Issue 24 | September 17, 2012 | critic.co.nz
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Issue 24 | September 17, 2012 | critic.co.nz
Editor Joe Stockman Art Sam Clark Daniel Alexander Sam Stutch Words Callum Fredric
Activist group defaces planet
06
Anti-climate change group Generation Zero has defaced the University with drab, organic, possibly patchouli-scented graffiti.
Maddy Phillipps Michael Neilson Katie Kenny Zane Pocock Gus Gawn Ines Shennan Isaac Mcfarlane Toby Hills
18-21
Bronwyn Wallace Beaurey Chan Josef Alton
What the Art Critic’s resident art nerd Zane Pocock delves deep into the state of art, avoiding the Pandora’s box of a question “What is art?” like the plague.
Sarah Baillie Josie Adams Ronald McDonald Margot Taylor Alice Mcrae Georgina Klein
22-25
Holly Walker Sam McChesney
Apollo’s Arrow Josef Alton investigates the modern obsession with winning at any cost.
Brittany Mann Lukas Clark-Memler Jamie Burford Toby Newberry Rheymin Yau Lucy Hunter Taryn Dryfhout Lulu Sandston
26-28
U – Create Katie Kenny assesses the nature of creativity, and its status within the University.
Rana Saad Jehandad
P.O. Box 1436, Dunedin (03) 479 5335 critic@critic.co.nz critic.co.nz
06-11 NEWS 12-13 SPORTS 16-28 FEATURES
30-35 COLUMNS 36-43 CULTURE 44-45 LETTERS
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Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not
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necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should
critic.co.nz
first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington.
critic.co.nz
3
NZ Fashion Tech’s “fast tracked” programmes were perfect for Louise. She has now secured herself a great job at Longbeach Apparel Louise Longbeach Apparel
4
critic.co.nz
A RT Y
It’s OUSA Art Week this week, so Critic have turned the laser beam of our attention to the art world. Zane Pocock explores the local art world and where it might be headed, Katie Kenny takes a look at creativity and its place in tertiary education, and Books Editor Josef Alton compares the two famous Armstrongs’ images in popular culture. I’m not really qualified to speak about the arts, despite my Arts (humanities) degree. Even as a toddler I wasn’t much for arts and crafts. I only painted once at play centre, taking a piece of paper and covering it entirely in black paint. I’m amazed I didn’t end up in kiddy counselling. Yet I can still see the value in art. It’s supposed to challenge accepted wisdoms, to comment on contemporary culture and society, and to act as a form of historical record, allowing humanity to turn its gaze on itself and understand a different time, different ideas, and different values.
“Sure, there is something to be said for being forced to think through a piece;
What I don’t like is art that artists refuse, and enjoy
to engage with it and understand its
refusing, to explain. Sure, there is something to be said
multiple levels of complexity.”
for being forced to think through a piece; to engage with it and understand its multiple levels of complexity. But when un-established artists answer the question “So, what were you trying to say here?” with “Oh, it’s whatever you want it to be,” I die a little bit inside. It is a stumbling block, possibly a deliberate hurdle preventing people who aren’t “in” the art world from entering. The point of art, or “What is Art?” is a shit of a question, and as well as being completely unqualified, I don’t know the answer. But I think that, generally, artists should be aiming for one of two things: to keep the viewer’s attention for as long as they ask for it, or to challenge the viewer to think about something in a different way. The picture is of my favourite piece of art, Toro by Picasso. He was rummaging in his garage and found an old bike seat and handlebars. That’s just the way his mind worked – everything could be turned into art. - Joe Stockman
critic.co.nz
5
N EWS
Environmental Bandits Pollute Otago Campus By Bella Macdonald
G
University policies state that any chalking, writing, posting of bills, painting of any University building is prohibited. However, chalk on pave-
eneration Zero have tested the theory that all publicity is good
ments is acceptable due to its temporary nature.
publicity, after defacing University buildings with promotional propaganda on the evening of Sunday September 9.
Critic spoke to the Proctor, who encouraged alternative forms of publicity such as flyers, banners and radio advertisements. He suggested
Generation Zero members from the University of Otago have been
that activists should plan their actions more carefully to avoid counterpro-
punished by the Proctor after their publicity stunt promoting a three day
ductive results: “People are protesting against hydrocarbons in air – they
youth climate summit, Power Shift, left the area around Union Hall and
should think about what we use to remove their work.”
the Richardson buildings defaced.
The punishment for graffiti is usually for the perpetrator to cover
The “graffiti” involved a chalk, flour, and water mix, as well as a mud
the cost of removing the graffiti, while repeat offenders could face other
mix that over time grows into moss. This eco-unfriendly concoction was
penalties such as fines or community service. In extreme cases, a student’s
spread on pavements and up the walls of university buildings, leading up
continued presence at the university could be in jeopardy.
to Power Shift logos. The graffiti was designed to launch the Otago region’s
The Proctor explained: “If we permit one or two things, it opens the
promotion for the event, which is to be held between 7-9 December in
floodgates and Dunedin will look like the drive from Auckland Airport into
Auckland.
the City, a sea of graffiti.”
Generation Zero’s National Co-coordinator, Louis Chambers, told Critic
Chambers stated that their punishment of repaying the removal costs
that the goal of Power Shift, which has been organised by Generation Zero
was “legit as the University has a strong policy, but we thought chalk could
and 350, is “to educate and mobilise 1000 youths between 16-30 years
have been okay as it is temporary.” He says the $250 fine is expected to
old, from all over the Pacific, and for them to go out and promote climate
be paid by those involved.
change within their own communities.”
6
critic.co.nz
NEWS
College Has Inferiority Complex …Can’t Take The Hard Knocks By Zane Pocock
College is strengthened to 67% of NBS, then it
Presbyterian church) by a further 68 rooms in
D
should not be inhabited by students. To this end,
total, enabling them to pay off the loans over
r. John Kernohan, chairman of the
the University is considering lending money to
time. An elevator would also be installed in the
Presbyterian Commission, which is
the project.
main building, retaining as “much of the historic
currently governing Knox College, says
character of the place as possible.”
that the fort-esque student hall may have to
This is unwelcome news for the College’s 220
pull up the drawbridge for the last time if they
current residents and those who are a part of
Not straying far from the headlines this week,
are unable to raise the $10.8 million of funding
the its 103 years of history. As such, Kernohan
Knox is also looking to expand the number of
needed to undertake earthquake strengthening,
is confident that the “chances are good” that the
secondary schools from which it accepts res-
fire protection and extension work by the end of
money can be raised in time. For Kernohan, this
idents. This follows the publication of figures
October. Should it go ahead, the project would
has involved discussions with church-connected
in the annual Knoxonian magazine, which
be completed over the coming summer break.
parties to secure low-interest loans. However, he
show that 40.5% of residents over the past six
did confirm that “the commission believes that
years came from only 14 different secondary
Several years ago, the College’s main building
unless the earthquake strengthening work is
schools. Of these schools, 12 were rated Decile
was rated at less than 20% of the NBS (new
done then Knox shouldn’t be used,” and that if
10 and seven were private, raising concerns that
building standard) for earthquake strength, sig-
the College closed, it “might not reopen.”
residents have been unable to meet “a range of
nificantly worse than the bare minimum of 34%
new friends” over this time, according to Dr. Ker-
required to avoid a classification of “earthquake
$5 million of the funding would be used to
nohan. It remains to be seen how residents will
prone”. John Patrick, chief operating officer of
expand the number of residents at Knox Col-
treat these commoners invading their already
the University of Otago, has said that unless the
lege and Salmond College (also owned by the
shaky territory.
critic.co.nz
7
N EWS
Trespassed for being NORML By Bella Macdonald
issued. However, the head of NORML, Abe Gray, believes this latest crack-
T
down is part of the University’s plan to get rid of the 420 group. “The Uni he grass is no longer greener on the University of Otago’s side
is just testing the waters to hand them [trespass orders] out. They have a
after the Uni issued several Trespass orders against members of
‘we don’t like you, you’re stoners’ attitude.”
National Organisation for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML)
– without explaining why.
The University is not allowed to issue trespass notices to students, but the 420 group is allowed a certain non-student percentage in their club,
On Wednesday September 12, Police issued trespass orders to a handful
who now appear to have been targeted by the University.
of non-student members of NORML, who according to fellow members “occasionally attend 420 gatherings” on the Universities Union Lawn.
NORML member, Paul, who was issued a trespass order over two years ago, told Critic: “It overrides the idea of a free society, and it’s unbecoming
Critic contacted members of NORML to confirm the number of notices
of the University.”
issued, but due to the distraction caused by the extremely long mozza-
Despite New Zealand having the highest use of cannabis per person
rella strands swaying off their pizzas, they were unable to confirm this
according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development,
information.
Paul made it clear that this was not the issue at hand: “It’s niggly, petty
There is no legal obligation to state why a trespass order is being
harassment.”
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critic.co.nz
NEWS
Students Engaging in Hubba-Hubba with no Rubber
By Josie Adams
The survey revealed that safe sex prac-
lack of surprise at the results: “Most people have
tices among uni students were more relaxed
drunken sex stories to tell,” said a 20-year-old
esults are in from a 2009 University
than those of high school students: 63% of our
English student, “although that pregnancy
of Otago Department of Preventative
younger brethren used a condom during their
statistic is a bit surprising. People just don’t
and Social Medicine survey which ques-
last encounter. It was found that 3 – 4% of the
talk about it.”
tioned nearly 3000 17 – 26 year old university
women surveyed have experienced an uninten-
Several potential causes of the rising rate
students across New Zealand about their sexual
tional pregnancy, 74% of which were terminated.
of infections and teen pregnancies have been
R
practices.
One of the project’s researchers, Rebecca
suggested. Family Planning chief executive
With no update in national sexual health
Psutka, told Critic: “I think that in New Zealand
Jackie Edmond told the Waikato Times, “We
and behaviour data for over 20 years, the release
sexual health is neglected, when in fact it is actu-
continue to have inadequate sexual education
of this study is of vital importance to keeping
ally an important component of overall health
in schools, and there are issues around young
track of what’s really happening in student
and wellbeing.” She pointed out that education
women feeling comfortable in initiating condom
bedrooms.
should go hand-in-hand with healthcare: “In
use.”
The survey revealed that 54% of the sample
general, if you have had sex without a condom
Studies conducted elsewhere show that
had used a condom during their last sexual
you should go to Student Health or your GP and
New Zealand university students almost
experience, and one in five had three or more sex
get tested for STIs, since the majority of STIs are
unanimously attribute unsafe, unhappy, and
partners in the past year. Notably, one in 20 had
asymptomatic. Testing is very straightforward,
unwanted sexual experiences to the heavy
either experienced or caused an unintentional
but if you don’t test, you don’t know.”
student drinking culture.
pregnancy.
University of Otago students expressed a
Otago University’s Two Dirty Little Secrets By Callum Fredric
T
Pietsch was expected to talk about alterna-
Despite these setbacks, the presentation
tives to the Uni’s current use of coal to generate
attracted a healthy audience of 100-200. Speak-
wo University staff members cancelled
energy, while Phipps was intending to talk about
ers criticised the University’s use of lignite coal,
their plans to speak at an OUSA Envi-
the Uni’s moves toward sustainability.
describing it as “an outdated form of fossil fuel
ronment Week presentation on the
Gen Zero members told Critic that the Uni-
University’s use of lignite coal, apparently after
versity may have been spooked by the combat-
discussions with the University’s communica-
ive title of the presentation, although there was
One speaker was described by organisers
tions section.
also speculation that this latest cancellation was
as a “Southland local who is directly impacted
indicative of a recent trend of University staff
by these plans”. Her speech was critcised by one
declining to speak at public presentations.
attendee as “a storm of clichés, invoking terms
Energy Manager Hans Pietsch and Environmental Sustainability Co-ordinator Dr Hilary
that is inefficient to use and has an incredibly high carbon footprint.”
Phipps were due to speak at a presentation last
When contacted by Critic, University com-
like ‘disaster’ and ‘catastrophe’,” as well as sev-
Thursday organised by Generation Zero, entitled
munications staff said they were unaware of staff
eral witty references to John Key as “Shonkey”.
Otago University’s Dirty Little Secret. Critic was
withrawing from the event, despite Hernandez’s
told by OUSA Welfare Officer Francisco Hernan-
claim that they were involved in the decision.
Other speakers proposed an “adopt a lecturer” campaign, encouraging all attendees to
dez that Phipps told him she withdrew from the
The presentation was hit by a further blow
speak to a lecturer about the “evils of lignite”,
event following a discussion with the Otago’s
when former Green Party co-leader Jeanette
which will lead on to a joint staff/student cam-
communications team. Both staff members
Fitzsimons was unable to Skype in to the pres-
paign. Generation Zero is also aiming to present
emailed the event’s organisers to say they had
entation due to “technical difficulties”, possibly
the University with 2000 signatures opposing
mutually agreed that it would be inappropriate
because her solar-powered laptop was thwarted
the Uni’s use of lignite.
for them to attend.
by an inconsiderate cloud. critic.co.nz
9
N EWS
Student Jewry Sentences AUSA President to Insincere Apology By Callum Fredric
demanded an official apology from Williams
apologised to the forum “for not treating it like
A
“for visiting an apartheid country under an
the personal issue it was, for something that’s
rena Williams, the President of the
international boycott” and “for not representing
quite traumatic for generations of people
Auckland University Students’ Asso-
or consulting with students” about the trip.
involved in the conflict.” She will be issuing a
ciation (AUSA), has been forced to
Another SJP spokesperson went further,
written apology later in the week after con-
apologise after taking a 10-day trip to Israel,
saying Williams “has soiled our good name and
sulting with her executive. Critic wonders how
funded by the Australia/Israel & Jewish Affairs
helped to legitimise the genocide, torture, land
sincere and heartfelt Williams’ apology can
Council (AIJAC).
theft and military occupation being committed
possibly be, given that she was forced to make
by Israel against the Palestinian people on a
it by a popular vote.
According to its website, AIJAC “endeavours to highlight and counteract instances of anti-Is-
daily basis.”
