MARCH 2015
SUMMER
CAMP SPOTLIGHT
RAISE a Trailblazer
11 WAYS
TO IMPROVE
Your Relationship With Your Adolescent
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Volume 2 / Issue 14
Raise A Trailblazer - You can encourage innovative thinking by letting your child take the lead
[ PARENTING ] A Moment Longer Than Necessary
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42
11 Ways To Improve Your Relationship With Your Adolescent
[ EVENTS ] March Calendar
24 [ SUMMER CAMP ] Camps & Programs
[ FASHION ] Spring Into Style With This Season’s Do’s And Don’ts!
12
10
A Selfish Mom
20
Summer Camp Spotlight
36
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] Am I A Good Friend?
Handle Cliques And Navigate That Vicious Social Jungle
32
16
5 Great Reasons To Send Your Child To Summer Camp
40
26 Parenting: Good Things Come To Those Who Wait
30
42 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
36
10
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area
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Contributing Authors
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Teresa Agnew Craft
Marketing Manager
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Lara Mays
Rachel Macy Stafford Dr. Donna Wick Shasta Nelson Christine Burke Dr. Michele Borba Ann Woods Dr. Wendy Mogel Jeneffer Jones Punjani The Growing Room Academy
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Wardrobe Stylist Jeneffer Jones Punjani
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Editor’s Note As the season changes we are forced to start giving some thought to the end of the school year and ways in which we can keep the kids busy during the summer holiday. Now is the time to take advantage of the early bird discounts offered by many local summer camps, so be sure to check out the Camp Spotlight starting on page 36. Featured in this issue are many of our favorite, kid-approved programs which offer your family years of experience and a breadth of knowledge when it comes to keeping your child engaged, safe, constantly learning and having fun! You can also find our 2015 Summer Camp Guide on our website and keep an eye out on Facebook for updates and additional recommendations. So get busy! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activekidsbayarea.com
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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[ PARENTING ]
A Moment Longer Than Necessary Rachel Macy Stafford is a certified special education teacher with a Master’s Degree in education and ten years of experience working with parents and children. In December 2010, this life-long writer felt compelled to share her journey to let go of distraction and grasp what really matters by creating the blog “Hands Free Mama.” Using her skills as a writer, teacher, and encourager, Rachel provides readers with simple, non-intimidating, and motivating methods to let go of distraction and connect with their loved ones. Rachel’s work has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, Global News, USA Today, TIME.com, MSN.com, The Huffington Post, and Reader’s Digest. Her blog currently averages one million visitors a month. Rachel’s new book, HANDS FREE MAMA, is a New York Times Bestseller.
by Rachel Macy Stafford “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” ~ William Arthur Ward While growing up, I periodically told my sister something I never told anyone else. “I think I’m going to die young,” I’d tell her matter-of-factly long before the popular song made such a dismal fate sound glamorous. “Don’t say that, Rachel!” she protested the first time I said it. But after that initial disclosure, my sister seemed to get used to me saying it, especially around my birthday each year. By my twenties, my sister’s reaction to my depressing prediction was always compassionate and often inquisitive. “Why? Why do you think that, Rachel?” she asked me as we drove to the mall on a bitter cold January day to shop for my 22nd birthday gift. I didn’t know why. All I knew is that I could envision my demise like an intense movie trailer. In my 30-second preview, I could see I was around 33 or 34 years old and it happened on an Interstate. Much to my dismay, my husband and I moved from Indiana’s slow country roads to Florida’s six-lane super highways right before I turned thirty. Naturally, that time in my life held a subtle sense of foreboding. To add to my worries, it was necessary
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ PARENTING ] to travel on I-75 to get to many places I needed to go. I’d driven on plenty of Interstates in the Midwest, but this particular thoroughfare was different. It was faster. It was bumper-to-bumper. There was no shortage of intimidating eighteen-wheelers barreling past. And no matter what time of day it was, I could always count on seeing numerous roadside accidents. By age thirtytwo, I had a precious baby in the backseat of the car as I drove that 12-mile stretch. I remember my hands becoming so sweaty that I could barely grip the steering wheel. I remember praying the entire way, hoping that particular trip would not be my last. But here is where the goodness came in … When I got to my destination, I promptly removed Natalie from her car seat and held her for a moment—a moment longer than necessary—and let gratitude wash over me. No matter how stressful it had been to get out the door … no matter how much she’d screamed in that car seat … no matter how homesick I felt to see my family and friends three thousand miles away … no matter how uncomfortable I felt in my post-baby body … no matter how late we already were, the only thing I could feel in that moment was gratitude.
always place my hand beneath the covers until I feel the warm spot. And when I do, this is what comes to mind: Sometimes when I am making the bed after you’ve gone, I can still feel your warmth. And if I hold my hand there for just a moment This action has the power to Change my attitude, Alter my perspective, Soften my heart, About bed making Bath giving Lego dodging Food prepping Stain removing Car shuttling Homework checking Peace keeping And other monotonous tasks That consume the minutes of my one precious life That warm spot where you peacefully slept Is my reminder
Gratitude undivided Gratitude wholehearted Gratitude all encompassing In that moment, I was most accepting of my life as it was, even though it wasn’t perfect. In that moment, I was most accepting of who I was, even though I wasn’t perfect.
That gratitude won’t find me. But I can find it Even among tangled sheets and strewn pajamas pants If I rest my hand there long enough to feel it. And for one brief moment, I forget I am making a bed And I remember instead that it is me Who gets to feel your warmth Each and every day,
In that moment, I was most thankful to be alive.
Even when you are away.
Gratitude undivided—it has the power to strip away the bad so you all you feel is the good.
That’s when I find gratitude
I am now in my forties. I don’t speak dismal predictions about my life anymore, but I still try to capture that perspective-altering type of gratitude every chance I get. Notice I use the word “capture” because I believe gratitude doesn’t find us; I believe we find it. As odd as it may sound, I find gratitude each morning while making beds. When I come around to my husband’s side of the bed and pull up the covers … when I go into Natalie’s room and peel back her fluffy blanket in sea foam green … when I go into Avery’s room and move her beloved collection of stuffed animals, I
Changing my perspective About my one precious life and what makes it so precious. That’s when I find gratitude Stripping away the bad So all I feel is the good. That’s when I find gratitude Reminding me that I can feel thankful simply because I’m alive If I hold on a moment longer than necessary. MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ FASHION ]
1. DO ROCK A 70’S VIBE A little goes a long way with this comeback for spring. A flare leg pant, denim skirt or relaxed shorts paired with a simple white tank or structured blazer keeps the look balanced. Tip: the flare leg trend will walk its way into fall, so invest in a few key pieces that will transition easily from season-toseason. Skinny-jean haters rejoice!
SPRING INTO STYLE With This Season’s Do’s and Don’ts!
by Jeneffer Jones Punjani As the temperature begins to heat up, it’s easy to get overwhelmed with all of the fashion choices out there (and there is A LOT of them!). We’ve narrowed down the most stylish trends for spring, along with some fashion tips on how to wear these bold styles for a polished, fresh look.
2. DO GO OVERBOARD WITH NAUTICAL STRIPES A classic staple from pretty much any spring season past, but now with pops of color such as yellow, red and pink. Tip: dig out that striped tee from your closet and pair it with a brightly colored statement necklace for a fresh look. Complete your outfit with a pair of white Converse or slip on Vans. 10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ FASHION ]
3. DON’T SHY AWAY FROM BOLD, FLORAL PATTERNS Think of your typical demure floral motifs on steroids. This feminine spring rite-of-passage makes a big statement, yet begs for simple lines that flatter. Think sheath dress or a-line skirt to soften the flower power, and polish off the look with pretty pumps for the office, or simple flats for your more casual days.
4. DO SAY YES TO ENLISTING IN THIS SPRING’S MILITARY TREND The look marched down the runways for spring with a range of tones from khaki beige to deep, dark greens. From soft cotton to lightweight suede, this look will have you saying “I want you!” Tip: an army green cotton jacket will go with anything. Throw it on with a pair of jeans or over a casual maxi dress for those cool East Bay nights.
