until then. Someone in the audience yelled out, You got it girl. She smiled at that. It was a sad smile.
school. I went to all three nights, but she performed on the last. All the really good stuff was on the last night. She had a whole band behind her when the curtain came up. She was standing tall, all done up, too. She was pretty. I hadn’t always thought that. She had some really high heels on. You could tell she was nervous. She looked woozy almost, like she didn’t like being up so high. She was pretty tall anyway. She stepped forward, up to the front of the stage. Her heels made noise against the hardwood, like a clack-clack, clackclack. It was a slow sound, really loud, too. When the band started up, she smiled. It was a goofy thing, real wide and crooked. She was rocking back and forth, like she was about to fall over. I think I knew what was gonna happen. I don’t know. My heart was beating pretty fast. She took a breath, and started with the first line. I think I felt the whole crowd cringe. It was bad. I mean, it was really bad. I don’t know a ton about music, but I know when it’s bad, and this was really bad. She knew it, too, but she kept going. She went through the whole song like that, just totally off. She was breaking down. I think she knew how to get it back. She just couldn’t.
As it ended, she looked terrible. I think everyone felt for her. It was just the saddest thing. I dreaded having to see her after the show. I didn’t know what I’d say. You can’t just say good job when you both know it was awful. When it was over, she moved quick to get off the stage. The curtain was coming down slow. She was still holding her microphone and didn’t know where to put it. She took a few steps to one side of the stage, then went all the way to the other side to put the mic down, then had to cross again to leave. As the curtain dropped, all we saw was that tall, clumsy figure wandering back and forth across the stage, alone and dark with her head bent down and her feet shuffling across the wood floor like some wounded bird, clack-clack, clack-clack, clack-clack. I went to the bathroom later during the show. I went out the back, and I saw her running up the hall towards me with another girl. They were both giggling, the real giddy laughter that only girls could produce. She saw me and stopped and swayed. She stifled her laughter some to look at me. I told her good job. She said thanks. It’s sad for the ones that can pop back up like that. They’re the ones that are just gonna keep getting hit back down again. They ran off, giggling still. She wasn’t wearing the heels anymore, just your average flat-soled sneakers. They squeaked some on the tile floor before she ran out into the night, but mostly they were quiet. I watched her go, and listened to her feet on the floor. I could barely hear those soft little squeaks. If I’d been facing the other way, I probably wouldn’t have noticed her at all.
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