Williams told Critic: “All student leaders
rael bias and misinformation in the Australian
A student forum was held on Wednesday
should be able to go and experience these
media and the wider public debate.” The organ-
in the University of Auckland quad, with over
things with their own eyes. It requires a lot of
isation has funded trips to Israel for a number of
200 students attending. Three motions relating
responsibility on their part to be able to look at
young leaders from New Zealand and Australia
to Williams’ Israel trip were put to the vote and
the situation critically and not just be spoon-
in 2012, although the invitees are always techni-
succeeded with a clear majority – firstly, that
fed whatever information they’re given when
cally invited in a personal capacity. On Williams’
Williams should be censured for taking the trip;
they do go. But in future it would be very sad if
July trip, she was accompanied by Young Labour
secondly, that Williams should make an apology
student leaders who get offered experiences like
Youth Vice-President Glenn Riddell and Young
relating to the trip; and thirdly, that exec mem-
this from any organisation have to turn them
Nationals President Sean Topham.
bers “must consult” with the student body when
down.”
Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) were
visiting “contentious places”.
furious to find out about Williams’ trip, and
Following the successful motions, Williams
OUSA Is So Gay
companies?” was added into the referendum
But a mechanism in the OUSA constitution
late last week due to a petition by Presidential
means that if 100 members sign a petition, it
hopeful Dan Stride, which surpassed the 100
can go into the referendum. “It’s quite a good
signatures required to be included.
mechanism,” Jono says. “So good on them. I
By Zane Pocock
C
Administrative Vice President Jono Rowe
mean, it shows it’s relevant.”
andidate nominations are open for the
told Critic that “initially it wasn’t there because
However, he said: “My personal opinion is
election of OUSA’s 2013 Executive, from
we didn’t see that it met the core values of
no, we shouldn’t adopt an opinion. We should
9am this Monday 17 September until
OUSA.”
keep our powder dry and focus on other issues
4pm this Thursday 20 September. Voting is set
“We took a restricted view of these core
to occur over the same time period in the week
values post-VSM,” Jono said. These core values
The referendum will also include the ques-
after nominations close.
were defined “to be issues surrounding student
tion “Should OUSA support the Marriage Equality
welfare, interests and relevance.”
Bill currently before Parliament?” When queried
During the election period there will also be a referendum on what positions OUSA should officially take on several issues. The question “Should OUSA oppose the privatisation of state-owned electricity
10
such as post-graduate allowances.”
Under VSM (Voluntary Student Member-
as to how this is different, Rowe told Critic that
ship), OUSA perceived a risk of losing members
“we see a link there” on the basis of OUSA having
if they were to “approach non-student issues
a Queer Support Coordinator and affiliated LGBT
which are highly divisive.”
associations.
critic.co.nz
NEWS
Otago Succeeds 50% of Massey Students DROP OUT By Margot Taylor
A
No data was available for Otago students’
the type of improvement we have been working
rate of progression to higher-level study, while
towards. It shows the tertiary sector is respond-
series of tertiary league tables
88% of Otago students either re-enrolled at the
ing to our signals to focus on performance and
released by the Tertiary Education
university for the following academic year or
to deliver better value for taxpayers’ money”.
Commission place the University
completed their qualifications.
Joyce and Minister of Education Hekia
of Otago first in two out of four performance
The university has also maintained its
Parata announced that the Government plans
areas. The study was conducted to reveal how
position as one of the top 300 universities in the
to continue the success of New Zealand tertiary
taxpayer-subsidised students in New Zealand
world. This is the fifth consecutive year in which
institutions through the implementation of
are performing in tertiary study.
Otago has ranked in the top 201-300 universities
“incentives”. The ministers aim to ensure that
The four performance areas were successful
list, which is created by researchers at Shanghai
55% of 24-35 year olds have level 4 or higher
completion of papers, completion of a qualifi-
Jiao Tong University. Vice-Chancellor Harlene
qualifications by 2017, up from the current rate
cation, progress to a higher level of study and
Hayne said the University was “very pleased”
of 52%.
the number of students who either continued
to maintain its top 300 position.
to study or completed a qualification.
The ministers say this can be achieved
The QS World University Rankings were
through linking funding of tertiary institutions to
Otago was found to be the top ranked
more generous, rating Otago 133rd in the world,
performance and redirecting funding away from
university in the country for the completion of
second in New Zealand after the University of
courses with low completion rates. However,
papers, with 89% of students doing so. Massey
Auckland, which was ranked 83rd.
opponents suggest that there is no evidence
University was found to have the worst qualifi-
From 2009-2011, course completion rates
that this approach will work, and say that the
cation completion rate with only 49% of students
at tertiary institutions across the country have
detrimental effects of such an approach will be
completing their qualification, compared with
risen from 62% to 71%. Tertiary Education Min-
apparent in the future findings of tertiary league
81% for Otago students.
ister Steven Joyce told media: “This is exactly
tables.
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11
S PORTS
Fantasy Sports: The Anti-sex
L
urking just out of the sight of the casual sports fan is an ominous
Something about the strange amalgam of jockish sport nuttery and
subculture: a pointless pursuit that robs sports fans of not only a
nerdish bookkeeping makes fantasy a complete turnoff for the ladies. I
high percentage of their waking hours, but also a good deal of their
have never met a girl who can even begin to comprehend why anyone
dignity, not to mention their allure to the opposite sex. I’m talking about
would devote time to fantasy sports. If a girl purports to understand or
fantasy sports: a game that makes watching sports more fun; a sporting
even (God forbid) enjoy fantasy sports, I propose that they are not a girl
subculture that is becoming more and more mainstream. You may know
at all, and recommend a genital inspection immediately. No girl could
it as Fantasy Premier League, NRL Dream Team, or good old-fashioned
ever understand the addictive harmony of sport, stats, and squabbling
Fantasy Football, but fantasy sports are all essentially the same thing:
that fantasy provides, and it’s probably better that they don’t. People who
picking teams, counting stats, and beating your mates.
play fantasy football may get girls despite fantasy football, never because of it. Fantasy sports are the anti-sex. Sporting Dungeons and Dragons
Unsurprisingly, fantasy in its modern form originated in America.
with fewer dice.
Around 1980, a group of avid fans attempted to decide who was the most knowledgeable (or tragic) baseball fan by picking their favourite players
Most fantasy sports rely on either a draft system in which each (real-
in teams, in what was originally called a “rotisserie league” (named after
life) player can only be in one (fantasy) player’s team, or a budget system
the NYC restaurant in which the friends met: La Rotisserie Française). They
where players have a pre-set budget to “buy” a team of players. As the
originally worked out their scores by hand, using formulas they invented
season plays out, each player selected earns points for your team based
themselves and the stats provided in the evening newspapers. The game
on how well they perform. The person with the most points at the end of
caught on. Copycat leagues began to spring up, and usable computers
the season is obviously the smartest, and is declared the winner. Players
morphed the game into the fully automated, internet-based version we
are swapped, sold, traded, transferred, bought, or discarded throughout the
have today. Other American sports were easily integrated thanks to their
season, so each player must maintain their team week-to-week based on
fastidious statistical record-keeping, but nowadays you can play a version
what they think is going to happen for the rest of the season. Researching
of “fantasy” for almost every sport imaginable in any part of the world,
and tinkering with your team can become an extremely time-consuming,
including, unbelievably, surfing.
addictive process, which can begin to take over your life a little too much if you are not careful (especially around exam time).
So what is the appeal of “fantasy”? I think it’s the combination of skill and chance that makes it so frustrating yet satisfying. Just like poker,
Fantasy used to be an extremely niche pastime enjoyed only by
success is determined by how well you play the game, but also by fate.
fanatical followers of American sports, but marketers and broadcasters
The skill is in predicting what is going to happen – which players are going
eventually tapped into its value and made it huge. In New Zealand alone,
to perform well, and which are going to flop. But these are real people, and
the number of fans who manage a Fantasy Premier League team is in
this is sport. There is no way of knowing for certain. No amount of research
the tens of thousands, and there are over 10 million teams worldwide.
can tell you exactly how things will play out. Studs will flop or get injured,
Journalists can now make a living solely as fantasy “gurus”. What was
washed-up veterans will have breakout years, and waiver wire sleepers
once a slightly embarrassing subculture is venturing closer and closer to
will stay frustratingly dormant (so much jargon). All you can do is hope,
centre stage. Girls, many of your friends and boyfriends probably already
and that’s half the fun.
play. Don’t even try to understand it – just don’t hate them for it.
12
Sports Editor | Gus Gawn | gus.gawn@critic.co.nz
SPORTS
Student Politician Loves Spandex
W
e have reached Issue 24 of Critic for the year. That means only three more to go, and it’s fair to say that the well of relevant local sports stories has run a little dry. With that in mind, I made the short trip across the hall from the Critic office to ask
OUSA Exec board member Angus McDonald some arbitrary questions about triathlon. He’s a legitimate athlete, I swear. He has competed at age-grade world championships with good results, and if he can stay healthy he’s got plans to do some big international races in the next few years. Most importantly, he was available to answer mundane questions at short notice. Enjoy.
Tell us about how you got into triathlons. I was a 73 kg, 5’3” overweight rugby player from Gore. I thought, “I’m fat as fuck, I better lose some weight so I can be in the cool group and
whole Number 8 Wire mentality. I find that New Zealand seems to create a lot of great triathletes because we love to rise to a challenge. Triathlon is such a dynamic sport; it really suits our athletes.
fit through regular-sized doors.” The very next day, I laced up my Nike Airs from Front Runner Dunedin and got my pudgy ass round the block. I became infatuated with fitness. Then a few coaches from home got me in the pool and out on the bike. From there it was a natural progression, and I never looked back.
What kind of structure is there for young triathletes who want to do well, how does triathlon NZ help people out? There is a high performance tier system, which allows athletes to enter a selection process from a young age if they meet certain requirements.
What big races have you competed in, and how did you do?
Then athletes can progress through the system, which means better funding, coaching, and opportunities to race within NZ and internationally.
World Championships in 2009 on the Gold Coast was probably the highlight. I came 13th. I also raced for Team Cycle World in the New Zealand Road Cycling Series. I had to take a 16-month break from early 2010 after
What have you got coming up? Triathlon World Champs in October in Auckland, the first time it has
sustaining a knee injury, so it’s really good to be back racing.
been held there.
Are the only two available pastimes in Gore boy racer and triathlete?
Got any long-term goals in triathlon? I personally need to ramp up the swimming so I can be more com-
Yes. Without a doubt that is all you can do. A fellow triathlete named
petitive at elite level. I possibly need to take time off just to be a swimmer.
Aaron Barclay who is a Youth Olympic Champion and an avid boy racer
That is a two-year plan. I want to compete at the World Champs next year
has actually achieved well in both.
in London and reassess from there.
Which discipline is your favourite, and why?
I read on the ODT website (I Googled you) that your main inspiration is Lance Armstrong. Still the case?
It would have to be cycling. Being surrounded by other men and women in Lycra just really excites me. It’s the same reason Logan Edgar does it.
A lot has changed in the last five years… but in saying that, he still has done a hell of a lot in terms of the fight against cancer with his LiveStrong foundation. I find that pretty inspirational. But it looks like he may have
Do you have much time for training these days? What kind of time do you put into it each week? Yeah, when I’m not debilitated by injury. My Coach/Life Coach Rob
popped more pills then Keith Richards.
Who is the next big thing in triathlon?
Creasy has me swimming for 1 – 2 hours most mornings, cycling 8 – 12
Mike Peree. He’s a fresher from Cumberland College who I had the
hours plus a race most weekends, 3 – 6 hours running plus maybe a gym
pleasure of meeting this year. I heard a rumor he is the heartthrob of the
or bikram yoga session in there too.
first-year population of Dunedin. The two big guns you will be seeing at the next Olympics will be Ryan Sissons and Tony Dodds.
New Zealand seems to produce a lot of good triathletes who compete internationally. Why do you think that is? New Zealanders have the great ability to adapt to new challenges – the
If you think you’re doing something good in sports and you’re a student, get in touch with me. You could easily be on these pages within the week.
Sports Editor | Gus Gawn | gus.gawn@critic.co.nz
13
News Briefs
“So I went... wit dis bitch to her parents house...I culdnt wake her muda and fuda up so [was] real quiet. Afta givn her a gud seeing to we went to sleep. I woke up and ... I did a poo in...her stockings... I slid her window up, swung the poo around and let it fly out the window. Promblem solved. In the morning...poo [was] all over the walls! There was a hole in the stoking LOL”
Across 4. K-pop hit (7,5) 6. Australian marsupial (5) 8. The answer is sunday, what is the question (7,3) 9. Austrian psychoanalyst (5) 10. ‘The facts speak for themselves’ [lat.] (3,4,8) 13. Sea cow (7) 14. Law fashion trend (6,6) 16. Soft, fleshy stone fruit (5) 17. Superman’s weakness (10) 20. The new VC (7,5) 22. Best burger joint in town (6) 23. A man, a plan, a canal (6) 24. Horizontal position (6) 25. SOULS’ ugly cousin (4) 26. Location of body’s smallest bone (3) 27. Sequence whose sums make next iteration (9) 29. ‘God particle’ (5,5) 32. Minaj’s ‘other’ implants (3) 36. Flagpole chopper (4,4) 37. Runny rotavirus symptom (9) 38. Swedish sweat box (5) 39. Scribe’s addiction (6) 40. Syrian strongman (5) Down 1. It’s French for yoghurt (6) 2. Process to find a derivative (15) 3. Ubiquitous uni fashion label (5,6) 5. Annoying front row lecture occupant (6,7) 7. Sexiest president to date (5,5) (2 Words) 11. Creepy illiterate editor (8) 12. 2012 NBA finals’ MVP (6,5) 15. Tertiary education minister (6,5) (2 Words) 18. NZ’s Kardashians (3,6) 19. Stored glucose (8) 21. Demand equals supply at... (11) 28. Tabouli’s main ingredient (8) 30. Diddy’s real name (4,5) 31. Big cat on campus (5) 33. NZ’s PM ‘piggy’ (7) 34. Overweight halfback’s surname (5) 35. G rid-like cereal (4)
14
“I work in a restaurant... and we get a lot of dickhead cops in, [sometimes] I pee a little in there coffee, also you dont want to know what I do to there samwiches”
Enter online code HELLFREEDEL
“u MUST NOT smash the bitch as u will never get ur baby back, and tell ur babys dad she hits her then slap him while ur at it. Get him to deal wit the bitch not to touch my baby.” “Annoyamas. i have been with this guy for 2 years. i love him to bits. but he treats me like shit... he’s like a horn dog... i had sex with my ex... we had s*x in his car.” “I cheated on my girlfriend with her mum and she doesn’t know. Another thing is my girlfriend and her mum are pregnant. And her mum told me her kid is mine.”