5. DON’T STICK TO JUST PANTS AND TOPS Modern jumpsuits and rompers create a modern and streamlined look that elongates the body. Styles come in every range from casual to dressy and from cotton to silk. Tip: the simplicity of a onepiece makes a great backdrop for bold shoes and accessories such as patterned heels and chunky jewelry.
6. DON’T LIMIT GINGHAM TO TABLECLOTHS AND PICNIC BLANKETS The old school print made its way down the spring runways with a modern twist with silky fabrics, sexy shorts, and shirtdresses that come in every color of the rainbow. Tip: if gingham is too much for your simple style, opt for an accessory like a scarf or clutch, or pick a pale pastel hue to keep this print in check.
7. DO SAY “I DO” TO WHITE LACE Nevermind a walk down the aisle, this ultrafeminine look can be worn all summer long. From skirts to dresses, to t-shirts with lace trim, this trend will present itself in various styles of clothing and accessories. Romantic details will having you falling in love with your wardrobe all over again!
MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ PARENTING ]
11 Ways To Improve Your Relationship With Your Adolescent by Dr. Donna Wick Caught your attention didn’t I? Yes, it’s possible, even if your teenager frequently behaves as if your existence on this earth is intolerably irritating. And you never know when your next word or action will be a terrible mistake. Trust me, I know from whence I speak. But believe it or not, adolescence is not incomprehensible. It just takes some adjustment on the part of the parent. And herein can lie the rub. I work with many parents who don’t understand this Donna Wick, Ed.D, is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Mind to Mind Parent. She teaches parents how to practice reflective parenting, which allows them to focus on the Thoughts and feelings that underlie their child’s behavior, rather than react to the behavior itself. She works extensively with adolescents and their parents, and as the Executive Director of Freedom Institute, a substance abuse treatment facility in New York City, designed a developmental social and emotional resilience curriculum for adolescents. Her movie about three first – time mothers, Baby I’m Yours, premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival, and was shown on Oxygen. She has appeared on “Oprah,” “The Today Show,” in the New York Times and various national publications to discuss motherhood and parenting. She is a graduate of the Harvard Graduate School of Education, the Parent – Infant Program at Columbia Psychoanalytic Center for Training and Research and received advanced post – doctoral training in child and adolescent psychotherapy from the William Alanson White Institute. She is on the faculty of the Parent – Infant Program at Columbia University and a Consulting Psychologist to Freedom Institute. She is also a blogger for The Huffington Post.
fundamental truth about parenting an adolescent; your relationship with your child has to change. When you think about it, it seems simple. After all, adolescence is a time of rapid and profound development, not to mention those powerful hormones. Parents often describe feeling as if their child has changed overnight, which is frequently the literal truth. So... 1) Accept that what you did yesterday won’t work today. Your child is changing and growing and your relationship with him or her has to accommodate that growth. To do this, your behavior is going to have to change, too. Face this early, before you learn it the hard way. As with most things, it’s better to be out ahead of the curve than behind it. 2) Start listening, and stop talking. And I really mean stop. Entire conversations with teenagers can consist of the following responses: “Really,” “Wow,” “You are kidding,” “Hummm,” “REALLY,” “Okay.” To do this, you are also going to have to... 3) Resist the urge to fix things, offer advice or have a “teaching moment.” Of course, there is a time and place for all of the above, but I see many parents who assume that this is their role all the time. It’s not. Young children welcome this, and teenagers hate it. If you can accomplish both steps 2 and 3, I promise you that your adolescent will talk to you more. But... 4) Recognize your teenager is younger than you (or he) thinks. There are many
She and her husband are the proud parents of three daughters, 24, 22 and 17.
factors that influence this, but the two I see most frequently in my clinical practice are a) over parenting and b) technology. I say this not to cast blame, but to simply acknowledge two ways in which being an adolescent is radically different today. As a generation, we all are much more
12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ PARENTING ] attentive, involved and proactive parents than our
every protective parental urge in your body as they
own parents. And technology has created a world
enter the age of experimentation, but try not to pry,
in which our children have far less practice in real
don’t ask questions about their friends, or (God forbid)
time, face-to-face interactions and relationships. The
express an opinion, and don’t read their texts. For that
net effect has been to delay adulthood and prolong adolescence. In all probability, your 16-year-old son is far less self-reliant than you were at the same age. Additionally, it’s important to...
matter... 7) Limit technology, (yours and theirs) when you are together. I know how hard this is, so set the example. I can’t tell you how many surprised parents sit in my
5) Learn about the adolescent brain. It will be less
office and say, “She complained about the fact that
frustrating. The medical board governing British
I was on my cellphone when she was playing soccer!
pediatricians has moved the age of entry into
How did she know? Does she have eyes in the back of
adulthood from 18 to 25 years of age. In part, this was
her head? Where you are concerned, yes.
informed by relatively recent neurobiological findings that the prefrontal cortex of the brain does not fully mature until age 25. The prefrontal cortex controls executive functioning; decision-making, problem solving, understanding future consequences, and impulsivity. Speaking of which... 6) Understand impulsivity as it relates to adolescence.
8) Be more transparent. Teenagers respond when their parents interact with them on a more personal level. Be brave. When it’s appropriate, apologize. It won’t undermine your authority, and it will model personal responsibility. If you have an argument, initiate the repair. Too many parents think their adolescent “has
Most teenagers are not actually impulsive. In fact,
to come” to them. They want to, but they won’t.
they will frequently spend a great deal of time
Begin by saying something like, “I have been thinking
carefully planning out their dumbest actions.
about...” Teenagers LOVE to hear that their parents
Neuroscience research has taught us that what
have been thinking about them.
they do do is overvalue the pros of any decisions and undervalue the cons. After all, what is a school suspension relative to an action that will, MAKE ME A ROCK STAR AND LEGEND AT THIS SCHOOL TO MY GRANDCHILDREN? As a result, it’s not necessarily effective to lecture adolescents about impulsivity. Far
9) Tell them stories about your life, yourself, and especially, times you failed. Adolescents need to hear that failure is a part of life, and a learning experience. Who better to learn this from than someone they
better to spend your time exploring what they, and
admire? If it’s okay for you to fail, they will be more
you, value. However...
confident about taking risks themselves.
7) Monitor them closely. They’ll complain loudly, but
10) Stick to consequences. Your teenager does not want
research* has demonstrated that adolescents are
to be a parent. She actually doesn’t want to rehash
less likely to engage in risk taking behavior when their
and reargue every transgression (believe it or not)
parents monitor their activities, even when they are not telling you the truth. Stay in close contact with them, and insist that they do the same. They want to know you care. But... 8) Stay out of their social lives, unless you have real,
with you. Set clear, reasonable limits, and be firm about them. If there is a problem, there should be a relatively immediate consequence. Okay, 11. 11) Catch them when you can, and do what they want
legitimate cause for concern. Teenagers want their
to do. Play with them, whatever that looks like in your
friends and peers to themselves, and they need their
family. Teenagers love to be with adults who enjoy
privacy to experiment and grow. This may go against
and appreciate them. MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
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[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Shasta Nelson, M.Div., is the Founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a women’s friendship matching site in 35 cities across the U.S. and Canada. Her spirited and soulful voice for strong female relationships can be found in her book Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends. She also writes at ShastasFriendshipBlog.com and in the Huffington Post, speaks across the country, and is a friendship expert in the media appearing on such shows as Katie Couric and the Today Show. Twitter: @girlfrndcircles
AM I A GOOD FRIEND? by Shasta Nelson Apparently Everything Can Be Blamed on Your Friends It’s all the rage right now to be asking whether your friends are good enough to be friends with you. Blogger after blogger seems obsessed with encouraging you to do a spring cleaning of your friends as if it’s their fault for why you can’t lose weight, earn more money, or become more enlightened. “You don’t have the right friends!” they cry out from their self-help havens. This whole concept that we are the sum of who we hang out with has been dumbed-down and grossly abused so much that we’re starting to believe that all we need to do is hang out with beautiful, skinny, wealthy, and successful people and we, too, will start to look and act like them. And so it’s one more lie out there encouraging already-disconnected and far-too-lonely-of-women to end relationships with hopes that if they could just find Ms. Perfect to befriend us, then we, too, can become more like her. My dear, dear friends– I know it’s tempting to have someone to blame for the parts of your life that you don’t like, but let me gently suggest that while we
16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] are certainly impacted by our friends, they are not the reason you are not as happy as you want to be. And there is a better question to ask than: “Are my friends bad for me?”
see how you show up. (You might want to take this quiz a few times– thinking of a different specific friend each time if you feel like you show up differently in different relationships.)
