divorced families
Keep an eye out for kids’ hidden problems By Trip Woodard WNC Parent columnist I need to confess something about my early school experience. I really hated PE. I was one of those kids who always got picked last to be on someone’s softball team. As if that wasn’t humiliating enough, it also meant I got placed to cover left field. Maybe you can guess what happened next. When I was paying the least amount of attention, someone would finally hit a deep fly ball to left field, which I would totally miss and then chase after only to get it by the time the runner had crossed the home plate. This would reinforce the wisdom the next day to pick me last and then put me back into left field.
The point of this heartwarming story is that children can encounter hardships in school that they silently keep to themselves. No one in my family ever knew how hard PE was on me. Later, as a parent “close to his child,” I never knew that my son was being bullied at middle school until it became extreme. Personal and social pressures may inhibit even the closest parents from knowing what is really going on in the world and mind of their child during the school year. So, let’s review three reality checkpoints about problems that children, especially those of divorcing parents, can undergo in going back to school and possible solutions: ◆ The problem: not fitting in. This could be not wearing the right clothes or having a cell phone because of money problems, being unable to have both your parents attend a school event without them making an embarrassing scene,
having difficulty with inviting friends over because households are in transition or awkwardness with having a single parent if most of your friends don’t. The solution is not easy. Use your powers of observation to determine if your child is really out of sync with the other children when it comes to appearances. Get out of combat mode when you are with your child and the other parent is present. Do your best to keep your child’s schedule sane, which means predictable and reliable. Never indicate shame about being a single parent or try to compete with other parents. ◆ The problem: bullies. Maybe your child is being picked on because of the perception that he or she is different related to the divorce. Possibly, your child is being subjected to cyberbullying involving text messaging or social networks. The solution is to form a strong col-
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