United States | A new DNA encyclopaedia sheds light on the complex inner workings of humans. This has exciting potential for fighting diseases, preventing aging, curing
Over 1000 items sent through NZ Post are lost every week
cancer, speeding up your metabolism, and heightening your concentration in lectures. Sorry, we may be exaggerating, but it is still quite exciting. United States | A young man called 911 twice to report that his dreams were real. He was under the influence of marijuana, and ended up in jail. Listen to the phone calls online – they are rather entertaining.
200 trillion texts are received every day in America
The word “Taiwanese” means “suckled by goats” South Africa | A buffalo sold for NZ $3.18 million. The new owner intends to “breed back the old giants of the bush of Africa which have been hunted out over past centuries”. . Nigeria: A man was snapped with a roast chicken stuffed with $150,000 worth of cocaine. The cash was going to fund his retirement.
Martin Luther King Jr. lip-synched most of his famous “I Have a Dream” speech
15
P L ED G EM E
PLEDGEIT By Walter Plinge
G
od, if there is a God, can be a bit or a dick. He blesses creative people with all the talent in the world, but no sales
skills; no sense of self-promotion. And so they create, and suffer, and die sad lonely deaths in cold houses without ever being recognised in their lifetimes. As all creative types know, it’s not having the ideas which is hard, it’s getting the money. Well, until now. In 2009 three enterprising young Yanks invented a website called Kickstarter, and the term “crowd funding” quickly joined the artist’s lexicon. The crowd funding idea is that that creative types put their project ideas up online, and then ask their contacts to pledge money to support the project. The catch? You have to ask for a certain sum of money, and if you can’t get up to that total in your pledges you get nothing at all. It never takes long for Kiwis to catch up with what America is up to, and NZ now has its very own crowd funding website, Pledge Me. Co-founded by Otago graduate and now Pledge Me Chief Bubble Blower Anna Guenther, it has gone from strength to strength in 2012, growing by over 2000% and raising over $400,000 for 190 different creative projects. But for some reason crowd funding hasn’t taken off in little ol’ Dunedin, with only a very few projects on the pledge me site so far. So check out the stats, and get that creativity online. You may find yourself taking on the world a lot sooner than you thought.
16
critic.co.nz
17-21 sept
ousa.org.nz
LAUNCH PARTY!
WTA
18
W TA
s a form of expression and com-
and Pacifica descent.” Alongside the country’s oldest
munication, art has been around
public art gallery and art school, Dunedin certainly
for almost as long as humanity. The
has the artistic infrastructure to foster public interest.
brain is hard-wired to appreciate the aesthetic, and the deeper readings of
Another great artistic element to look for in Dunedin
conceptual art can prove incredibly
is the project space. Jamie Hanton, Director of Dune-
rewarding for those that way inclined. But interest-
din’s Blue Oyster Art Project Space, says that project
ing though it is, the complexity of art can be hard to
spaces are small galleries that exist primarily for art-
grasp. Trends are seldom easy to define until refracted
ists whose practices “are not oriented towards having
through the lens of history, collecting is difficult with-
a commercial output.” It’s a choice artists make, and
out capital, and local opportunities to indulge never
they have to find funding from other sources. While
seem to be fully utilised. With OUSA Art Week here,
project spaces are fascinating for the viewer, one of
Critic’s resident art nerd Zane Pocock delves deep
their primary functions is a developmental space
into the state of art, avoiding the Pandora’s box of a
for artists. “We’re not a public art gallery in the tra-
question “What is art?” like the plague.
ditional sense. I think that project spaces are places for experimentation for artists. We have the responsibilities of a public art gallery but we have more
The Dunedin Effect
freedom. We should be as accessible as possible, but
Expanded this year to include a year-round rotation
is anything but linear. Often an artist will be picked up
of installations entitled Art On Campus, the ambition
from Blue Oyster by other galleries and institutions
of OUSA Art Week is to garner a bit of interest in art,
for a re-exhibition or inclusion in a publication, but it
and for good reason. One of the most depressing
also allows commercial artists to develop their more
things for many in the art scene is the lack of enthu-
experimental practices. “Project spaces exist because
siasm among young people. The number of students
we accept that art is not just for personal collecting.
I recognise in my art history lectures from exhibition
We should be provocateurs,” Jamie says. “But then
openings around town is remarkably low. Yet there
again, public art galleries should be provocateurs too.
is so much going on in Dunedin!
It should be an industry-wide responsibility; to make
that doesn’t mean we’re going to dumb down work.” These project spaces are vital to art evolution, which
people fucking think, rather than just to show them Dunedin is home to the Frances Hodgkins Fellowship, which offers a different New Zealand artist a 12-month salary and studio in Dunedin every year. Notable artists to receive the Fellowship in the past include Ralph
“public art galleries should be
Hotere, Jeffrey Harris, and Kushana Bush, all of whom are well worth looking up for those not in the know.
provocateurs too. It should be
Preference is given to emerging artists under the age of 40, and selection is carried out by a panel including
an industry-wide responsibility;
nationwide curators, directors, university lecturers, and a representative from OUSA. There is an annual
to make people fucking think,
allowance called the Hocken Endowment Fund, which is spent on acquiring work by contemporary
rather than just to show them”
artists to add to the 17,000-strong collection. Natalie Poland, Curator of Pictorial Collections at the Hocken Library, tells me, “as part of redressing gaps in the collection, we have been actively acquiring work by contemporary artists including past and current Frances Hodgkins Fellows, and practitioners of Maori
critic.co.nz
19
WTA
“there’s a whole lot of different
art worlds that show different
what they think they want to see. I’m as aesthetic
sorts of art, and we’re interested
a person as anyone else, but...” If you’re taken by the concept, you can do your bit by volunteering at
in a very particular sort. So usu-
spaces such as Blue Oyster, helping install and de-install exhibitions, and working closely with artists
ally there are only a couple of
and directors in an intimate, enriching environment.
dealers showing the sort of art
Collect Them All
that we’re interested in.”
Arguably, collecting is one of the most confusing and secretive aspects of art. For the most part, collectors like to keep their gems to themselves, and advice is often hard to come by. Yet this apparent secrecy can
Although the Barrs have a large collection, they’ve
often be for good reason: taste in collection is excep-
never spent that much money on art, tending to
tionally diverse and personal. Natalie, for example,
buy works before the artists become too expensive,
likes to collect contemporary photography “when
then moving on to the next generation. “If you look
funds allow”, and Jamie is a big fan of supporting
at the stuff we’ve purchased, it’s usually been made
up-and-comers who are still at art school, as well
by people between 25 and 35.” Naturally, they’ve also
as recent graduates.
had specific dealer galleries they were interested in over the years, because “there’s a whole lot of dif-
To make some sense of it all I had a chat to Jim Barr.
ferent art worlds that show different sorts of art, and
Jim and his wife Mary are possibly New Zealand’s
we’re interested in a very particular sort. So usually
best-known collectors and patrons of art in New
there are only a couple of dealers showing the sort of
Zealand. It’s well worth checking out their renowned
art that we’re interested in.” Any recommendations?
blog, http://www.overthenet.blogspot.co.nz. “In gen-
“We just fell into it, really, and I think that’s probably
eral terms, we’ve bought quite a few works from a
the easiest way to do it. I mean, you obviously need
small number of people rather than across the board,”
to see a lot of things or you won’t have anything to
Jim says. “And then one day you’ve got more work
choose from.” Giving half the profits to the artist on
than you can actually fit in the space you’re living in,
the odd occasion that they do sell a piece, the Barrs
and it becomes a different sort of thing.” A big bonus
also believe in the age-old idea that you should buy
of the Barr’s collecting has been getting to know
art because you love it and want to live with it, not
the artists. By approaching dealers to put them in
for profit.
contact with the artists they’re buying, Jim and Mary
20
have fostered ongoing relationships with the likes
The best-known dealer in Dunedin is Brett McDowell,
of Michael Parekowhai and the late Phil Clairmont,
who “discovered” artists like as Kushana Bush and
who have always been very accommodating and
up-and-coming ceramist Suji Park. His exhibitions
generous with their time in showing them around
are always worth checking out, and there is usually
their studios. “And a lot of them have become very
an opening every three or so weeks. It also pays to
good friends over the years,” Jim says. “The artists
get on the mailing list for the Dunedin Art School,
are much more interesting than the rest of the art
whose openings are just as frequent and often as
world, I think.”
amazing.
critic.co.nz
W TA
“Anything to do with urban planning, environmental
concerns and things like that are quite salient at the moment, especially in New Zealand because of the Christchurch earthquake, and globally because of urban planning concerns and growth concerns.”
The Future Is Trending, Y’Know
feel that the object will always be with us, but it’s not
Trends in contemporary art are hard to define. Gone
world, basically.”
guaranteed. I think that’s definitely something that younger artists are looking at.” Jim also identifies a “definite reintroduction of craft”, while in the past “if you did ceramics you were just tossed out of the art
are the days of Cubism and Pop Art: in the post-modern world it can seem like we’re left with an intricate,
All three say that works incorporating video and
beautiful mess, but not necessarily. Natalie believes
digital animation are more commonplace now than
there has been a resurgence in performance art over
they were in the 1970s, when video art emerged. Jim
the past five years or so, and Jamie says that “archi-
finds it amazing that video took so long to be incor-
tecture is pretty hot at the moment. Anything to do
porated into art institutions – “for private collectors,
with urban planning, environmental concerns and
it still hasn’t really happened yet.” Jim and Mary were
things like that are quite salient at the moment, espe-
possibly some of the earliest collectors to embrace the
cially in New Zealand because of the Christchurch
medium, even though it seems so obvious: “You have
earthquake, and globally because of urban planning
a screen where you can show absolutely incredible
concerns and growth concerns.” Jim agrees. “I think
imagery or some amazing art work. Why would
a lot of artists, although they’re all flying around
you not have it at home? It’s easier to collect than a
the world using up air miles and what have you, are
bloody bronze sculpture, that’s for sure!”
starting to see that even art can start offering some
It’s Free Booze!
solutions to sustainability issues.” Both Jamie and Jim talk about the possible rise of video gaming as an artistic medium, with Jamie
If you’re still not sold on the potential wonder of the
planning some sort of video game exhibition in the
art world, I’ve got the ultimate pitch: a Friday night of
future. Jim, for one, finds Minecraft amazing: “We
gallery openings is a free night out. The booze flows
were staying with some young kids who have been
freely, and you meet incredible people. Just the other
playing Minecraft recently, and I’ll tell you what:
week I met one of New Zealand’s most established
that’s their world! They’re completely immersed in
artists, Laurence Aberhart, and last year had the good
it, and they’re so skilled.” But he wonders what will
fortune of meeting Billy Apple, who worked alongside
happen to the physical “object” nature of art. “Are we
Warhol back in the day. It’s mind-boggling how few
coming to a world where people are pretty integrated
people have gotten onto this, and New Zealand is
into their laptops and their visual world? You sort of
possibly the easiest place in the world to get so intimate with art idols, so get amongst. When you do, it’s more engulfing than Alice’s hole.
critic.co.nz
21
A P O L LO
Ap ar
22
A P O L LO
S p ollo’s
tage 10 of the 2001 Tour de France was a climb in the French Alps involving three above category hill climbs, summiting at the legendary ski resort l’Alpe d’Huez. It is the first mountain stage of the world-renowned bicycle race. Early
in the day, Jan Ullrich had eased into the lead of the peloton (a cluster of cyclists), and was favoured to win the ascent.
r row by JOSEF ALTON
Lance Armstrong, the two-time Tour champion, appeared to be struggling behind the leaders, and race radios buzzed and hissed with speculation that the American had gassed out. However, nearing the slopes of the l’Alpe d’Huez, Armstrong climbed to the head of the peloton and level with Ullrich. They battled neck-and-neck until the head of the last hill climb, where Armstrong famously stood, attacked, and pulled out in front of the German, looking back as he passed, burning holes into Ullrich’s eyes, daring his defeated opponent to attack. Ullrich refused, and Armstrong finished the mountain stage with over a minute in hand. “The Look” quickly gained notoriety in sports circles. One American sports journalist considered it the moment that cycling graduated from a fringe sport to major league in America. The episode single-handedly showcased Armstrong’s competitive nature and never-quit persona that has enraptured millions. However, in the past three weeks his image has taken a serious beating. On August 23, Armstrong declined to continue to fight charges of using banned performance-enhancing substances brought against him by the US Anti-Doping Agency. His refusal to defend himself against evidence and witnesses has led the US agency to recommend that he be stripped of his seven Tour de France titles and Olympic bronze medal. Armstrong is likely to fight the charges through internatinoal channels, hoping that the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) will overturn the USADA’s decision. The news has polarised Armstrong’s fans and the media. Some reports have chastised the athlete as a fraud, while others have cast doubt upon the validity of the USADA’s charges, stating that he is the victim of a “witch hunt”. But to Armstrong’s millions of die-hard fans, he is more than just an athlete: he is an idol. His public persona symbolises triumph over adversity; he epitomises the everyday-manturned-hero. The US$500 million that the Lance Armstrong Foundation (LiveStrong) has raised over the last decade and a half has put a dollar value on his persona’s social worth. Before he threw in the towel, Armstrong seemed invincible, embraced by a media culture infatuated with celebrity heroes.
23
A P O L LO
Hero worship, in its various guises, is ingrained into our
dashed by a string of assassinations, the Vietnam War, and
culture. Biographies of an athlete’s struggle to succeed, a
the civil unrest the unpopular war provoked. Amidst the chaos
social-outcast-turned-pop-star on American Idol, or an
the broadcast of the moon landing signalled a pivotal moment:
aspiring politician beating the odds to become a leader are
a divided nation stood together and watched humans move
narratives designed to strike an inspirational emotional chord.
forward. However, the US push to beat the Soviet Union to the
It all dates back to Ancient Greece, where heroes like Achilles
moon was not orchestrated solely for the good of mankind. The
were worshipped for their peculiar strength and extraordinary
moon landing was the equivalent of the USA giving the USSR
feats.