How Our Friendships Do Impact Us Our friendships do certainly influence us, and we know that behaviors, mindsets, and outlooks are “contagious” in a sense. We are more likely to be similar to our friends (i.e. smoke if they do, be fashion-conscious if they are, wear plus-sizes if they do, talk about spirituality if they do, work long hours if they do) than vastly different, but that’s not the same as saying you will become like them, against your will.
Are the following statements never true (score a 1) or always true (score 5), or somewhere in between?
I’m all for joining a weight-loss community when that’s your goal, attending church with other like-minded people when you want to grow more aware, or participating in a mastermind group when you want to increase your business-savvy-mindedness. I cheer for you as you add friends into your life who can help you think bigger thoughts, expose you to new resources, and who can empathize with your experience.
3. _____I especially make sure to ask them questions and show interest about the parts of their lives that we don’t have in common (marriage, kids, jobs) to make sure that they never feel like I don’t care about those areas.
But to seek more Common Friends to inspire one part of your life is a far-different invitation than to “get rid” of friends you’ve loved simply because they aren’t everything you want to become. This isn’t about not ending painful relationships or not seeking out support in areas of our lives that we feel called to pay attention to… I’m all for both of those. But to suggest to you that you need to end relationships with people you love because they aren’t perfect or because you might not succeed if they have bad habits is just plain ol’ fear-mongering. Who among us doesn’t have a bad habit? Who among us has all-desirable traits without any un-desirable traits? And who says that they will pull us down… why can’t we lift them up? And can we focus on our growth rather than keep pointing a finger at everyone else? Instead Evaluate What Kind of Friend You Are So pause for a moment from fretting over whether your friends are lifting you up, and instead ask, “Am I the best and healthiest friend I can be?” How would you rate yourself 1-5 on the following statements? Look for evidence in your relationships to
1. _____My friends leave time with me feeling better about themselves and their lives. 2. _____ I listen attentively to my friends, showing deep interest by asking follow-up questions to their sharing before sharing my own stories.
4. _____ I affirm my friends, validating them on a wide variety of things such as the decisions they make, the roles they play (i.e. wife/mother/daughter), and how they go about doing things. 5. _____ I want my friends to be as supported as possible, surrounded by a strong circle of love so I support them making other friends and I speak highly of the people they love. 6. _____ I make it a point to reflect back to my friends their own truth rather than put my preferences on them; I do this by repeating back to them what I hear them saying, and making a point to tell them when I hear their voice sound more peaceful, and when I see their eyes light up when they’re talking about something. 7. _____ I am truly a cheerleader for my friends– they would say that I believe in them, encourage them, and find joy in their success. 8. _____ I initiate with my friends… showing them how much I value them by setting aside precious time for them, thinking up ways to be with them, and reaching out. 9. _____ I follow-up with my friends when they tell MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] me about upcoming dates such as their father’s surgery, their kids first day of school, or a big speaking appointment they have– I text, call, or email to let them know I’m thinking of them. 10. _____ I stay in touch with my friends… they receive texts, comments on their Facebook posts, or phone calls from me in between our quality time spent together. They feel like I know what’s going on in their lives. 11. _____ I practice vulnerability with my close friends, choosing to let them see me when I don’t have it all figured out, sharing with them my fears when I’m processing, and am willing to let them see me as I am, without trying to impress them.
it’s offering to help pack boxes, baking something to drop off, or offering to help her with a big event. Add up your score. Anything over 50 and I’d say you’re doing pretty awesome at loving your friends with kindness, generosity, and attention. Anything less than that and it might behoove you to pick one or two of the lowest scores and see what you can do to possibly become a better friend; which really means becoming a better person, overall! And instead of focusing so much on whether everyone else is good enough for us, let’s focus on making sure we’re good enough for them!
12. _____ I let my friends shine. I don’t respond with insecurity when my friends succeed or get something I want. I want them happy and successful so I never try to one-up with my own story, devalue what she has, or begrudge her for her joy.
Trusting all along the way, that as we become healthier
13. _____ I try to serve my friends sometimes whether
Which one of the 13 are you going to work on?
and more loving, that we’ll be the contagious ones in this world bringing others up, rather than living with fear that they could bring us down.
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[ PARENTING ]
A Selfish Mom by Christine Burke (aka, Keeper of the Fruit Loops) I think I might be a selfish mom. Scratch that. I know that I’m a selfish mom. I know this because, last night, when it came to dessert, I took the biggest bowl of ice cream for myself. And I didn’t give it to my husband. Or the Fruit Loops. I took it for me. I can also confirm that, this morning, while I sat on the couch to sip coffee and watch the first ten minutes of the Today Show, the Fruit Loops packed their lunches. Yes, I supervised from the couch, but, the actual sandwich making was delegated to the eight and eleven year old in favor of Mommy keeping up with current events. And Matt Lauer. Ahem. And, after I finish writing this, I will join my two friends for a good, long punishing run while Hubby and the Fruit Loops are out working the day away. Yes, there’s grocery shopping to be done. But no one has yet starved in this house and I don’t foresee that happening by my going for a run. Last week, I had lunch with a friend for no other reason other than to catch up and gossip about our kids, husbands and the insanity of our lives. Twice.
I am The Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Driver of The People Mover and Manager of The Fecal Roster. In other words, I’m a mom. An Erma Bombeck Martha Stewart with a Roseanne Barr twist, I have the organized cabinets and mouth to prove it. I live in Pennsylvania with my ever budget conscious husband, two blog inspiring Fruit Loops and my extensive collection of thrift shop finds. When I’m not writing, I can be found running marathons, governing the PTA like nobody’s business and pinning things on Pinterest like it’s my job. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter and in the smash hit books “I Just Want To Be Alone” and “Scary Mommy’s Guide To Surviving The Holidays”. For more information about Christine Burke, check out her website Keeper of the Fruit Loops: www.keeperofthefruitloops.com.
And, dare I say it? I’ve read two books from beginning to end this month. And, much of the reading was done during the waking hours of the Fruit Loops. And, on one particular occasion, I read for three straight hours on a Sunday afternoon. Outside. On a chaise lounge. With a lovely glass of seltzer and lime next to me in warm bright sunshine. While the laundry sat in the dark recesses of my laundry room. Yep. Definitely selfish. Or is it? As a mom, I come across so many women every single day who lament that they “just don’t have time to shower” or “I can’t remember the last time I picked up a book. I used to love reading!” or “I haven’t shopped for myself in years but you should see my daughter’s closet!” And every time one of those sentences is uttered, the statement comes with a rueful smile and a resigned look, as if to say, “That’s just what being a Mommy is all about, right?” Sorry, but I call bullshit, ladies. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Where is it written that moms cannot have a little piece of something for themselves? Where is it written that they must give and give and give all day long, every day with no reprieve? Where is it written that moms must deplete themselves in favor of others? If someone is writing that somewhere, I am NOT
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[ PARENTING ] subscribing to that blog. No way. When I was a kid, I used to go into my mom’s closet and marvel at how many fancy shoes and dresses she had. I used to amuse myself for hours by trying her shoes on, dolling myself up in sparkly dresses and trying on her jewelry. I played in her closet because she had nicer things than I did. My mom’s closet was a treasure trove of pretty clothes that I someday hoped to have. She allowed herself to have pretty things that she wore when she went out with my dad. Clothes that she did NOT wear when she was carting me and my brother around. Clothes that represented a “different” mom. She certainly did not once ever come to my closet and sigh over the pretty things I owned, that’s for damn sure.