“The Look” while rocketing past the communist superpower into the lead of a political race for superiority. The Apollo space
When Thetis dipped her son Achilles in the river Styx, any
program was born from this acute need to win at any cost — an
place the sacred water touched his body became invulnerable,
attitude still very much present in the US and most nations
except for his heel, which remained dry. As a young man, he
throughout the world today.
went to Troy to fight, and proved himself to be an undefeatable warrior. To avenge the death of his friend Patroclus, Achilles
In January 1967, while most of the Apollo astronauts were in
killed the mighty Trojan Hector, and desecrated the prince’s
Washington DC rubbing shoulders with dignitaries, a ground
remains by dragging his body behind a chariot while Hector’s
test went terribly wrong, and a fire aboard Apollo 1 killed three
father, Priam, and brother, Paris, watched. Ultimately however,
US astronauts. The deaths could have been avoided if proper
his excesses did not go unpunished by the gods.
time and care were taken to ensure the astronauts’ safety. The US and NASA were guilty of forsaking the safety of their
The Tour de France is a war of its own, a multi-stage epic
astronauts to maintain the breakneck speed they deemed
encompassing 3,200 kilometres in 21 days. The journey
necessary to stay ahead in the space race. Lance Armstrong’s
through France is exhausting. To win it once is a dream accom-
own desperate need to finish first was perhaps driven by that
plishment; to win it seven consecutive times is an immortal
same blinding desire.
feat. By the mid-2000s, Lance Armstrong was untouchable. In the eyes of the public the only thing that could possibly rival
Neil Armstrong received his first flight certificate at age 15,
his Tour domination was his triumph over a 1996 diagnosis of
before his driver’s licence. He studied aerospace engineering
testicular cancer. LiveStrong became more than just another
at Perdue University before being called up to the US Navy
athletic slogan. The yellow wristband was emblematic of the
to fight in the Korean War, flying 78 missions. He returned
virtuous side of competition, intertwining an athlete’s individ-
to Perdue to finish his degree, and then joined the National
ual test of strength with the normal individual’s perseverance
Advisory Committee for Aeronautics High-speed Flight Sta-
through difficult times — it was brilliant marketing. Armstrong
tion as a research pilot. He was praised for his aeronautical
quotes became ubiquitous. “Pain is temporary, quitting lasts
engineering skills, and was described as “the most technically
forever.” “Whatever your 100% looks like, give it.” “We have
capable of the early X-15 pilots”. He joined the NASA Astronaut
two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like
Corps without hesitation, later telling his biographer: “I was
Hell.” Arguably, his message was that every struggle in life can
disappointed by the wrinkle in history that had brought me
be reduced to a metaphorical competition: winning is fighting,
along one generation late. I had missed all the great times
so fight or die trying. It was the ultimate go-getter war call.
and adventures in flight.” NASA introduced a new kind
However, in life, as in sport, competitiveness has its rational
of opportunity.
limits, and when tipped to the extreme, the winning-at-allcosts mentality can quickly become a slippery slope to taking
This is where Neil Armstrong’s personality diverges from
any advantage available, no matter the cost. Yet both people
Lance Armstrong’s and the Apollo program. Though Neil was
and even nations are often rewarded — especially financially
a competitive man affiliated with the space race, his desire
— for “doing whatever it takes” to get the job done. The ben-
for success appeared not to rank above his own ethical and
efits of winning a war aren’t bragging rights, but claims to
moral responsibilities.
ideological, economic, and military superiority over others. It’s about looking and appearing invincible.
The mild-mannered astronaut was offered the post of commander of Apollo 11 because of what the NASA administrator
24
30 years separate Lance Armstrong’s first Tour de France
deemed his “grace and humility”. He was asked to be the
victory from the Apollo 11 moon landing of 1969. At the time
leader of the highly technical and dangerous mission precisely
hope sparked by the election of John F. Kennedy in 1960 and
because he exhibited personality traits that best facilitated
Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a dream” speech, had been
a team of highly trained individuals to work together and
critic.co.nz
“Th cult bro wha sake
A P O L LO
e cult of personality that defines our current ture demands that races are won, records are oken, and the famous transcend the limits of at we thought was humanly possible for the e of entertainment. “ flourish independently. His soft-spoken cool-headedness
largely overshadowed by his dusty lunar footprints?
in the face of danger made him the obvious choice. When Apollo 11 was picked to attempt the moon landing, Armstrong
The question is partly rhetorical, but there are beginnings of
was positioned to be the first man to walk on the moon. His
a possible answer. Cain argued in her popular TED talk that
fellow team member Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin lobbied vociferously
western societies, particularly America, have shifted from a
to replace Armstrong at the top of the walk order. According to
culture of character to a culture of personality. The person of
Armstrong’s longtime friend, Dudley Schuler, Buzz’s actions
action out-competes the person of contemplation. Individuals
embarrassed Armstrong, who saw the mission purely as a
once valued for their moral rectitude today appear increasingly
job, not a chance for fame. After the moon landing Armstrong
antisocial and strange. On the contrary, Lance Armstrong’s
never returned to space. He resigned from NASA and became
public persona is that of the perfect extrovert, and so he has
a Professor of Aeronautical Engineering at Perdue.
been celebrated unchecked because his image is compatible with a social narrative that praises success based on compet-
Schuler, interviewed by the Telegraph in 2009, maintained
itive prowess. Lance Armstrong’s doping scandal has turned
that in the years after the moon landing, Armstrong’s shy
his public image into a contradiction: his flawed character is
personality defined his public persona, and that he was quick
at odds with his perfect personality. Much to the chagrin of
to disappear from public places if recognised. Armstrong him-
those wanting an archetype, the cancer survivor/seven-time
self said that he had no wish to play the part of a “human
champion/inspirational icon turned out to be human after all.
memorial”. As the years progressed, his paranoia of publicity grew. He refused to sign autographs, cards, or even yearbooks
While Neil rode upon the shoulders of Apollo to claim victory
at his high school reunion. Former US Under-Secretary of
for his country, he ultimately refused to taint his character
Commerce Jim Rogan said recently that after lodging a bill
with either fame or the win-at-all-costs mentality that
to recognise the men of Apollo 11 with the US Congressional
characterised the space race. Lance, like Achilles before
Gold Medal, Armstrong contacted him and asked for the bill’s
him, is killed by Apollo’s aim; by an arrow piercing where he
withdrawal. When Rogan refused, Armstrong said: “We’re just
thought himself strongest, his own competiveness. Winning
three guys who stood on the shoulders of so many people who
at all costs may have its place in the fight for survival, but
came before us.” Inexplicable as it may seem, Neil Armstrong
there is a tipping point where this attitude overrides morals
rejected fame and hero worship.
and ethics. The cult of personality that defines our current culture demands that races are won, records are broken, and
Susan Cain, author of the New York Times bestseller Quiet:
that the famous transcend the limits of what we thought was
The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,
humanly possible for the sake of entertainment. But there are
argues convincingly that it’s time to stop undervaluing the
physical limits to how fast a race can be won, just as there are
traits of introspection and solitude — common characteristics
limits to human ability that we will eventually have to face.
of introverts — and recognise that these traits are integral to effective leadership and social harmony. Throughout his
Life is not a race to the end, but a strange journey that begs for
lifetime, Neil Armstrong demonstrated many of the same
a metaphor to describe it. And if that is the case, let it hinge
attributes Cain mentions in her book. So why is Lance Arm-
upon a scale weighted with the better aspects of our character
strong’s character deemed an integral part of his athleticism,
than our own illusions of grandeur.
yet Neil Armstrong’s character has gone the last four decades
critic.co.nz
25
U- C RE AT E
U-Create By Katie Kenny
I 26
n Kazuo Ishiguro’s acclaimed dystopian thriller, Never Let Me Go, art is literally a lifeline for the novel’s doomed characters, Tommy and Kathy. “That’s the whole thing about art,” explains Tommy. “It says what’s inside of you; it reveals your soul.”
critic.co.nz
U-CREAT E
CUTS TO CREATIVITY
and literary rock-star, Sam Hunt, warned me to be wary of the conformist clutches of tertiary institutions (despite being
Some would say, therefore, that the Dunedin City Council
university-educated himself). “Remember that poetry itself
made a soulless decision in betraying our city’s greatest
must always be the focus. University courses often overlook
asset: creativity. In the world of arts and culture, Dunedin
the art of writing,” he says, “and academics can be f***kers.”
has a well-founded reputation. Many of our country’s most
Albert Einstein famously articulated similar sentiments:
renowned artists have strong ties to Otago, and Dunedin is
“It is nothing short of a miracle that modern methods of
bursting with upcoming talent in music, visual arts, litera-
instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity
ture, design, and commerce. In a penny-pinching move of
of inquiry.” International education advisor Sir Kenneth
philistinism, all funding for public art has been postponed
Robinson believes that a radical reform of our educational systems in favour of creativity-based
until 2016 – 2017. After that, backing for public installations will be halved to just $25,000. Essentially, our city’s creative funding is being reduced to less than the average StudyLink debt. By cutting creative opportunity from nil to nada, art in the real world just became an even riskier vocation. But
“Remember that poetry itself must always be the focus. University courses often overlook the art of writing,” he says, “and academics can be f***kers.”
subjects is necessary for progression of the human race. “Every education system on earth has the same hierarchy of subjects,” he wrote, “and at the bottom are the arts. Everywhere on earth.” According to Kenneth, our concept of intelligence is “predicated on the idea of academic ability,” and this ensures that, by the time we’re
it’s always been a capricious career, demanding unflagging confidence. Even the University of
adults, most of us “grow out of” creativity.
Otago website states that “Students taking Humanities at Otago are encouraged to combine their liberal studies with
As a student at the University of Otago’s English Department,
papers and programmes that have a professional or vocational
I’m pleased to admit that I consider the above concerns fairly
orientation, especially by doing a double degree, for example,
irrelevant to my classes. I’ll not deny that – even within the
BA/BCom, BA/LLB, or BA/BTchg(Prim).” These recommenda-
wider university community – stereotypically “artsy” degrees
tions aren’t unsupported; research shows a bleak fiscal future
are constantly derided and stigmatised as frivolous pursuits,
for “pure” arts students, as humanities graduates tend to have
extraneous to the so-called “real world”. However, creativity
lower starting salaries than almost everyone else.
shouldn’t be relegated to arts subjects; it’s an important component in every facet of education. To gain insight into
A recent Ministry of Education study compared what graduates
the value of creativity across a range of subjects at the Uni-
earned after four years of starting work. Unsurprisingly, four
versity, it seemed fair to consult views from both extremes
years after graduating, health professionals were reaping the
of the academic spectrum: the “most creative” and the “least
highest salaries. “Performing arts” brought in the lowest aver-
creative” departments.
age income ($30,000 per annum), and “Visual arts and crafts” was still well below the level of “All bachelors completers” ($45,000 per annum). This study didn’t include unemployed artists or those without tertiary qualifications.
MOST CREATIVE “Most creative” was a no-brainer. Have you heard of Dr
LEARNING THE UNTEACHABLE
Glam? He’s (one of) the 1970s inspired, hang-drum playing, glam-rock “performative alter-egos” of Executant Lecturer in Contemporary Music Ian Chapman. If you haven’t met Dr
If you’re likely to be poor for the rest of your life, then is it really
Glam, it’s difficult to imagine the uninhibited transformation
worth beginning your creative career as an indebted student?
of softly-spoken Ian. Physical expressions of creativity don’t
This is a contentious argument among academics and artists
end with Ian’s alter-ego. His workspace isn’t an office per se.
alike. Creativity is generally considered an “unlearnable”
Rather, it’s a floor-to-wall display of eccentric inspiration,
power. It requires imagination in addition to skill, and is
adorned with posters of David Bowie, stacks of CDs (I spotted
usually associated with artistic endeavour to produce a
Madonna), a coffee-table book about the Rolling Stones, and
novel invention of value. New Zealand’s best-known poet
eerie masks, amongst other eye-popping paraphernalia.
critic.co.nz
27
U- C RE AT E
“The tricky thing about creativity is that it’s difficult to grade according to a marking schedule. Our students first have to learn, and are assessed on, the ‘rules’. Once they know the conventions, they’re encouraged to go out and break them!”
my perspective, even though they are full of high-level math.” Despite stereotypes, Timothy says that creativity within his department is “extremely highly valued. It creates independent research contributions that we can publish. It leads to better teaching. It produces better research, better graduates, and puts money in our pockets.” Timothy also believes that this attitude is reflected in wider society: “I think creativity is very highly valued, and very highly rewarded in almost all cases. It goes hand in hand with problem solving for clients, firms, the country.” But what about those archetypal starving, suffering artists?
From the corner of the room, a toy guitar spasmodically blasts
Well, if any of you are reading this, unless you feel like a slap
horrendous electric sounds (“It’s haunted,” Ian explained).
in the face, I’d suggest you skip the next paragraph or so.
Ian’s research into “music iconography and image creation”
“The only exceptions,” Timothy continues, “are when ‘creativ-
spills outside the realms of contemporary music, and involves
ity’ leads you to selfishly create something that is worthless.
consideration of visual arts, theatre studies, and literature.
That is, if you create some piece of modern art or modern
He also encourages his students to appreciate the “interdis-
music or even academic research that stinks, then you won’t
ciplinarity of music”. In Ian’s opinion, creativity is valued to
be rewarded. You don’t have to create something that fits in
different extents across the different departments at the Uni-
with modern taste or style, it can be completely new and
versity. Although creativity can’t be taught, universities can
unheard of, but you do have to create something that genu-
provide students with a proverbial “tool-box” of knowledge,
inely serves a human need. Create rubbish, and you won’t be
which they can then apply selectively to their creative pursuits.
rewarded.” Tough love, indeed.
“The tricky thing about creativity is that it’s difficult to grade according to a marking schedule. Our students first have to learn, and are assessed on, the ‘rules’. Once they know the
“EVERY CHILD IS AN ARTIST”
conventions, they’re encouraged to go out and break them!”
- Picasso
Rule-breaking is integral for creative work. Originality, by definition, must depart from the status quo. Humans are
Rubbish or otherwise, where does creative ability come from?
creatures of habit, subconsciously favouring certainty and
“Creativity is a way of thinking,” Ian says. “All children are
structure, so creative value is difficult to measure. For this
born with creative capacity, but as most people age, this
reason, we sometimes take years, decades, even centuries,
diminishes. Some retain it more than others... it’s squashed,
to appreciate creative brilliance (think El Greco, Galileo Galilei,
to an extent, by education systems, societal ideologies, and
John Keats, Vincent van Gogh). “While public opinion may be a
parents who... What’s the phrase? Steal the magic from their
good indicator to an extent [of creative value], it should defi-
children’s eyes.” And eyes are windows into the soul, aren’t
nitely not be relied upon fully for judging artistic standards,”
they? “Steal the magic from their children’s eyes.” The soul’s
says Ian. For this reason, creative careers are rarely financially
magic, therefore, must be creativity.
rewarding. “It would be good if that were the case,” Ian points Now, for those of you who haven’t read Never Let Me Go, I
out, “but it’s not.”
should mention that Tommy and Kathy are clones – genetically engineered organ donors. One “special” school, Hailsham,
LEAST CREATIVE
encourages students to embrace art, drama, and music, in the
Naturally, the Department of Accountancy and Finance was
“We took away your art,” said the headmistress, “because we
my next stop. Professor Timothy Crack, Chair in Finance,
thought it would reveal your souls. Or, to put it more finely,
acknowledges that “many people outside [the field of account-
we did it to prove that you had souls at all.”
hope that this will prove that clones are capable of humanity:
ing and finance] underestimate both how mathematical it is... and how creative that quantitative material can be. I have
Creativity isn’t just for artists – it enriches every university
written books that are not novels, but they still tell a story from
department (clearly, some more than others). “Dunedin should fight to ensure it retains its unique, creative soul,” Ian urged. For the sake of our education, and for society in general, it’s our responsibility to agree.
28
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29
COLUMNS
ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME None of you read this anyway. It’s just that little weird standfirst bit above the action below. But anyway ... The Blind Date has been at Metro bar for the last few weeks, and it sounds like they’ve been putting on quite a show. Great feed, good drinks, excellent service etc etc. If you want in on the action, email critic@critic.co.nz with your details.
Chris
Trisha
I know I shouldn’t have eaten dinner, but the aroma of fresh curry was
Hail, snow and rain. Temperature 0 degrees. It was the worst possible
too alluring. Justifying it to myself by saying that the food at Metro would
day to have a blind date on. The fact that I live on a hill pretty far away from
just be “nibbles” I tucked into one-and-half helpings of flat-made Thai and
any civilization doesn’t make it any better. I have never done anything
half a small glass of Jim Bean bourbon in an attempt to combat nerves. It
this crazy, but it was Dunedin and experiencing different aspects of the
didn’t do too much. Dastardly rice. Why must you be so absorbent? I guess
student life was goal. So why not try a blind date?
it’s all the starch. The day the date took place will henceforth be known as
It was quite short notice for the date and all kinds of horrid scenarios
“worst weather ever day”. Sleet was assaulting me at a horizontal angle
played out inside my head, including getting ma karate friend to the rescue
and the intermittent dumpings of hail were literally making certain classes
if anything creepy happened.
during the day totally inaudible. It wouldn’t have surprised me one bit if
Drove down the hill at 20km/hr, still skidded at turns and nearly
she never turned up, and I wouldn’t have blamed her. As it happened I
had a heart attack. Arrived late at metro, and assumed the only guy at
was waiting around 25 minutes. The friendly barman kept on saying that
the bar to be the one. He was friendly looking, quite tall and slender.
it looks like she might be a “no-show”. I spent the time conversing with
The conversation was awkward at first but we got talking and found a
him about bar-topics: “So, how does one go about becoming a bartender?”
few similarities between us. He was a med student; we have friends in
“What was the old bar like before you had it refurbished?”
common, chatted about a variety of things from future plans to religion
Just as I was about to finish my Speights, and was beginning to
and beliefs; from human cruelty to scary movies. I tend to ramble on about
agree with his estimate, she arrived. She’d been stuck at the top of the
various weird things, hope it was entertaining. The bar tab seemed a lot
hill de-icing her car’s windscreen and nervously driving down the slippery
at first but was quickly gone, the pizza and desert were pretty awesome.
hill in a car that didn’t have a “really good brake”. She risked her life to
Alcohol free for me as I was driving, so any chat was strictly sober and
meet a stranger. Cool girl. The preparatory alcohol proved to be totally
non-regrettable. He has a few interesting points, especially his lack of
unnecessary. She was incredibly easy to talk to, and we had a little bit in
ability to stay awake late at night, hence the early curfews.
common. We were studying in a similar area, and knew a small handful
We stayed at metro the whole evening, nothing else happened apart
of the same people. I admitted to having eaten dinner beforehand, and
from the chat, but he was easy going and we are definitely friends now.
I felt pretty bad about it. Ordering a large seafood pizza as well as some
Nothing romantic at all happened, sorry to disappoint. We left as more
soup and a banoffee pizza we blew through the $60 tab in one foul-swoop
people started to come in. I drove him home and the night ended with a
– that worked out really well, she was driving and I wasn’t in the mood
slightly awkward and unexpected hug.
to get drunk anyway. We discussed a whole bunch of topics: she wasn’t
Overall, it was an enjoyable experience and nice food and it is always
religious (great!), but also wasn’t at all aggressive about it and thought
good to make new friends. Thank you Critic for setting me up with someone
that freedom of thought was important (even better).
far less scary than I anticipated and Metro for the awesome bar tab and
We chatted about horror movies for a little bit – she was a heck of lot
food.
more educated on the topic than I was, and I couldn’t contribute much. In the end she gave me a lift home, which meant I got to avoid Dunedin’s horrifying winter hell. I had a real nice time.
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critic.co.nz
COLUMNS
OBAMA, Barack Obama
Slaughter for Elephants
By Creepy Uncle Sam
By Brittany Mann
I don’t care what you say, Timothy Dalton was a great James Bond.
This is a bit of a departure from tradition – I’ve suddenly gone all PETA
As I watched Obama’s – let’s face it – boring speech at the Democratic
on yo’ asses. But as they say, animals are people too. Elephants, for exam-
National Convention, the same thought kept running through my mind.
ple, mourn and bury their dead, and can suffer from post-traumatic stress
Is Obama George Lazenby? Or is he Timothy Dalton?
disorder. Given the current situation in the Democratic Republic of Congo
We all know that Obama’s been a bit crap. Even Obama’s most goog-
(DRC), which is no stranger to massacres at the best of times, rates of
ly-eyed fanboys know this, deep down in their bleeding liberal hearts.
PTSD in the war-torn nation’s fast-declining elephant population must
After all, what demographic has Obama not let down in some way? The
be skyrocketing.
selectively racist, pro-drone, anti-war, gay demographic that likes a bit
In the DRC, elephants have become tangled up in political conflict,
of healthcare (but not too much) and a bit of change (but not too much)?
and these animals are paying the highest price for humans’ inability to
Sizable though this demographic surely is, polling indicates that it tends
get it together. This is not the first time this has happened, either – the
to get confused and vote for Ron Paul. So, no joy for Obama there.
Congolese mountain gorillas are also regular targets of militia groups
Still, there are two theories about Obama’s crapness. The George
fighting over charcoal.
Lazenby theory states that, like the ill-fated second James Bond, Obama
As if the DRC doesn’t already have enough to worry about, what with
was given an amazing opportunity but blew it due to arrogance, naiveté
the poverty and rapes and militias and lack of functioning government,
and lack of actual talent. Against this, the Timothy Dalton theory contends
now it’s losing its elephants at a rate last recorded in the late 1980s.
that Obama is massively underrated, and was simply unfortunate to arrive
Although it’s hard to talk figures with complete certainty, conservation
during the franchise’s creative nadir. Obama/Dalton actually is, or at least
groups say poachers are killing tens of thousands of elephants every year.
could have been, one of the best Presidents/007s, the best since JFK/
Today, ivory is the new blood diamonds (which in their day were the
Connery (perhaps – just quietly – even better), but had to do his best with
new ivory). But diamonds are so 2001. Move over Leonardo Di Caprio and
poor scripts, boring co-stars, general antipathy, and a producer with a
your questionable Saffa accent, and Kanye with your Grammy-winning
pathological need to end every fucking film with a stupendous series of
song: 2012 is the year of the tusk.
utterly gratuitous explosions.
It’s a case of history repeating itself. In the 1980s, the slaughter of
But the whole point of Obama was that he would change all that. In
Congolese elephants was driven by Japan’s economic boom. Today, it’s
fact, that was literally his only platform – at least, the only one people
driven by China’s rapidly growing bao fa hu, or middle class, who buy
cared about – and he failed. Yes, he failed because there was a lack of
ivory carvings as symbols of wealth and status.
political will behind him, but the idea was that he would create this will
And almost everyone seems to be getting amongst the killing spree
by inspiring people, and he didn’t. Instead he alienated his supporters
– mainly the Congolese army and various militias, but also the Ugandan
by dithering early on, trying to reach out to intransigent Republicans in
army and rebel groups like the Somalian al-Shabab and the Darfurian
a piece of pure electric fence-grabbing optimism. Dalton wasn’t to blame
janjaweed.
for The Living Daylights’ manic pacing and idiotic second half, or for the
The Ugandan military appear to be using American-bought heli-
total shambles that was License to Kill, but Obama, like Lazenby, gave a
copters to gun down elephants from above. Naturally, Joseph Kony also
bad performance and deserves his poor reviews.
gets a mention – the man the world loves to hate in 2012 is apparently
At the DNC, Obama gave himself a grade of “incomplete.” As numerous
selling ivory to Sudanese traders to get money for weapons. This “white
crestfallen first-years have discovered, when I mark an incomplete essay
gold” fetches up to US$1000 in Beijing. Despite strict laws in most African
I usually give it a D (#whoisCreepyUncleSam?). The twin highs of Obama’s
countries about poaching in general and the ivory trade in particular, 38.8
presidency have been repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and offing Osama bin
tonnes were seized in 2011.
Laden. Indeed, those are the only two times in his entire term in which
In the DRC there are marauding bands of heavily militarised, trig-
Obama has actually inspired people: one a symbolic but largely cosmetic
ger-happy park rangers who shoot first and ask questions later, and see
change, the other an extra-judicial revenge killing. Depressing.
the elephants under their protection as family members. But in this crisis, the scale of which has been compared to the Mexican drug wars, there seems to be little hope for the Congolese elephants in a country that has always been the poster child of the “resource curse”.
critic.co.nz
31
CO LU MN S
OLD SCHOOL
I Love Nickelback
By Dame La di Da
By Lukas Clark-Memler
This week I met my former high school principal while I was speaking
Mentioning Nickelback is a surefire way of attracting attention. It
at a seminar.
worked, didn’t it? You saw the title and immediately dived into this column with knee-jerk cynicism, eager to mock and insult my music taste. But
I had been fantasising for years about what this moment would be like. In
why, exactly, do you hate the world’s most hated band?
my fantasy I would do something outrageous that would make her deeply
No, I don’t love Nickelback. But I also don’t spew vitriolic bile every
uncomfortable. Or, perhaps equally outrageously, I would tell the truth
time they’re mentioned. Let’s face it: Nickelback are no worse than half
about how unsafe my school was for queer and trans folks like me (and
the shit masquerading as rock out there. They have a handful of decent
lots of other people who weren’t rural, heterosexual, white, able-bodied,
songs, can play the hell out of a stadium, and frontman Chad Kroeger
cis-gendered men). I had fantasised about telling her how angry I was that
has got to be given credit for un-ironically keeping a goatee for so long.
acceptance of this attitude came straight from those at the top (through
Nickelback are one of the few bands in history who are absolutely
action and inaction), and filtered its way down to teachers and students. I
acceptable to hate without justification. It seems strange though, doesn’t it?
wanted to tell her I consider what I have achieved since high school to be
The rock quartet aren’t controversial or polarising. They’re safe, bland and
in spite of what my school offered me, not because of it. I have fantasised
predictable, three traits shared by many of their cock-rock contemporaries.
about scratching my name off the head boy’s plaque, setting fire to things…
So just why do we hate Nickelback?
yes, I am angry about this.
It’s pretty much impossible to talk about music in the early aughts without mentioning Nickelback. They’ve sold almost 50 million albums,
Honestly, I think I am lucky to have survived high school. I wonder how
and are one of the most successful artists of the past decade. Through sheer
many other queer kids did not survive. I also wonder how many others
ubiquity they have become the very definition of rock music.
live with post-traumatic stress and mental ill-health as a result of their high school experiences.
So here’s what I think: we hate Nickelback because we hate what rock music has become. We hate Nickelback because we know their success and influence is our own fault. We hate Nickelback because we hate ourselves.
While I wanted to scream, weep, vomit on my principal’s shoes, and gen-
Nickelback seem to receive the most criticism for their lack of musical
erally make a scene, in the end I didn’t. I wore my faggiest pants, shook
diversity. They use the same chord progressions and distortion, they sing
her hand (as limply as possible), and carried on.
about the same things, and they haven’t changed their flannel shirts for years. But why haven’t they changed? Why did they self-plagiarize and
The thing is, queer and trans bulling is not just a problem at my old school.
never progress? Because we bought their fucking music; we filled their
It is a global problem. Ban Ki-Moon recently described homophobic bul-
concerts; we lined up in droves and affirmed their style. We shouted from
lying as a “moral outrage, a grave violation to human rights, and a public
the rooftops, “We love you Nickelback! Don’t go changing!”
health crisis”. Unsafe school environments undermine fundamental human
Last year, Nickelback were scheduled to play during an NFL halftime
rights to education, health, safety, dignity, and freedom from violence
show. A petition was created to replace them, and it received over 50,000
and discrimination.
signatures. But their seventh studio album, released a few weeks before the football game, sold nearly 300,000 copies within its first week. Someone’s
I hope that once the marriage equality debate is over there will be just as
obviously listening to the Canadian “rockers”.
many people marching through the streets, and signing petitions to say
We hate ourselves for destroying rock music, for pissing on the graves
that young people’s daily experiences of violence and harassment are
of the rock greats. Despising Nickelback has become an easy way to deal
unacceptable. Marriage is not the answer to appalling realities of queer/
with our self-loathing. Most of us don’t even know why we hate Chad and
trans teen suicide, self-harm, mental ill-health, alcohol abuse, risky sex
co – “It’s because they suck,” the aforesaid petition read.
and so on. Addressing the social contexts in which young people live, study, and work (including bullying) is part of the answer to this.