you cannot take care of others. Period. If you constantly give of yourself and never fill yourself back up with something that fulfills and sustains you, you cannot be your best self for the ones you care about most. And, let’s be honest: there’s not one woman here that wouldn’t handle a toddler tantrum with more ease than right after a fresh pedicure. Fact: pedicures lead to less yelling. Trust me, too: I get those days where life is so completely ridiculous that it is a herculean effort to get from sunup to sundown. There’s not a mother around who can’t attest to at least 10 days in the last month where she simultaneously plays “Beat The Clock”, “Press Your Luck”
My mom taught me from an early age the importance of escaping the insanity of everyday life and treating yourself once in a while. A good haircut. A treat at Starbucks just for you when you are out running errands. The importance of meeting a friend for lunch when you are ready to tear your hair out and you are certain that you won’t make it one. more. day as a mother.
and “Jeopardy” all in one afternoon. I’m not saying
Now, when you are in the throes of toddlerhood or dealing with a new infant, it is next to impossible to physically remove yourself from the insanity to head out for a pedicure. Breast feeding, nap time and play dates can make even the sanest mom nuts but that doesn’t mean you can’t still “treat” yourself in small, infinitesimal ways during the day. Sometimes, the kids can have the broken cookie. Sometimes, mommy doesn’t have to say yes to pushing the toddler on the swing and can instead, check her Facebook account in the warm sunshine. Sometimes, she can just say the word “no” when the six year old asks for help reenacting Frozen for the 400th time in favor of thumbing through a magazine.
I’m going to say it out loud: THE WORLD WILL NOT END IF
Obviously, I’m not advocating completely and utterly checking out of your life a la The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and New Jersey. As mothers, we are preprogrammed to care, nurture, encourage, and cheerlead our cherubs. It is in the very fabric of our beings to want the very best for our children all day every day and that goes without saying. I’m just wondering where along the way we decided to lose ourselves in the betterment of our children. I’m wondering at what point we as moms decided to make everyone else more important and forgot to nurture our spirits. Because here’s the thing: if you don’t take care of yourself, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually,
life isn’t busy. I’m just saying that the insanity will still be there after a ten minute shower. So, go take one. And, inevitably, the kids will be banging on the door so you will know they are at least alive while you shampoo.
YOU PUT YOURSELF FIRST ONCE IN A WHILE. The kids won’t suffer if you deep condition or do your roots. Or read a book for 20 minutes (might I suggest the aptly titled, “I Just Want To Be Alone?). Or make a phone call to your BFF from the floor of your closet while the kids bang on the door asking for snacks. The world will not end if your kids have to actually wait for you to get around to helping them. In fact, they MIGHT even figure out how to do it themselves if they are desperate enough. They say that “necessity is the mother of invention” and never is that more true than when someone under three feet tall wants a snack. So, take a stand today. Give yourself the big bowl of ice cream. Order the large latte. Run an extra mile on your run today instead of rushing home. Scroll through my archives and read another one of my blogs (insert shameless plug here). Do it because you deserve it. And because I said so. And when the toddler questions why he got the broken cracker, just wink at him and say, “I’m the Mommy, that’s why. MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
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[ EVENTS ]
March Alameda County MARCH 1 & 22 Hello Bunnies Ardenwood Historic Farms Fremont 2:00pm – 2:30pm www.ebparks.org/parks/ardenwood
MARCH 2 LDI Foot Golf Tournament Las Positas Golf Course Livermore 3:00pm – 8:00pm www.livermoredowntown.com
MARCH 6 – 9 Friends of the Dublin Library Presents a Spring Used Book and Media Sale Dublin Library Various hours www.ci.dublin.ca.us
MARCH 6 – 15 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe Presented by Civic Arts Stage Company Firehouse Arts Center Pleasanton Various time frames www.firehousearts.org
MARCH 7 Tri-Valley Teen Job and Career Fair Pleasanton Senior Center Pleasanton 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us
MARCH 7 & 21 Rabbit Rendezvous Ardenwood Historic Farm Fremont 11:00am – 11:30am Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!
www.ebparks.org/parks/ardenwood
MARCH 8 Daylight Savings Begins
24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
Johnny Appleseed Day Ardenwood Historic Farm Fremont 11:00am – 3:00pm
MARCH 14
www.ebparks.org/parks/ardenwood
St. Patrick’s Day Brew Crawl Downtown Pleasanton 5:00pm – 8:00pm www.pleasantondowntown.net
MARCH 11
MARCH 15
Namaste Wednesday Bottle & Bottega Event Mangia Mi Pleasanton 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.bottleandbottega.com
Live Healthy Dublin “ACTIV-8” Challenge 8 Week Wellness Challenge City of Dublin www.livehealthydublin.com
MARCH 18 Wednesday Starry Night Bottle & Bottega Event Winemaker’s Pourhouse & Beer Garden Livermore 6:00pm – 8:45pm www.bottleandbottega.com
MARCH 25 A Walk in the Forest Bottle & Bottega Event Mangia Mi Pleasanton 6:00pm – 8:30pm www.bottleandbottega.com
MARCH 13 Green and White Gala Shannon Community Center Dublin 6:00pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us Family Live-Aboard Experience USS Hornet Alameda www.uss-hornet.org
MARCH 14 & 15 32nd Annual St. Patrick’s Day Celebration Dublin Civic Center Dublin 10:00am – 5:00pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us
17th Annual Shamrock 5K Fun Run and Walk Dublin Civic Center 8:30am – 10:30am www.ci.dublin.ca.us Parent’s Day Off Oakland Zoo 10:00am – 2:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org
MARCH 17 St. Patrick’s Day!