For the record, I’m sure we all resent the hell out of the fact that we missed the Stones in their heyday, The Clash’s guitar destruction and Hendrix’s anthems. We didn’t get any of that. We got Nickelback, and it’s all our fault.
32
critic.co.nz
COLUMNS
Aristarchus of Samos Astronomer Ahead of his Time By Toby Newberry
Roughly 500 years ago, Nicolaus Copernicus wrote a book, the gist of which was: “Hey guys, the Earth isn’t the centre of the universe, it actually goes around the Sun, lol.” Good job Copernicus. But wait, there’s more: 1800 years before Copernicus, another chap wrote a book (or scroll, whatevs) that said the exact same thing. This was Aristarchus of Samos, a Greek astronomer who anticipated the Copernican revolution by some 18 centuries. Boom. Very little is known about Aristarchus besides his heliocentric model, a few other choice bits of astronomy, and one or two scraps of trivia. First, the trivia: Aristarchus was born on the Greek island of Samos (big surprise there), and conducted his mathematical and astronomical works around 270BC. That puts him about 50 years after Aristotle, for those interested in that sort of thing. On to the heliocentric model. So, the actual work in which Aristarchus articulated his sun-centered ideas is lost (some copies were housed in the Library of Alexandria). The central source on this is Archimedes, a contemporary of Aristarchus who has enjoyed somewhat greater recognition. Archimedes wrote: “His [Aristarchus’] hypotheses are that the fixed stars and the Sun remain unmoved, that the Earth revolves about the Sun, and... [some other stuff].” Sounds about right to me. Kudos to Aristarchus. In his surviving works, Aristarchus performs some neat geometric tricks. Through the application of ingenious geometry and a couple of key assumptions, Aristarchus was able to determine the relative distances between the Earth, Moon and Sun. The details of this get a bit too maths-y for a history column, so I’ll shy away from number crunching. In brief, Aristarchus noted that the Moon had the same angular size as the Sun – it covered it perfectly during an eclipse. He then assumed that the moon shines by reflected light (’tis true). Combining these with some observations made during a lunar eclipse, he had sufficient information to work out the relative distances. This he did, and he was horribly wrong. The important point, however, is that his method was sound. Were it not for some understandably imprecise observations (remember he didn’t have a stopwatch or a telescope), Aristarchus would have nailed it. More kudos. It’s easy to read about people like this and think “Man, how could those other chumps not realise this guy was right, damn fools!” In truth, there were pretty good reasons for ignoring the heliocentric model – the Earth doesn’t feel like it’s moving, after all. Still, it makes you wonder where astronomy would be today if we hadn’t spent the better part of two millennia trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
critic.co.nz
33
CO LU MN S
Prejudice is sexy
Cold as FLAT
By Shane at Checker-Out St Flat
By Holly Walker
Our student poverty has reached a new level: we bake our own bread.
In my second year at Otago, I went to bed each night wearing thermals under my flannel pyjamas, and slept under two duvets and a sleeping bag.
“Shane, shouldn’t you get the bread out of the oven?” Louise asked.
In my third year, ice formed on the inside of my bedroom windows overnight. In my fourth year, strange black liquid ran down the hallway wall.
“Good point,” I said, checking my watch. “It’s basically due.”
You probably live in a flat like that now. You might even live in one of those flats. My sympathies.
“Ha!” Louise yelled. “It’s in the oven and it’s Jew!”
Living in cold, damp flats is widely regarded as part of the scarfie experience. We all brag about it. Ten years on (oh god, has it really been that
“Well, they are full of dough,” Tim said.
long?), I dine out on my tales of scarfie slumdom. The rose-tinted glasses of hindsight allow me to forget how cold and shitty it was. I remember
Didn’t I just mention our lack of dough? Touchy subject, Tim, touchy subject.
only the bracing, character-building fun of it all.
Anyway, Louise has been watching a lot of Secret Diary of a Call Girl lately.
And maybe, for strapping young healthy scarfies like yourselves,
The over-anal(ytical) Tim inevitably asked us all, “What’s your price?”,
there is an element of truth in that (though it probably doesn’t seem that
postulating that everyone has one. And the more I think of it, the truer
fun or character-building when your flat makes you so sick it impacts
this point seems, particularly for students.
on your grades).
Louise was first up. For a good Saudi Prince, she decided $10k was rea-
homes, we’ve done a major disservice to another demographic – children.
Still, by valourising the student experience of living in cold, damp sonable – “And their jizz would arguably be worth that again on the black market.” What’s with the racism tonight?
Kids are not well equipped to cope with poor living conditions. Cold, damp, overcrowded houses have a major impact on their health, and poor health in childhood severely harms their prospects long term.
How about Tim? For someone he knew, felt comfortable with and liked,
The recent Experts Advisory Group report on Child Poverty noted
he reckons he’d go down to $1,000, as long as there was no emotional
that 70% of poor children in New Zealand live in rental properties. We also
attachment. “At the end of the day I’d rather someone else’s dick got
know that very few rental homes have been insulated under the otherwise
covered in my shit than mine was covered in someone else’s. And if you
successful Warm Up New Zealand Heat Smart insulation scheme. Cold,
used enough lube you wouldn’t feel shit.”
damp, overcrowded homes are making our kids sick, and it costs us all in the long term.
I guess that makes it my turn.
Improving the quality of rental houses is probably the most cost-effective thing we can do to improve child wellbeing. To do that, we need
Relationships definitely come into it. Let me be honest: if I weren’t in such
mandatory minimum standards for rental properties, including a liveable
a good relationship, my price would be pretty low. In fact, if there were a
standard of insulation, heating, and energy efficiency.
market for my services, I’d almost certainly give being a rent boy a shot.
And guess what?! It just so happens that I have a member’s bill in the
But as it is, my price is damn near infinite, and besides, I don’t imagine the
ballot to introduce said minimum standards. Nice! (To give credit where
Dunedin market is too huge. As clichéd as it is, I could become homeless
it’s due, it was drafted by my colleague Gareth Hughes. But it’s mine now.
and still not revert to prostitution: the perfect partner makes money mean-
Booyah.)
ingless. But that’s just me. For others it can be a very different story, and
So my old flats (and yours) might not pass muster in their current
that’s cool too. I just wonder how difficult it is to date or love someone who
state. So we might lose some bragging rights. We’d also save some children.
sells themselves. Naturally, I can understand that it’s a legitimate income
Seems worth it.
and a very reasonable way to get through life if people are willing to pay and play safe: there’s no problem in using it to support yourself and/or your family. But it MUST be hard on a lot of the partners. Anyway, word-count’s up. Hopefully I’m off for a shag.
34
critic.co.nz
COLUMNS
NZH Watch?
The wheel
By Walter Plinge
By Rheymin Yau
You may have missed it, what with the snow and all, but the NZ Herald
Round and round it turns,
moved from a broadsheet to a tabloid format last week. To celebrate this
Taking its time as it rolls uphill;
first step on the road to obsolescence for NZ’s largest newspaper, we’ve
Turning so slowly that
let the pun-seeking powers of ODT Watch loose on the Herald’s hallowed
You’d need to etch
pages. The Herald and the ODT are basically sister papers anyway. Here
A groove upon its circumference
we go …
To track its progress.
It’s easier than you think to become a drug addict
You visit the site, Where the wheel is,
I don’t know NZH, I always thought it was pretty much as easy as taking
Once—or maybe twice—a week
drugs. How could it be easier than that? Is it government-subsidised now?
And record the position of the groove,
Chick on a bike: Looking like a pro
But, what you find is that nothing has changed. [Some time has passed since your last recording]
Lol at that girl thinking she can ride a bike like a boy. Better call her a chick to take her down a notch.
The wheel sits there
Stalker finds perfect fit with Madman
As the world passes it by— It has seen The rise and fall of empires,
It’s a match made in crazy person heaven.
The waging of wars—
Govt plans shake schools
Of battles won and of battles lost;
Bastards stole our Christchurch pun. How dare they?
Little by little,
Huffing deaths: ‘A lost generation’
While mushrooms litter its surface
Hang on a minute. 44 teenagers dying from huffing gas and solvents is
Waiting in full bloom for the pollinator
hardly a “lost generation”. And if we had to lose a few people along the way,
That will never arrive;
But, despite all that is said, It moves nonetheless—
And feed on its bitter decay,
I’d suggest that those that voluntarily put glue in their nostrils probably aren’t such a tragedy.
But once it reaches the top,
The day the chips bit back
Where the pollinator does come, It’ll roll down the other side in a blink of an eye— And there’s not much you can do about it, Except to watch it turn
There was a tooth in the chips. So when the person bit into the chips… yeah.
For the wand that guides the wheel
Squid sex... it’s just so tiring
Is nowhere to be found.
WTF? Seriously, wtf? I didn’t read the rest of this article, as I didn’t want to ruin the mental image of an exhausted Herald reporter lying next to a squid smoking a post-coital cigarette. Keep it up NZH, maybe one day you could even take on the ODT. critic.co.nz
35
BOOKS
The Driver’s Seat BY MuriEl Spark
Reviewed by Lucy Hunter
and doesn’t like sex. Bill thinks he is Lise’s type. Lise meets Mrs Fiedke, an
T
elderly Jehovah’s Witness who suffers from narcolepsy and confusion. She he Driver’s Seat follows Lise, a nondescript woman of little
is worried about the men’s rights movement; that men are demanding to
importance, and her own way of reasoning inside a mind which
be able to wear jewellery and look after the children. They won’t be content
seems to have got the whole world the wrong way round. The
with equal rights only. They’ll want the upper hand next. Mrs Fiedke buys
book opens with Lise freaking out at a shop assistant for suggesting she
presents for the nephew she is sure is arriving on a flight sometime soon.
buy a stain-resistant dress – “Do you think I spill things on my clothes?
She stays up late in case he knocks on the door. A nice man in a dark suit
Do you think I don’t eat properly?” Lise needs a dress for her holiday to
changes seats on the plane so he doesn’t have to sit next to Lise and Bill.
an unnamed country to find a boyfriend she hasn’t met yet, but is sure
He doesn’t know why exactly. He tells the police he was scared.
she will recognise when she sees him. She is paranoid that she will look like a prostitute
I love this book. The Driver’s Seat is a mind-
if her hem is too long. Her jacket clashes
fuck of a crime story in which the narrator
horribly with her dress. Everybody remem-
and characters seem to be conspiring against
bers her. The narrator does not know Lise’s
each other for no reason other than paranoia
thoughts. Glimpses of a future of Identikit
and spite. Neither author nor heroine attempt
pictures, witness interviews, and newspa-
to explain what is going on. Trying to keep
per clippings magnify the peculiarities of
up with details only makes the plot more
Lise’s actions, which she carries out with
nonsensical, but it kind of makes sense,
blank stare and parted lips. She takes out
provided you accept the book’s absurdity.
a pen and a map, unfolds it, re-folds it, puts
Everything seems to come back around to
it away. Forgets about the pen. She stuffs
the start, but with none of the coherence
her passport down the back of the seat in a
expected of a crime novel. The Driver’s Seat
taxi, to keep it safe. When she checks in her
is a slim book – just over 100 pages – so you
luggage you hold your breath. She smiles at
pay close attention to long descriptions of
the contents of her handbag and you grit
uncannily normal details. The crime-reader’s
your teeth. Lise is terrifying.
eye picks these up as clues, and they sort of are. The book was written in 1970, when
Every character in the book has a different
politics surrounding gender, race, oppres-
type of unnerving weirdness. A grotesque
sion, and human rights were very much in
woman holds her breasts and laughs openly
the spotlight. Murial Spark turns everything
for a long time at Lise’s clothes. A woman
the 70s stood for upside down, blurring the
buys books in pastel shades to match her
definitions of emancipation, freewill, motive,
spare bedrooms. Lise meets Bill, a greasy
and especially victim and perpetrator – not
sex-crazed entrepreneur with very particu-
to mention everything else in the world.
lar eating habits. He carries around a sack of rice which leaves a dribbling
Spark says, “I aim to startle as well as please.” If by “startle” she meant
trail wherever he goes. Bill’s world is split into Yin things and Yang things.
“scare the shit out of and confuse horribly”, then she was successful. You
Coffee and salami are bad Yin. Rice and sex are good Yang. Lise likes coffee
should read this book. Good luck.
36
Books Editor | Josef Alton | books@critic.co.nz
G AM ES
Defender’s Quest - REVIEW Developer: Level Up Labs | Platforms: PC, Mac, Linux | Genre: RPG, Tower defence
“
Grinding” doesn’t sound like a great
and all are skilled in conveniently contrasting
The trouble is that tower defence games are
way to spend one’s time, does it? A mule
disciplines. The story isn’t important, but the
fundamentally about fine-tuning your strategy.
in a medieval mill did a lot of grinding – of grain
dialogue bubbles that make it up can easily be
They are satisfying when defences are set up in
– to turn it into the coarse, unrefined flour that
skipped, and it’s good for the occasional mild
an inspired, reasoned way, and the player gets to
was the serfs’ staple food supply. That gameplay
chuckle when the mood strikes you.
watch the dominoes fall in exactly the way he or
mechanic, as popular as it has historically been
she hoped they would – with minimal interac-
in classic Japanese RPGs, is cheap. To me, arbi-
It is a typical tower defense game, albeit one
tion. You can cast spells, but they tend to be used
trarily forcing a player to replay the same battles
with a staggering attention to detail, except
whenever possible to boost your characters, or
over and over again in order to beef up their
that the towers are all human members of your
as a last resort to directly damage enemies.
characters so that progress becomes possible
party – with pseudonyms, military equipment,
is a repetitive way to pad out a game’s length.
and abilities that you allocate to them with
Grinding unfortunately makes this fine-tuning
In some ways it is also diametrically opposed
the experience and currency that you gain in
impossible, because you never know if you are
to the idea of a tower defence game, and is the
the battles. It’s a terrific idea. Having a large,
supposed to be able to beat a level. Am I failing
reason that the otherwise brilliant Defender’s
ever-growing posse of heroes to assist you is
this section because I’m not thinking about it
Quest is undeniably imperfect.
a nice feeling. Games like Mount and Blade and
or strategising correctly, or am I failing because
the indie game Queens are as fun as they are
I haven’t done quite enough arbitrary work
Defender’s Quest takes place in a pixellated
partly for that reason. You set up your buddies on
beforehand? Defender’s Quest is still terrific,
path through a kingdom of vast grassy fields
the edge of a course, and zombie and worm foes
addictive, and satisfying, but two of the com-
bordering choked deserts. The story is extremely
rush down the roads to your wizard character.
ponents that contribute to its greatness cancel
self-aware, and cheekily makes fun of all the
Setting up all your warriors in the correct loca-
each other out somewhat.
generic fantasy conventions that it employs.
tion and equipping them correctly is imperative
Strangers join your party at the drop of a helm,
to succeeding.
Games Editor | Toby Hills | gaming@critic.co.nz
37
T HEATRE
HERO A READING
T
he latest Stage South reading to grace
With the father already dead at the beginning of
achievable goal, and would bring diversity to
the Fortune Theatre Studio stage is Hero,
the play, our viewpoint shifts from his after-life
any theatre’s season. Perhaps we could see it
directed by Erica Newlands. A haunting
self, observing the present, to memories of his
put on in Dunedin some time soon? With the
and beautiful play by Arun Subrmaniam, a New
life, when the family unit was still complete. A lot
American elections a hot topic of conversation,
Zealand playwright, Hero takes us on a journey
of characters tell stories or relive past moments
the parallels between the world of the play and
to Malaysia, where the first political assassina-
involving the father without him being there,
our own are hauntingly similar, and made me
tion took place.
so we only see him portrayed through others’
reflect on politics in general. Oh, I know, how
eyes, most poignantly when his most violent
boring. But this play truly made me question
Patrick Davies plays the father of the family and
moments are told through the eyes of his
how we take things at face value – we’re taught
successful politican. The character is beautifully
wife. The contrasting characters were really
to trust those in power without really knowing
written – a different man according to each char-
enjoyable to watch, with the narrative building
them as people. Hero shows us that the person
acter, who never shows his true self to anyone,
interesting, complete characters who were still
on the podium can be a very different person
not even his family. He is described as both a
able to surprise us. The variety of monologues
to their wife, their children, and their friends.
monster and a hero, unable to control how he
and conversations was also a highlight, with
Obviously we all have different masks we
is perceived. His son, played by Luke Agnew, is
conversations taking many different forms at
put on for different people, and Hero simply
a 13-year-old genius sheltered from his father’s
the same time, such as acting out memories in
portrays a more elaborate version of that, but
work life and infidelities by his mother, played
the middle of someone’s story to demonstrate
it gets you thinking nonetheless. Though this
by Nadya Shaw Bennett. The mother is the
a point.
play is specific in terms of setting and era, its
most intriguing and complex character, and I
core is crafted from basic human instincts and
found her consistently engaging. She portrays
Hero was enjoyable to watch as a reading,
emotions. Very satisfied with this pick, Stage
complex feelings through her jumbled English,
and I left feeling satisfied. However, I can’t
South. Until next time!
and makes observations that strongly echoed
help but think about what it would be like as
the themes of the text.
a full production. With a cast of four it is an
WE ARE NOW ON CAMPUS EVERY TUESDAY From 11-3 (inside the Student Union building, beside the food court) WE ARE YOUR STUDENT TRAVEL EXPERTS! STA TRAVEL DUNEDIN 38
207A George St (Inside Starbucks) E: dunedin@statravel.co.nz P: 474 0146 www.statravel.co.nz Theatre Editor | Bronwyn Wallace | performance@critic.co.nz
M U SIC
HERE IS SOME MUSIC IF I COULD FUCK MUSIC THEN I WOULD
‘Over and Out’ – Males
M
ales have just released their debut EP for free, because, you know, YOLO right? Not sure if this is the single, but it should be. Not that the other songs aren’t just as good, but “Over and Out” is
one of those rare songs that sounds completely full, finished, and realised. It’s a pop song that follows the perfect avenues of sound and melody as it rollicks along, fulfilling each idea’s complete potential without overdoing it or boring me. Essentially, it’s the perfect pop song filtered through a garage rock band, a fantastically interesting singer, and a whole heap of clean-cut, stoner-behind-closed-doors vibes. Richard Ley Hamilton is one of the more prolific musicians in a city filled with prolific musicians, although unfortunately, and mostly due to reasons beyond his control, I and the rest of the public have been consistently starved of recorded material from any of his numerous bands. However, I hope this dearth disappears with the release of MalesMalesMales. With the reclusive super wordsmith networking burger king Sam Valentine and the rosy cheeked, ever smiling choir boy drummer Ben Madden, Males might just become a band that all of New Zealand can lose their shit to, just like all of ReFuel did at the dunedinmusic.com birthday party. They should swap instruments, though. That would make them way cooler.
‘Give You All My Lovin’ – Tom Lark
T
om Lark, New Zealand’s best new earthquake-surviving, one-name, five-person band of merry men, is basically just awesome from start to finish. His debut EP, available for free online, features a mix
of great songwriting, quirky themes, catchy hooks, weird noises, and a whole lot of cheek, adding up to a tight and endearing release. “All Night Long” has a chorus dripping with honey and a hook that just won’t get out of my head even six months later. It includes one of my favourite ever lyrics, “my Midas touch might as well be doubt”, which is both terribly defeatist and completely relatable. “Give You All My Lovin” has a gunshot of a chorus, bursting out through the chest of the verse in a mix of blood, bone, and 90s nostalgia that slaps you in the face before reloading again. A jack of all trades media-wise, the band comprises Daniel Fowler of FowlerFace productions, who handles the video making for the band, creating an appropriately bright video for “All Night Long” and a strangely beautiful fast-paced clip for “Lovin” involving a horse mask, and singer/songwriter Shannon Fowler doing his best I’m-shy-but-I’ma-rock-star pose. He writes fantastic songs, with a wit and sharp tongue belying his quiet demeanour outside of music. Tom Lark is wacky and weird, but in such a perfectly accessible way that shows that outsiders are in (shit that sounds hipster). All in all, this album would get a perfect score if Lark hadn’t changed the perfect name of their song “Christians Who Don’t Do Shit” to “Hipsteranity”. And more points off for playing at Parachute and not playing “Christians Who Don’t Do Shit”. That gives them a total of 7/5. Oh, and they are even better live – it’s ridiculous but true.
‘Pulled You In’ – Artisan Guns
T
his song sounds how I assume it must feel to float within a steady stream of clouds, basking in the light warmth of the sun as memories of a lost love fade into resigned nostalgia. There is something
hypnotic about the rhythm, which chugs along underneath the perfectly understated vocals of Matthew Someone as he sings, “I cry myself, I cry myself to sleep”. It’s not a dark winter night of a song, though – instead of cold concrete floors and loneliness, there’s a winter warmth, like that core-warming yet bleak and hazy early sun on a spring morning. This song romanced me, carrying me along with its flow, enchanting me into only being able to write overly flowery and romantic things about its gorgeous form, and transforming me into a swaying field of summer daffodils, with my eyes closed, getting pulled under. I’d turn gay for it, basically.
Music Editor | Isaac McFarlane | music@critic.co.nz
39
A RT
Yvonne Todd: Wall of Seahorsel Dunedin Public Art Gallery | Until Sunday 17th February
By Taryn Dryfhout
12 businessmen, who on closer inspection are
These connections are harder to find in “Wall of
C
not as ordinary as first assumed. Todd uses
Seahorsel”, and thus the consistency is found in
urated by Melbourne arts writer
subtle techniques such as missing fingers and
the illogical actions of its subjects. The beachy
Serena Bentley, “Wall of Seahorsel” is a
excessively bright eyes to add eccentricity and
elements of each picture – pieces of seaweed,
showcase of the most recent works of one
peculiarity to the photographs. The indirect
driftwood, light fabrics and other beach mate-
of New Zealand’s most respected contemporary
awkwardness of the photographs forces the
rials – also aid in tying the collections together.
photographers. Yvonne Todd is an award-win-
viewer to attempt to decipher what elements
ning artist based in Auckland. She has become
arouse such feelings of strangeness.
“Wall of Seahorsel” is thought-provoking and confusing, frustrating and perplexing. It
well known for her photographs, which utilise
This peculiarity is amplified in “Wall of
the clichés of commercial portraiture to both
Seahorsel” on the opposite side of the gallery,
expose and celebrate the artificial nature of such
in which the new series of photographs features
photography. “Wall of Seahorsel” examines awk-
costumed occupants of an imagined community.
wardness and uneasiness by contemplating a
Connections between the subjects are insinuated
series of illogical actions immortalised in Todd’s
via a series of senseless bodily positions. The
large-scale photographs. Todd’s background in
men and women in the photographs explore
photography and fine arts degree have allowed
movement and posture in combination with
her to successfully incorporate her photography
strategically placed props and costumes, which
into her art in an eclectic way.
add to the strange feel of the photos. These
This exhibition occupies two opposite walls,
absurd stances prompt uneasiness in the viewer
enveloping the spacious room it currently inhab-
and work in conjunction with “Wall of Man”,
its in the Dunedin Public Art Gallery. The left-
making that collection feel less unsettling than
hand wall features Todd’s 2009 photographic
it did before approaching “Seahorsel”. In “Wall
series of large portraits entitled “Wall of Man”,
of Man”, the connection between each man is
and the other is her newest collection of large-
made clear by the uniform way in which they
scale photographs called “Wall of Seahorsel”,
are dressed and positioned. The photographic
from which the exhibition takes its name. “Wall
techniques are varied but consistent, giving
of Man” is a collection of photographs featuring
a coherent feel to the collection as a whole.
triggers a sense of restlessness and anxiety, while also allowing space for quiet reflection.
Glue Vira 2011 & Sandy Cube 2011 | C-type prints Courtesy Peter McLeavey Gallery, Wellington and Ivan Anthony Gallery, Auckland
www.unibooks.co.nz 40
Art Editor | Beaurey Chan | art@critic.co.nz
FOOD
Prawn, Spinach and Lemon Spaghetti
T
his simple pasta dish marries prawns with smoked paprika
on the way to 5+ a day, and balance the heaviness of the cream. I
and tart lemon, wrapping the lot up in a rich cream sauce.
prefer coarsely grated lemon rind, but superfine zest works equally
If you’re a seafood fan but can’t get down to your nearest
well. For extra tang, try adding a few splashes of white wine along
waterway armed with fishing artillery or face the price that blue
with the tomato. Allow it to cook off before adding the cream. My
cod and salmon fetch at the supermarket, then stock up your freezer
spaghetti of choice at the moment is the “angel hair” variety –
with prawns. You can pick up half a kilo for well under $15. Simply
super thin, as the name suggests, and the perfect vehicle for a
thaw them as you need them, whether in the fridge overnight or
creamy sauce such as this one. As with most meals, don’t forget
in the microwave for a few minutes. Spinach and tomato set you
the essential final touch of lashings of freshly cracked black pepper.
Ingredients 250g dried spaghetti 3 tbs extra virgin olive oil 1 tsp smoked paprika 1 red onion, finely diced 1 tbs soft brown sugar 20 frozen raw prawn cutlets, defrosted 3 tomatoes, deseeded and roughly chopped
Method
01
Fill a large pot with water, add a pinch of salt and bring to the boil. Add the
spaghetti. Cook for 8 – 10 minutes, or until firm to the bite.
02
Meanwhile, heat the olive oil over a medium heat in a deep frypan.
04
Add the tomatoes and cook for a further minute, stirring to break
them down a little.
05
Add the cream and spinach, stirring to evenly incorporate. Turn the heat
up until the cream just starts to boil, then
Add the smoked paprika, red onion and soft
reduce the heat and simmer for ten minutes
300ml cream
brown sugar. Cook until the onion is soft,
until the sauce is heated through and thick-
3 0 0 g f roze n sp i n a c h b u n d l es ,
stirring frequently.
ened. Stir through the lemon zest.
03
06
defrosted, squeezed of any excess water and roughly chopped Zest and juice of one lemon
Add the prawns and cook for three to four minutes or until cooked through
– they will become pink very quickly.
SERVES FOUR
Drain the spaghetti and toss it through the sauce. Pile into bowls
and squeeze lemon juice over each portion. Eat immediately.
Food Editor | Ines Shennan | food@critic.co.nz
41
FILM
Wunderkinder Director: Marcus Rosenmulle Reviewed By Lulu Sandston
W
underkinder, set in the Ukraine in
As Germany advances on Russia, it is Han-
The film is beautifully shot, and Ukraine
na’s family that is initially forced into hiding, but
is utterly picturesque. The film is subtitled,
as the Germans fend off Russian forces the tables
and although it took me a couple of scenes to
are turned and it is the Jewish children who must
acclimatise to the flow of German speech, it
hide. A “return the favour” scenario occurs in
would have been a very different film had it
which each family assists the others. The bru-
been in English. However, Wunderkinder does
tality of wartime results in a heart-wrenching
lack the beautifully rendered childhood sincerity
twist that tests the Reich family’s loyalty to their
and naïveté that Boy in the Striped Pajamas so
beloved Germany.
delicately mastered.
1941, follows three young musical
Although the film shies away from explicit
The musical abilities of the children add a
Wunderkinder, or child prodigies,
depictions of brutality, the harshness of the
texture to the film which at times can be chilling.
who are bound by their love of music. Violinist
Nazi treatment of the Jews is still difficult to
While the story is told in a measured way, the
Hanna Reich (Bridgette Grothum) is German,
comprehend. A child-like understanding of
suspense is at times uncomfortable, particularly
while pianist Larissa Brodsky (Imogen Burrell)
the Nazi-Jewish relationship is represented by
as the viewer knows enough of the Holocaust
and violinist Abrascha Kaplan (Elin Kolev) are
Abrascha’s claims that he and Larissa cannot be
story to appreciate that the film isn’t going to
Jewish. They live in a small town only miles from
friends with Hanna anymore, “because adults
end well.
the frontline of WWII.
are stupid”.
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42
Film Editor | Sarah Baillie | film@critic.co.nz
FILM
The Expendables 2
Moonrise Kingdom
Director: Simon West
Director: Wes Anderson
Reviewed By Rana Saad Jehandad
T
Reviewed By Taryn Dryfhout
a wrong turn when one of their crew is murdered during the operation.