MARCH 19 An Evening at the Theatre Frances Albrier Community Center Berkeley 6:00pm – 7:30pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us
MARCH 21 Youth Sports Jamboree James Kenney Recreation Center Berkeley 11:00am – 2:00pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us Youth Music Festival Yea for the 90’s! Firehouse Arts Center Pleasanton www.firehousearts.org
MARCH 22 Egg Dying & Water Games King Pool Berkeley 12:00pm – 1:30pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us
[ EVENTS ]
March MARCH 7
MARCH 19 – 22
MARCH 27
Tales of the Night Front Row Theatre San Ramon 2:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
Grannies Bedtime Stories 5: Sakes Alive! Village Theatre Danville Shows: 2:00pm, 7:00pm & 9:30am www.villagetheatreshows.com
Walk with Your Stroller Central Park San Ramon 9:03am www.sanramon.ca.gov
Daylight Savings Begins
MARCH 20
Sienna Ranch Family Day Lafayette 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.siennaranch.net
Night at the Improv Front Row Theater San Ramon 8:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
DCMT: Disney’s Peter Pan Jr. Village Theatre Danville Shows: 2:00pm & 7:30pm www.villagetheatreshows.com
Astronomy Sunday Lindsay Wildlife Museum Walnut Creek 1:00pm – 4:00pm www.wildlife-museum.org
Sing-A-Long to Grease DV Performing Arts Center San Ramon 8:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
MARCH 10
MARCH 21
Contra Costa County
San Ramon Community Fair Doughtery Valley High School San Ramon 3:30pm – 7:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
Swing Into Spring DV Performing Arts Center San Ramon 8:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
MARCH 3 – MARCH 24
MARCH 12 – 15
MARCH 23
Adventure Tuesday Club Lindsay Wildlife Museum Walnut Creek 1:00pm – 2:15pm www.wildlife-museum.org
Pinocchio Fantasy Forum Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek www.fantasyforum.org
MARCH 4 – 25
MARCH 13
San Ramon Youth Symphony Concert DV Performing Arts Center San Ramon 8:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
Squeaks & Squawks Lindsay Wildlife Museum Walnut Creek www.wildlife-museum.org
St. Patrick’s Day Concert Front Row Theater San Ramon 7:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
Kit & the Kats Put a Nickel in the Jukebox Firehouse Arts Center Pleasanton www.firehousearts.org
MARCH 27 How To Train Your Dragon 2 Zoovie Night Oakland Zoo 6:30pm – 9:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org
MARCH 28 2nd Annual Livermore Half Marathon Livermore Downtown Start & Finish Activities Start at 8:00am www.livermoredowntown.com Feast for the Beasts Oakland Zoo 9:00am – 3:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org
MARCH 6
MARCH 8
Juggler Frisco Fred! Preschool Performance Series Village Theatre Danville 10:00am www.villagetheatreshows.com
MARCH 14
The Rocket Front Row Theatre San Ramon 7:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
MARCH 14, 15 & 27
Working Dogs Forest Home Farms San Ramon 10:00am – 2:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov Model Train Show Walnut Creek Model Railroad Society 2751 Buena Vista Ave www.wcmrs.org
MARCH 25 Family Storytelling Concert Lafayette Library & Learning Center 6:30pm – 7:30pm www.lafayettelib.org
MARCH 26 DCMT: Disney’s Peter Pan Jr. School Performances Village Theatre Danville Shows: 11:00am, 1:00pm & 9:00am www.villagetheatreshows.com
MARCH 27 – APRIL 4
MARCH 28 Parks Make Life Better Volunteer Days Forest Home Farms San Ramon 9:00am – 12:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
MARCH 29 Double Feature: Steven Spielberg Films Village Theatre Danville Show: 2:00pm www.villagetheatreshows.com
MARCH 30 Mini Monday – Backyard Buddies Lindsay Wildlife Museum Walnut Creek 10:00am – 12:00pm www.wildlife-museum.org
Out of Area MARCH 1 Carnival of Animals Oshman Family JCC Palo Alto Albert and Janet Schultz Cultural Arts Hall 10:00am & 12:00pm www.paloaltojcc.org
MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[[ EVENTS PARENTING ] ] Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. She is an NBC contributor appearing over 100 times on the TODAY show and is the regular parenting expert on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Her work has been featured on Dr. Phil, Dateline, The View, The Doctors, Fox News, The Early Show and CNN and well as in Newsweek, People, Good Housekeeping, Chicago Tribune, U.S. News & World Report, Washington Post, The New York Times and The Globe and Mail. She was an MSNBC contributor to two televised “Education Nation” specials. Dr. Borba is the awardwinning author of 22 parenting and educational books translated into 14 languages. Titles include: Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, Parents Do Make A Difference, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me!, No More Misbehavin’, Building Moral Intelligence (cited by Publishers’ Weekly as “Among the most noteworthy of 2001”), and Esteem Builders used by 1.5 million students worldwide. She writes as the parenting expert for Dr. Oz’s website, as well a daily column for her blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check: www.micheleborba.com Twitter: @micheleborba
Handle Cliques and Navigate That Vicious Social Jungle by Dr. Michele Borba Being “in” is every child’s dream, but being excluded is painful. There’s nothing worse than sitting alone in the cafeteria or not getting the invitations. Cliques rule. Trying to break in can be as tough as trying to make it into an exclusive country club or sorority. This isn’t about trying to make your child Miss or Mr. Popularity – this is about helping your child avoid a diet of put-downs and as much as you wish, you can’t take away your child’s pain from exclusion nor promise her that she will be included in the group’s next exclusive gathering. There are a few things you can say and do to help your child learn to navigate the social jungle, bounce back from rejection, and learn to fit in. Here are eleven ideas to try the next time your child suffers from the pain of rejection or complains: “Nobody likes me.” 1. Be empathic. “I know how tough it must be to be shunned like this. Let’s figure out what we can do about it.” 2. Provide a balance view. “Everyone does no hate you. What about your friend, Harold?” “Nobody has it made at first.” “A lot of famous people were unpopular in high school like Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, or Christina Aguilar. You’ll find your niche.” 3. Don’t press too hard. “This is a tough topic. I’m here when you need me.” It can be humiliating for your child to confess this kind of rejection. Just being available and supportive may be a good first step. Later she may open up.
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ PARENTING ] 4. Don’t knock the other kids. Yes they’re snubbing your kid, but criticizing them won’t help. Your child wants their friendship, so don’t say: “Those kids are stupid. Why would you want to be friends with them anyway?” Do say: “We can see those kids have their way of seeing and doing things. We just have to find a way for you to fit in.” 5. Talk to teachers. Is it as bad as your kid makes it out to be? Find out the reality of cliques in your school by talking to those adults who are with the kids every day. 6. Start with one ally. One friend can be your child’s social entry card. Tell your child to not to aim at first for the whole group but start with just a one to one relationship with someone already there. 7. Help him blend in. Superficial as it may seem to you, having the right look, clothing, and hairstyle can be critical for being accepted by a clique. Take a good look at the crowd your child is trying to join, and then make a few suggestions. 8. Point for a different direction. If your child rebuffed by one group, encourage her to try another that may be more appropriate. Sociological studies have revealed an amazing number of different cliques and groups on a typical high school campus including everything from athletes to geeks and arty-types. 9. Encourage special strengths. Help your child identify what’s really special or unique about them like being a good singer, writer, musician, artist, athlete, and a dedicated community worker. Use positive labels help her reframe herself. Ultimately this can both increase her self-confidence and make her more attractive to new friends.
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10. Help manage frustrations. This kind of rejection can be very traumatic so offer your child healthy outlets and strategies for coping. Suggest she keep a journal, talk to mentor, express herself in her favorite creative way such as music, painting, or drawing. 11. Watch for downslide. If you think your child is really having a hard time, be available. Schedule a few weekends together. Take him to the gym with you. Take her to lunch. Tune into any red flags like poor grades, changing in eating or sleeping, mood swings, anger or withdrawal which could indicate problems he’s not discussing with you. If things get really tough, consider seeking professional help.
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MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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[ CAMP GUIDE ]
Sunday, April 12, 2015 Register online at
www.ppierun.com GREAT EXPO AWAITS YOU Enjoy the Family Fitness Expo at the finish line to help you celebrate and recover from a successful run. We will have lots of goodies, giveaways and activities to inspire your children to engage in a healthy lifestyle.
NOT A RUNNER OR A MORNING PERSON? That’s ok! You can make an online Snooze for Schools donation and sleep tight knowing your contribution will keep us on the right course. Every dollar is greatly appreciated! Visit www.ppierun.com to provide support.
Starts & Finishes at the Alameda County Fairgrounds Free parking!
Presented by CLubSport to benefit PPIE
MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29
[ PARENTING ]
The Growing Room Academy is pleased to offer a fun innovative after-school STEM curriculum at their beautiful new facility in San Ramon at 2340 San Ramon Valley Blvd. Classes ranging from robotics and Lego-engineering to video game design and Java programming are offered for ages 4-17. For more info call 925-820-5808 or visit us on the web at www.thegrowingroom.org/academy
PARENTING: Good Things Come to Those Who Wait by The Growing Room Academy We’ve heard it said, “Good things come to those who wait.” To many, the phrase is associated with the virtue of patience. Others may associate the phrase with pop culture, conjuring up images of Heinz Ketchup and their effective advertising campaign. Still, there is another subject associated with waiting that bears mentioning: parenting. Yes, good things do come to parents who wait: confident, creative, self-reliant, and well-adjusted children. Children of all ages benefit emotionally, socially, and cognitively from being allowed the space to grow, learn, and discover in their own time, and on their own terms. As parents, we feel compelled to help. We provide stimulus, entertainment, and opportunities. We give advice. We fix things. But, what would happen if we didn’t? What could happen if we didn’t intercede, advise, and intervene? Is it possible our children would tap into their own intrinsic abilities to thrive? It can feel counterintuitive to conscientious parents to sit back and do nothing. It may take practice and a concerted effort in the beginning. Yet, with patience, your parently-restraint will begin to yield amazing results. There are many times we can intentionally pull back on those parenting reins and — wait.