S
Determined to seek revenge, the Expendables wreak havoc among their
Before leaving the camp, they make a pact to reunite the following summer
enemies even though the odds are stacked against them. To add to the
and run away together. With camping aides in tow, as well as books and a
chaos, the crew is also attempting to keep five tons of weapons-grade
cat, they set off for a week of hiking and spending time together, hoping
plutonium out of the wrong hands whilst undertaking their mission: "Find
to settle in a cove on the island which they entitle “Moonrise Kingdom”.
em, track em, kill em".
Their “love” blossoms as they dance on the beach and generally live it
he Expendables 2 revolves around a group of mercenaries, the Expendables, who are enlisted by a Mr Church to retrieve a lost package from a downed plane. What seems like an easy job takes
Starring Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Bruce Willis, The Expendables 2 is an 80s
et in the 1960s, Moonrise Kingdom is about a couple of New England kids who cross paths at a summer camp and fall headover-heels in love. Suzy comes from an upper-class family of law-
yers, while Sam is an orphan who is constantly in and out of foster homes.
up (well, as much as you can as a tween), until they are eventually found by their families and camp leaders.
action fan’s wet dream. This amazing cast offers a testosterone-fuelled
Moonrise Kingdom has been getting rave reviews, and I cannot for
and action-packed film that doesn’t disappoint, with non-stop gratuitous
the life of me understand why. The film is odd and quirky in a very awk-
violence from the get-go. The Expendables 2 is one of those rare sequels
ward way, almost like a Dr Seuss novel. Its vintage tint, which I assume
that is much better than its predecessor. Its most entertaining element is
was added in an attempt to date the film, is distracting, and the plot is
the relentless stream of one-liners, which pay homage to 80s action films.
completely nonsensical. The foundation of the “love story” is a particularly
A special mention goes out to JCVD (the villain) and his signature kick.
naïve presentation of what young love is, and the fact that it involves two
I highly recommend this movie, but keep in mind that it’s not meant
12-year-olds is frankly uncomfortable.
to be serious; it’s a throwback to the good old action movies of the 80s
What started out as an eclectic, light watch ceased to be entertaining
and 90s. The Expendables 2 is an action movie that will plunge a blade
after the first half-hour. The film’s scope was so narrow it was almost
into your heart, twist it, shoot it, and then blow it up with an airplane.
condescending, and to call the ending a let-down is an understatement. I can’t say it’s something I would ever watch again.
Film Editor | Sarah Baillie | film@critic.co.nz
43
L ETT E RS
can do that and still be sexy. A little restraint
I saw you looking so damn feline on the back
isn’t old-fashioned or repressed. It certainly
cover of Critic today. Although I have been
won’t deter people you actually want to attract.
recently spayed, I am no less frisky than before,
Feminazis gonna feminazi,
LETTER OF THE WEEK The letter of the week wins a $30 book voucher to spend at University Book Shop.
Halal pie. Lol.
and I would kill to share my catnip with you. Meowwwww,
Scout P.S. The style is Rococo, not some lame children’s story-book “Bo Peep garb”.
Kitty xoxo
[Letter abridged by Ed]
Join the club
Mean Maori, mean
Clark. I want him to touch my body, roll me on
Kia ora Critic,
the floor. When I think about him I touch myself.
I have an obsession. This obsession is Sam
Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed
The thought of him makes me feel like a virgin,
Lauren Wooton’s article on the Treaty - a well
touched for the very first time. Sam, baby i’m
balanced and open-minded look at the role of
yours, I want to cater to you boy. I know we
the Treaty and biculturalism in Aotearoa!
might not be the perfect match, but I just want
Dear all, its time for me to eat some
As a nerdy law student I feel a compelled to
one night with you no strings attached. I know
humble halal pie and apologies for my
make a small correction to assuage the fears of
you’ve seen me watching you, and i’ve seen you
comment in last weeks edition of critic with
those European families who worked land since
watching me. Every step you take, every move
regards to veils and headscarves. You see
their emigration here. The Crown does not give
you make.
my comments were very uninformed and
back privately held land in Treaty settlements
Yours truly,
quite ignorant. The point that I was trying to
to iwi, only Crown-owned ‘property’, which can
The girl that watches you sleep at night.
get across was that I’m opposed to oppres-
be land or assets. So those people who hold land
sion however veils or Hijabs are worn out
won’t have it taken off them as part of a settle-
of choice. And that’s choice! My comments
ment, yay for those landowners! This seems to
were certainly not reflective of the big ol’
be a commonly held fear of many of the old racist
diverse lady that is the ousa herself.
letter writers into the ODT, so if someone could
Sincerely,
let them know about this, that would be great. Thanks also to Kara, Tihema and Lisa for
Logan Edgar
their well articulated thoughts in the article.
You can see how we got confused
That’s quite an orgasm Dear Critic,
Dear Critic,
Notices Rosh Hashanah Pot Luck Meal Jewish students and any curious students are invited to attend a dinner to celebrate the Jewish New Year at 7pm tomorrow in the Gazebo Lounge. Please bring a vegetarian plate to share!
The section 21st Century Scarfies about stu-
I have been completely misrepresented in
dents lack of will to protest has sent an utmost
your Slutwalk article. That “young woman in full
orgasmic vibe throughout my body, yes, from
Little Bo Peep garb”? Yeah, that was me. I am
head to toe.
Actors? Aoraki Polytechnic are looking for actors of any age and gender to star in some short films
actually against the Slutwalk and dressed to take
As a first year student myself, it amazes me
the piss out of the slutty-dressed participants. I
to see the extent of the society I have walked into
No experience required. Please contact
support the movement’s fundamental aspects
whilst coming to university and it has opened
AorakiFilm@Gmail.com with a brief description
(i.e. rape is terrible and can affect anybody) but
my eyes vividly to the issues that revolve around
of yourself and we will arrange an audition.
do not agree with the execution of this message,
us.
or the ideas implied through the signs e.g. “Teach
Let us all join our voices and protest
men not to rape!” — as if all males are predis-
together in awareness against what we are being
posed rapists unless “taught” not to.
put through. We do not deserve the burden of
There’s a difference between blaming and
debt.
with a vareity of genres from zombie to romantic.
Politics, Pints and Pundits Critic presents the 2013 OUSA Election Forum. Candidate for the 2013 OUSA executive
warning. The statement issued was for the pub-
In great thanks,
will debate and face questions from the audi-
lic’s safety, not victim-blaming. Ideally, people
a local Scarfie.
ence. But since student politics is only so inter-
should dress freely without fearing judgement (or rape). However, the world does not care how
Think that was JayJay
one ideally think things ought to be. It’s selfish
Howie Darling,
and naive to pass on all responsibility.
esting, there will also be beer and food. 5pm to 7pm upstairs at the Captain Cook Tavern, Friday 21 September. All 18+ welcome.
I’ve seen you prowling outside Student
It’s not empowering to dress slutty. It is
Support, and find your rugged ginger fluff and
CRICKET!
empowering to value your body and present
rotund belly wildly exciting. As a lonely pussy
University Grange Cricket Club. Tuesdays 7:30 @
yourself as someone deserving of respect. You
around campus, I knew we had potential when
The Edgar Centre. Call 0273118354 BOOM!
44
critic.co.nz
LETT ERS
Film Society Preview
A naïve, unpolitical German officer is billeted
Wednesday 19 September at 7.30 pm in the
Le Silence de la Mer (The Silence of the Sea)
in the country with an old man and his niece,
Red Lecture Theatre, Great King Street, across
(Jean Pierre-Melville | France | 1947)
who maintain a disdainful silence in the soldier’s
the road from the emergency entrance of the
presence. “A root influence on Bresson and the
Dunedin Public Hospital.
Melville’s first film is one of the most disturbing and poetic films on the Occupation.
whole French New Wave.” – Time Out
critic.co.nz
45
CHA P LA I N C H AT
SCARY VENGEFUL GOD Greetings friends. Kia ora tatou.
L
ast week we held our University and Polytechnic Chaplaincy
God (or our defiant refusal to be open to imaging God at all) will strongly
Annual General meeting. It was a chance to pause and reflect on
influence who we become, how we live, and who we share most deeply
all that we have been trying to do as a Chaplaincy team here on
with. Faith in a loving God motivates us and equips us to be more caring,
campus over the last 12 months. Primarily what we are here for is to offer
merciful and compassionate people ourselves. Imaging God as a vengeful
pastoral care and spiritual support. Together, as a team of nine people, we
scary tyrant (not recommended) will result in lives characterised by fear. A
are privileged to touch the lives of thousands of students and staff each
healthy spirituality however can enhance our capacity to care and to serve
year in ways which we believe enhances the well-being of our campus
others. Spirituality deepens our awareness of what are the most important
community. Together what we are trying to do is to model a way of caring
things in life. Within the Christian tradition, the apostle Paul writes that
for others which might not otherwise be on display. There are endless
there are three great things in life; faith, hope and love, but the greatest of
opportunities each day to show interest in the well-being of the people we
these is love. (1 Corinthinans 13 vs. 13 ). May you be on the receiving end of
interact with. Pause for a few minutes and reflect on all the opportunities
all the faith, hope and love you need to get through the demanding season
you have to care for others, to show genuine interest in the well-being of
ahead leading up to exams. If any of our Chaplaincy team can help support
others and to show compassion for those around you who are struggling. I
you in any way, please let us know. Our new Chaplaincy offices are located
encourage you to do an “emotional and spiritual well-being audit� of your
on the mezzanine floor of the University Union building.
flat, Residential College, office, lecture theatre or lab. How well are people in all these places listening to each other and caring for each other ? In
Arohanui,
what ways might you be able to encourage greater respect and openness to
Greg Hughson
sharing honest feelings in all the environments in which you live and move and have your being ? I believe that in the end, what matters most is the
University Chaplain
quality of our relationships. Relationships with our families, our friends,
www.otago.ac.nz/chaplain
our colleagues and, some would say, with our God. Our primary image of
46
critic.co.nz
The OUSA Page
Everything OUSA, every Monday
logan says
Recreation Courses: Acupressure for Beginners:
Monday,
What is Acupressure? Acupressure is the application of finger or hand
Charity, Elections and Art Week. Deep stuff.
pressure on points of the body. This in turn stimulates the flow of energy and may aid aliments of the body. In this workshop you will learn more about the theory behind acupressure and towards the end put in into practical application. September 22nd 1:00 – 5:00pm at Clubs and Socs. Cost - $35.00 for students. 5 Elements Acupuncture Experience Acupuncture manipulates thin, solid needles that have been inserted into acupuncture points in the skin. This in turn stimulates the flow of “qi” and
It’s nomination week (and Art Week)! So get yourself sorted and get your name put forward so it can be you running the place, not some random jockey who thinks they know everything about what you want. You’ve been great to work with, all of ya, even those who gave me the shits, you’ve given me a heck of a time and I’ve learnt a lot. Thanks to all the girls who’ve thrown themselves at me, the boys too, you know who you are, cheers. Now it’s time for some new blood to give it a shot and make sure OUSA keeps on the awesome road so it’s still epic for you guys! Roll on Ori’13! If you don’t wanna run then defs head along to the candidate forum at the ol’Captain Cook on Friday… cheeky.
may aid aliments of the body. During this “experience” you will gain both theoretical knowledge and actually experience acupuncture. Friday 6:30 – 9:30pm September 21st at Clubs and Socs. Cost $30.00 for students. Like a course? Get in touch or find out more via ousa.org.nz/recreation/
Exec Nominations and Referendum! The nomination period for positions on the OUSA Executive for 2013 are open from today until the 20th at 4pm. Make sure you’ve got your mates to put you forward so you can start campaigning on Friday and secure your spot at the Forum this Friday at the Cook from 6pm. Questions to be asked in the referendum:
• • •
•
There’s art all around campus this Art Week so check it out, try the scavenger hunt for some mint prizes, go on the gallery crawl, and even better check out all the student art in the upstairs Link, you can even buy some if you like and get all skuxy. There’s heaps of art up there, and you talented buggars made it, I even created a piece!
Should the proposed OUSA budget for 2013 be accepted in its entirety? Should OUSA support the Marriage Equality Bill currently before Parliament? Should OUSA Support the move towards a smoke-free Campus? Should OUSA actively support student representation on the govern-
•
The election period is next week and alongside that is the referendum with some interesting and topical questions! Each day of voting we’ll be giving away not only chocy fishes at the voting booth but also 10 movie passes, and at the end of voting one person will walk away with a shiny new Samsung Galaxy tablet! Seriously we wanna get heaps of you voting because you need the right people in charge who represent YOU, and we defs need your feedback on those tricky referendum questions… Seriously, are you cool with same sex marriage? Don’t just let the extremists be heard, we want normal everyday young people who will actually be the ones who will be affected by the change… If it will mean a change.
ing councils of tertiary institutions?
We’re also helping the KidsCan Charity this week and helping run the Coin Trail this Thursday between 9am and 1pm, please get in touch with Fran via welfare@ousa.org.nz if you have an hour to spare and help us collect at the Meridian! Chur,
Should OUSA actively support Post-Graduate students receiving a Student allowance?
Logdog.
Should section 19.10 of the OUSA Constitution be amended to read: “Any referendum at which fewer than five (5) percent of the total number of members cast their vote will be indicative only, except where the issue is about any or all matters listed in sections 19.11 or 19.12, where the threshold shall be one (1) percent of the total members, a figure the Secretary will ascertain at the commencement of
•
each semester and report to the Executive and the Student Media.” Should the OUSA constitution be amended to rescind sections 19.3, 19.13 and 20.2(d)(ii) and insert a new section 19.3 that reads: “Any Referendum involving finance or administration matters other than any or all matters listed in sections 19.11 or 19.12, shall be indicative only and not binding on the Association.”
47
NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN
DON’T LET AN ASS REPRESENT YOU Get yourself nominated to run for the 2013 OUSA Executive. Get experience, get paid, and help make Otago awesome! Go to ousa.org.nz or email secretary@ousa.org.nz for more info Nominations close: 4pm 20th Sept The referendum forum: 12pm 20 Sept, Link Courtyard or MCR Candidates & Presidents forum: 5pm, Captain Cook Tavern Voting: 24th – 27th Sept via voting.ousa.org.nz or at the Link voting booth
Make sure you vote to have your say (and win some epic prizes!)