30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ PARENTING ] Wait for Development There is a magnificent pear tree at our local school. As the tree becomes heavy-laden with beautiful golden pears, parents and students attempt to pick the fruit from the tree; however, their efforts are met with great resistance. The fruit clings fast to the tree. What should be an effortless undertaking turns into a two-handed battle as branches bend, but do not yield. It takes great effort to rip the pear from the tree, only to find it has not fully ripened. It is a great labor. Yet, when the fruit is ready, a hand cupped gently beneath the pear loosens the ripened fruit. So it is with our children. When children are developmentally ready to engage, much like a ripened fruit, the exercise is effortless. Wait for readiness before subjecting children to new activities. Sometimes in our zest to enrich our children’s lives, we push too hard and too soon. Often we assume they can perform tasks that are developmentally beyond their reach. Try and push past your child’s developmental stage and you will experience the same kind of resistance and frustration as the impatient harvesters. Waiting for a child’s readiness allows him to approach the activity with confidence. This is true whether it be a cognitive, emotional, or physical challenge: taking that memorable first-step, potty training, participating in group sports, or learning an instrument. The idea of waiting can be a sore spot with parents when it comes to academics. Yet, much like the ripened pear, children who are ready to learn will readily respond without resistance: they are eager learners. The push for too much too soon can also mean including children in adult conversations or burdening them with mature topics. This can include the news and other troubling or inappropriate media content and images. When the time is right, a child will learn, grow, and adapt. Wait to Interject Ideas Wait for ideas to come from your children before offering suggestions of your own. Often a well-intentioned suggestion can derail a child’s chance to tap into his own creativity. This can be especially challenging if your child appears bored and seeks your advice about what to do next. Gently encouraging children to be the creative thinkers, (while letting them know you have faith in their abilities to do so), will result in a positive outcome for parent and child. F. Scott Fitzgerald stated, “You must go by or past or through boredom, as through a filter, before the clear product emerges.” As children pass though this filter, they will become less reliant upon you and gain confidence in their own abilities and instincts. Boredom is actually a gift to your child. Boredom is best viewed as the time and space between ideas: ideas that are self-generated and uniquely their own.
Wait to Problem Solve Wait to facilitate and mediate. Whether you are helping your infant self-sooth, your toddler solve a puzzle, or your tween navigate difficult friendships, waiting, before jumping to the rescue, will promote self-reliance and encourage self efficacy. It is important to wait and see what a child is capable of on his own. Allowing a child to struggle a bit while wrestling with a problem builds resilience against frustration. Just as boredom precedes creativity, problem solving precedes accomplishment. Gentle encouragement, while allowing space for a child’s efforts, is the best approach. When we fix, show, teach, or push, we rob our children of the ability to achieve. Waiting allows a child to own the “I did it!” And, nothing feels much better than that, at any age. Wait to Interpret Wait for children to express their feelings. Sometimes it is difficult for children to express their feelings, however; waiting for a child to name their feelings helps the child process that emotion. Again, there may be times when gentle encouragement is the answer. The encouragement should not take the form of leading questions or assumptions on the part of the parent. It is important for the mental and emotional health of the child to learn to identify and articulate what they are feeling. Waiting for your child to assign meaning to an emotion may require some patience. In this instance, waiting is synonymous with empathetic listening. Waiting creates that “pause” which allows a child to feel safe. It is also important that a child’s feelings, whatever they may be, are heard and valued; whether a parent deems those feelings legitimate is not the issue. Children deserve non-judgmental acceptance from their parents. What a child feels reflects her own unique perception. Naming feelings is a vital emotional tool that builds on itself as your child grows. Waiting provides allowance for the intimacy required in a supportive parent-child relationship. Waiting for our children demonstrates our faith in their abilities, judgment, efforts, and opinions. It is a respectful way to honor their developmental path towards adulthood. Waiting allows the space for powerful learning moments. As a child’s confidence grows, his capabilities grow, building one upon another. Waiting allows children to reach their full potential. Yes, it can feel counterintuitive to refrain from “the assist” (whatever form it may take), but take heart in knowing that waiting reverences and honors childhood. Good things do come to those who wait. MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31
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[ SUMMER CAMP ]
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Camp Spotlight GALILEO
GROWING ROOM There is so much to explore at The Growing Room’s weekly Summer Camp! The Growing Room features Academy Classes in specialized skills such as reading, writing, language studies, music, yoga, sports, fitness and tutoring. Camps run June 16 – August 20 with 3, 4 and 5 day camps available. Kids of all ages are welcome to join this unforgettable and fun summer camp located at 4 convenient elementary schools: Tassajara Hills, Neil Armstrong, Live Oak and Hidden Hills. Registration is now open! To register: www.thegrowingroom.org 925.837.4392 36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
Camp Galileo’s Pre-K – 5th Camp lets your kids explore the melodious world of music. Take an innovationfilled journey to the City by the Bay. Flex your maker muscle and Embark on an epic Everest adventure! Every week, a new adventure awaits. Galileo’s Summer Quest is perfect for kids’ grades 5th – 8th. Build a custom mod, cook up a signature dish, make an original movie, create a digital album and more! Camp Galileo and Galileo Summer Quests are available in various cities throughout the East Bay. To see where these fun camps are taking place this summer and to register your child,
children gain confidence and build self-esteem while enjoying a funfilled summer in the outdoors. Their summer camp program exposes campers to a variety of challenging and exciting activities that will strengthen their appreciation for teamwork and personal accomplishment.
ADVENTURE DAY CAMP
There are three different 3 week Summer Camp sessions available: June 15th – July 3rd; July 6th – July 24th and July 27th – August 14th. Also available is a one week “Adventure Week” from June 8th – June 12th.
Adventure Day Camp is a traditional summer day camp that offers a welcoming, lively, safe, positive, and diverse environment where
To register, visit: www.adventuredaycamp.com 925.937.6500
To register: www.galileo-camps.com 510.595.7293
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ROUGHING IT DAY CAMP At Roughing It Day Camp they have four amazing programs. First they have their premier all outdoors program located at the Lafayette Reservoir, Roughing It Day Camp which is offered in 4 & 8 week sessions and meant for Pre-K to 12th grades. Little Raccoons is offered in 2 week sessions and ideal for Pre-K to 1st grades. Their Horse Camps are available in 1 & 2 week sessions and ideal for 3rd to 10th grades. And last but not least is their Outdoor Explorer program available in 1 & 2 week Sessions for 3rd to 10th grades. To register: www.roughingit.com 925.283.3795
HORIZONS EAST EQUESTRIAN CENTER Campers at Horizons East will enjoy riding lessons, lectures, crafts, and demonstrations each day. If you have a “horse-crazy” child at home beginner or expert, this is the place for them! Horizons East 2015 Summer Riding Camps take place in three different sessions: June 15 – 15; July 13 – 17 and August 10 – 14. To register: www.showstables.com 925.960. 9696
MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37
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Personalized Riding Lessons for All Ages Beginning to Advanced Specialized Lessons in Dressage Jumping and Cross Country Horse Management lessons
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[ CAMP GUIDE ]
Celebrating 16 Years!
Adventure Day Camp A traditional summer camp in Walnut Creek
Ages 3-14 Bus Service from Piedmont & Oakland, LaMorinda to Pleasanton
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March 1st & 22nd @ 1:00 PM
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MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 39
[ SUMMER CAMP ]
Ann Woods, Owner and Director of Roughing It Day Camp since 1972. Ann founded Roughing It in 1972 with her husband, Hobie and together they serve as Camp Directors. Roughing It is celebrating its 43rd year this summer and offers camp programs for children aged 4-16. An all outdoor traditional Day Camp Roughing It is located at the Lafayette Reservoir each summer and continues a proud tradition of helping children grow in wonderful ways each summer. Roughing It offers free transportation to and from camp each day with 36 bus stops across the Tri Valley, Contra Costa, East Bay and San Francisco communities. For more information go to www.roughingit.com
5 Great Reasons to Send Your Child to Summer Camp by Ann Woods #1 Gain Independence If your child is 4 or 14, spending time away from parents and familiar friendship groups helps to develop a child’s independence and sense of who they are. A summer at camp is a great place for them gain independence as they try rowing a boat across a lake, cooking a new dish on the outdoor grill, catching their own fish on a rod they have baited themselves. All these challenges will develop independence in your child and fill them with a real sense of achievement. #2 Improve Social Skills and Friendship making Camp brings with it a chance to meet new people and make new friends from outside their existing social group. Summer Camp is wonderful preparation for the years ahead and the community environment at camp offers children the opportunity to meet people from different schools and backgrounds and make new friends beyond the school gates. By spending each day with a group of children, enjoying activities, fun and laughter campers enjoy a shared experience and form real connections and bonds of friendship. Each summer we see children learn to express themselves, negotiate, cooperate, be part of team and leave the summer with many new friends. #3 Learn to take safe risks and challenge themselves Summer Camp is a chance to face a new challenges and campers are always encouraged to try something new and push the boundaries of what they are capable of. Camp activities such as riding, swimming, sports and wilderness skills provide campers with the opportunity to try something different, practice, to persevere, and ultimately experience a sense of achievement at the end of camp.
40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ SUMMER CAMP ] Camp is also a great place for children to take risks when challenging themselves. These risks can involve anything from rock climbing, kayaking on open water, or diving off a diving board. Children to be resilient in the face of new situations. The risks are safe because they are in a supportive, community environment at camp where they are both supervised and mentored by adult counselors. Courage, resilience, perseverance are all wonderful skills to develop at camp that all help children grow in confidence.
#5 Enjoy a summer full of outside adventure away from screens and technology Camp offers children the chance to ride a horse, canoe across a lake, fish on a dock – all real outdoor experiences free from technology! Most camper parents want their child to spend their summer days free from the computer screen, cell phone and social media and a traditional summer camp experience will deliver this! Summer camp also offers the perfect environment for children to immerse themselves in nature and actually
#4 Surround your child with positive role models Great camp counselors are engaging, wholesome, accomplished, responsible and caring. Camp counselors can be the best people for your child to spend their summer surrounded by - so make sure the camp program you choose only recruits the best! A great summer camp program will take great care to employ counselors and staff who are exemplary role models for your child to be surrounded by. Children will emulate the behavior they see in their camp counselors so good team players, good listeners, caring and enthusiastic leaders are essential to any program.
experience the natural world without screens and technology surrounding them. After 43 years of running a summer camp I have seen how camp can change and transform young lives. Many of our campers from recent years are now sending their children to camp to give them the traditional experience they enjoyed when they were campers. I believe camp is an excellent compliment to the school year and is an investment in your child’s growth and future! Give your child the best summer of their life - A Summer of Camp!
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“Unplug” and experience nature together as a family. of California’s most beautiful settings - South Lake Tahoe www.campconcord.org • (925) 671-2267 MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 41
[ PARENTING ]
Dr. Wendy Mogel is a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting. She is a frequent guest on The Today Show and is regularly interviewed by The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post and NPR. She has delivered keynote addresses at conferences around the world and serves on the scientific advisory board of Parents Magazine and Challenge Success—a child advocacy program of the Stanford University School of Education. Publisher’s Weekly described her New York Times bestselling book, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, as “Impassioned, lyrical and eminently practical…a real treasure.” Rabbi Harold Kushner (author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People) called her second book, The Blessing of a B Minus, “wise, witty and well-written….a treasury of common sense for anyone dealing with adolescents.” For more information or to order books, go to www.wendymogel.com
Raise a Trailblazer
You can encourage innovative thinking by letting your child take the lead. by Dr. Wendy Mogel The 5-year-old girl stood out from the throng of hikers striding up a steep hill. While the adults plowed upward, she leaned down, concentrating on selecting the next dusty rock worthy of adding to the collection she’d gathered up in the delicate tulle of her pink tutu. Her mother stood patiently nearby, neither encouraging nor discouraging, or commenting on, her young ballerina-geologist’s project. I wanted to give this woman a high five. Rather than simply following the familiar path, the girl was immersed in her own compelling discoveries—and this childlike willingness to blaze one’s own trail may just be the most crucial skill for the 21st century. In our era of rapid change and daunting job competition, experts say that the capacity for thinking creatively and bravely doing one’s own thing is essential for future success. After all, the modern definition of creativity isn’t just being imaginative, expressive, or artistic. It involves using mental muscles, planning, and self-control to produce something that is both original and useful. Many kids today will grow up to have jobs that haven’t even been invented yet, so being able to find fresh solutions to ever-changing challenges is more valuable than ever.
42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ PARENTING ] Indeed, according to an IBM survey of 1,500 CEOs,
cuts in arts funding, the emphasis on standardized
creativity is now considered to be the most valuable trait
testing, and parents’ fears about giving kids freedom to
for managers. Fascinating research by Jonathan Plucker,
explore on their own are making it increasingly difficult
Ph.D., professor of educational psychology at the
for children to follow their creative instincts. That’s why
University of Connecticut’s Neag School of Education,
we need to give them room to discover and lead the
in Storrs, found that creativity tests given to elementary-
way.
school students in the 1950s were three times better than IQ tests at predicting adult achievements more than
Be an Enchanted Observer
30 years later. Having a creative outlook may mean
Like the mom who watched her small daughter curate a
that kids will grow up to design a radical new piece of
dirty rock collection without panicking over a potential
software, discover a cancer cure, mediate a thorny
tear in a tutu, you can help your child develop creative
global dispute, or found an innovative nonprofit.
zeal by doing less rather than more. “Treat your child like a seed that came in a packet without a label,” an
It’s helpful to know that there are two general
anonymous educator once said. “You can’t tell what
approaches to problem solving: convergent and
kind of flower you’re going to get or in what season it
divergent thinking. Convergent thinking uses prior
will bloom. Your job is to pull the biggest weeds, provide
knowledge and logic to choose the one correct
sufficient food and water, and stand back and wait.”
solution. This is the kind of thinking measured by most standardized tests with multiple-choice questions. Eight
Of course, when it seems like every other parent is racing
times seven is 56 ... every time.
to music lessons, private sports coaching, and Kumon sessions, doing “less” can feel like neglect, like swimming
Divergent thinking uses facts and experience to
against the tide of parents readying their children for a
generate new ideas. Through brainstorming and free-
global race. In fact, our cultures focus on showcasing
flowing experimentation, solutions are tried on for size,
kids’ talents—as if every night is opening night on
and unexpected connections emerge. Of course, this
Broadway—can make them inhibited or even rebellious.
is the mind-set that’s integral to creativity, and it’s what
The child who feels pressure to contribute his gifts to the
researchers like Dr. Plucker try to assess with quantitative
family portfolio may withhold them.
creativity tests. For example, how many different uses can you think of for a paper clip?
One boy told me that he was writing a secret play. “Why secret?” I asked. “I’m hiding it from my parents because
As a psychologist specializing in helping parents raise
if they find out, they’ll get too excited and then I won’t
self-reliant, resilient, enthusiastic children, I have the
want to do it anymore.”
opportunity to study family dynamics and parental expectations on a micro level in my private practice,
For loving parents, it’s tempting to offer praise for every
while taking a macro view of larger trends when I give
brushstroke, lyric, or strum. Yet making a big fuss over
talks to parents and educators around the world. For the
every creative gesture can sow the seeds of doubt
past year, I’ve also been interviewing employers about
rather than pride: “My mom thinks I’m such a great
their new hires as part of research for my next book, and
artist, so I better not draw something that will disappoint
I’ve heard repeatedly that young adults are often afraid
her.” Instead, just be a cherishing witness. Appreciate
to think out of the box.
your child’s effort and intrinsic pleasure in his work. Talk casually about the process, not the end product.
The good news is that all children are endowed with massive creative potential. They may be natural
Go With the Flow
philosophers, physicists, theologians, fresco artists,
On a beach vacation, I befriended the mother of 2-year-
rappers, choreographers, general contractors, and even
old Theo. I sat with her as she watched him fill a bucket
poets. Masters of the colorful metaphor! Sadly, however,
with sand, carefully pour the sand into a sieve, jiggle the MARCH 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 43
[ PARENTING ] sieve to get all the particles through, and then scoop
is heralded with publicity, it distorts our children’s
up the pile with the bucket and begin again. She told
perception of what is worthy of celebration and the
me he’d been doing this for three hours. “It’s so hard,”
effort required for real success.
she said. “I want to interrupt him and ask, ‘What color is the bucket?’ or ‘How many toys do you see?’ But I keep
Researchers who are studying the factors that help kids
reminding myself that this is Theo’s vacation too.”
accomplish great things are now focusing on grit—the ability to stick with a goal even when the going gets
Children often seem to have a short attention span,
tough. Gritty people are more like the tortoise than the
but they can become deeply engrossed. Psychologist
hare, says Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., assistant professor
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., founding co-director of
of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, and
the Quality of Life Research Center at the Claremont
they’re less likely to get discouraged or distracted by new
Graduate University, in California, has devoted his career
interests.
to studying how creativity emanates from what he calls a
How can you help your child develop creative grit?
state of flow: engaging in a challenging and pleasurable
When she’s involved with something that truly captivates
activity so intently that you lose track of time.
her, she’ll be more motivated to stick with it. Your job is to notice and respect her unique gifts and inclinations—
By letting Theo concentrate on his sand and strainer, his
even if they are not ones that are typically recognized
mother was introducing the toddler to the experience
by teachers and coaches. Then try to give her the tools,
and habit of flow. As he grows older, this kind of focused
materials, or opportunities to help her hone her craft,
and uninterrupted play might lead to the creation of
whatever that is.
elaborate sand castles and perhaps later to the design of new buildings or parks.
Kids need to develop skills in areas like music, art, science, woodworking, computer programming, or
Embrace Nature
writing in order to be truly creative, and that requires
In our digital age, spending time outdoors is especially
time, practice, and sometimes even tears. This type of
invigorating for children. Using all five senses in the three-
discipline and hard work is embodied by the spread
dimensional world bathes the mind and the body in the
of Maker Faires (makerfaire.com) around the country,
kinds of rich sensations that can’t be had with a screen.
family festivals in which kids and adults showcase their
Playing and exploring in nature encourages children to
DIY creations that celebrate “invention, creativity, and
repurpose materials and be inventive. Certainly, nature
resourcefulness.” To encourage persistence, make space
has always inspired painters and poets. As Shakespeare
in your home for ongoing projects—block cities, murals,
wrote in As You Like It, “Find tongues in trees, books
machine constructions, or botany experiments—so that
in running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in
they don’t have to be cleaned up every day and can
everything.”
unfold over time.
Resist the urge to turn play into school. There is much to
Celebrate the Power of Play
teach your child about the natural world, but he’ll be
Of course, young children should be focused on play
more mesmerized if discussions are driven by his own
rather than work. Creative play—whether it’s building
curiosity.
a rocket ship or pretending to be aliens with a group of friends—teaches your child to rehearse scenarios in
Keep Eyes on the Prize
his mind and anticipate that his efforts will pay off in a
Although it’s normal for young kids to want to explore
way that delights others. As Bruce Nussbaum, professor
in different directions, we should be striving to inspire
of innovation and design at Parsons School of Design,
them to have patience and commitment. Unfortunately,
in New York City, says in his book Creative Intelligence,
when every 5-year-old’s dance class ends in a “recital”
“When people are playing, they take risks they would not
with bouquets, and every “emerging artists” exhibition
ordinarily take. They experience failure not as a crushing
44 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2015
[ PARENTING ] blow but as an idea they tried that didn’t work. Play
without very clear parameters. They’d ask, “But what do
transforms problems into challenges, seriousness into fun,
you want? What will you base the grade on?” Instead of
one right answer into any number of possible outcomes.” I believe that young kids whose parents value playfulness
giving them more direction, she decided to stock her art
can continue to tap into this childlike quality as they
room with Play-Doh, Legos, and jumbo cardboard bricks.
get older. As the years go on, it’s easy for us to place
The students started coming in during their free periods
increasing emphasis on performance and grades, but I
to play and build—and suddenly they stopped obsessing
have seen how that has backfired with today’s stressedout college graduates.
about their grades on their formal art assignments. Remembering what it felt like to play and make things as
In my interviews with employers, I’ve learned that
a little kid was the creative fuel they needed to relax and
even young adults who had stellar transcripts and
think big.
extracurricular activities are struggling on the job. They worry about carrying out assignments perfectly and lack initiative, decisiveness, and a zest for taking
As for the young ballerina-geologist, she was already
on challenges. Wound too tightly to think flexibly,
on the right trail. No smartphone, no agenda, no
they’re unable to come up with novel connections and
educational narration from a parent. Instead, she had
solutions—in other words, to be creative visionaries.
self-directed, unhurried immersion in nature and the
Thinking about their bosses’ frustrations reminds me of
opportunity to collect the materials needed to curate
a high-school art teacher I met. Her students had been
her own art show titled “My Favorite Rocks. Collected by
stymied when she asked them to do an assignment
Me. All by Myself.”
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[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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Fort Baker 557 McReynolds Road Sausalito, CA 94965 BayKidsMuseum.org
© 2012 Minnesota Children’s Museum. All rights reserved. Storyland: A Trip Through Childhood Favorites™ was created by the Minnesota Children’s Museum. This project is made possible by a grant from the U.S. Institute of Museum and Library Services.
Nothing is more beautiful than your child’s smile!
Welcome to Danville Pediatric Dentistry and Orthodontics! ! Our office is committed to providing excellent preventative care for children in a warm, positive, and compassionate environment. We specialize in comprehensive dental care for children of all ages with an emphasis on prevention and health. As your child grows, we are able to provide comprehensive orthodontic care for children and teens. This is to help create and maintain a healthy smile into adulthood. We will do so by providing excellent treatment at the right time for the right reason with integrity, honesty and a caring heart.
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RSVP today at www.QuarryLane.org/Preschool
Discover What ’s Blooming
at The Quarry Lane Preschool Infant, Toddler, Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten Academic-Based Curriculum Nurturing, Safe Learning Environment Passionate, Experienced Educators
PLEASANTON WEST CAMPUS Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten 4444B Black Ave., Pleasanton, CA
925.462.6300
Full and Half Day Schedules Handwriting Without Tears Computer, Spanish, Music, P.E., and Library Two Preschool Campuses in Pleasanton
PLEASANTON EAST CAMPUS Infant through Pre-Kindergarten 3750 Boulder St., Pleasanton, CA
925.846.9400
CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681
Drug-Free solutions for ADD/ADHD Did you know there are non-drug based options to help your child: • Improve focus and attention • Reduce impulsivity • Improve reading rate, comprehension and accuracy • Improve listening skills • Learn how to filter out distractions
Research has proven that attention and focus are skills that can be taught, and that the brain can learn these skills. And furthermore, once mastered these results are sustained and do not deteriorate with time. Our techniques have been proven in hundreds of clinics, universities and research facilities worldwide over the past 30 years, and have long-term sustained results – without the negative side-effects like those often seen in children who have been medicated. These safe, non-invasive and fun techniques help retrain your child’s brain so it is able to focus, learn and thrive.
We can help if your child is struggling with: • • • • • • • •
ADD/ADHD Learning Disorders/Dyslexia Auditory Processing Anxiety Depression Autism and Aspergers Brain Injury PTSD
Call us today. You will see measurable results – guaranteed!
925.837.1100
www.drugfreeadd.com The State of California has determined that these treatments are alternative or supplemental to medications, and as such, providers are not doctors.